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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 14 to 38 of 52. Go back in thread:
Posted by Camille Dumont on May 26, 2005, at 23:51:57
In reply to Re: i want to die........4WD!!!, posted by woolav on May 26, 2005, at 17:26:31
I can relate to feelings like that. Not particularly bent on dying but at the same time, having no strong inclination towards life. Its like "life by default" but the alternative does not sound too horrible either.
I've come to the conclusion that its linked to my SPD and waht not and little helps with that. So instead of trying to find reasons to live, I force myself to have reasons not to die.
Sometimes when you have someone or something who depends on you, who cannot make it without you, be they pets or children or even other people you help, it gives you a purpose. It makes you feel that if all of a sudden you disappeared, it would not be in complete silence, at least some people or beings would notice. Perhaps needing to be needed is part of what makes life more bearable.
Posted by linkadge on May 27, 2005, at 22:44:01
In reply to Re: i want to die........4WD!!!, posted by Camille Dumont on May 26, 2005, at 23:51:57
If I could find a way, in which me killing myself wouldn't cause a suicidal chain reaction in my family I'd be out, too much pain in this life.
Linkadge
Posted by Maxime on May 27, 2005, at 23:12:53
In reply to Me too, posted by linkadge on May 27, 2005, at 22:44:01
> If I could find a way, in which me killing myself wouldn't cause a suicidal chain reaction in my family I'd be out, too much pain in this life.
>
> LinkadgeSame here. Sometimes I think I am just waiting for my elderly mom to pass on and then I can do it. However she is in better shape than I am at 77 years of age.
Maxime
Posted by linkadge on May 28, 2005, at 0:33:30
In reply to Re: Me too, posted by Maxime on May 27, 2005, at 23:12:53
Yeah, I'm waiting for my manic-depressive mother to pass away before I end my misery. She definately could not handle my death.
I really don't see it as too big a deal anymore.
God gave me the lemming genes.Linkadge
Posted by linkadge on May 28, 2005, at 1:50:18
In reply to Re: Me too, posted by linkadge on May 28, 2005, at 0:33:30
Posted by yesac on May 28, 2005, at 14:52:58
In reply to Re: Me too, posted by linkadge on May 28, 2005, at 0:33:30
Just wanted to get in on the I-don't-want-to-be-alive chat.
I don't want to be alive. Yeah, I'm not really actively suicidal at the moment, and maybe haven't been for a little while now (could it be lithium the anti-suicide drug kicking in?).... but I certainly feel like I pretty much hate being alive and don't want to do it anymore.
They say these feelings are temporary, but I'm not so sure. They might go away at times, but they always come back, for years and years and years. Is that really the definition of "temporary"?
Posted by linkadge on May 28, 2005, at 15:08:18
In reply to Me three, posted by yesac on May 28, 2005, at 14:52:58
Oh sure they say it gets "better", but they fail to mention it gets worse again. Its like me saying, ok life, I've had a fair assesment of you.
Linkadge
Posted by yesac on May 28, 2005, at 15:18:41
In reply to exactly!, posted by linkadge on May 28, 2005, at 15:08:18
> Oh sure they say it gets "better", but they fail to mention it gets worse again. Its like me saying, ok life, I've had a fair assesment of you.
Right-- exactly. I think the people who say it gets better must be the same ones on all those f'ing wellbutrin commercials who say with a gigantic smile, "It's so good to feel like me again". Either that, or they're the people who have never even experienced true depression.I just don't think most people can even begin to comprehend the pain and suffering that many of us on this board go through day after day after day.
It's like someone who's never had a migraine trying to say "oh it'll go away, just take some tylenol."
By the way, I've never had a migraine.
Posted by linkadge on May 28, 2005, at 17:04:22
In reply to Re: exactly! » linkadge, posted by yesac on May 28, 2005, at 15:18:41
"It's like someone who's never had a migraine trying to say "oh it'll go away, just take some tylenol." "
Thats a darned good analogy. Those pople on the wellbutrin commercials are just depressed cause somebody tampered with the caffiene content of their coffee grounds.
I find it pathetic that GSK is allowed to post banners with this title.
"Interested in an antidepressant with low risk of sexual side effects or weight gain ??". Click Here
What happened to the banners in the good old days??
Have you spend the last 72 hours shaking, vomiting, and wracking your brain for the best, and most effective way to end your life ??
Click Here
Posted by Declan on May 28, 2005, at 18:13:20
In reply to Me too, posted by linkadge on May 27, 2005, at 22:44:01
Before I was 25 so many people I knew had either suicided or died as a result of suicidal behaviour, certainly 5 or so. It has a much different effect than a truly natural accidental death. We need to look after ourselves and each other.
