![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Laurie1041 on May 27, 2011, at 14:50:48
Hi,
I would appreciate any insight and recommendations. I thought I posted this earlier, but it appears to have disappeared, so here goes again. I will warn you up front that it is lengthy and I feel this is because I am just traumatized by my experience and don't know what else to do. But if you do choose to read and you have some pointers, I am so thankful.
I have taken Effexor and Klonopin since 2000 or so for a situational-type of depression. The Klonopin was an add-on because the start-up effects of Effexor gave me nocturnal panic attacks. I now know for myself what MDD feels like and this was certainly not MDD. I have also attempted to taper off of Effexor or other SSRI's for several years without success due to withdrawal.
During the years I have added Wellbutrin (severe anxiety), low-dose Lithium (no effect), Abilify (no effect) to augment the Effexor. These were all prescribed by various providers as I tried to search for a pdoc that I could work with. My depression was vague and certainly did not meet any DSM criteria.
In 2007 I went to a recommended pdoc who said that my symptoms were consistent with Shift Work Sleep Disorder (I am an RN and had started working the night shift in 2006) and prescribed Provigil along with continuing the Effexor, Klonopin. Within days, I was feeling so much better, so much so, that I racked up a huge credit card debt. I crashed and burned and became very, very anxious and depressed over what I had done and the diagnosis of BP I was somewhat relieving as it explained my behavior, or did it?
No one ever questioned the Provigil and neither did I. The medication cocktails started and I met each new drug with side effect after side effect. I felt fine on Effexor, Klonopin and Lithium.In Jan 2009, newly widowed and devastated by my loss, (now I knew what major depression and grief were), relocated from another state to where my family lives and talking to my pdoc over the phone instead of finding a local pdoc, I was genuinely without support or guidance. I needed crisis intervention no doubt. I can almost laugh about how my crisis intervention came about and I was 5150'd under false pretenses by a well-meaning, deeply concerned sister, but this involuntary hospitalization led me to my current pdoc, and to my current situation with my meds and resulting mood instability. The new med I was discharged on in addition to those previous was Wellbutrin which I was surprised that I was not mood labile or extremely anxious while in the hospital. Within 4 days, I was so anxious I went back to the hospital. Naturally, the Wellbutrin was d/c'd.
In Feb. 2009, I was discharged on Adderrall XR 30 mg. twice daily, Cymbalta 120 mg, Seroquel 50 mg at bedtime, Klonopin 1 mg at bedtime. My pdoc said he had me "squeezed" with the Adderrall and the Cymbalta, but I had no idea what he meant. I felt so good on the Adderrall that I completely stopped grieving for my husband and went through $80,000 cash (life insurance proceeds), dyed my bangs from brown to red or fushia, tattooed my abdomen and back (previously no tattoos - and I was 49 at the time), lost major weight, withdrew from my family and hung out with "fun" people (no drinking or drugs), and bought more shoes than needed in a lifetime, embarrassed my young adult daughters by my manner of dress, etc. I was euphoric on Adderrall, but did not know it AND my pdoc was seeing me weekly. Hello??? Is your patient manic???!!!
I came back to earth in relatively one piece on my own a few months later and felt mood stable (still on Adderrall) and went back to work as an RN after being out of work for 2 years (private disability), unfortunately the only way I was able to re-enter the workforce was to get hired at my last place of employment which was in another state. This lasted about 2 months as I tried to commute every other week, AND work the night shift. I thought if I could just make it 1 year at my former workplace, I could then get a job anywhere near my home. I just needed 1 year of current work history. Not only did I find out that bedside nursing had only gotten worse and far more stressful than 2 years previous, but that I still was not happy doing bedside nursing due to the horrible stress. I had to resign in February 2010 and I fell into a depression where I did not even realize I was depressed. I just slept a lot.
In March 2010, a friend stayed at my house for a few weeks and noticed that I was sleeping all the time. She said I might be depressed. I said I would check into the hospital. I think the only thing that changed was my SSRI. I was discharged after 17 days.
