![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 29. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Fivefires on August 22, 2007, at 22:28:53
Boy do I feel weird.
Took 5mg about 2hrs ago. I think I just layed on the bed for an hour. I got up and had much difficulty cleaning a bathtub and the kitchen sink, splattering water everywhere, but seemed to have accomplished the tasks.
Now just want to sit and drink my Pepsi, smoke a cig, and stare at the wall.
Pls accompany me
5f
Posted by Phillipa on August 23, 2007, at 0:02:03
In reply to Day 1 Abilify, posted by Fivefires on August 22, 2007, at 22:28:53
sleeping?
Posted by Fivefires on August 23, 2007, at 1:26:21
In reply to Re: Day 1 Abilify » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on August 23, 2007, at 0:02:03
Nope Phillipa. I 'can't tell' if I'm tired or wired.
I'm feelin' that sort out of body thing.
This altered state is a welcome reprieve from my attempt to stay 'in control' (That really wasn't working well.) under overwhelming life circumstances.
Tks4BeingHere, 5f
Posted by Phillipa on August 23, 2007, at 13:00:31
In reply to Re: Day 1 Abilify, posted by Fivefires on August 23, 2007, at 1:26:21
How are you today? Better? Phillipa
Posted by KayeBaby on August 23, 2007, at 13:19:26
In reply to Re: Day 1 Abilify » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on August 23, 2007, at 13:00:31
Hey FF,
Maybe you could take that abilify at night till you get used to it(or it becomes activating)I'm weird. I always take it at night. Not much keeps me from sleeping.
I'll bet the abilify is going to help a lot. If it is too much at first you can half it.
I'm rooting for you!
Kaye
Posted by Fivefires on August 23, 2007, at 13:55:43
In reply to Re: Day 1 Abilify » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on August 23, 2007, at 13:00:31
Didn't sleep very well so kind of tired Phillipa, but don't seem to be 'in such a fog' as I was within 4-5hrs after 5mg Abilify. Pdoc didn't know whether I should take a.m. or p.m. Said 'do whichever'.(?) Guess h.s. but maybe I should babble Phillipa as no one here has posted to me about this.
I've had 'bad thoughts on my mind' since learned a certain person is coming this way. Know the person wants me to disappear so she can have what is in my life. Sorry I can't say any more about this particular issue.
It's been nearly two weeks since I've seen a man I loved for the majority of the last 13yrs and I cry myself to sleep every night.
tksfriend, 5f
Posted by Fivefires on August 23, 2007, at 14:00:17
In reply to Re: Day 1 Abilify, posted by KayeBaby on August 23, 2007, at 13:19:26
Maybe. Pdoc seemed to leave it up to me.
Tks KayeBaby
Posted by Phillipa on August 23, 2007, at 19:31:01
In reply to Re: Day 1 Abilify, posted by Fivefires on August 23, 2007, at 14:00:17
FF was it the med that kept you awake or the upcoming event? Maybe halve it for a few days and try morning supposedly activating. I have never taken it. Phillipa
Posted by Fivefires on August 24, 2007, at 16:50:05
I posted and asked for company to join me as I began a drug somewhat like one which literally killed my grandmother.
Just one has joined me in this trial.
Do you wonder how many of you I care about?
I care about all of you.
I wonder who cares about me.
gracefully ungrateful, 5f
Posted by Squiggles on August 24, 2007, at 17:07:18
In reply to My Feelings Are Hurt, posted by Fivefires on August 24, 2007, at 16:50:05
What drug - i did not see the post;
why would you want take drug that almost
killed your grandmother?
Posted by sam123 on August 24, 2007, at 17:41:22
In reply to My Feelings Are Hurt, posted by Fivefires on August 24, 2007, at 16:50:05
Choosing which med to take is highly personal; I think it is a bit much to ask others to take a med
just because you are.
Posted by Phillipa on August 24, 2007, at 18:58:15
In reply to My Feelings Are Hurt, posted by Fivefires on August 24, 2007, at 16:50:05
Five Fires what drug almost killed your grandmother is that what you are on? I don't know? Phillipa
Posted by Fivefires on August 25, 2007, at 18:38:12
In reply to Re: My Feelings Are Hurt » Fivefires, posted by Squiggles on August 24, 2007, at 17:07:18
I see by many notifications in my inbox, my assessment of intentionally being ignored, was so wrong.
