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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by waterlily on November 19, 2002, at 15:25:09
Do you ever not know what to talk about in therapy? It happens to me if I'm not having problems in my life, which has been been a lot lately. My therapist isn't really hard on me and will try to dig into the issues that I do think of. She thinks that I am holding back and I know that I have mental blocks against things sometimes. I just don't know what I'm blocking. She also thinks that I have not allowed myself to really trust her and form a bond with her, which is true. I can easily go 3 weeks without therapy if I'm doing okay.
What would you do? I usually just stare at her bookcase and feel stupid because I can't think of what to say.
Posted by mair on November 19, 2002, at 16:02:39
In reply to Ever at a loss for words in therapy?, posted by waterlily on November 19, 2002, at 15:25:09
Your post could have been about me. When I'm in crisis mode, there's no doubt what's going to be discussed so although I may feel awful, I'm not quite as tongue tied.
My therapist's take is that this happens when I'm feeling better. Therapy doesn't seem as necessary so I'm not sure my heart is really in it. Also it may be a matter of trust. My therapist views times of better health as her opportunity to work on things more deeply and in a way that she can't when I'm more non-functioning. But I'm not an altogether willing participant. I just think that I'm so unaccustomed to opening up about some things, and I just haven't reached the comfort level with my therapist to overcome all of my inherent reticence. I view it as having nothing to say, having no "issues," whereas it may partially be that I'm only comfortable talking about the things I have to reveal and not the things that she'd like to hear.
If you figure out how to deal with this, let me know. It makes me feel very equivocal about therapy, and suspicious of the nature of my connection or nonconnection to my therapist.
Mair
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on November 19, 2002, at 16:05:20
In reply to Ever at a loss for words in therapy?, posted by waterlily on November 19, 2002, at 15:25:09
> What would you do? I usually just stare at her bookcase and feel stupid because I can't think of what to say.
-----------------I usually would just launch into what I perceived my problems to be, what I thought about myself, what my frustrations are, how I felt different from everyone else, my fears, doubts, etc. Even if there wasn't any immediate issue at hand, I was always the same person, and there was a lifetime of accumulated thoughts about myself to go through.
My take on therapists is that they're just there to try to familiarize you with yourself. Get you to state your more formless beliefs about yourself (I'm unlovable, unappealing, etc) and then discuss them (and they're always ridiculous, which you'd have to admit to him, and he'd nod). His whole job seemed to be making you acknowledge that you held inaccurate ideas about yourself. Once I picked up on this, I didn't really see the need for him. I was aware that I was being unrealistic. Other people's therapists are probably different. your mileage may vary.
Posted by Dinah on November 19, 2002, at 16:45:48
In reply to Ever at a loss for words in therapy?, posted by waterlily on November 19, 2002, at 15:25:09
It occasionally happens. And when it does I usually look at my therapist and give my "ok, i'm at a loss" shrug, and he'll ask a question or bring up something from a prior session. I don't do it routinely, so he knows it's not avoidance. Sometimes he has questions he's been thinking about and this gives him a chance to ask them without intruding on an existing dialogue.
Sometimes he has no more idea than I do what to talk about, or what he brings up is totally at odds with my mood and leads nowhere. In those cases I try to cut the session short. Actually, one of those happened yesterday. I was in a *really* good mood, and I discovered that he is more solemn than I had thought (ok, that was probably a mood based assessment on my part). He was dampening my good mood and stemming my flow of thought, and his questions were not anything I could answer in my mood. So I made chit chat and then escaped early. That was a shame really, because in talking to friends I realized there are a number of memories and attitudes that can only be addressed when I'm in that mood. I blew a good chance. So I guess I'll bring those things up next time, but unless I hold onto the good mood, it won't be as effective.
If it happens often though, maybe it's time to assess your therapy goals and choose a direction. And as always, let your therapist know your difficulties. Saying "I find myself at a loss for words" is more productive than just feeling it. And it couldn't hurt to let her know that your view is that she isn't really hard on you. It might motivate her some. :)
Good luck,
Dinah
Posted by waterlily on November 20, 2002, at 13:35:45
In reply to Ever at a loss for words in therapy?, posted by waterlily on November 19, 2002, at 15:25:09
Thanks, guys. You brought up some good points.
Mair - I'm sooo glad that I'm not the only one that is feeling the same way. I really question what good therapy is doing, but my husband and monther-in-law say they have seen improvements. I wish you luck with your struggles.
Eddie - I am well aware of my flawed thoughts. Problem is, my feelings defy my rational thoughts. It really doesn't sink in so I think that changing feelings is my big issue, not changing thought. I don't know how to work with that in therapy.