In March 2011, after I told my pdoc I wanted off of Adderrall, Klonopin, and Pristiq, in whatever order he recommended. He had me discontinue the Adderrall, had me start on Nuvigil (huh?), and decrease my Klonopin (now at 2 mg. to 1.75 mg). He never mentioned I would go through Adderrall withdrawals and become severely depressed. And that tapering my Klonopin by 0.25 mg. was a big taper.
In April, 2011 I told him I was severely depressed and anxious and he told me to resume Adderrall and Klonopin. Exactly 2 days after I resumed the Adderrall after being off of it for 1 month, I started becoming extremely mood unstable, enraged at my meds, the fact that I was getting worse and not better, then hopeless and suicidal. I voluntarily admitted myself. My pdoc stopped the Adderrall, started me on Depakote and said I was a "very, very sick, ill woman". Something in me clicked and I told myself that my doctor was actually making me very, very sick. The plan was to stop the Adderral and taper slowly off the Pristiq, however, obviously my pdoc has not withdrawn anyone from Pristiq yet because he dropped my dose from 100 mg. to 50 mg. (the only dosages available and they are time-released tablets). He never told me I would go into withdrawals which I did within 4 days of discharge. He added Lexapro 10 mg. to be increased to 20 mg. when stable in order to accomplish 2 things; stop the withdrawals and cross-over to a SSRI that comes in a liquid form for easier titration. 4 days ago, I became mood unstable again and I called him and he said that he wanted to get me off the Pristiq so we could begin tapering off of the Lexapro, but that the Lexapro needed to be increased to 20 mg. to lessen withdrawals when I d/c'd the Pristiq. Within 2 days of increasing the Lexapro to 20 mg. I became mood unstable again (I have read that this is a common, however, potentially dangerous situation, when increasing or decreasing SSRI's). I called my pdoc last night very, very angry and he called in an Rx for Zyprexa 5 mg. to be used as a "rescue" med until I can d/c the Pristiq.
I am between a rock and a hard place. I cannot maintain any mood stability with 2 AD's on board and with dosage increases. I am understandably angry and frustrated, but most of all I am scared. I have an appt. with a Internist at a major medical research center in So Cal so I can get a referral to be seen by their mood disorders clinic and get at the very least someone who is not going to make not only me, but my family so distraught over what has happened to me since 2009. Any ideas or suggest would be most welcome. Thank you so very much. Laurie
Posted by Christ_empowered on May 27, 2011, at 16:00:46
In reply to Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input!, posted by Laurie1041 on May 27, 2011, at 14:50:48
hey. I had a not-so-great doc who also prescribed 60mgs of adderall to me...while I was obviously euphoric and mildly psychotic. I landed in detox, where they told me to take 90mgs cymbalta, 60mgs buspar, 600mgs trileptal, and 200mgs hydroxyzing. They also threw out the Bipolar diagnosis and said (not to me, but to each other--funny how you can hear the professionals talk about you in a mental hospital) that I was just narcissistic and making stuff up.
I quit the meds and was miserable and psychotic for 2.5 years. Landed in a mental hospital, unmedicated except for prn ativan, where I was diagnosed (get ready...) with Bipolar I w/ psychotic features. I'm now on 30mgs Abilify and doing OK.
Adderall withdrawal SUCKS. I lost hair, gained weight, and looked like crap. It took years, plus a high-intensity nervous breakdown ("manic episode") to get to looking normal again (for some reason, my manic episode reversed some of my premature aging. I guess there's always a silver lining).
Anyway, what I'd do personally is take the zyprexa daily and taper off one antidepressant at a time--you pick which one, though I'd personally stop the lexapro first, I think it might be easier. Then start with the adderall, while still taking the zyprexa (it'll soothe out the dysphoria from amphetamine withdrawal, and the remaining antidepressant will keep the depression from getting to bad). I don't know if you want to go down to 0, but if you could get into the 30-40mgs/day range, that'd be better, if you're anything like me. The tablets can be broken. If you're on XR, I have no idea what to tell you...your doc will need to work with you on that one.
I'd personally recommend, just from my own experience, SUPPLEMENTS. Amphetamines and other psych meds are draining on your system. If you're interested, I can post what I take.
