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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 66 to 90 of 90. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on August 4, 2006, at 8:07:04
In reply to Re: incivilities and deputies, posted by Estella on August 4, 2006, at 7:42:16
We're not going to agree on this, and I'm upsetting my family in crying so much, so I'd rather not continue this conversation.
Posted by Estella on August 4, 2006, at 8:25:48
In reply to Re: incivilities and deputies » Estella, posted by Dinah on August 4, 2006, at 8:07:04
I'm sorry...
I didn't realise you were that upset. I've been misjudging that all over the show lately :-(
I'm sorry.((((((((((((((((((Dinah)))))))))))))))
I appreciate you (both the poster and the deputy) a whole heap.
I'm sorry you are going through a hard time at the moment.
Posted by gardenergirl on August 4, 2006, at 9:08:12
In reply to Re: incivilities and deputies » Estella, posted by Dinah on August 4, 2006, at 8:07:04
Posted by Declan on August 4, 2006, at 12:38:21
In reply to Re: Jokes » Declan, posted by henrietta on August 3, 2006, at 19:45:58
'well and good. then apply it equally. a hostile joke against one is a hostile joke against all, and should either be permitted or not.'
Maybe, probably, I don't know, you're no doubt right. I see the thread has grown much longer. This isn't team sports or politics in action is it? If I was being treated for ADHD it would be a different story. 10mg Dexedrine would do the trick and I'd get to the end of the thread
Posted by Declan on August 4, 2006, at 14:09:32
In reply to Re: no man is an island, posted by henrietta on August 3, 2006, at 19:40:46
I think you have a point Henrietta, but Admin is kind of bad in that it encourages a (to me) regrettable discourse (if I may so call it). All this meta-commentary. What am I doing here then?
Posted by Declan on August 4, 2006, at 19:10:39
In reply to Jokes, posted by Declan on August 3, 2006, at 19:32:16
I think I was wrong.
There is a scene in Napoleon Dynamite where Napoleon says something like "Girls go with guys who have skills, like computer hacking or nunchuka skills. Gosh, I need some skills"
Not much transgression there. Maybe we laugh because he is both so right and so wrong.
Declan
Posted by crushedout on August 4, 2006, at 21:22:34
In reply to Re: incivilities and deputies » Estella, posted by Dinah on August 3, 2006, at 21:19:01
we are allowed to say: "I don't like Dr. Bob"? That could open up some serious floodgates for me. :)I agree with Dinah that Bob's answers to her questions were nonsensical (OK, Dinah didn't say that--it's my own spin), especially in light of the PBC directly before.
Posted by crushedout on August 4, 2006, at 22:18:02
In reply to Re: incivilities and deputies, posted by Estella on August 4, 2006, at 7:42:16
Posted by muffled on August 4, 2006, at 23:50:03
In reply to Re: not liking deputies, posted by Dr. Bob on August 3, 2006, at 7:32:27
I agree with Dinah and GG on their answers to this one.
Muffled
Posted by Tabitha on August 5, 2006, at 0:11:47
In reply to Re: not liking deputies, posted by Dr. Bob on August 3, 2006, at 7:32:27
> Deputies need to be able to take some heat, so I guess my feeling right now would be that 2 and 4 would be OK, while the rest wouldn't. Since they are, after all, I-statements. What do you think?
>I think it's kind of a pointless distinction, since I don't think anyone would actually write "I don't like Deputy X", or "I don't like Poster X". More likely they would just write "I don't like X", and it wouldn't be at all clear whether they were referring to X as a poster or as a deputy.
Posted by Dinah on August 5, 2006, at 8:46:56
In reply to Re: not liking deputies » Dr. Bob, posted by muffled on August 4, 2006, at 23:50:03
Thanks Muffled. :)
Posts like yours make me feel like a Babbler again.
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 7, 2006, at 3:24:04
In reply to Re: no man is an island, posted by henrietta on August 3, 2006, at 19:40:46
> I meant: unfairness, injustice, elitist smugness, and any other string of words the thesaurus can provide .
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
But please don't take this personally, either, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please first see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
PS: I'm trying out a new system:
previous block: 2 weeks
period of time since previous block: 22 weeks
uncivil toward a particular individual or group: yes
particularly uncivil: no
different type of incivility: no
clearly didn't understand PBC and made effort to reply: no
provoked: no
uncivil in multiple posts at same time: no
already archived: noIf we take 22 weeks, divide by 10, and round down, that's a reduction of 2 weeks. If we apply that to your previous block, that takes you back to 0. And if we go from there, that's 1 week.
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 7, 2006, at 3:24:53
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by cloudydaze on August 3, 2006, at 21:28:03
> > > He obviously feels that some moderators have a tendency to try too hard at their job, or try to throw their weight around
> >
> > Please don't jump to conclusions about others or post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
>
> How was that jumping to a conclusion?! It wasn't jumping to anything! Who is going to be accused or put down by that?I considered it jumping to a conclusion because I didn't think you could really know what he felt, and I thought moderators might have felt accused or put down by that.
