![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 693 to 717 of 1838. Go back in thread:
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 4, 2004, at 14:06:36
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by Aussie on October 4, 2004, at 12:14:47
Why are we different...hmm that is a huge post in itself. Well, growing up I always knew I was different than other children. hehe Yes, redheads have tempers. We bleed easier, we need 20% more anesthesia, have a higher pain tolerance, among other things. We react to medicines differently and we metabolize them faster than other hair colors. I am not just making this up. The "redheaded gene" so to speak, was discovered in 1997. Melanocortin 1 is the gene which every color has but ours is defunct. We are essentially mutants. And because of that defunct gene, it affects everything else. This is a simple way of putting it. If you have ever known any redheads, ask them and you will find a lot of similarities (besides the temper..that's a given!!). I have always had to use 4 Advil for pain for EVERYTHING. My son was born in 97' and I had to have a c-section...guess what happened. My epidural ran out right when they were getting ready to cut me open! By the time my daughter came along in 2001, I knew about the study and I mentioned it to my anethesiologist. I told him flat out I needed more juice because of my hair color (IT IS NATURAL!!) and what happened with my son. He listened! Ahhh...no worries mate! Of course, I had the also horrid side effect of itching my nose off from the spinal afterwards......AAAAHH!!! GIVE ME PAIN!!! I CAN'T TAKE ITCHING!! So...in a nutshell that is why we redheads are different. Just put redhead into your browser and take a look. It's very facinating. You'll never look at us the same again! :)
Posted by headachequeen on October 4, 2004, at 14:38:09
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 4, 2004, at 14:06:36
> Why are we different...hmm that is a huge post in itself. Well, growing up I always knew I was different than other children. hehe Yes, redheads have tempers. We bleed easier, we need 20% more anesthesia, have a higher pain tolerance, among other things. We react to medicines differently and we metabolize them faster than other hair colors. I am not just making this up. The "redheaded gene" so to speak, was discovered in 1997.
Well, here I am again, ready to argue... another redhead trait <G>
first, redheads experience pain much more intensely than do other hair-colours... as has been made public following a recent study... shall find the info and send it along... it is in the study downstairs... pinned to the bulletin board along with reams of material on redheads...
believe me they wasted vast sums of money and oodles of money on the study-- I could have told them... I need morphine for a hangnail... pain and I do not get along... my three children were born naturally because my doctor did not believe in any sort of birth other than natural at the time the first was coming along... he changed his tune in a hurry and told me that he would never put ANY redhead through that again (I was his first pregnant redhead and I heard him stating to one of the nurses that he would avoid ever having a pregnant redheaded patient again if at all possible he had not realised how dreadful it could be... birth is supposed to be a wonderful thing he kept telling me, don't know where he got that idea...)
the next two babies were born before he could get to the hospital to intervene and the one was born with a nurse in charge who was trained during the Spanish Inquisition and believed that birth was meant to be painful... it was ... my third was a child who decided she did not want to be born when she was supposed to be born and waited for almost six weeks, a redheaded thing.. then when she was born it was NOW, no time for intervention at all... she is still stubborn and she is redheaded... so is her brother, the middle child...secondly the redheaded gene as you describe is not all that newly known...
since I was very young the differences in our genetic make-up has been known and documented...surgeons were always told never to turn their backs on redheaded patients -- they would be the ones to develop post-op infections that were really difficult to treat and they would be the ones with major bleeding problems...
I have had five abdominal surgeries and in each instance despite the watchful eye of surgeon and residents and nursing staff and the administration of antibiotics beginning before the surgery, I have developed massive infections, one which took almost a year to eliminate...
got rid of that and a puncture wound to my hand developed into cellulitis in four days... that turned into gangrene and almost went to amputation
had some skilled doctors involved and a determined physiotherapist and I have 85% usage of that hand now...
for a period of time every November we went through a repeat... November was gangrene month around the old homestead...
it was such a fun thing to look forward to...just another redhead thing...
Eye surgery this year, had a few procedures done and each time the bleeding caused the surgeon to wish I were anything but a redhead... each time he would mutter that there was no doubting that my hair colour was genuine -- and I think there may have been a few other words under his breath that I was not meant to hear...