I know some people who are on an antipsychotic+adderall, and it works for them. For some reason, seroquel is the antipsychotic they're on, but I guess zyprexa would work, too. Maybe you could drop both ADs, stick with a lower dose of the Adderall, and take the antipsychotic for a little while (hopefully drop that, too, since you're at risk for TD).
Once the antidepressants are out of the picture and your amphetamine dose is in a more normal range (ADD-ers are only supposed to take a max of 40mgs; 60mgs is more of a narcolepsy dose, unless you have TERRIBLE ADD, obesity, or depression), try to reassess the situation. Could be that you don't even have bipolar, or at least not bipolar I.
That's my advice. I'm not a doctor or anything, I've just been on lots of meds, lol. I hope this helped.
Good luck!
Posted by Lou Pilder on May 27, 2011, at 16:01:20
In reply to Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input!, posted by Laurie1041 on May 27, 2011, at 14:50:48
> Hi,
>
> I would appreciate any insight and recommendations. I thought I posted this earlier, but it appears to have disappeared, so here goes again. I will warn you up front that it is lengthy and I feel this is because I am just traumatized by my experience and don't know what else to do. But if you do choose to read and you have some pointers, I am so thankful.
>
> I have taken Effexor and Klonopin since 2000 or so for a situational-type of depression. The Klonopin was an add-on because the start-up effects of Effexor gave me nocturnal panic attacks. I now know for myself what MDD feels like and this was certainly not MDD. I have also attempted to taper off of Effexor or other SSRI's for several years without success due to withdrawal.
>
> During the years I have added Wellbutrin (severe anxiety), low-dose Lithium (no effect), Abilify (no effect) to augment the Effexor. These were all prescribed by various providers as I tried to search for a pdoc that I could work with. My depression was vague and certainly did not meet any DSM criteria.
>
> In 2007 I went to a recommended pdoc who said that my symptoms were consistent with Shift Work Sleep Disorder (I am an RN and had started working the night shift in 2006) and prescribed Provigil along with continuing the Effexor, Klonopin. Within days, I was feeling so much better, so much so, that I racked up a huge credit card debt. I crashed and burned and became very, very anxious and depressed over what I had done and the diagnosis of BP I was somewhat relieving as it explained my behavior, or did it?
> No one ever questioned the Provigil and neither did I. The medication cocktails started and I met each new drug with side effect after side effect. I felt fine on Effexor, Klonopin and Lithium.
>
> In Jan 2009, newly widowed and devastated by my loss, (now I knew what major depression and grief were), relocated from another state to where my family lives and talking to my pdoc over the phone instead of finding a local pdoc, I was genuinely without support or guidance. I needed crisis intervention no doubt. I can almost laugh about how my crisis intervention came about and I was 5150'd under false pretenses by a well-meaning, deeply concerned sister, but this involuntary hospitalization led me to my current pdoc, and to my current situation with my meds and resulting mood instability. The new med I was discharged on in addition to those previous was Wellbutrin which I was surprised that I was not mood labile or extremely anxious while in the hospital. Within 4 days, I was so anxious I went back to the hospital. Naturally, the Wellbutrin was d/c'd.
>
> In Feb. 2009, I was discharged on Adderrall XR 30 mg. twice daily, Cymbalta 120 mg, Seroquel 50 mg at bedtime, Klonopin 1 mg at bedtime. My pdoc said he had me "squeezed" with the Adderrall and the Cymbalta, but I had no idea what he meant. I felt so good on the Adderrall that I completely stopped grieving for my husband and went through $80,000 cash (life insurance proceeds), dyed my bangs from brown to red or fushia, tattooed my abdomen and back (previously no tattoos - and I was 49 at the time), lost major weight, withdrew from my family and hung out with "fun" people (no drinking or drugs), and bought more shoes than needed in a lifetime, embarrassed my young adult daughters by my manner of dress, etc. I was euphoric on Adderrall, but did not know it AND my pdoc was seeing me weekly. Hello??? Is your patient manic???!!!