> > this doesn't mean I don't like you
>
> i do think you don't like meThat's jumping to a conclusion again. Did you look at the links I posted above?
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060622/msgs/672346.html
One way to rephrase that as an I-statement would be:
> i do feel disliked by you
Do you see any difference?
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 7, 2006, at 3:25:05
In reply to Re: incivilities and deputies » Estella, posted by Dinah on August 4, 2006, at 7:01:12
> It's a different role. ... We see ourselves as one of the group of Babblers, which makes us more vulnerable to incivilities from the group we consider ourself part of.
> Deputy Dinah is still person Dinah.
Thanks, those are good points. What if we consider these not OK:
> 2a) "I don't like Deputy X".
>
> 4a) "I don't like deputies" (which deputies not specified).But consider these OK:
> 2b) "I don't like [something X did as a deputy]".
>
> 4b) "I don't like [something deputies do]" (which deputies not specified).Again, applied just to I-statements...
Bob
Posted by Dinah on August 7, 2006, at 9:09:22
In reply to Re: not liking what deputies do, posted by Dr. Bob on August 7, 2006, at 3:25:05
That would be fine with me. Thank you for reconsidering.
Posted by Gabbi~G on August 7, 2006, at 13:56:02
In reply to Re: no man is an island, posted by henrietta on August 3, 2006, at 19:40:46
The thing I've noticed though, is that if one was for example a one-legged, multi-racial, impoverished hermaphrodite with a criminal record and recovering from an addiction, they could say the same things the deputies do (or other posters you feel are elitist) but instead of thinking it snobbish or cruel, you'd champion them, excuse them, or laud them for their brilliance.
Posted by zazenducks on August 8, 2006, at 19:23:58
In reply to Re: no man is an island » henrietta, posted by Gabbi~G on August 7, 2006, at 13:56:02
since I don't do cyberhugs. I offer you support if you should ever feel accused or find yourself the victim of sarcasm. If someone should set up hypothetical situations and predict your reactions to some future situation in a way which caused you to feel your integrity had been questioned I will support you because you have been a voice of reason and common sense and kindness on babble. I do not think you judge people or champion people or excuse people on the basis of their genitalia or criminal records or race or physical handicaps. I have never seen anything that would lead me to believe that (if you should ever be accused.) On the contrary. I think you have a singular lack of prejudice. I hope things are going well for you. I'm sorry you didn't get your lifetime block ;) if that's what you wanted. Peace and love.....stage left
>
Posted by zazenducks on August 8, 2006, at 19:27:08
In reply to Re: no man is an island » henrietta, posted by Declan on August 4, 2006, at 14:09:32
> I think you have a point Henrietta, but Admin is kind of bad in that it encourages a (to me) regrettable discourse (if I may so call it). All this meta-commentary. What am I doing here then?
well gosh I don't know
are you wearing pants?
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 9, 2006, at 0:06:26
In reply to I parenthesize you henrietta, posted by zazenducks on August 8, 2006, at 19:23:58
> If someone should set up hypothetical situations and predict your reactions to some future situation in a way which caused you to feel your integrity had been questioned
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
But please don't take this personally, either, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please first see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Estella on August 9, 2006, at 4:41:54
In reply to Re: Jokes » Declan, posted by henrietta on August 3, 2006, at 19:45:58
Thanks so much for your lovely words of support to me before. A whole heap. Lots and lots and lots. They meant so very much to me.
Take care.
I'll see you in a week?
((((((Hen))))))))
Posted by cloudydaze on August 12, 2006, at 16:20:25
In reply to Re: civility » cloudydaze, posted by Dr. Bob on August 7, 2006, at 3:24:53
>
> I considered it jumping to a conclusion because I didn't think you could really know what he felt, and I thought moderators might have felt accused or put down by that.--So, are you jumping to conclusions about how the moderators feel now? I think there was enough evidence there for me to draw that conclusion. Do you think anyone ever REALLY knows how anyone else feels? No, they don't - that's why one has to draw one's own conclusion sometimes. Everyone draws conclusions - whether you think they are right or wrong is irrelevant - you will NEVER be able to say who's right an who's wrong about someone else's feelings.
>
> > > this doesn't mean I don't like you
> >
> > i do think you don't like me
>
> That's jumping to a conclusion again. Did you look at the links I posted above?> One way to rephrase that as an I-statement would be:
>
> > i do feel disliked by you
>
> Do you see any difference?
>
> Bob---Yes i read the links, and no, i still don't understand. How is it that me expressing how I feel is jumping to a conclusion?
jumping to a conclusion means "to guess the facts about a situation without having enough information". However, when it comes to HOW I PERSONALLY FEEL, I have all the information I need. You cannot tell me how I do or do not feel - I don't care what kind of degree you have. You are no expert on me.
