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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AMD on August 17, 2005, at 11:47:54
Folks,
I am absolutely miserable today, having the hardest time even focusing at work, feeling sad, depressed, and sick. Ugh.
I feel like I've done so much damage to my brain these past few months, drinking and doing cocaine, and maybe methamphetamine once or twice, and it just hit me today ... wow! This is not casual use, this is addiction. So I'm panicking now thinking, ugh, I've become one of those stories, one of those sad cases people frown upon, and it's making me so sad.
Has anyone recovered from this type of thing? Does the depression subside, or stay with you for life? Does your brain heal? Or have I dug myself a hole so deep that escaping from it even with a ladder or the help of a friend's shoulders will be unlikely?
(For the record, I started AA last week ... but that hasn't helped the depression. I have bipolar II disorder.)
So sad.
amd
Posted by B2chica on August 17, 2005, at 12:15:30
In reply to I am miserable!, posted by AMD on August 17, 2005, at 11:47:54
Hi AMD, sorry to hear your feeling so cr@ppy.
you have a dual-diagnosis (addiction and MI) and this needs to be treated differently than addiction or MI alone. there are treatment centers that specialize in dual-diagnosis. i would check those out first thing. you may have done some damage but nothing tremendous. especially since you've stopped (congrats on that!)
you should find a doctor and tell him about your depression and addiction, they can recommend some meds and maybe even refer you to a treatment center.please feel better and definately feel proud that you've stopped! especially from what you were doing, that's VERY difficult to quit.
best wishes
b2c.
Posted by blueberry on August 17, 2005, at 14:32:07
In reply to I am miserable!, posted by AMD on August 17, 2005, at 11:47:54
I think keeping all cocaine and meth out of your system is the absolute most important thing you can do. Doing those drugs with your diagnosis is about the same thing as trying to light a campfire with an open container of gasoline sitting right next to it. One or two beers a day isn't going to hurt anyone, unless you cannot stop your self from drinking more than that. Then it's better to not drink at all.
It was a long time ago, but I abused cocaine and meth. I could have bought a brand new car for the money I wasted on that crap. Anyway, depression caused from staying away from those drugs after you have been using them is severe, or was for me, but it was mostly gone in about 2 weeks and then remnants of it slowly disappeared over the next month or two. Just hang in there.
The bipolar aspects may require medications. It is just my experience and just my opinion, but I think the antipsychotics, zyprexa in particular, work very well for many kinds of psychiatric illnesses, especially with former drug addicts. They can also provide relief quicker than antidepressants alone, though a combo of the two is best. But again, just my opinion based on experience in being in your shoes. I take zyprexa and prozac with good results.
Posted by AMD on August 17, 2005, at 14:52:51
In reply to Re: I am miserable!, posted by blueberry on August 17, 2005, at 14:32:07
It's the methamphetamine I'm FREAKED out about -- I'm not even sure I took any, as I was blacked out, and crashed a couple hours after I would have taken it, from exhaustion. I'm probably having needless anxiety over that.
If I had taken it, would it have kept me up longer, even if intoxicated by alcohol?
The not-knowing is freaking me out, because I know methamphetamine can cause permanent, serious damage with just one use, at least from what I've read. I'm worried I'll never recover and be happy, if that's what I actually took. Plus I'm running to the bathroom every hour to see if my teeth are rotting, another effect I've heard of it.
*pulling hair out*
Is it possible to fully recover from one-time use, if in fact I did use it? Maybe I should quit worrying about it, and blame this cloudiness on the depression I'm feeling now.
amd
Posted by Declan on August 17, 2005, at 16:08:37
In reply to Re: I am miserable! » blueberry, posted by AMD on August 17, 2005, at 14:52:51
But you know how you worry, AMD. You worried about ketamine in the *same* way. It might not be the what of your worry as much as this is the sort of state you get into in which you worry. In both these cases you *can't* have done yourself an injury because you didn't get the drug effect that would show you'd taken heaps of the stuff.
Let's say you'd taken amphetamine and hadn't slept for 3 days. No doubt there.
I dunno anything about bipolar and I'm sceptical of diagnoses, but stimulants and BP sound scary.
What noninjurious ways can you find of making yourself feel better?I always thought I'd need heroin to put up with NA, but that's just me.
