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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by noa on February 16, 2003, at 19:15:03
Dr. Bob, this hit me hard. I was not expecting it because I had thought Fuzzymind had stopped making such remarks. I had started interacting with Fuzzymind recently. Now I will not.
I really feel hurt--I almost started crying when I read it. I am not asking you to block him (yet) but I want you to be aware of this. Hopefully, Fuzzy will understand why his statement was hurtful and not go "there" again, but if not....
Below is the offending excerpt and my response.
> >>I was wondering if it was in the jewish culture to abuse and bully people? Sure seemed that way. Jenr? I know you hate my guts, but is there some truth to that?
>
>
> Fuzzymind--Absolutely NOT!
> I find this statement extremely hurtful. YOu have no idea how personally offended I am by it. Please do not say things like that.
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 17, 2003, at 11:26:47
In reply to Just want you to be aware of this, Dr. Bob, posted by noa on February 16, 2003, at 19:15:03
> I really feel hurt--I almost started crying when I read it. I am not asking you to block him (yet) but I want you to be aware of this.
Thanks for letting me know, I'll take a look...
Bob
Posted by Greg on February 17, 2003, at 15:35:36
In reply to Just want you to be aware of this, Dr. Bob, posted by noa on February 16, 2003, at 19:15:03
Noa, I know I had nothing to do with this, but I want you to know how genuinely sorry I am this was said, not just to you, but to all it hurt and offended. I direct this to you because I have known you a long time and I know you to be a truly good person.
I'm sorry you were hurt and I hope it never happens again.
Much love,
Greg
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 17, 2003, at 17:02:46
[In reply to Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob, posted by IsoM on February 17, 2003, at 13:16:56]
> Being aware of the differences in your cultural background helps one gain insight into one's childhood environment when raised in a diff culture than other children you grew up with.
I agree, but:
> She (he?) is Oriental herself (I think she mentioned she was Japanese) & was only pointing out to fuzzymind that parents' reaction to & handling of their children's problems are often affected by their cultural background. There was *NOTHING* unkind or uncivil in that statement. It's simply a fact that different cultures (especially in the past before globalization) have raised their children with somewhat diff values.
I think it's fine for someone to discuss how their own cultural background affected them, but IMO, it can still be a problem if they make generalizations that might be taken as negative.
Bob
Posted by Phil on February 17, 2003, at 19:49:03
In reply to Just want you to be aware of this, Dr. Bob, posted by noa on February 16, 2003, at 19:15:03
Greg said it perfectly. I was so angry I wanted ..can't go there. But I'm sorry that it happened. A customer in my store was watching as I was watching a lady with out of control kids. She was cussing, kids were cussing. He looked at me and said, "What have we learned?"
That's how this makes me feel.I wrote for an hour and a half trying to think of how to reach the guy. I deleted everything and went to bed.
Very sad for you. I'm sad for mankind. I loved the quote, Why is the mind so slow to learn what the heart beholds at every turn?
Posted by shar on February 17, 2003, at 23:41:15
In reply to Just want you to be aware of this, Dr. Bob, posted by noa on February 16, 2003, at 19:15:03
Noa,
I know "intellectually" we should just let things like that speak for themselves, and we know about considering the source, and...well, all that other stuff. But, I too am terribly sorry that anything of that nature is said in this forum, and especially toward you.I have to say, my reaction is just like a mental double-take (several times). Like, did I read that right? Did someone really say that? Can someone seriously believe that? Yeah, that guy, right over there, I must have heard him wrong. And, I'm shaking my head.
Then, I'm like the cowardly lion in the Wizard of Oz...lemme at 'em, lemme at 'em....
Shar
Posted by IsoM on February 18, 2003, at 2:52:07
In reply to Re: cultural background, posted by Dr. Bob on February 17, 2003, at 17:02:46
Bob, please look at yaya's comment a little more carefully. She wrote:
"Have you considered that your parents reaction (or lack of) is cultural?"Yaya didn't state that parents with a diff cultural background raise their children in an incorrect manner. She only asked fuzzymnind to "consider" that his parents' reaction (or lack of) may be due to culture rather than poor parenting. No more - no less. I don't see any generalization by yaya, simply asking the other poster to consider a possible reason for his parents' actions. No negative generalizations at all.
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 18, 2003, at 8:33:20
In reply to Just want you to be aware of this, Dr. Bob, posted by noa on February 16, 2003, at 19:15:03
Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob
Posted by IsoM on February 17, 2003, at 13:16:56
In reply to http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030203/msgs/201131.html
Bob, did you read yaya's post properly? She (he?) is Oriental herself (I think she mentioned she was Japanese) & was only pointing out to fuzzymind that parents' reaction to & handling of their children's problems are often affected by their cultural background. There was *NOTHING* unkind or uncivil in that statement. It's simply a fact that different cultures (especially in the past before globalization) have raised their children with somewhat diff values.
Being aware of the differences in your cultural background helps one gain insight into one's childhood environment when raised in a diff culture than other children you grew up with.
----Re: please be civil » IsoM
Posted by yaya on February 17, 2003, at 14:08:48
In reply to Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob, posted by IsoM on February 17, 2003, at 13:16:56
Thanks for coming to my rescue. I wasn't sure if I was "getting my hand slapped" for my post, but I was certainly feeling guilty for possibly contributing in some way to the current dissention and bad feelings, which was not my intention. I was feeling so bad that I thought it best to just walk away for now, because I didn't want to react.
I do happen to be the female child of a Japanese mother (my father was an American GI) and I feel the cultural differences my mother brought to America caused a lot of difficulty for me as a child. I am able to rationalize that had I been raised in Japan, things that affected my childhood here may not have been a big deal in Japan. There is a certain amount of stoicism that my mother's generation (she was born in 1928) felt was proper and "normal". This, in no way, is a racist opinion or prejudicial. I was merely pointing out that cultural differences can impact children when raised by people with different cultural ideals and expectations.
Thanks, again, for coming to my defense. I really appreciate. I hope I have clarified my position, and I apologize to any who may have been offended.
> Bob, did you read yaya's post properly? She (he?) is Oriental herself (I think she mentioned she was Japanese) & was only pointing out to fuzzymind that parents' reaction to & handling of their children's problems are often affected by their cultural background. There was *NOTHING* unkind or uncivil in that statement. It's simply a fact that different cultures (especially in the past before globalization) have raised their children with somewhat diff values.
>
> Being aware of the differences in your cultural background helps one gain insight into one's childhood environment when raised in a diff culture than other children you grew up with.----
Re: please be civil » yaya
Posted by Phil on February 17, 2003, at 19:54:08
In reply to Re: please be civil » IsoM, posted by yaya on February 17, 2003, at 14:08:48
I don't see how you could have offended anyone.
It was a thoughtful post.----
Re: please be civil » yaya
Posted by IsoM on February 18, 2003, at 2:41:26
In reply to Re: please be civil » IsoM, posted by yaya on February 17, 2003, at 14:08:48
I didn't want you to feel bad about something you intended to be helpful. I'm a sucker for mixed races in people. I wish everyone was mixed race, more or less. It brings out the beauty of mankind. One of my best friends is a blonde (nearly grey now) American who married an Indonesian guy. They have the most beautiful kids, all adults now. She always fondly & lovingly referred to her children as "mutts". I wish that I were a mutt & less fish belly white than I am.
Culturally, mixed race children can have a tough time growing up if most other people in their area are single race. Having a mixed heritage may bring out the best in people but makes it hard to balance their home life with the outside world. We all can learn much from the problems mixed families have to deal with.
This is the end of the thread.
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