Declan
Posted by Declan on May 28, 2005, at 18:24:47
In reply to Me three, posted by yesac on May 28, 2005, at 14:52:58
You're right there, they are not neccesarily temporary at all. But we live, at least here in Australia, in a culture that is really unhelpful with the whole issue of, well suffering I suppose. There is this kind of mindless reflexive mass denial, you see it in the standard greeting "How are you?", a way of committing you too to the denial psychology when you lie to fit in. Other cultures have been better at this than ours. My guess is that this is even worse in The States.
Declan
Posted by linkadge on May 28, 2005, at 18:43:28
In reply to Re: Me three, posted by Declan on May 28, 2005, at 18:24:47
We as humans are so dumb, that even if we found pill that cured depression, we would bump up our standards and our expectations of ourselves so that we would all become depressed again.
The reason I want to kill myself seems so rational to me. It just seems like the most clear cut and logical thing to do. Perhaps thats the lemming genes inside me, but I really don't see it another way. Its like my brain has done the math and said, heres what the formula computes.
Linkadge
Posted by ed_uk on May 28, 2005, at 19:02:22
In reply to Re: Me three, posted by Declan on May 28, 2005, at 18:24:47
>My guess is that this is even worse in The States.
I'd say it's worse in the UK that in most countries.
/Ed
Posted by Maxime on May 28, 2005, at 20:06:16
In reply to the way I see it, posted by linkadge on May 28, 2005, at 18:43:28
Sometimes it scares me as to how rational it feels and seems. People say that suicide is cowardly, but if they had to live with my brain, would they think the same thing?
For me it's a not a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It's a permanent solution to a problem that is going to plague for the rest of my life and a person can only suffer so much. Take pills. Try this and that only to end up feeling much worse.
I very much want to leave this world. And I think that with the amount of suffering I have gone through I earned the right to make that decision. People wouldn't think I was a coward if they had to live in body for a week! Actually we are all very strong people.
Maxime
> We as humans are so dumb, that even if we found pill that cured depression, we would bump up our standards and our expectations of ourselves so that we would all become depressed again.
>
> The reason I want to kill myself seems so rational to me. It just seems like the most clear cut and logical thing to do. Perhaps thats the lemming genes inside me, but I really don't see it another way. Its like my brain has done the math and said, heres what the formula computes.
>
>
> Linkadge
Posted by MidnightBlue on May 28, 2005, at 20:27:59
In reply to Re: the way I see it, posted by Maxime on May 28, 2005, at 20:06:16
I have fought depression--serious depression--on and off for 30 years. In addition I am in almost constant physical pain from orthopedic problems. To choose to live isn't always an easy choice, but it is the RIGHT choice and the best choice.
Each of you have so much to give. This world would be a much sadder place without you.
MidnightBlue
Posted by linkadge on May 28, 2005, at 20:59:58
In reply to Re: the way I see it, posted by MidnightBlue on May 28, 2005, at 20:27:59
But thats the thing. At this stage all people can say to me is things like:
Suicide is wrong...
You will go to hell....
Think of all the people that you will be hurting..
You are a coward for thinking this...I think it is all very pathetic. People realize that they can't make you feel better, so they turn the tables and try to make you feel worse. They *guilt* you into staying alive. AS IF we don't have enough guilt in our lives already.
If your brain does't register pleasure then little else matters.
I feel like saying. Give me 4 weeks, I'd load you up with reserpine, periactin, neuroleptics, opiate blockers, acutaine, and give you 24 hour injections of exceedinly high levels of cortisol, and other inflammitory molecules. I'd inject substances that block the formation of neurons in hippocampus. Just give me 4 weeks and I could make you think about death every second you are alive.
There is no right and wrong, there is only pain and pleasure, and I am sorry but nobody is immune to this. The happiest person in the world could turn very suicidal given the wrong brain chemistry.
I basically *feel* like telling people to work on a cure, or don't talk to me about the issue.
Linkadge
Posted by linkadge on May 28, 2005, at 21:03:17
In reply to Re: the way I see it, posted by linkadge on May 28, 2005, at 20:59:58
Thats exactly it. It is not a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Suicide is extrordinarily temporary (If you do it the right way you suffer more than a few seconds)
Staying alive with depression permanent.