In my teens nosebleeds were a constant because my blood did not have a clotting factor that other people have... while other kids drank soft drinks and milk, to which I am allergic -- read recently that we have more allergies too, have you heard that, Bridgey???-- I downed gallons of liquid calcium supplements to try and make my blood thicker or whatever it was supposed to do...
as for anaesthesia... that is so much fun... I almost always wake up before they are through with the procedure... only thrice do I remember sleeping through the whole thing, and on those times I woke up in my room, having missed recovery entirely.
In two of those instances I had an older more experienced anaesthetist who knew about redheads and was not going to let me get the better of him as he put it.. and he told me this in the operating room...
The third time I woke up in ICU with the surgeon standing beside me waiting and watching... a forty-five minute procedure had turned into a seven-hour endurance test as he called it and part of that was because of the redhead factor and part because the previous surgeon had made some rather glaring mistakes, dear soul that he is...Mosquito bites, bee stings, splinters, small cuts... the least thing can turn to raging infection... the redhead thing...
Pain is a raging sensation when it takes hold although once we are accustomed to a certain pain we are able to withstand it longer and easier than others...
did I mention that redheads are not always sensible about things...kat
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 4, 2004, at 15:37:18
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » bridgey1128, posted by headachequeen on October 4, 2004, at 14:38:09
It's interesting, the pain thing. I think it's one pole or the other. I have a very high tolerance to pain, whereas I know several other redheads who cannot tolerate much pain. Now, I feel pain before most people, I just tend to tolerate it for much longer. Hence my back pain for many years and my Dr not able to do anything really about it so I pretty much gave up and decided to live with it. My CHIRO was the one who finally fixed my lower back. It still hurts but I think that is because it is adjusting to it actually being in the right place. Different kind of pain. Yeah anyone in the medical field has know we were different for many years but the gene was only discovered in 1997. Until then it hadn't been pin pointed exactly HOW we were different genetically. My mom is a dental hygienist and she knows to be careful with redheads because we bleed easy. Of course, that doesn't keep her from wreaking havoc on my mouth when she cleans my teeth. She just says..Stop acting like a baby! And I have a high pain tolerance!!! I just tell her I hope she treats her other patients more gently!! My mom told the Dr that did my tonsilectomy about redheads when he did a newer surgery on me...I don't think he believed her. Well, he should have! I woke up that Sunday morning with blood pouring out of my mouth and nose. I ended up passing out in the bathroom at the ER and had to crawl back to the bed. They WERE going to send me home! But my mom said...OH NO YOU DON'T! And they readmitted me. Good call...thanks Mom!! She said...I TOLD YOU SO!! I think that changed his tune about redheads! hehe
Posted by Aussie on October 4, 2004, at 16:39:13
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 4, 2004, at 15:37:18
Wow.
That's amazing and interesting. I had no idea.
Dr. Bob must not be watching. I've thought he would cut me off before now. But hey, Dr. Bob I think this has relevance as we are sharing about genetic factors that influence how we react to the drugs we are taking. Usually we just talk about environmental factors. To continue along the vein of genetics AND the environment: Both my parents are on psyc. prescribed drugs, no wonder I am too. The weird thing of it is I didn't need anything until I hit my 40s. Perhaps that's the environment. I think I need to go back to Australia..............
:) Aussie.
Posted by iris2 on October 5, 2004, at 11:11:34
In reply to I'm taking advice from all » headachequeen, posted by stressed on October 4, 2004, at 8:18:23
I think you are doing excellent on the message board. I have been doing this on and off for about a year and you are better at it than me!
Kudos to you for admitting you are controlling.