Sylvia - I have told my therapist to be tougher on me in the past, but she is really scared of driving me out of therapy. At times when I would dig into a tough issue, she'd congratulate me and say that she feels comfortable with pushing me more, but it doesn't seem like she does.
I guess the thing I have to do on Friday when I see her is to tell her what I told you guys. I would really like more guidance from her.
Posted by Dinah on November 20, 2002, at 17:53:31
Originally posted by Judy1
> I wrote something similar (about over involvement in my illness) which essentially touched on the same subject. I've now gone a month without seeing my therapist, but for me it's more of an avoidance rather than a lack of talking about things. I have lots to talk about- a lifetime of errors and losses- but I'm just tired of dealing with it. There will probably come a time when I will feel the need for support, that time isn't now- perhaps you feel partly the same? take care, judy
Posted by waterlily on November 21, 2002, at 18:04:19
In reply to Re: I'm glad you posted thisWaterlily » judy1, posted by Dinah on November 20, 2002, at 17:53:31
Hmmmmmm.... You may have a point there. It is getting a bit exhausting looking for all of my problems instead of ignoring them.> Originally posted by Judy1
>
>
> > I wrote something similar (about over involvement in my illness) which essentially touched on the same subject. I've now gone a month without seeing my therapist, but for me it's more of an avoidance rather than a lack of talking about things. I have lots to talk about- a lifetime of errors and losses- but I'm just tired of dealing with it. There will probably come a time when I will feel the need for support, that time isn't now- perhaps you feel partly the same? take care, judy
>
>
Posted by BeardedLady on November 24, 2002, at 16:56:02
In reply to Ever at a loss for words in therapy?, posted by waterlily on November 19, 2002, at 15:25:09
I don't know what your diagnosis is, but my doctor doesn't want to take my money when I'm doing well. I have monthly "checkups" if I'm feeling good, weekly ones if I'm not. He will often tell me that I sound fine and to call me if I need him; otherwise, he'll see me in a month.
beardy
Posted by BeardedLady on November 24, 2002, at 17:05:06
In reply to Ever at a loss for words in therapy?, posted by waterlily on November 19, 2002, at 15:25:09
Waterlily:
I'm sure I'm getting reamed right now for my above post by the judges of all things politically correct in the mental health world. And obviously the other posters on this thread (I didn't read their advice first) think it's best to just go to therapy anyway, even when things are good.
Therapy has helped me a lot. It helps me every time I go. But when I've been feeling good, I often cancel an appointment, and it's okay with my therapist. That may not be your situation.
So I'm sure you understand that my reply was based on my experience, right? And that you're welcome to take whatever you want from it or simply ignore it, right?
Cheers!
Beardy
Posted by BekkaH on November 24, 2002, at 17:10:20
In reply to Re: Ever at a loss for words in therapy? » waterlily, posted by BeardedLady on November 24, 2002, at 16:56:02
Hi Beardy,
Is your doctor a "talk therapist" or a psychopharmacologist, or both? It's unusual that he doesn't want to see you when you're doing well, but I think it's a good idea.
By the way, I read somewhere that in ancient China, patients paid their doctors ONLY when they were well, thus providing an incentive for doctors to keep patients healthy.
Bekka
Posted by BeardedLady on November 24, 2002, at 17:46:18
In reply to Re: Ever at a loss for words in therapy? - Beardy, posted by BekkaH on November 24, 2002, at 17:10:20
My psychiatrist just prescribes meds and only wants to see me every three months when I'm doing well. My therapist is a talk therapist (behaviorial therapy is his specialty).
China has something there, I'm sure. It's sort of a preventive maintenance of mental health. I usual have one well visit before I go on my month away.
He is a Ph.D., by the way.
Anyway, this works for me. I have had periods of up to six months when I've seen him twice, and then I've had a dozen weekly visits. Whatever works for you is an individual thing.
beardy
Posted by waterlily on November 24, 2002, at 18:17:53
In reply to Re: Ever at a loss for words in therapy? » waterlily, posted by BeardedLady on November 24, 2002, at 16:56:02
My diagnosis is major depression in partial remission with seasonal components, along with generalized anxiety. I see a psychiatrist every three months when I'm not having medication problems and more often when I am. I see my therapist, a clinical psychologist, every two weeks.
I didn't take any offense to your post. It's an interesting idea. I had been telling my therapist that I was doing well and suggested that I not go to therapy once I ran out of insurance-assisted sessions a few weeks ago. My therapist was already not crazy that I was going every three weeks in the past few months. She was adamant that it would beneficial for me to keep going to therapy through November and December, even to the point of talking with my insurance company and reducing her fee to $50 per session. This is probably good, since I tend to crash after Christmas.
Thanks for your response!
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