>
> I came back to earth in relatively one piece on my own a few months later and felt mood stable (still on Adderrall) and went back to work as an RN after being out of work for 2 years (private disability), unfortunately the only way I was able to re-enter the workforce was to get hired at my last place of employment which was in another state. This lasted about 2 months as I tried to commute every other week, AND work the night shift. I thought if I could just make it 1 year at my former workplace, I could then get a job anywhere near my home. I just needed 1 year of current work history. Not only did I find out that bedside nursing had only gotten worse and far more stressful than 2 years previous, but that I still was not happy doing bedside nursing due to the horrible stress. I had to resign in February 2010 and I fell into a depression where I did not even realize I was depressed. I just slept a lot.
>
> In March 2010, a friend stayed at my house for a few weeks and noticed that I was sleeping all the time. She said I might be depressed. I said I would check into the hospital. I think the only thing that changed was my SSRI. I was discharged after 17 days.
>
> In March 2011, after I told my pdoc I wanted off of Adderrall, Klonopin, and Pristiq, in whatever order he recommended. He had me discontinue the Adderrall, had me start on Nuvigil (huh?), and decrease my Klonopin (now at 2 mg. to 1.75 mg). He never mentioned I would go through Adderrall withdrawals and become severely depressed. And that tapering my Klonopin by 0.25 mg. was a big taper.
>
> In April, 2011 I told him I was severely depressed and anxious and he told me to resume Adderrall and Klonopin. Exactly 2 days after I resumed the Adderrall after being off of it for 1 month, I started becoming extremely mood unstable, enraged at my meds, the fact that I was getting worse and not better, then hopeless and suicidal. I voluntarily admitted myself. My pdoc stopped the Adderrall, started me on Depakote and said I was a "very, very sick, ill woman". Something in me clicked and I told myself that my doctor was actually making me very, very sick. The plan was to stop the Adderral and taper slowly off the Pristiq, however, obviously my pdoc has not withdrawn anyone from Pristiq yet because he dropped my dose from 100 mg. to 50 mg. (the only dosages available and they are time-released tablets). He never told me I would go into withdrawals which I did within 4 days of discharge. He added Lexapro 10 mg. to be increased to 20 mg. when stable in order to accomplish 2 things; stop the withdrawals and cross-over to a SSRI that comes in a liquid form for easier titration. 4 days ago, I became mood unstable again and I called him and he said that he wanted to get me off the Pristiq so we could begin tapering off of the Lexapro, but that the Lexapro needed to be increased to 20 mg. to lessen withdrawals when I d/c'd the Pristiq. Within 2 days of increasing the Lexapro to 20 mg. I became mood unstable again (I have read that this is a common, however, potentially dangerous situation, when increasing or decreasing SSRI's). I called my pdoc last night very, very angry and he called in an Rx for Zyprexa 5 mg. to be used as a "rescue" med until I can d/c the Pristiq.
>
> I am between a rock and a hard place. I cannot maintain any mood stability with 2 AD's on board and with dosage increases. I am understandably angry and frustrated, but most of all I am scared. I have an appt. with a Internist at a major medical research center in So Cal so I can get a referral to be seen by their mood disorders clinic and get at the very least someone who is not going to make not only me, but my family so distraught over what has happened to me since 2009. Any ideas or suggest would be most welcome. Thank you so very much. Laurie
>
> Laurie041,
You wrote,[...I would appreciate any insight and recommendations...between a rock and a hard place...]
I have read your post here and I would like to tell you my insight that what I can see clearly now. I see a cold wind that has swept into your heart. And how can you keep searching when dark clouds hide the Day.
> My insight sees that before you found yourself in your state that you describe here, there was a valley where rivers used to run. Now gone are the green fields that were kissed by the sun. My insight sees that you can be happy when you come back home, home to the green fields and life for evermore.
Lou
Posted by Laurie1041 on May 27, 2011, at 17:28:58
In reply to Lou's response-bktuwheryuwur » Laurie1041, posted by Lou Pilder on May 27, 2011, at 16:01:20
> I have read your post here and I would like to tell you my insight that what I can see clearly now. I see a cold wind that has swept into your heart. And how can you keep searching when dark clouds hide the Day.
> > My insight sees that before you found yourself in your state that you describe here, there was a valley where rivers used to run. Now gone are the green fields that were kissed by the sun. My insight sees that you can be happy when you come back home, home to the green fields and life for evermore.
> Lou
>
> Dear Lou,This is very beautifully written. Thank you for sharing this with me. I believe this to be true.