Even realizing that you are controlling is difficult and hard and then to admit it to us and I do not know who else tells me that you are very caring and sincere in wanting to help your daughter.I was concerned with your posts because you always spoke of your daughters weight so much. It is really not the most important thing here. If she gets better and does not loose a pound that would be a great success. Plenty of us with eating disorders have lost lots of weight; I ended up weighing 56 pound at 5'2" before I started to eat much again. I still looked in the mirror and thought I was fat. Loosing all the weight did nothing for my disease. I am better now. I still always feel like I am overweight. But when I weigh like 120 or so (I never weigh myself) I just tell by how I feel and how my clothes fit I feel pretty good about myself and am not not wanting to go out or embarrassed for others to see me. My body image is still not perfect, but whose is and I definitely make my weight affect my mood and my life way too much. I am not what would be called a great success story. But now so many years later the medical community knows so much more about it all.
I have seen people with eating disorders get overweight while in therapy and they were fine with it because they were not so absorbed in what they weighed. My sister is so overweight yet she is probably happier (not happy) with herself than I and does not let her being overweight stop her from doing anything she wants to in life. Not like me. I am still ill to some degree.
The reason I am so proud of you about talking about being controlling is that you realize or are beginning to that your daughters problem is a family problem she is just the one with the negative symptoms. Sometimes especially if the person is young and living at home the entire family dynamics must change not just your daughter. People do not realize that most of the time an illness like this is an illness of the family not just of the one showing the symptoms. It will be much easier for her to get better and follow her therapy if you and or others in the family make some needed changes too. Please do not take this personally. It is simply a known thing that many psychiatric illnesses or problem children are the "symptom" of problems in a family. I do not mean that your family is irregular or has something very wrong just that the particular mix is causing it to be poisonous for your daughter. Of course she still has to be the one to take most of the responsibility for her getting better.
I myself at 45 sometimes forget this and am still trying to change my parents. Make my mother more active and quit talking about food incessantly. Stop my father from being the control freak he is. Both are caring and well meaning parents. I do not want to seem like I think differently. It is hard to recognize ones "faults" and even harder to change them. That is why I am so proud of you. I am still having problems after umpteen years of therapy recognizing or admitting my faults. I cannot change something I will not admit to can I?
Good luck, I am sure we will speak again,
irene
Posted by iris2 on October 5, 2004, at 11:16:45
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 4, 2004, at 10:44:18
Just curious what your backround it?
What are you taking Topomax for?
Are you diagnoses with an eating disorder?
Sorry if I am nebbie. Please only answer what you are comfortable with.irene
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 5, 2004, at 15:04:50
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » bridgey1128, posted by iris2 on October 5, 2004, at 11:16:45
I am assuming this was directed at me? No, I don't mind. People can ask me anything. I am bipolar. I just happen to be overweight. I have struggled with my weight my whole life. Looking back, I wasn't a really fat child but people still made fun of me. Maybe because I had red hair it made me a more obvious target. Just looking at pictures I think it was more my face was chubbier than my body actually was so at certain ages I looked fat. Of course when everyone else is a size 4, one looks fat by comparison! In high school I was always a 10/12 sometimes an 8 which isn't fat. And looking at my pics I wasn't. I just felt that way because everyone else was so skinny. I have always been muscular but at the same time had a layer of fat OVER it so I am curvy. So..I hate my arms. :P I do have a nice figure because it's an hourglass so I am perfectly fine with that and I consider myself a beautiful woman as apparently many men who stare at me every day do.:P Just an observation. Right now I am 230 give a few every now and then but am losing so I am ok with my weight. I am not in a rush to lose it right away. I don't feel disgusting or compare myself to skinny women. I have learned even at age 27 that men do not like scrawny women. So when I was a size 12 at age 16, I always attracted older guys. Didn't DATE any..just turned heads. I actually had to ask my husband out because he was too shy to ask me out. :P I guess it's all about attitude. I have seen women who are probably 30 to 40lbs lighter than I am who look heavier than me because they dress frumpy and slump and obviously don't care about the way they look. Regardless if they are gorgeous or not, it's all in the way you present yourself. Guys pick up