![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Frustratedmama on June 18, 2009, at 7:51:41
So, just wanted everyone to know I called pdoc and am going to ask for a change- the verapamil has me so constipated and I am binge eating every night (not sure if that is verapamil or cytomel side effect- or if I am more depressed now). Not sure what will come next but feel I cant wait til appointment monday! I have become such a miserable fat slob and I hate everything so please please please let me know if anyone knows of a miracle cure! I hate being treatment resistant- makes me feel like this is my fault - you know!
Posted by Frustratedmama on June 18, 2009, at 9:22:09
In reply to TRD- makes me like like it's my fault :(, posted by Frustratedmama on June 18, 2009, at 7:51:41
Posted by SLS on June 18, 2009, at 10:16:29
In reply to The term 'TRD ' implies it's my fault - is it? (nm), posted by Frustratedmama on June 18, 2009, at 9:22:09
TRD implies that your illness has not responded well to the treatments tried thus far. It is no different than someone being resistent to a set of antibiotics to treat an infection. Eventually, though, the right one is found.
"The term 'TRD ' implies it's my fault"
What gave you that idea, anyway?
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on June 18, 2009, at 12:15:12
In reply to Re: The term 'TRD ' implies it's my fault - is it? » Frustratedmama, posted by SLS on June 18, 2009, at 10:16:29
I like you're analogy. Phillipa
Posted by Zana on June 18, 2009, at 15:00:39
In reply to Re: The term 'TRD ' implies it's my fault - is it? » SLS, posted by Phillipa on June 18, 2009, at 12:15:12
Boy do I know the feeling. I just can't believe that I am so f*ck up that I have gone through so many meds and failed to get out of my depression. Right now I am doing OK on 7, count em, 7 meds! And I am in constant fear that this combo will fail. I feels awful to feel like I have no control over how I feel, what I am able to do, who I think of myself as being without the proper meds. And it seems like they always poop out!
It is not your fault and I think Scott's analogy is a good one. I don't know what your history with meds has been but I have been on everything, or so it seems and was virtually bedridden for about 18 months when no meds seemed to work at all. Now I am up and about and pretty traumatized by the experience.
All I can say is hang in there. It does feel terrible to have the label "treatment resistant." And I have found, looking for a new pdoc after my last one dumped me in the middle of my worst depression ever (after 15 years) that it scares docs off. I mean who wants to take on such a difficult case?
But I am doing OK now and you will be too. It is clear that you are not on the right meds now and that you are doing something about it. That's great! I know it is cruelly ironic that when you feel your worst you have to summon the most energy to push ahead, advocate for yourself and subject yourself to what are essentially drug trials. But that's the way it is, or has been for me. Keep at it. Hang in there. There really are so many meds, so many combinations, that I really believe if you stick with it and keep pushing to try new things you will find a combination that works for you.
I hate, hate, hate being treatment resistant. It feels like a death sentence. But I dont' think it means it's hopeless and it's certainly not your fault.
Take heart. So many people on Babble are treading the same path. Try to take good care of yourself. Isn't it amazing that we worry so much about our weight? I mean really! I do. I can be dissolved in tears, beside myself with distress and if my pdoc tells me the next med is going to cause me to gain weight, I'm like "Oh no," I don't want to gain weight that will just make me feel worse about myself." It's nuts. But it's also a real concern both because we are all so ingrained with the body image stuff and because it's unhealthy.
Try to see it as a badge of courage. You're struggling. There are going to be scars. Right now the weight thing is one of the scars, one of the burdens you're bearing. But remember, it has nothing to do with what kind of person you are. Nothing to do with what kind of parent you are. You are much more than you weight. And if you haven't already, get rid of your scale. Do you really want your sense of feeling being to be determined by an arbirary number on the stupid thing? When you're up to it, you'll exercise and eat better. And you'll lose the weight. Right now you need to concentrate on getting your meds straightened out and it sounds like that is just what you are doing. Give yourself a pat on the back and a hug.