Laurie
Posted by Laurie1041 on May 27, 2011, at 18:38:22
In reply to Re: Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input!, posted by Christ_empowered on May 27, 2011, at 16:00:46
Thank you so much for your very thoughtful and kind response. If I have BP I that was not "substance-induced mood disorder" than I am hopeful that getting off meds that can aggravate this disorder in some, such as AD's and Adderrall, will alleviate my moods and I can volunteer to help others. If I don't have BP I and I can remain stable more often than not, then I will be very pleased to hand back my SSDI and go back to work to be of service to others.
I am pleased to say that I am completely 100% off of Adderrall for over 1 month. I was in the hospital at the time, so it was pretty easy to be miserable and sleep all day. The withdrawals lasted about 7 days.
The plan is to d/c the Pristiq first because it cannot be cut due to it being a time-release tablet and more importantly, when I did cut the time-release tablet of Pristiq, I got really, really sick, Yuck! Once I am off the Pristiq and just on Lexapro as my AD, than either I will have to up the dose a bit to even out withdrawals from dropping Pristiq or the withdrawals will even out in a few days. After I am stable, I can start decreasing the Lexapro at no greater than 5-10% of my starting dose (now at 20 mg.) every 3 weeks (no less than 3 weeks) as tolerated. This is where the liquid Lexapro comes in handy.
I was so busy earlier feeling sorry for myself AND feeling the need to point fingers at others, that I forgot to mention that I feel SO MUCH BETTER after getting off the Adderrall, lowering the dose of Pristiq and getting on Depakote. So I guess there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have to remind myself that even though I was barely able to function, I retained my will to live, got myself to the hospital and actually started to become much more assertive in my care.
Today, I have had only very minimal irritability, so I think I must be adjusting to the dose increase of Lexapro. I'll save the Zyprexa as a "rescue med" in the event of further agitation.
I am no longer interested in fighting a label of BP I, but if a pdoc puts me at risk for mania or a mixed episode by having me on Adderrall and/or SSRI's, then I have some resentment that I need to work through so that I stop allowing it to eat at me. After all, my pdoc was only trying to do his very, very best and psychiatric medications, as my pdoc says, "are like trying to hit mosquitos with a baseball bat".
I will follow through on getting into the mood disorders clinic for women at a major teaching hospital in So Cal (I have to see an Internal Medicine doc first for a referral) with the thought that a second opinion certainly cannot be a bad thing. :) Laurie
Posted by Phillipa on May 27, 2011, at 19:17:11
In reply to Re: Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input! » Christ_empowered, posted by Laurie1041 on May 27, 2011, at 18:38:22
Laurie also was an RN and regretfully could not return to nursing. In my case panic due to hasimotos thyroiditis, dx of chronic lymes disease, and docs that thought I was taking benzos unnessecairily were the downfall of me. I do miss nursing a lot. Hoping you are able to return. Now got medical problems and retirement age. Nursing were the best days of my life. Phillipa
Posted by Christ_empowered on May 27, 2011, at 19:17:53
In reply to Re: Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input!, posted by Christ_empowered on May 27, 2011, at 16:00:46
wow...I must not have read your message thoroughly. I'm sorry.
I hope you get through this. Its rough, isn't it--the whole psychiatry thing? Sometimes they make us better, sometimes they manage to screw everything up.
I hope you get better. I'm sure that, in the right hands, you will get better. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you take the next step in the journey to wholeness and health.
Posted by Lou Pilder on May 28, 2011, at 7:50:38
In reply to Re: Lou's response-bktuwheryuwur, posted by Laurie1041 on May 27, 2011, at 17:28:58
>
> > I have read your post here and I would like to tell you my insight that what I can see clearly now. I see a cold wind that has swept into your heart. And how can you keep searching when dark clouds hide the Day.
> > > My insight sees that before you found yourself in your state that you describe here, there was a valley where rivers used to run. Now gone are the green fields that were kissed by the sun. My insight sees that you can be happy when you come back home, home to the green fields and life for evermore.
> > Lou
> >
> > Dear Lou,
>
> This is very beautifully written. Thank you for sharing this with me. I believe this to be true.