on self confidence. Ok...HUGE PET PEEVE!! GIRLS WHO SLUMP!!!Girls wear tight shirts so guys will look at their boobs and them slump so guys won't look at their boobs and complain when they stare....WHAT??? How about a modest fitted t-shirt..NOT skin tight and stand up straight...your spine and lungs will thank you! When I went to my chiropractor for him to fix my lower back he said I had slight scoliosis and said it should have been worse than it was. I told him I was a singer and instrumentalist and that I have never slouched or slumped and he said that was the reason. If I had slumped over like some of the girls now I would probably have been a lot worse off than I am now. Ok I'll get down off my soapbox about that now :P To the mom who admitted she's controlling..that's hard to do. I still think you care a lot, you just have to know when to back off. Since you are a fitness instructor..I think that is what you said, do you think you have had a hand in your daughters self image problem? I'm not accusing by any means. Sometimes things happen indirectly. I personally don't believe in "normal" families. I don't think there is such a thing. Every family has it's share of problems. Every family is dysfuntional in some way and I think that so often people are so ashamed of things that if they were open with, they would be able to get so much more support for. I don't mind telling people that I am bipolar. I don't do it for sympathy or shock value and I REALLY don't open a conversation with it but if something comes up, I mention it. For some people who have known me for a long time, it's like a light bulb has gone off, like...Oh ok..that makes sense. For others, they had no idea, because they had only seen the hyper, manic, talkative side of me. Never the depressed side. Since I am bipolar II, I don't go on massive shopping sprees and think I am superhuman. I just get hyper and talkative. Also, I tend to be irritable and impatient to my husband and children. With the Topomax it helps my "mania" more so than my depression. If I know my depression triggers though, I can avoid them and not fall into a depression. I also use Ativan occasionally when I feel an anxiety attack coming on. WEll...I have written enough!
Posted by stressed on October 5, 2004, at 15:14:21
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » bridgey1128, posted by iris2 on October 5, 2004, at 11:16:45
Hi everyone, No, I don't think any of your are nosey. I'm not taking anything the wrong way, you see, I am queen of having things come out of my mouth the wrong way! We do know we all need therapy, and are seeking it. It just can't come fast enough. Thank so much for the help. :)
Posted by headachequeen on October 5, 2004, at 15:42:29
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 5, 2004, at 15:04:50
Oh, Bridgey, you are incredible... and such a special person... we are so fortunate to have you here...
I was not certain to whom the question was addressed and thought it might be you <gg>
Then I began to wonder if Topomax might be a med developed to battle that 'redhead thing" LOLI too have a weight problem... have been at both ends of the spectrum so to speak... as a teen I was anorexic, before anyone knew there was such a word, and before eating disorders had been discovered, but then I was battling the redhead gene before it was discovered too <g>..
Somewhere along the road, someone decided I was depressed and that had to be treated... I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, a lot of that exacerbated by the fact that I hate the area in which I live if any one wants my medical opinion, and the new take on SAD is that it is better handled if it is treated year round, so I was put on anti-depressives year round instead of when the symptoms hit... from being thin and anorexic and pathetically in need of a meal in appearance I suddenly became drastically overweight...
thanks to these wonderful meds... they also took away my wish and/or will to do anything which did not help the weight issue...
so we (I use the editorial we from force of habit and because there had to be two people in this body, one person could never be that large) ballooned up to around 209 at one time...
I agree with Bridgey... if one dresses carefully and doesn't slouch around one can manage to look reasonably decent to people around one... I had quite a high profile in the community and my weight was not a problem... but one cannot fool oneself
Why when I was in the nineties I was convinced I was overweight and worried terribly about my weight and would not eat... self image and self esteem are frightfully intertwined...At one point with careful dieting I made it back down to 140... and stayed there for a couple of years...but back it came... thanks to another round of medications... it seemed to be hopeless... and that created a genuine depression...
people would tell me I had nothing to be unhappy about... hello! Who is unhappy?? there is no connection and no similarity. One can be happy and be depressed all at the same time...eventually someone realised that some of the symptoms that had been classed as being depression were actually linked to the epilepsy and my doctor decided it was time to deal with it... my previous doctor didn't want to deal with it because there was such a stigma involved with epilepsy...