And keep posting.Zana
Posted by Frustratedmama on June 18, 2009, at 15:24:01
In reply to Re: The term 'TRD ' implies it's my fault - is it?, posted by Zana on June 18, 2009, at 15:00:39
Thanks so much for responding! I think deep down I know it's not "my fault" but these words of wisdom from fellow babblers help so much!!!!!! I just think they should change the terminology to be more respectful of those of us who experience it- the term resistant is so negative like we are resisting treatment when we are all searching for an answer and most of us (myself included) are less than resistant and will do ANYTHING to stop this feeling! ARGH!!!!! Still waiting for doctor to call back- feels like forever and a day when you feel so angry, hostile, hopeless, fat, etc!
Posted by SLS on June 18, 2009, at 17:00:30
In reply to Re: The term 'TRD ' implies it's my fault - is it?, posted by Frustratedmama on June 18, 2009, at 15:24:01
You know, it's funny. I never thought of the term "treatment resistant" that way. It is not YOU who is resistant to complying with treatment. It is the disease that is resistant to responding to treatment. I'm sure you understand that.
Nice observation.
- Scott
Posted by Frustratedmama on June 18, 2009, at 20:04:13
In reply to Re: The term 'TRD ' implies it's my fault - is it? » Frustratedmama, posted by SLS on June 18, 2009, at 17:00:30
Thanks Scott! you're right and yes I do understand it - somehow, though, I wonder if people who aren't struggling with TRD understand what it means - hmmm...... I know it doesn't matter but still... one more thing for me to obsess over right? :)
Posted by bleauberry on June 18, 2009, at 20:37:24
In reply to TRD- makes me like like it's my fault :(, posted by Frustratedmama on June 18, 2009, at 7:51:41
Treatment resistance has several faults.
1. Doctor making wrong choices in meds.
2. Doctor keeping patient on wrong choices in meds.
3. Doctor adding other meds to already wrong choices in meds.
4. The weakness of 2009 medical profession at identifying the biological cause of each person's depression...Lyme, cortisol, serotonin, whatever.
5. Our own lifestyle choices. By that I mean that anyone who is sick, physically or mentally, the first thing they have to do is a strict lifestyle change. Wanna eat? Fine. But that does not include donuts, pizzas, breads, candies, packaged foods, MSG, prefab foods, or anything with a word in the ingredient list you can't pronounce or you don't know what it is. Your CHOICES do include raw veggies, slightly cooked veggies, berries, lots of purified water, lean meats, whole grains especially quinoa and oatmeal, and good fats (avocado, eggs, butter, cream, nuts, olive oil instead of other cooking oils). Eat all you want of all that stuff. It is also a wise idea as I see for any sick person to avoid gluten (wheat products). Following the above lifestyle, there won't be much gluten to avoid anyway so no big deal. Some kind of exercise needs to be done. And forcing oneself off the couch and out of the house has to be done no matter what, at least for a half an hour each day minimum. Going to a church once a month or more is a good idea. Stay for the songs and a few handshakes, then leave if you don't want to stay for the service.Is treatment resistance our fault? Well, on #5 above, yes it is.
On #1 through #3, partially. We need to be more straight forward of the performance we expect for our money buying his service. We need to be better researched to ask the right questions and to even say no to ideas we don't agree with, and when to say enough doc, this isn't working, give me a completely new cocktail.
On #4, things should be better in 100 years. It is no one's fault. But we can research. Many people who had terrible depression no one could treat found out with their own research what to do. Things I mention a lot, such as yeast, Lyme, cortisol, mercury, lead, thyroid, other infections.
In the meantime, we gotta do #5 really really good. The power of food choices is potent. Potent enough to heal? Sometimes, but probably not. Potent enough to turn treament resistance into treatment response? Definitely. By surrendering to the enemy by staying indoors, retreating to the couch, retreating from the world, it is we ourselves making our own illness stronger against us.
And try to keep the doctor under pressure to perform, or find one that will. I think a portion of our treatment resistance is simply staying with a doctor too long who has had plenty of chances to make progress and failed every time. In other illnesses, it is very common to get a second and even a third opinion. I don't know why we submit ourselves to underperforming doctors and get stuck there. Doesn't make sense in a country with free choice in medical providers.
