![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by thewriteone on November 18, 2003, at 20:35:17
Last week I had a really bad session with my therapist. It turned out that it was just a miscommunication. She said something that I took really bad and I couldn't remember anything she said either before of after. It upset me so that I couldn't even talk to her. Feeling what I was feeling was the most I could do, so mostly I just sat there and cried. I left the session feeling angry with her.
I was in that space for nearly a week, then one morning I woke up and was actually able to remember some other things she had said leading up to what hurt me so much, and also some things she said afterward. It made more sense to me. I realize I'm being very vague, but I'm just not up to going into details about that part now.
During my session this week I did talk to her about all this stuff, but the one thing she said to me that hurt was, "Oh, that was last week? I thought that was a couple weeks ago." I just thought, great and this has been one of the longest weeks of my life.
I was hurt because she didn't seem to acknowledge how distraught I was. I did tell her that at the end of the session, but immediately felt terrible. I guess in my mind, I can't say "that hurt me" without feeling like I'm pointing the finger at someone. It comes out, "You're a bad person because you hurt me" in my head. I end up not saying what I want to say a lot of the time because I feel like I'm blaming someone else for the way I feel. Anyone else have this problem or have any suggestions on overcoming it?
Posted by Dinah on November 18, 2003, at 21:08:51
In reply to the blame game (kinda long), posted by thewriteone on November 18, 2003, at 20:35:17
I have that problem *all* the time. And the only way I've found to help it is to be completely honest. You're not blaming anyone. (Well, maybe you feel angry, but it doesn't have to come out as blame.)
The wonderful thing about therapy is that it is a relationship where you not only *can* but are *supposed to* tell each other how you are affecting each other. So there is absolutely nothing wrong with telling her when you feel hurt. Or mentioning how long it took you to get past the feelings that overwhelmed you.
I too get where I can't really hear anything after I get upset, and I can't say what I'm feeling at those times. We've tried to work out a signal that conveys the problem I'm having, but I can never remember to give it when I'm flooded with emotions.
Just hang in there, be honest, and if she's a decent therapist, you'll work through it. But for her to help you, she'll have to know how affected you are.
Good luck, and remember, this is what they do. She won't be distressed by what you tell her.
Posted by Poet on November 19, 2003, at 9:39:01
In reply to the blame game (kinda long), posted by thewriteone on November 18, 2003, at 20:35:17
Hi,
I constantly play the blame game, I usually blame myself, but lately I blame my therapist. We've had many miscommunications that I perceived as rejection and abandonment.
I never say I feel hurt at the time, I go home and brood until the next session. I know that I should talk to her right away when I'm hurt. I tend to post here as I feel safer, I know I should feel safe with her, but I don't when my fear of abandonment kicks in.
Keep being open with your therapist over the miscommunications. You aren't blaming her, you're being open and honest.
I'm going to really push myself not to keep it in anymore. It only makes me feel worse.
Poet
Posted by thewriteone on November 19, 2003, at 21:28:11
In reply to Re: the blame game (kinda long) » thewriteone, posted by Dinah on November 18, 2003, at 21:08:51
Thanks, guys. Glad to know I'm not the only one with this swirling around in my head. I've come a long way toward being honest with her, and I'm sure that will continue. I just wish I could do it without all the guilt. Maybe that will come in time, too.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.