When I mentioned migraine to the neurologist he put me on Topomax... never had a migraine since and I am ecstatic... and I have lost so much weight... wish I could lose more... and maybe I will... but I am happy with the weight loss to date...
and while I learned to live with myself, that self image projection Bridgey speaks of, I am better able to live with me today...as for normal families...
my psychologist forbids the use of the word normal in any discussion. He says that there is really no means of assessing normal, there is no measuring stick so to speak. What is normal for one person is abnormal for the next.
Television has created such an abnormal image of the so-called normal family that we are all trying too hard to measure ourselves against them...
starting way back with Father Knows Best then there was The Brady Bunch and remember that one with Brian Keith and the gentleman's gentleman and the teen-age niece and the twins? and My Three Sons?? Life was always neat and tidy and perfect...
but they had script-writers, live-in house-keepers, and never had to live permanently with their 'families' or their 'problems'. There was a perfectly neat, up-to-date home in the suburbs or in a high-rise apartment with all the latest everything to make life easy. With script writers to solve every problem and give Mom and Dad the wisdom of Solomon, dysfunctional families were unheard of on television, but children growing up with television saw these 'families' and thought this was 'normal'. They wanted to live like this. To achieve the standard of living depicted on television and in the movies, both parents had to work, if both parents were still in the home. Family life deteriorated in a hurry.
Normal family life now is something different for each family as people struggle to keep families intact.
As for controlling mothers, the controlling mother of all time lives in my house. I have met her and I am she. I learned from a great example and I have refined the skills until I have it down to an art.
Then again, our ethnic background is that of a matriarchal society, so it is to be expected. The other day I heard that my daughter's mother-in-law wanted their unborn baby to be named for the m-i-l's side of the family. Not a chance. I explained to my son-in-law that like his father-in-law and his f-i-l's f-i-l before him, he married into this family; she did not marry into their family. We do not change for outsiders; they change for us. He looked at me and grinned and said that he had noticed that and it didn't bother him one bit...
and it only took him two years to figure it out...
controlling??? I am the master of it
kat
Posted by headachequeen on October 5, 2004, at 15:44:58
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by stressed on October 5, 2004, at 15:14:21
> Hi everyone, No, I don't think any of your are nosey. I'm not taking anything the wrong way, you see, I am queen of having things come out of my mouth the wrong way! We do know we all need therapy, and are seeking it. It just can't come fast enough. Thank so much for the help. :)
What? You mean this isn't therapy???
Here I thought I was finding some of the best therapy ever...
kat
Posted by stressed on October 5, 2004, at 19:37:08
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » stressed, posted by headachequeen on October 5, 2004, at 15:44:58
You are so right, I do need to back off at times. I'm trying to do that, but this little voice inside my head just keeps my mouth going. Trying to control everyone around me. My husband is very passive, and quiet, so we get along really well. My son is also just like his dad, and gets along with everyone. My daughter and I are just alike. What do you think of that?...... Are there any families that don't have problems? You know, I look at people and think they have it all together, but it seems everyone has an issue of some sort. How did you all find out you are bi-polar? (If you don't mind my asking) Unfortunatly I am not a redhead. I have tried several times, but the red won't stay in my hair. It fades away, and then there it is......that dirty blond with highlights. You girls are quite lucky. I also live in an area with seasonal changes, and it really does get depressing in the fall. Those dreary days. My daughter says she is really depressed, and I'm thinking its the topamax. She is taking Welbutrin as well, do you think that will help? By-the-way, you ARE therapy, and I thank God I found all of you here.
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 5, 2004, at 20:44:42
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by stressed on October 5, 2004, at 19:37:08
I realized that all the antidepressants weren't working and went to my Dr demanding that something ELSE was wrong! He suggested I might be bipolar and set up a session with a psycho to evaluate me officially. In the meanwhile I went online and took several unoffical tests and came to the same conclusion. At first the psych didn't think I was, but I said...I think I am...guess who was right! He changed his mind after the tests came back. They are only more or less survey's. There aren't any blood tests ...THANK GOD! Not a fan of needles. So you can go online and take some tests to get an idea if you suspect so. Yes red is the ultimate hard color to imitate because of the color. It fades very easily. Husband needs puter...talking like caveman...type later...ugh...