Posted by Phillipa on June 18, 2009, at 22:07:50
In reply to Re: TRD- makes me like like it's my fault :(, posted by bleauberry on June 18, 2009, at 20:37:24
Bioidentical hormones also keep the moods level. Phillipa
Posted by SLS on June 20, 2009, at 6:12:37
In reply to Re: TRD- makes me like like it's my fault :(, posted by bleauberry on June 18, 2009, at 20:37:24
Perfect.
One humongous problem is that the more severely depressed you are, the less able you are to advocate for yourself and do the things you suggest. So, I think it is good that you repeat this sort of post every now and then to help us gather our mental energies to do exactly that. Of course, if one has someone who can advocate on their behalf, I would recommend that they read this.
Thanks, Bleauberry.
- Scott___________________________________________
> Treatment resistance has several faults.
>
> 1. Doctor making wrong choices in meds.
> 2. Doctor keeping patient on wrong choices in meds.
> 3. Doctor adding other meds to already wrong choices in meds.
> 4. The weakness of 2009 medical profession at identifying the biological cause of each person's depression...Lyme, cortisol, serotonin, whatever.
> 5. Our own lifestyle choices. By that I mean that anyone who is sick, physically or mentally, the first thing they have to do is a strict lifestyle change. Wanna eat? Fine. But that does not include donuts, pizzas, breads, candies, packaged foods, MSG, prefab foods, or anything with a word in the ingredient list you can't pronounce or you don't know what it is. Your CHOICES do include raw veggies, slightly cooked veggies, berries, lots of purified water, lean meats, whole grains especially quinoa and oatmeal, and good fats (avocado, eggs, butter, cream, nuts, olive oil instead of other cooking oils). Eat all you want of all that stuff. It is also a wise idea as I see for any sick person to avoid gluten (wheat products). Following the above lifestyle, there won't be much gluten to avoid anyway so no big deal. Some kind of exercise needs to be done. And forcing oneself off the couch and out of the house has to be done no matter what, at least for a half an hour each day minimum. Going to a church once a month or more is a good idea. Stay for the songs and a few handshakes, then leave if you don't want to stay for the service.
>
> Is treatment resistance our fault? Well, on #5 above, yes it is.
>
> On #1 through #3, partially. We need to be more straight forward of the performance we expect for our money buying his service. We need to be better researched to ask the right questions and to even say no to ideas we don't agree with, and when to say enough doc, this isn't working, give me a completely new cocktail.
>
> On #4, things should be better in 100 years. It is no one's fault. But we can research. Many people who had terrible depression no one could treat found out with their own research what to do. Things I mention a lot, such as yeast, Lyme, cortisol, mercury, lead, thyroid, other infections.
>
> In the meantime, we gotta do #5 really really good. The power of food choices is potent. Potent enough to heal? Sometimes, but probably not. Potent enough to turn treament resistance into treatment response? Definitely. By surrendering to the enemy by staying indoors, retreating to the couch, retreating from the world, it is we ourselves making our own illness stronger against us.
>
> And try to keep the doctor under pressure to perform, or find one that will. I think a portion of our treatment resistance is simply staying with a doctor too long who has had plenty of chances to make progress and failed every time. In other illnesses, it is very common to get a second and even a third opinion. I don't know why we submit ourselves to underperforming doctors and get stuck there. Doesn't make sense in a country with free choice in medical providers.