Linkadge
Posted by stresser on May 28, 2005, at 21:48:00
In reply to Re: the way I see it, posted by linkadge on May 28, 2005, at 21:03:17
Link,
I am HAPPY, to see that you are back. I am hurting for you, and don't want you to feel this pain. Please hang in there for us! You don't know what I felt when I saw your name on the posts. -L
Posted by 4WD on May 28, 2005, at 23:19:09
In reply to Re: the way I see it » linkadge, posted by stresser on May 28, 2005, at 21:48:00
I just want the pain to end. And when the pain is bad, like it is right now, it is impossible to feel like it will ever be better.
Right now, I'm not even depressed. I'm just suicidally scared. And I've been scared all day and fighting it all day and it won't go away and I've tried every drug and I've felt scared every day for months and terrified more days than not and I'm so sick of it that I just feel so frustrated and angry and my doctors don't understand or care if they did understand and they're not the ones who come jolting awake every morning after not enough sleep with fear roiling around in their stomachs and I hate them all.
And I am depressed because constant fear = despair.
Linkadge I am so glad you are here.
Marsha
Posted by yesac on May 28, 2005, at 23:56:44
In reply to Re: exactly!, posted by linkadge on May 28, 2005, at 17:04:22
> Have you spend the last 72 hours shaking, vomiting, and wracking your brain for the best, and most effective way to end your life ??
> Click Here
>
Oh, I wait with baited breath for the banner that will someday lighten up my world.... or, more accurately, the drug it's pushing will lighten up my world...Have you spent the last 10 or so years in suicidal despair, increasing with each new drug you tried that didn't work? Are you looking for something that will make you not feel like murdering people, kicking your cats, and crashing your car? Do you need something that will help you focus and get your work done so that you might actually graduate and make something of yourself? Hey! Do you need a hint of self-confidence?.... Have we got the drug for you!....
Posted by yesac on May 29, 2005, at 0:05:15
In reply to Re: Me three, posted by Declan on May 28, 2005, at 18:24:47
> You're right there, they are not neccesarily temporary at all. But we live, at least here in Australia, in a culture that is really unhelpful with the whole issue of, well suffering I suppose. There is this kind of mindless reflexive mass denial, you see it in the standard greeting "How are you?", a way of committing you too to the denial psychology when you lie to fit in. Other cultures have been better at this than ours. My guess is that this is even worse in The States.
I don't know if it's worse here, worse in the UK, worse in Canada... Basically I just think it's pretty bad everywhere. I am a graduate student in a mental health profession, and still I feel that it is not quite okay to talk about these things, it's not okay to be "one of them". Maybe I am reading things wrong or I am too sensitive... I'm not sure. But the feeling I get at school is that, even if we can all open our minds and accept those with mental illness or any other type of "oddity", it's still not totally okay, and it's certainly not something to talk about openly. We still all have to pretend that, yes of course we're stressed out because that's graduate school, but really everything is terrific and we're very happy. I could never ever mention my misery or my intense struggles with mental illness.
Posted by Declan on May 29, 2005, at 0:43:41
In reply to Re: Me three, posted by yesac on May 29, 2005, at 0:05:15
In Buddhism the first noble truth is the truth of suffering. I was so impressed with that. Dunno if this has any influence on their culture. Our equivalent might be the difference between right and wrong. Anyway Buddhists encourage you to treat your emotions as a mother might care for her child. Lots of attention to feelings and not much action on them. You know those Tibetan paintings, with all the skulls and severed heads? Anyway here we can and do talk about all that stuff which is why we're all here I guess. But the popular culture's a joke
Declan
Posted by linkadge on May 29, 2005, at 1:07:29
In reply to It's not really that I want to die,, posted by 4WD on May 28, 2005, at 23:19:09
Thats exactly it. I when you go down the list of the symptoms for major depression, I don't even fufull the criteria. But I am suicidal. It is like something is going on in my mind that just won't stop.
Antidepressants make me feel like I have entered a different dimention, I don't even recognize myself, or my own home etc. I look at my house and I say, that doesn't look like my house, it looks like something from hansel and grettle.
Thats why I hate "antidepressants" so much. I call them distractors. They don't solve my problems, they distract me from my problems.
And then when my body adjusts to them, I realize that nothing has changed.Linkadge
Posted by linkadge on May 29, 2005, at 1:11:12
In reply to Re: Me three, posted by yesac on May 29, 2005, at 0:05:15
Posted by Dr. Bob on May 29, 2005, at 11:52:03
In reply to School is a forced rat swim test (nm) » yesac, posted by linkadge on May 29, 2005, at 1:11:12
Hi, everyone,
Sorry to interrupt, but I'd like to redirect follow-ups not about medication to Psycho-Babble Social. Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050525/msgs/504696.html
Thanks,
Bob
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