Posted by iris2 on October 5, 2004, at 21:00:05
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 5, 2004, at 15:04:50
Thanks,
just read some of your posts and sometimes I wonder were someone is coming from.
irene
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 6, 2004, at 7:14:17
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » bridgey1128, posted by iris2 on October 5, 2004, at 21:00:05
What do you mean Irene? Where we are coming from in our advice? Where we are coming from in our experiences?
Posted by headachequeen on October 6, 2004, at 12:21:04
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 6, 2004, at 7:14:17
> What do you mean Irene? Where we are coming from in our advice? Where we are coming from in our experiences?
You beat me to it as usual... that post has me wondering too..
where whom is coming from... and with what? experiences or comments or attempts to help or what...
clarification needed I think :(
kat
Posted by headachequeen on October 6, 2004, at 12:30:07
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by stressed on October 5, 2004, at 19:37:08
> You are so right, I do need to back off at times. I'm trying to do that, but this little voice inside my head just keeps my mouth going. Trying to control everyone around me. My husband is very passive, and quiet, so we get along really well. My son is also just like his dad, and gets along with everyone. My daughter and I are just alike. What do you think of that?...... Are there any families that don't have problems? You know, I look at people and think they have it all together, but it seems everyone has an issue of some sort. How did you all find out you are bi-polar? (If you don't mind my asking) Unfortunatly I am not a redhead. I have tried several times, but the red won't stay in my hair. It fades away, and then there it is......that dirty blond with highlights. You girls are quite lucky. I also live in an area with seasonal changes, and it really does get depressing in the fall. Those dreary days. My daughter says she is really depressed, and I'm thinking its the topamax. She is taking Welbutrin as well, do you think that will help? By-the-way, you ARE therapy, and I thank God I found all of you here.
I think most of us find this place to be a form of therapy... there are people here who are help through the dreary days and times we all experience...
personally I have not found that the topomax is a depressant...
but that is just my experience, perhaps others have found differently...
it has been a great help in so many ways.. I especially like the missing migraines and am not about to post a missing migraine notice, believe me.
I also like the way it moderates the tegretol, making it easier to live with and under normal conditions lessening the breakthrough seizures.
as for welbutrin, I didn't find it a lot of help but that is just my experience again...
perhaps there is an anti-depressant that is more help for her though...
and something that is not disaster waiting to happen like effexor or zyprexa...on a totally different curve here, for those of you who are using topomax for seizures, I was reading about other seizure meds over the weekend, and have decided to stop my rants about the dread tegretol. The books I was reading had nothing about topomax but the drugs they mentioned had pages on tegretol and I have to admit it was scary reading... however, the alternative primary options were terrifying...
were tegretol can cause liver problems for instance, some of the others referred to liver failure...
and on it went...
guess I should put up with the devil I know???meanwhile, I had a call yesterday from the office of the new neurologist to inform me that he had reviewed my chart and had moved my appointment up to Tuesday next...
from early next year at the earliest to late November to 12 October...
I think I may have something to think about, even worry about....meanwhile Stressed, you and I are cut from the same cloth I think..
I am married to a very calm, laid-back man.. if he were any more relaxed we would have to check for vitals... my son is the same... in fact he has a blood pressure problem... it is too low...
can't be related to me at all LOL
my daughters are more like me but moderated by their fathers genetic disposition to some degree...
my son is a redhead with all that entails otherwise...
what a mixture...
kat
Posted by stressed on October 6, 2004, at 13:57:50
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 6, 2004, at 7:14:17
Iris...I'm confused, what do you mean where are we coming from. Just call me dense, I guess.