When I’m feeling bad inside, it’s difficult for me to see what’s real outside. I’ve been trying, but floundering. I’ve been feeling tremendous ‘need’ for months.Somewhere recently, read or heard, ‘things are not as they seem’. I’ve thought a lot about this. It’s been a big comfort to believe this is true, because I’ve been feeling so awful for quite some time.
(I’m sorry responded so late, but I had to take a giant step backwards to see ‘what the heck’ my point truly was here (?) and if it was of any worth for me or for you all who’ve taken your time to respond.(?)Loss of support (not you all) has left me clawing for some attention.
And, so, here, I’ve behaved in the worst way. I’ve manipulated you who mean so much to me, in this, ‘very immature and incorrect way’ of eliciting good feelings about myself! And, it wouldn’t be a stretch to say, I’ve wished to be made to feel, I’m very important. You deserve so much better. You’ve been here for me through some most horrible times over the past years, and I thank you this way??? I’ve been a confused pain in the as*!!! The term ‘ideation of grandiosity’ is sadly coming to my mind here. I am so very sorry!
In the best of times, I have a tendency to follow my heart, so getting tangled up in heartstrings and keeping my head on straight at the same time is never easy for me. My point is, in better times, I speak and act as best I can by believing in myself, seeing things as they are, and mostly, I try to give back at least a little of all the help I’ve received from my relationships with you here. When I’m not as ‘messed up’ as I’ve been for a spell now, I even search for creative ways to share optimism and good thoughts, and nourish good relationships.
Last week, some of you may know, I thought some people were being hurt by their peers and was very worried, but as hard as I tried to insert my thoughts to make things better, I just kept ‘sticking my foot in my mouth’. I often feel a need to step into the middle of a disagreement which has nothing to do with me, instead of minding my own business.
It has come to be a trait, in my personality, to behave as I can do all and be all. I think this stems from fear to be anything less is ‘not good enough’.
I recall happy times when I would characterize myself as just a good person and this was just quite enough for me, and I had good relationships. They’re gone. I can’t find ‘me’ either! I see myself in nightmares, being treated in an unkind manner and responding w/ confusion, and I awaken confused.
I fear I’ve caused you to feel deliberately unkind or inconsiderate. I wish ‘I’d thought’ before pressing the send button. It wasn’t as if I wasn’t aware I’d been feeling terrible. It was ‘the s-word w/ six letters’.
I’ll stop ‘this grandstanding’ here by saying I began an atypical antipsychotic Weds, 4days ago, just 5mg Abilify. But, I’d been really leery of doing this. I was scared to take one of these neuroleptics, because, my witty wonderful 85y/o g-mother was given Haldol in an ER and became a ‘vegetable’; what’s proper word; dementia? I read re: neuroleptic malignant syndrome and it was a ‘light bulb moment’. Are there are other possible bad reactions to atypical or typical antipsychotics ( neuroleptics)..
I’m w/o IRL support and I need you guys if you’ll still have me.
If my prayers are answered and my living feels like a gift again, instead of mistake after missache, I’m going to remember this and how you were here for me.
5f
Posted by rskontos on August 25, 2007, at 19:40:37
In reply to I'm Sorry, posted by Fivefires on August 25, 2007, at 18:38:12
FiveFires, I am new to this board but in the state you were in it is easily to think you like did that no one cares. I know because I am in that state often. It is easiest sometimes to lash out and try to get reassurance from those you feel the most comfortable with. I think most will forgive you as they too have felt this before. It is not easy I think to admit when you mess up and you did very admirably I must say. So forgive youself and remember most people on this board have been there and have done the same thing. We who suffer like this and the type of drugs we are on or have been on leave us feeling lonely and isolated. So while you may feel alone and IMHO it is part of the illness itself this feeling of isolation and loneliness you have to deal with most, remember it is a sympton and not a fact. All you must do is reach out. Things are not as they seem. Most of us dissappear when are in that bad place so while you were having a bad time maybe so of those you were trying to reach were having issues of their own or maybe they were having a good day and not online at that moment. So it was not as it seem to you while you were in that bad place. I have been in the bad place today. Yesterday was good and today not so good. I keep telling myself it will be better soon. I isolate myself from my family so I don't bring them down as they don't understand it. Today is easier to do that since my son is off with friends and my husband is gone working. It makes it for a lonely time but at least I am not hurting those that love me and can't understand. They try but they don't get it. Ity is always worth it to help something get through a bad time and that is why were are here. To support that we can't get elsewhere. I would have gone crazy without the first board I found when I first went on cymbalta and later when I was tapering off the friends I made on that board saved me. It has been shut down now and I don't know where most are just one or two but I am now here and you guys do understand and I hope to make friends here. I think following your heart is the best because it won't lead you wrong unless you are in that bad place and then all bets are off. I think you will be ok, we all need to stick together to try and get through this. At least for me I need friends so I stop living so much in my head. I understand feeling awful for so long. I too have lived that way. Some days I think I am emerging but then I have a bad day when all seems lost. I was actually having a good week. Until today. But being here has helped alot. Just to talk and vent to people that understand this illness. It helps me to think of it that way because then I don't have to think I am going to suddenly be well. Therapy and drugs are helping but aren't a cure all. Well, Fivefires I hope this newbie helped and if you need a friend or a shoulder just holler I will be around..rk
Posted by Fivefires on August 25, 2007, at 21:31:10
In reply to Re: My Feelings Are Hurt, posted by sam123 on August 24, 2007, at 17:41:22
OMgoodness .. did I do that sam123?