Posted by Frustratedmama on June 20, 2009, at 7:37:31
In reply to Re: TRD- makes me like like it's my fault :( » bleauberry, posted by SLS on June 20, 2009, at 6:12:37
I didn't respond to your post earlier because I didn't know what to say...Please know that in NO WAY do I blame you or am I mad at you.... I just am so tired of hearing that I "need to exercise, eat right, etc." to feel better when all I want to do is DIE! I will admit that about a year ago: exercise, eating right, etc. was an option I could handle. NOT NOW! I am so faitgued, angry, irritable, ticked off, apathetic, unmotivated, miserable, (get the picture?) that exercise, eating right, etc. are miles away for me! Maybe if I could get a little boost from this depression I would try those things. I know you are well intentioned and when I feel better I know you are right and those things will help me feel even better. But from the deep dark hole I am in now- forget it! Again, good suggestions for someone who hasn't completely lost themselves to this illness but to me- I need something to help first. I agree with Scott's post and think maybe the right meds and/or diagnosis might help get me to where I can follow your suggestions bleuberry. I was never so ticked off as the day that my pdoc handed me a sheet of things I "should enjoy" and asked me to pick one thing on the list of 100's that I might get some enjoyment out of! I said NONE- don't you get it? This illness has killed me- (not literally yet) but emotionally and spiritually! I don't enjoy anything anymore and thus have given up- hit rock bottom- whatever you want to call it! I came back the next month and he asked what I did on the list.... SERIOUSLY- I just started to cry and said I HATE EVERYTHING- why would I do something on that list? I think now he gets it! He is mentioning ECT again and I am so pathetic I am actually thinking it might be worth it- but probably not given what I read- so who knows.... Bleuberry- please don't take offense to this post- it is not meant to be mean- I am just defending myself as to why I haven't done #5 yet. I know it is a great suggestion and as soon as something helps me get an inch up from this hole I am in- I will go fot it- hope you understand.....
Posted by SLS on June 20, 2009, at 8:03:25
In reply to Response to bleuberry, posted by Frustratedmama on June 20, 2009, at 7:37:31
I am sorry that you are so low. I know what it feels like because I was there for years and years.
Everything you describe is what I was then and could be again. I am only about 35% improved at the moment and have hit what seems to be a wall, but that is certainly better than where I had been.
I wish I could somehow suck the blackness out of your head and allow you to surface and breathe clean air again. Since I can't do that today, I encourage you to live one moment at a time to get through the day and to try to use all of what little God has given you to work with - which isn't much. I know that everything is a push. Push, push, push. For now, what choice do you have.
Is there anything that you can use as a distraction to make the time pass?
Believe me, you are among friends and people who have experienced what you are suffering now. Don't be afraid to write out of frustration, or anger, or desperation, or sadness, or anything else. Sometimes, the Social board can provide some sense of comradery and unconditional support.
Hang in there.
- Scott
Posted by Frustratedmama on June 20, 2009, at 8:31:34
In reply to Re: Response to bleuberry » Frustratedmama, posted by SLS on June 20, 2009, at 8:03:25
THANK YOU SCOTT!!!!!! Your words came at a perfect time! I am losing it right now (at least if feels that way). Can I ask what pulled you out of this? I am really hoping gabapentin will work as I feel so awful- and I can't control the rages and irritability :(
Posted by SLS on June 20, 2009, at 9:03:28
In reply to Re: Response to bleuberry » Frustratedmama, posted by SLS on June 20, 2009, at 8:03:25
Hi Frustrated.
Currently, I am taking:Parnate 80mg
nortriptyline 150mg
Lamictal 200mg
Abilify 20mg
Namenda 20mg
Topamax 100mg
To this, I am contemplating adding lithium 300mg.The first four drugs in my list are what is doing all of the work. I recently added the last two in an effort to break through the wall that I hit in my recovery (approximately a 35% improvement).
- Scott
Posted by seldomseen on June 20, 2009, at 16:54:43
In reply to Response to bleuberry, posted by Frustratedmama on June 20, 2009, at 7:37:31
Sometimes I've found that the only thing that can help to get out of the hole IS me.
I think what mental illness does sometimes is rob us of our ability to assume the active agency that we have over our own lives. It really undercuts our ability to see how we may or may not be contributing to our own mental state.
How CAN we see ourselves clearly when our abiliity to do so is clouded by the very illness we are trying to break out of?
I hear you loud and clear that you are tired and just want some relief and fast. I get that. I also understand that feeling very very well. You're fed up. I've been there. Mental illness can tax you to the core of your being. It's fatiguing, soul-sucking and painful. But underneath all that muck is YOU.
To me, this illness is like many other uncurable chronic illnesses in that it can be managed. I think we bear the bulk of the responsibility for managing ourselves. Sometimes when we feel the least like getting off the couch, THAT is the very time that ywe HAVE to get up.