> Laurie
>
> Laurie,
You wrote,[....I believe this to be true...]
It has been revealed to me that there are two realms that one can be in. One is the realm of light, which is life. The other is the realm of darkness, which is death. And it has been revealed to me that our home in in the Day of light and life, not in the darkness of death. And when we find ourselves in the darkness of death, a living death, who can we turn to.
And in this revelation stood a Rider on a White Horse. And He showed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal. And on either side of the river was there The Tree of Life. And the Rider said to me, "The time is at hand. Tell this what you have been revealed so that they may have the right to The Tree of Life. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely."
Lou
Posted by floatingbridge on May 28, 2011, at 9:12:48
In reply to Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input!, posted by Laurie1041 on May 27, 2011, at 14:50:48
I hope my bluntness is not offensive. I hope you go to the mood clinic (not that that is any guarantee) and find a new pdoc.
I think of your inner voice at the time of your hospitalization: this doctor is making me sick. Maybe in one of your darkest moments, your very strong, healthy self was whispering to you.
Whatever your dx, BPl, drug induced BPl, depression, I'm glad to hear you will be dealing with symptoms and making med changes slowly.
All finger pointing aside, and yes, even admitting you had some role to play in this (this being your life), your doctor strikes me as neglegent. That's a serious charge to level at an MD, but there it is. He let you get too far out and did not notice except to increase meds (if I recall) and call you a very 'sick' woman.
Frankly, how dare he; has he tried that cocktail himself?Obviously I am angered by the lack of responsibility I read into the doctor's behavior. My apologies if I've misunderstood this post.
BTW, as a postscript, I am pleased that you are feeling better! Yes! You are strong.
Posted by Laurie1041 on May 28, 2011, at 9:37:42
In reply to Re: Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input! » Laurie1041, posted by Phillipa on May 27, 2011, at 19:17:11
> Laurie also was an RN and regretfully could not return to nursing. In my case panic due to hasimotos thyroiditis, dx of chronic lymes disease, and docs that thought I was taking benzos unnessecairily were the downfall of me. I do miss nursing a lot. Hoping you are able to return. Now got medical problems and retirement age. Nursing were the best days of my life. Phillipa
Hi Phillipa,
I have followed your posts for many, many years. If you had never mentioned you were an RN, I would most certainly have guessed it. I witness your caring and compassion every time I sign on to this forum and I always relate to what you have to say. Would you agree that there is just something about nurses that you can spot a mile away? What that "something" is, I am not quite sure, but I have yet to be wrong when I say to a new acquaintance, "You must be an RN". :)I, too was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis in 1985 after the birth of my first daughter. I sometimes wonder how long I had it or if my pregnancy was the precipitating factor, as is often the case. I try to keep my TSH below 2.5, I just feel better when it is in this range. I just had mine drawn last week and it is 3.44 which is unusually elevated for me and I wonder if the addition of Depakote has anything to do with this or if I just need a small dose increase in my levothyroxine from 0.112 mg. to 0.125 mg. I don't believe that Depakote can alter serum thyroid panels so I think I just need to get my dose changed to 0.125 mg. and have my TSH, T3, T4, checked in 4 to 6 weeks after I have increased my dose.
I do not have too much knowledge about chronic Lyme's disease. I'll have to do some reading about this. As far as benzos are concerned, I have changed my attitudes about long term use of small doses of benzos. I think they can be very helpful to some people. I get rebound anxiety with short-acting agents, such as alpralozam or lorazapam, but I do just fine with a longer acting benzo such as clonazepam. I was on clonazepam 1 mg. at bedtime for about 10 years and about 9 months ago my dose was increased to 2 mg. at bedtime. Recently, while in hospital, I had my dose fairly radically reduced from 2 mg. to 1.25 mg. within 14 days. The 2 mg. was making me feel very "hungover" in the morning time. I feel much, much better when I wake up.
I am now 51, and after my experience of returning to work last year, I realize my 12 hour shifts at bedside nursing are truly over and for good reason. Even for someone in the best of wellness, nurses and doctors cannot possibly begin to practice their professions in the way in which they were taught due to lack of time and resources. When I went back to work last year, I was in a state of chronic "cognitive dissonance". In other words, I knew that my ability to practice nursing safely and give quality care was absolutely impossible.