You have, however, told me what I can and cannot express - which is why I have found a new boards to post on. Some that are laid back and relaxed, but I have not read one post on them that is uncivil. They must know something you don't, Bob.
I'm sorry, but I think "I statements" are completely pointless. While I understand the concept, I don't think it's relevant or even necessarily helpful. I understand the difference between an accusation like "your post was offensive" and a statement like "I felt offended by your post", but not the difference or relevance between "I don't think you like me" and "I feel disliked by you". They are both about how I think/feel, and they both use the word "I" first, and "you" second. There is no difference between these two statements. Neither of them is jumping to any conclusion. I would have to say "you don't like me" to even be considered to be jumping to a conclusion.
Yes, Dr. bob...i do need professional help (in reference to your reply to Texaschic's post about me freaking her out apparently - which was unintentional). But what I don't need is the stress i get from this board. It ended up "helping" me to an emotional breakdown that almost resulted in the loss of my life, and everything I have worked hard for. Had I been alone for a few minutes longer, I would not be here now.
I hope you realize and take more seriously the emotional impact you have on this little piece of cyberspace, and I hope for the sake of other fragile persons like myself, that you find a better way to keep the peace without coming off like a crazed control freak playing with the marionettes that make up the babble community, Pulling strings to see us dance, and cutting the strings every time they get a little tangled, instead of trying to untangle the strands. Is it empowering, being a puppetmaster?This is not the place for me, and I have found a place that is for me. I couldn't leave without expressing myself properly, now, could I?
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 15, 2006, at 2:30:23
In reply to Re: civility, posted by cloudydaze on August 12, 2006, at 16:20:25
> > I considered it jumping to a conclusion because I didn't think you could really know what he felt, and I thought moderators might have felt accused or put down by that.
>
> So, are you jumping to conclusions about how the moderators feel now? I think there was enough evidence there for me to draw that conclusion. Do you think anyone ever REALLY knows how anyone else feels? No, they don't - that's why one has to draw one's own conclusion sometimes.If someone doesn't know something, they don't have to draw a conclusion. They may, but then they don't have to post it.
I suppose you could call deciding what could lead others to feel accused or put down to be jumping to conclusions. But I need to do that to administrate here.
> > > i do think you don't like me
> >
> > One way to rephrase that as an I-statement would be:
> >
> > > i do feel disliked by you
>
> no, i still don't understand. How is it that me expressing how I feel is jumping to a conclusion?
>
> jumping to a conclusion means "to guess the facts about a situation without having enough information". However, when it comes to HOW I PERSONALLY FEEL, I have all the information I need. You cannot tell me how I do or do not feel - I don't care what kind of degree you have. You are no expert on me.Thinking something isn't having a feeling. Thinking I don't like you is guessing the facts about a situation (how I feel about you) without having enough information. Like I can't know how you feel, you can't know how I feel, including how I feel about you.
> what I don't need is the stress i get from this board.
>
> This is not the place for me, and I have found a place that is for me. I couldn't leave without expressing myself properly, now, could I?I'm sorry if you feel disempowered here, but I do think it's necessary to limit freedom of speech and to enforce some rules, and I understand that can be stressful. I'm glad you've found an alternative that's more for you. Best wishes,
Bob
Posted by henrietta on August 15, 2006, at 19:53:10
In reply to I parenthesize you henrietta, posted by zazenducks on August 8, 2006, at 19:23:58
I bracketize you!
Thanks for your concern and support, but in fact, I was delighted (in a sad kind of way) by that exchange. Gabbi's post, which received no comment from DB, and yours, which received a PBC, proved my point so beautifully I couldn't have done better if I'd engineered it myself. It's all there in black and white for anyone who cares to notice. It's on record, succinctly. I rest my case, and exit you know where<<<<<< My work here is done!
Peace and love to you, too!
Posted by henrietta on August 15, 2006, at 19:54:23
In reply to Re: (((((((((((((((((Henrietta))))))))))))), posted by Estella on August 9, 2006, at 4:41:54
Thanks, love. Hope you're doing OK.
XXOO, hen
Posted by zazenducky on September 5, 2006, at 16:32:31
In reply to Re: I parenthesize you henrietta zazenduck, posted by henrietta on August 15, 2006, at 19:53:10
Forgive my delay in replying I was out gazing upon the stars per FAQ
> Thanks for your concern and support, but in fact, I was delighted (in a sad kind of way) by that exchange. Gabbi's post, which received no comment from DB, and yours, which received a PBC, proved my point so beautifully I couldn't have done better if I'd engineered it myself. It's all there in black and white for anyone who cares to notice.
But no one cares to do they? I'm glad you do tho :)
This is the end of the thread.
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