Declan
Posted by AMD on August 17, 2005, at 17:07:59
In reply to Re: I am miserable!, posted by Declan on August 17, 2005, at 16:08:37
I need to keep a positive attitude, like you, rather than sulk around worrying about if/when I did anything. I certainly wasn't up for days -- which makes me suspect I didn't get any of that stuff into my system. Cocaine crash, yes. Meth, probably not. Just can't stop obsessing that I may have done it, and who knows what damage that comes along with it.
Bottom line is ... how does one night of meth compare to several months of regular cocaine use? More toxic? Less? My hunch is that one night of meth messes you up more than any amount of cocaine could, and I'm sitting here thinking, "well, I MUST have done some the other night, and because I'm screwed up now, what does anything matter any longer?"
Tell me there's hope of recovery and that I won't be walking around depressed for years. :-(
Thank you for putting up with my obsessions month after month after month.
amd
Posted by Ilene on August 17, 2005, at 21:43:41
In reply to Re: I am miserable!, posted by Declan on August 17, 2005, at 16:08:37
>
> I always thought I'd need heroin to put up with NA, but that's just me.
>What's NA?
I.
Posted by Declan on August 17, 2005, at 23:58:36
In reply to Re: I am miserable! » Declan, posted by Ilene on August 17, 2005, at 21:43:41
Narcotics Anonymous
Declan
Posted by EERRIICC on August 18, 2005, at 2:17:41
In reply to I am miserable!, posted by AMD on August 17, 2005, at 11:47:54
I've read some interesting stuff about Vasopressin getting rid of those exact symptoms. Its an endogenous hormone but prescribed to stop people from wetting the bed under the trade diaped (pretty sure), tell your doctor you've got an embarrasing problem and give it a shot. High dose Vitamin C too. I'm sorry your in pain.
Posted by Enigma on August 18, 2005, at 8:57:38
In reply to I am miserable!, posted by AMD on August 17, 2005, at 11:47:54
You're lucky you have a job. I'm on LTD for depression. Thanks to my company's policy, after 4 months of being off work (3 months were short term), they re-fill your position. So, I don't think I'll be cured in that time frame, so bye-bye job. I'm too sick to get a job anywhere else, and have no confidence, spirit, etc, to interview anywhere else. I'm screwed, as is my family now.
Anyway, this is about you, not me. I never did drugs. Always too afraid of them, and afraid of losing control. I drink rarely, but since I'm on maoi's, drinking makes me feel horrible, phsysically and mentally.
I'd check into rehab somewhere and get your life back together. At least your job can't fire you if you do rehab.
> Folks,
>
> I am absolutely miserable today, having the hardest time even focusing at work, feeling sad, depressed, and sick. Ugh.
>
> I feel like I've done so much damage to my brain these past few months, drinking and doing cocaine, and maybe methamphetamine once or twice, and it just hit me today ... wow! This is not casual use, this is addiction. So I'm panicking now thinking, ugh, I've become one of those stories, one of those sad cases people frown upon, and it's making me so sad.
>
> Has anyone recovered from this type of thing? Does the depression subside, or stay with you for life? Does your brain heal? Or have I dug myself a hole so deep that escaping from it even with a ladder or the help of a friend's shoulders will be unlikely?
>
> (For the record, I started AA last week ... but that hasn't helped the depression. I have bipolar II disorder.)
>
> So sad.
>
> amd
Posted by chemist on August 25, 2005, at 0:27:57
In reply to Re: I am miserable! » blueberry, posted by AMD on August 17, 2005, at 14:52:51
hello there, chemist here...i have been getting caught up on some reading and of course follow with interest your case...you need not worry, my friend, about rationalizing frequent trips to the restroom for the purpose you assert, at least in re: will your teeth fall out/rot as a result of a hypothetical and unconfirmed single use of methamphetamine:
it was all that lousy coffee and those dr.peppers.
all the best, chemist
> Plus I'm running to the bathroom every hour to see if my teeth are rotting, another effect I've heard of it.
>
> *pulling hair out*
>
> Is it possible to fully recover from one-time use, if in fact I did use it? Maybe I should quit worrying about it, and blame this cloudiness on the depression I'm feeling now.
>
> amd
>
>
This is the end of the thread.
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