I can't imagine I would, but feeling as emotional as I did, I'll take your word for it.
I would never presume to tell another one what to take. Must have been the stress.
tks4pointthisout, 5f
Posted by Fivefires on August 25, 2007, at 21:47:30
In reply to Re: I'm Sorry, posted by rskontos on August 25, 2007, at 19:40:37
Tks for ur support rskontos.
You are so right about how our ability to think clearly is difficult when so emotional. Tks for reminding me I am not alone. Appreciate your support very much.
There has been a misunderstanding here tho'.
Yes, I felt sort of alone and upset that my first post was not responded to by anyone w/ knowledge of a drug such as Abilify.
I had posted about starting this. I said in the post 'Please accompany me'.
One person did and I appreciated this very much, but this person had not ever taken an atypical antipsychotic (neuroleptic) and I'd hoped those who had would 'accompany me'.
This is not about ideation or withdrawal.
The first post was 'Abilify Day 1'. (I'm not sure of the exact wording, but close to this.)
I wish the deputies would pls connect these two threads if possible.
5f
Posted by Phillipa on August 25, 2007, at 21:52:16
In reply to Re: I'm Sorry, posted by Fivefires on August 25, 2007, at 21:47:30
Five Fires we can start here refresh minds of day l and how was day 2 on abilify? Feeling better sleeping less or more? Activating? Phillipa
Posted by 10derheart on August 25, 2007, at 21:58:52
In reply to Re: My Feelings Are Hurt » sam123, posted by Fivefires on August 25, 2007, at 21:31:10
> OMgoodness .. did I do that sam123?
> I can't imagine I would, but feeling as emotional as I did, I'll take your word for it.
> I would never presume to tell another one what to take. Must have been the stress.I don't think you meant to. I think....sam123 may have misunderstood this part of your original post starting the thread:
"I posted and asked for company to join me as I began a drug somewhat like one which literally killed my grandmother.
Just one has joined me in this trial. "
I think, if taken literally, it may have sounded to sam like you were asking others to join you in a trial of the drug (Abilify - per your thread above) by *actually taking* the drug. That's probably what sam was commenting about.
I could be wrong, but reading through, it sure sounds like *join* and *trial* may have been taken literally, when you meant more like emotional support on this board during *your* trial.
I hate online misunderstandings...so annoying! :-)
Posted by Deputy 10derheart on August 25, 2007, at 22:08:33
In reply to Re: I'm Sorry, posted by Fivefires on August 25, 2007, at 21:47:30
>I wish the deputies would pls connect these two threads if possible.
Your wish is my command ;-) Or at least I'll try. The posts may not be in perfect chronological order, but it will all be one thread.
Posted by Fivefires on August 25, 2007, at 22:12:52
In reply to Re: I'm Sorry » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on August 25, 2007, at 21:52:16
Here is the post Phillipa, to which I should have chosen to follow up, instead of beginning a new thread. No wonder the confusion. My fault.
This should shed light on the second post. I had thought only you had responded Phillipa, but I was incorrect. There was one other followup. Here it is the post:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070815/msgs/777919.htmlI began Abilify on Weds. Today is Sat. I posted 'my feelings are hurt' BEFORE I took Abilify Weds night. Think I was not only hurt, but fearful as well, having never taken a neuroleptic.
