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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dreamer10 on December 19, 2004, at 20:06:58
I have been a lurker here for a long time. I would read the posts and think, that will never happen to my marriage. All that changed last week.
My only child, a son, died June 25, 2002 from injuries he got in a motorcycle accident.
Me and my husband have talked, and he said I pushed him away, and I probably did, its common in a lot of marriages when a child dies.
I look back at my behavior the past few months and know the bi polar has kicked in hot and heavy. Made a appt with my shrink and therapist.
Me and hubby haven't said its over, he just needs time to get his head together. Well, I told him the other night that before he decided he wanted to come back that he better realize that I don't have as many issues as he thinks I have. I have bi polar and no amount of therapy or drugs is going to totally get rid of it.
I just hate that while in that bi polar state, that I couldn't see something was going wrong. This was the man that, putting it in a friends words "adored me". And its killing me that I was the one that pushed him away.
Peggy
Mom to AC
Http://home.earthlink.net/~jseek
Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2004, at 22:10:53
In reply to Death of Son, Marriage is probably over, posted by Dreamer10 on December 19, 2004, at 20:06:58
I'm sorry, Peggy. I can't imagine anything harder than losing a child.
It sounds as if you have a pretty good grasp of what's going on. That doesn't always make it easier to change, though, does it.
I'm glad you've made appointments. Taking care of yourself is very important.
And the marriage isn't over yet. Where there is commitment and love, even the most difficult situations can be overcome.
I'll be thinking of the two of you.
Dinah
Posted by Jai Narayan on December 20, 2004, at 20:04:35
In reply to Death of Son, Marriage is probably over, posted by Dreamer10 on December 19, 2004, at 20:06:58
you are facing so much right now.
your son's death
your husband's need
your own need.
it's way over the top
so please know that we are here.
I love these people and this site.
what brought you to babble?
Jai
Posted by Dreamer10 on December 21, 2004, at 3:53:58
In reply to Re: Death of Son, Marriage is probably over » Dreamer10, posted by Dinah on December 19, 2004, at 22:10:53
Thank you Dinah. I just wish I had gotten a grasp on what was happening before it was too late.
Posted by Dreamer10 on December 21, 2004, at 3:56:20
In reply to Re: Death of Son, Marriage is probably over, posted by Jai Narayan on December 20, 2004, at 20:04:35
Thank you Jai. I have had anxiety problems for as long as I can remember. I started seeing a new psychiatrist a few years ago and he diagnosed me with BiPolar II. I found this site in searching what BiPolar was. I have done a lot of reading, very little posting.
Posted by Lucylooo on December 21, 2004, at 16:25:42
In reply to Death of Son, Marriage is probably over, posted by Dreamer10 on December 19, 2004, at 20:06:58
Hi Peggy
I wanted to say hello and that I am so sorry for your pain, what you are having to deal with. I've been at this website alot this past week, and another devoted to grief over the loss of a sibling. I spent alot of time at AC's site and yours and the others, crying my eyes out. Your love and grief, so beautifully expressed, allowed me to touch my own. Please take great, gentle care of yourself.
L.
Posted by Shar on December 25, 2004, at 21:44:53
In reply to Death of Son, Marriage is probably over, posted by Dreamer10 on December 19, 2004, at 20:06:58
Hi,
I've read the posts here, and can't imagine your grief.I would encourage you to feel that when people get pushed away, it is not always a one-way street. Everyone needs to take responsibility for their own behavior. And, I would seriously doubt that your actions (alone) caused the turmoil that is currently occuring in your relationship.
All best wishes,
Shar
Posted by judy1 on December 29, 2004, at 12:58:47
In reply to Death of Son, Marriage is probably over, posted by Dreamer10 on December 19, 2004, at 20:06:58
since I share your illness I understand why you feel guilt, but I hope your therapist is able to help you understand that you had nothing to do with his death. it's the guilt that's pushing you to say your marriage is over, but this is not reality. reality is you have experienced probably the most difficult loss there is- that of your child. but your husband has experienced it also, and the two of you can join together to share the burden of grief. I wish you all the best- judy
Posted by Dreamer10 on December 29, 2004, at 13:12:49
In reply to Death of Son, Marriage is probably over, posted by Dreamer10 on December 19, 2004, at 20:06:58
Judy, I feel absolutely NO guilt over my sons death. I am one of the lucky ones, my son died while on a cross country motorcycle trip, the last of many he had taken in his life. He died doing something he loved. I have met many parents that can not say their child died doing something they loved.
My marriage is over. I should have realized that from the time he said he wanted to leave. I am packed and will be moving from SW Ohio, to Western Kentucky on the 17th of January.
Once my husband was totally honest with me, all guilt that I felt, just faded away. I am sad because this was the marriage that could face any battle and come out okay at the end. This time that just wasn't to be the way it was to end.
He is going to pay me spousal support for a year. He is not going to file for the desolution/divorce until I can find a job with benefits. We have worked out a amiacable settlement, and life goes on.
Hugs
Peggy
Posted by judy1 on January 2, 2005, at 13:59:12
In reply to Re: Death of Son - Update, posted by Dreamer10 on December 29, 2004, at 13:12:49
I'm so glad that you and your spouse were able to handle this in such a mature manner (that seems to be so rare). I'm happy for you that you get a clean start and I hope this new chapter of your life brings you much joy.
take care, judy
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