I know one of the most essential things in my recovery/managment is not letting the illness take over. I know that sometimes it seems as though there is nothing to grab onto when you are down in the hole. I also know that sometimes you have to create your own grip and with all of your might start pulling.
Sometimes that hand-hold can be as simple as a mental distraction, other times it's as complicated as blindly following someone's advice to eat better or finding a type of therapy that works.
In closing, let me reiterate that I do (as much as one human can understand another) understand where you are right now and how painful it is. I'm sure there are others on this board who have been exactly where you are as well. It's a tough tough road but others are on it as well. We all struggle, but in the end, IMO it's up to us to not give up and keep fighting.
Seldom.
Posted by Frustratedmama on June 20, 2009, at 18:07:29
In reply to Re: Response to bleuberry » Frustratedmama, posted by seldomseen on June 20, 2009, at 16:54:43
I agree! I still know that this year I have have gone from not wanting to get off the couch and irritable to not being able to get off the couch and irritable though. I thought (in the past) that it had been bad; however, now I know the meaning of the word SEVERE. When the illness takes over and we LOSE ourselves, how are we supposed to get up and get going? I never thought it could get as bad as it has.... I do manage to work (as I HAVE to) even though I should be on disability (according to all the doctors) so, I guess keeping a roof over my head (and my child's) trumps getting to a gymn. It takes ALL of my energy to hold onto a job and not lose it right now- so for that I am thankful. I do take responsibility for my actions- don't get me wrong- I work very hard to manage my illness- including trying to eat a balanced diet and exercise (which I get at work). However, when the carb cravings come sometimes they are so strong all I can do is eat to calm my nerves. (It's like "I NEED TO EAT TO CALM DOWN!") SO, sometimes hearing things like "we are responsible for ....." angers me. It implies that I could change this illness by eating right and exercising. Well, guess what? NOT TRUE! I used to be a trainer at a gymn and ate a very strict diet and still got ill! SO, please know that although it can help to eat right and exercise.... it is not always the "answer" and for some of us there are times when we are too ill to continue on the exercise, diet path. I see a lot of overweight, thin, and in between people who don't exercise or eat right and they feel just fine... Hmmm.... why is that? They are not ill!
Posted by Frustratedmama on June 20, 2009, at 18:10:29
In reply to Re: Response to bleuberry » SLS, posted by SLS on June 20, 2009, at 9:03:28
Hey Scott,
I am thinking of adding an antidepressant to the mix as I am still so depressed.... Parnate was tried once but I quit really early due to side effects... Could you tell me what side effects you experienced early on and if they went away.... Also, you are on lamictal which worked ok for me for awhile.... wondering if you ever tried Rilutek as that seems similar.....
Thanks
FM
PS: I know lots of people that do well with lamictal lithium combo so good luck!
Posted by bleauberry on June 20, 2009, at 19:03:55
In reply to Response to bleuberry, posted by Frustratedmama on June 20, 2009, at 7:37:31
Very good post by seldomseen. Please check it out again.
Unless we are paraplegic, we DO have the power to do something. I have been, and am most of the time, in the same place you are. I have been in the hospital psych ward, in the back of an ambulance, and in ECT...all from depression so deep only some of us here know it that bad.
EVERYTHING seems impossible. I take days in 5 minute chunks to make it through.
Eat a good diet, exercise, get out...yeah, all that same old junk everyone says. The thing is, that stuff is kind of meaningless unless we have details...exactly what IS a good diet? What kind of exercise? Get out where? Why do any of these things?
At some point during a day, you will go to the kitchen for something to eat. You will have zero desire to cook, clean, or prepare. Cool. Me too. That can't prevent us from eating good. You don't reach for that can of junk, that frozen dinner, or the donuts. No, you reach for the green leaf lettuce or romaine lettuce, you rip off some large leaves, you lay some deli sliced meat on them, some sliced cheese on them, roll it up, and eat it. Total time, 30 seconds. A bag of potato chips, corn chips, or rice chips, and a dessert of microwave thawed frozen berries in a bowl with cream poured over them rounds it out. Tastes excellent, nutrition excellent, and you succeeded one more time in keeping bad stuff that will feed your illness far away from you. Need more examples? Let me know. Plenty.