This eve' feel like 'I'm in a light fog'.
Altho', there is something about this light fog feeling, versus the heavily increasing depression and sky-rocketing fear and stress, that is preferable. Make any sense?
I take 5mg at h.s. (hour of sleep ... not to insult ... just in case didn't know).
I think others who have spoken about being on these type of meds are on an AD as well.
I was hoping some of these people would join me there, or here, I guess.
I'm wondering if an AD such as Effexor-XR or Cymbalta would 'clear up this fogginess' I'm feeling. Or, maybe time will clear it up. Dunno' as never been on a med like this.
I have no fever or anything worrisome at this time.
I'll hang in here.
5f
Posted by Phillipa on August 25, 2007, at 22:17:19
In reply to Abilify Day 4 - Neuroleptic new to me., posted by Fivefires on August 25, 2007, at 22:12:52
Usually it's best to take only one new med at a time so you can see exactly how this med is affecting you. So you feel like your in a good kind of fog with less anxiety? Did I get it right? Phillipa
Posted by sam123 on August 25, 2007, at 22:41:02
In reply to misunderstanding? » Fivefires, posted by 10derheart on August 25, 2007, at 21:58:52
> > OMgoodness .. did I do that sam123?
Opps. Sorry. I misunderstood what you meant by join.
Posted by Fivefires on August 25, 2007, at 22:45:46
In reply to Re: Squiggles - a question » 10derheart, posted by Squiggles on August 25, 2007, at 22:09:34
10derheart:
Can you pull my two posts together?
First was Day 1 Provigil, Second was Feeling Hurt. They are both on med board.
I sent the links to Admin. about 15m ago.
ps: Squiggles - Sorry if I played any part in confusion here.
5f
Posted by Phillipa on August 25, 2007, at 23:03:36
In reply to Re: 10derheart - a question, posted by Fivefires on August 25, 2007, at 22:45:46
I do believe l0der Heart combined the abilfy post with this one. Should be fine now. You can do a daily update. Phillipa
Posted by Fivefires on August 26, 2007, at 21:25:15
In reply to Re: 10derheart - a question » Fivefires, posted by Phillipa on August 25, 2007, at 23:03:36
Tks for combining threads 10derheart and tks for keeping me going here Phillipa.
Since I was a 'little foggy feeling' these past few days, I took half tab v whole tab last h.s.
I feel really pretty good today, like something is being 'tweaked' just right. I tried to read some articles, but agonist, for example, hits me as a negative word, when it's actually a positive one. Make any sense? (Might not!)
I don't know how to explain my feelings other than to say, the fog has lifted and I'm not worrying, and I'm taking care of my responsibilities, and NOT crying as much.
I'm giving some thought to the combining of this w/ an SNRI? I've been googling and see peeps on neuroleptics on an AD as well.
Hope someone w/ experience w/ neuroleptics will find time post here.
Maybe you can explain 'what this is doing to my brain in layman's terms'(?) and also 'what does an AD allow a neuroleptic (and vice versa) to do more effectively?
I'm thinking if this neuroleptic is helping with either 'mood' or 'cognition'. I'm not sure which it is helping more; maybe both equally. Maybe it would offset 'my inability to keep bad thinking, just thinking, when taking an AD'. I wonder if anyone has any thought about this.
Afa whole or half tab, pdoc said, 'Do whatever feels right. Take a whole or half'. And, of course, I'd rather take less, if it works, and it seems to be doing so.
Wish could talk w/ Pdoc, but nearly a month, and no phone calls.
If I were to go w/ an AD, thinking SNRI as less anxiety and most effective AD ever taken was Effexor-XR. I do have Cymbalta here and afa they (I got tossed around between three docs.) know, I'm taking it still. I know; not right. I stopped it because it seemed to be exacerbating pain. I have chronic pain. I didn't think to try half capsule.
The Cymbalta was suggested for because my PCP thought it would help my pain and my head at the same time. Well it made pain worse so consequently, head was worse. Took just four days. (My hypothesis was the 'nerve connection thing' Cymbalta has w/ pain, must have tipped the scale too far for me. Make any sense to anyone?)
Prob' should have tried half capsule.
Hope all are well and having a nice evening.
tks, 5f
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.