Once I have obtained a moderate degree of mood stability, I would really like to volunteer my expertise as an RN (and a darn good one at that!) and look into possibly something like "Doctors without Borders". It may just be the ticket to growing into and beyond retirement. :) Hugs, Laurie
Posted by Laurie1041 on May 28, 2011, at 10:38:16
In reply to Re: Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input! » Laurie1041, posted by floatingbridge on May 28, 2011, at 9:12:48
Dear Floatingbridge,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for speaking your truth given the facts that I have presented.
I realized yesterday that my sister, whom I love with all my heart, continually shuts me down when I discuss my pain, my anger, my resentment over spending roughly 2 1/2 years in hell after finally "waking up" when I was hospitalized in April after almost taking my life while in a mixed episode that began 2 days after being insructed to resume Adderrall. My sister's point is that since I do not have another pdoc on board at this point and that the offending agent has been removed (Adderrall) and that I am slowly getting rid of the SSRI's, why get distracted or otherwise angry by this?
But, I keep thinking back to 2009, when I had lost at least 20 pounds and was sporting tattoos AND I was seeing my pdoc in outpatient once a week! This could have been stopped at that time by stopping the Adderral. I want my pdoc to hear my anger in a way that is productive, perhaps I will write a letter as a means of getting clearer on this before I present my feelings.
My sister asked me a question; she asked me, "do you want to feel better or be right"? I replied, "Why can't I have both?" She asked me, "Do you feel that Dr. So and So was trying to help you to the best of his ability?" The answer would be yes. "Do you feel that Dr. So and So is incompetent?" The answer would have to be no because I have seen a lot of very incompetent pdocs. "Do you feel that Dr. So and So wants to help and will do anything to help?" The answer is yes. "Can you wait until you further explore your options by interviewing several other pdocs?" I guess I have to. I feel that my treatment would not be construed in a court of law as malpractice, because there are any given number of pdocs out there who do much more egregious acts. I just feel outraged that I have had to go through this experience in April and my family are very, very disturbed and think I am completely bonkers.
IMO, there is no such thing as "Do no harm" in psychiatry. Mood disorders and other mental illness are cruel and the medications we currently have often do more harm than good.
Posted by floatingbridge on May 28, 2011, at 11:45:33
In reply to Re: Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input! » floatingbridge, posted by Laurie1041 on May 28, 2011, at 10:38:16
Hi Laurie,
Let me take the word negligent off the table with it's legal baggage. Jeez, who wants a nightmare court examination? No thanks. Not for you. You sound like you have better things to do, like doctors w/borders (how cool is that, even to wish that!)
Your sister might be scared to pieces. At
least she talks to you. Some people deal with pain by pushing it away, fixing it, or compartmentalization, like her attorney-like questioning. Sounds like she wants to know your safeThen there's you, in hospital, experiencing your life, your pain, putting your story together so you can understand. What frustration, anger, sadness.
A letter(s?) sound good. They help me. They don't have to he sent. The power of being heard is vital and life affirming. Unfortunately we can't force anyone --esp the ones we think we need most--to really hear us. However, if you feel strong enough, read or send it to your
doctor. Maybe one to your sister. Whomever. Or a sympathetic someone. Do you say you are 51? I am, and one of the biggest lessons is that there is no power in keeping ones mouth shut if one can speak truthfully and civilly as possible. You absolutely deserve to be heard and you also have the wisdom to accept those that can't hear you and maybe why they can't.You sound very on the mend :-) Thanks for understanding where my bluntness was coming from.
fb
Btw, I agree that Phillipa is wonderful. I can spot a nurse a mile away, too:) Nice to meet you!
Posted by Christ_empowered on May 28, 2011, at 11:48:37
In reply to Re: Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input! » Laurie1041, posted by floatingbridge on May 28, 2011, at 11:45:33
have you considered filing a complaint against your doc with the state medical board? I filed one against one of my ex-shrinks and although it didn't go my way, the experience was cathartic.
Posted by floatingbridge on May 28, 2011, at 12:03:09
In reply to Re: Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input!, posted by Christ_empowered on May 28, 2011, at 11:48:37
CE, is that an easy, not so emotionally vulnerable process? It's not like going to court, is it?