Exercise. At one time today I went out back just, well, no reason, just because. Walked around the yard, totally depressed and bored, turned around to go back in. Then I said no, that means the enemy wins. I have zero desire to walk around the block, zero energy, it won't be fun, it will suck, waste of time...but I did, one foot in front of the other at a time, and I sped up the pace a bit to get breathing harder. It did suck. It wasn't fun. But it did say no to the enemy, and it did stop the depression from getting worse, and maybe slightly helped. Instead of battling my 5 minute segments, gosh, a whole 35 minutes went by in one chunk. THAT was a win.
All of these things are not miles away from you. Only if you allow them to be. Can you walk? Do your arms work? It takes no thought. One just looks at their feet and tells one to get in front of the other. And repeat.
It is kind of like pushing a dead car. It is hard to get it rolling, but once it has started to roll, it is a lot easier to keep it rolling.
I tell ya, the LAST thing I want to do is get out of the house. I just want to lay down and die. A drive in the car sounds impossible. That's because the enemy wants me to believe that. I say no to the enemy. My arms, legs, and eyes work, so I'm getting in the car. It will suck. It won't be fun. It won't cure me. Waste of time. No, sitting home is a BIGGER waste of time.
Where do I go? I don't want to go anywhere! The mall. Shoot, too many people and too much noise. Ok, the mall is perfect. The enemy would rather have me secluded by some rock in the wilderness. So the drive sucks. I hate red lights. Traffic. What are all those people doing and where are they going?
Anyway, my legs feel heavy walking around the mall. And I had to park so far away. It is noisey. I hate seeing all these happy people, all the young ones in love. Why can't that be me? I window shop. Everything looks boring. But I did see a couple things among the hundreds that actually sparked a little curiosity and I took a closer look. No big deal, but that was a MONUMENTAL achievement. And I bought a piece of dark chocolate. It was good. And that is a healthy food to have everyday. Yeah, dark chocolate. The drive home sucked, but I felt like I was in the midst of an intermission from a boxing match, and I won the last round. A smile was a long way away, but somewhere deep inside there was a smile saying "You won this round". There were some 5 minutes chunks of the day on this trip, but overall, about 2 hours went by. Cool. And they were a healthy 2 hours.
You DO have the power. It is a choice. Unless your arms and legs are broke and you are in a coma, there are things you can do to keep the enemy from digging you deeper. Each tiny little success is good...because they all add up. After a while, you have a huge pile of wins. And you realize, gee, no healthy person out there could have done what I did. I am stronger than they are. I feel really bad, but ya know what, I am proud of the way I fight. I think I'm not as deep in the hole as I was. I'm not. All this stuff really did do something.
And that lunch of green leaf/meat/cheese rollup, fruit and cream? Gosh, I'm not sure, maybe it's my imagination, but I feel a little better than the friggin junk I usually eat. And this stuff was actually faster than a microwave.
Ok, Sunday. Church? Are you nuts? Where is Jesus when I need him? He sure isn't healing ME? Way too many people, too crowded, all strangers, gosh, that's a frieky place to be. Perfect. I'm going. The drive will suck.
Strangers shake my hand walking in. They seem so happy. I cannot even smile. I think I'm looking at the ground. I really don't want to be here. Turn and leave. No, stay and win. Ok, I'll stay for one song. I sit in the back, near an edge where I can escape easily. The song almost had me in tears. My new comfort zone is this chair. I don't want to stand up and leave. Everyone will see me. Another song. A third song. Uh-oh, time to make the offering. I don't have any money. Ok, this is a good distraction. I can leave now, no one will notice.
Man I tell you what. That was a HUGE win. Damn, I scored a serious blow on the depression monster. The rest of the day, I don't know, maybe it's my imagination, I almost feel like God is here with me in my house. Today isn't nearly as bad as yesterday? Hhmm. I wonder what's up with that?
That was sure hard. I did it once, so I know I can do it.