Was it over that dunder-headed misogynist would said w/in ear-shot you were narcissistic? (See. Still makes me angry. People underestimate the power of words! )
fb
Posted by Christ_empowered on May 28, 2011, at 12:47:37
In reply to Re: Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input! » Christ_empowered, posted by floatingbridge on May 28, 2011, at 12:03:09
Its relatively simple, at least in my state. I looked up a well-funded anti-psychiatry group, told them what happened, and a couple months later they filed a complaint for me.
No, it wasn't against the shrink who dismissed all my problems as narcissism and attention-seeking. It was a previous shrink who thought I was hopelessly schizophrenic, and medicated me accordingly. Weirdly enough, I found out that they went to the same medical school. Strange, huh?
Anyway, it was pretty easy. I had to sign release of information forms for all my shrinks and therapists. Then the medical board issued subpoenas. The doctor who was being investigated somehow managed to stall the process for 2 years. When the case was finally heard, the board dismissed it, which didn't surprise me--I didn't think a bunch of shrinks would be much interested in a complaint from a schizophrenic narcissist with adhd, bipolar I, and a tendency to "make things up" for attention. Gotta love the medical system.
Still, it was cathartic, and I think I made my point.
Posted by Laurie1041 on May 28, 2011, at 12:59:27
In reply to Re: Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input! » Laurie1041, posted by floatingbridge on May 28, 2011, at 11:45:33
Hi fb,
Letters written and never sent. This works well for me. Speaking up where appropriate and being a good listener. This wisdom came to me later in life - but better late than never. I believe you, I am healing. The evidence of this is that I was able to read your post and feel great empathy toward my sister's pain and her fear at losing her best friend.
I am struck with the revelation that I have been moving through this recent trauma. I am not stuck. I have done so with fits and starts, and have slightly veered off the road from time-to-time. I have made it harder than it needed to be or have tried to circumvent the pain of my experience. But, whatever method or methods I have deployed in my attempts at making sense of my experience and being willing to share it with other people have lead to my healing.
I have survived and now I am going to start living. Thank you fb for your insights and for sharing them with me. I am full of gratitude. Laurie
Posted by floatingbridge on May 28, 2011, at 13:19:10
In reply to Re: Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input!, posted by Christ_empowered on May 28, 2011, at 12:47:37
Posted by floatingbridge on May 28, 2011, at 13:22:20
In reply to Re: Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input! » floatingbridge, posted by Laurie1041 on May 28, 2011, at 12:59:27
I wish you the very best. I'm including a real smile.
warmly,
fb
Posted by Phillipa on May 28, 2011, at 20:21:59
In reply to Re: Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input! » Phillipa, posted by Laurie1041 on May 28, 2011, at 9:37:42
Laurie thanks means a lot to me. I understand exactly what you mean when you say practice Bedside as previously as from what I hear it's impossible. Hence to me hospitals are rather scarey as those at the bedside are the new influx of RN's with the responsiblity of being responsible for all those under them it's just not safe. I value my license which I have in retirement status. I feel for the RN's of today. I worked psych the last two years of nursing and was amazed at the amount of patients with thyroid issues. I do feel it greatly contributes to phychiatric conditions. Have never heard of this organization you mention. Do you have a link? Thanks Phillipa
Posted by Laurie1041 on May 28, 2011, at 21:11:55
In reply to Re: Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input! » Laurie1041, posted by Phillipa on May 28, 2011, at 20:21:59
Hi Phillipa,
Doctors without Borders is comprised of volunteer healthcare professionals who donate their time to assist areas that do not have adequate or any healthcare. You can read all about it at: www.doctorswithoutborders.org
My girlfriend is an OB/GYN and now that she has retired she is traveling all over to third world countries and is taking care of women and their healthcare concerns as a missionary from her church. :) Laurie
Posted by Phillipa on May 28, 2011, at 21:43:09
In reply to Re: Med Crisis - Lost faith in pdoc need input! » Phillipa, posted by Laurie1041 on May 28, 2011, at 21:11:55
Thanks you must really be responding to your meds to be able to do this unfortunately I just don't? Afraid of all things big and little. Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.