Before doing ANY of the above things, the thing I REALLY wanted to do was reach for the phone and dial 911, or just die. I made progress with each and every "win". Maybe it isn't healing, but it does cause improvement and it keeps it from getting worse. It gives total blackness a streak of light. Hope. Accomplishment. Strength.
Through it all, I know that sooner or later me and my doc will get it right. But until then, I gotta keep forcing myself to enter these battles, because each time I do, I WIN! And the whole time, I know this from experience, the excellent food choices will be worth about 2 to 3 points on the 1-10 depression scale, keeping me out of the darkest places.
Posted by Frustratedmama on June 20, 2009, at 19:17:50
In reply to Re: Response to bleuberry » Frustratedmama, posted by bleauberry on June 20, 2009, at 19:03:55
I am happy for you and proud of you for pushing yourself to do these things. Keep it up if you can and know I support your efforts and may even try to add in a little something tomorrow in your honor. :)
I did get a shower today and took my child to a party at a gymnastics stadium where I had to move around and help out. I actually walked across the beam to model for the kids and did a flip on the bars so I, too, accomplished a little something. I know what you mean about the mall! I had to go buy a present! The anxiety, the stimulation, the waiting in line, all of it just bothers me so much- but I did it! SO, thanks for showing me that I can do something to help-
now for the foods.....
I have no problem eating the good foods- my problem is not eating the bad ones.... The lettuce, meat, and cheese taste great but do not satisfy me at all! ANy suggestions for the CARB CRAVINGS!!!!!? They are so powerful as they actually calm me and help to alleviate the anxiety when I eat..... Why is that and what can I do to stop them? Will power is not working for the carbs!
Hey, one more thing!
I might (I mean will) continue to read your posts and continue to keep trying to win the battle over the illness that is trying to defeat me too!
Thanks bb and seldom!
Posted by Phillipa on June 20, 2009, at 21:23:25
In reply to Re: Response to bleuberry, posted by Frustratedmama on June 20, 2009, at 19:17:50
I think not sure that carbs are soothing foods so eat try in moderation. You sure accomplished a whole lot today. Congrats. Love Phillipa Sure your hormones are okay? Seriously. And to why some heavy and some lean happy they just are. Somehow they have accepted life. Maybe????
Posted by Frustratedmama on June 20, 2009, at 21:33:06
In reply to Re: Response to bleuberry » Frustratedmama, posted by Phillipa on June 20, 2009, at 21:23:25
Thanks Phillipa! I am trying to keep my carbs in check- (I think I crave them so much because I am low in serotonin right now). My comment about others being happy (all shapes and sizes) was meant to stress the fact that I have seen many people (who are not experiencing some type of mental illness) eat whatever they want, laze around on the couch, and be as happy as a clam! Makes me so jealous, as I do whatever I can to take a shower, eat right, exercise, etc... you know the drill! :)
As for hormones- they were supposedly ok last time they were checked- about 6 months ago- but I wonder..... I plan to ask for referral to endocrinologist at next visit with my primary care doctor-(in July).
Posted by bleauberry on June 21, 2009, at 14:13:28
In reply to Re: Response to bleuberry, posted by Frustratedmama on June 20, 2009, at 19:17:50
Wow. You scored some serious wins! Dang, that is awesome. I got chills reading about it. So cool. You didn't just say no to the enemy, you friggin gave him a black eye.
Even in the darkness, you can feel pride in all that.
Keep up the battle against the carb cravings. Win some, lose some, as long as you are going in the right direction. Withdrawing from carbs is the same as withdrawing from a drug. There are blessings at the other side, but it doesn't feel good on the journey getting there. I know.
Posted by Frustratedmama on June 21, 2009, at 15:01:20
In reply to Re: Response to bleuberry » Frustratedmama, posted by bleauberry on June 21, 2009, at 14:13:28
Thanks bb! So, I threw my back out yesterday doing a flip on the bars for the kiddos and am in major pain today (gotta laugh right) :) But, I ate a turkey sandwich on weight watchers bread today instead of fast food for lunch so I am still fighting! Right now I am thinking that the cytomel is making me more hungry (either that or its the rebound effect from the adderall)....
any thoughts?
FM
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