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 6, 2004, at 14:18:48
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by headachequeen on October 6, 2004, at 12:30:07
I know what you mean..my husband is pretty laid back. He is definitely the more passive one in the relationship. I feel like I almost have to nag him to get anything out of him. I am pretty controlling too. Must be a redhead thing. :P I think the Topomax has helped that a lot. I still struggle with it but because he is so passive and seems to be almost lackadasical about things I feel like I have to worry and stress about EVERYTHING! He tells me..you shouldn't worry so much! Well GEE! I hadn't thought about that! ONE of us has to! When he doesn't seem to care about anything or show any kind of emotion, whether he actually worries or not..I feel like I have to have the weight of the world on my shoulders. So I guess I come across as controlling in that respect because I feel like I have to do and worry about everything for the both of us when it comes to some things. Sometimes I would like to send him to a shrink. His facial expressions do not match his emotions sometimes. It's very odd. He can be telling me something horrid and smiling about it, but he says he's not happy. I don't know if this is his very odd way of trying to make me feel better about it but it's very unnerving. He also laughs at things that upset our son(who is ADHD) because he says that he wants him to know it's nothing to worry about....uh...this doesn't work. I have TRIED to explain this to him. I keep telling him he thinks that he is laughing AT him and making light of something that hurts and upsets him. WHY are some people so THICK! I really wonder if his emotions are screwed up sometimes. He is a very caring man and I know he loves me, but I cannot figure out why he does some things for the LIFE of me. Personality wise, our son is more like me and stresses more about things, so I tend to understand when he gets frustrated about things and I have to make my husband back off sometimes. Our son differs from me because he is more of an "engineer" personality and I am an "arts/music" person. Our daughter has more of my husbands laid back personality but more my artistic slant. She is the ultimate 3 year old redheaded diva. :P Don't get me wrong, she is very sweet, but she was BORN FOR THE STAGE! And she has an imagination to boot! And all the redhead elements. It's like they are both a perfect mix of our personalities and genes. He has daddy's hair color and mommy's eye color and looks like my brother the older he gets. Our daughter has curly hair like daddy with mommy's red flame but her daddy's blue eyes. I am hoping that neither one got mommy's bipolar. The ADHD was enough for our son. But he is on Concerta and doing great. Of course since he metabolizes like a redhead he has to take a regular Ritalin at 3pm. He's on the 54mg of Concerta. I dunno if that is a high dose or not. He's only 6 going to be 7 this month but this dose seems to be the one that works great. Well..I've rambled on enough again...
Posted by stressed on October 6, 2004, at 14:43:58
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 6, 2004, at 14:18:48
I have to get off this computer and get some things accomplished around here. I haven't done anything since I got home from work!! It's nice getting to know you. Oh, speaking of enineering? My husband is a Chemical Engineer, if that tells you anything about him! Gotta Go....
Posted by headachequeen on October 6, 2004, at 15:23:23
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 6, 2004, at 14:18:48
> I know what you mean..my husband is pretty laid back. He is definitely the more passive one in the relationship. I feel like I almost have to nag him to get anything out of him. I am pretty controlling too. Must be a redhead thing.
Oh we are something else, are we not <g>
My husband is calm, and easy going and does not fly off the handle about most things. I have seen him lose his temper only four times in all the years I have known him... wish I could say the same for myself (sigh)
He is inclined to work through a situation with the calm and sensible approach whereas I am inclined to the 'my way or the highway' approach...
controlling??? moi??? of course not...
my son went into the military... of course he did, I raised him for that life because it was the life I knew growing up and the life I understood... my husband grew up in civilian territory and does not understand either of us LOL
my daughters are highly dramatic and the younger is musical and has a magnificent voice and also looked toward the army as a career choice... that really confused my husband...
our adopted daughter, we adopted her when she was in her late teens because she needed to have family and a place to belong, is married to a soldier and went into the service her self when she was 25... says she felt it was something she had to do having been around me so much and is now a senior warrant officer... what we would have called a sergeant-major in my day...
controlling??? she????my psychiatrist says I suffer from adult hyperactive disorder, btw, Bridgey... and must have been hdd as a child... I am also a perfectionist... well, pardon me... I like things done properly and well... it is the way I was raised and being an only child it rather fell into being...
then there is this wonderful person I married who is patient and calm and the total foil to my overactive, demanding, perfectionist being...
we do make a pair...
but we have been together since we were in our late teens and we enjoy life together so very much... it must work...don't they say that opposites attract???
kat
Posted by iris2 on October 6, 2004, at 16:22:42
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » bridgey1128, posted by headachequeen on October 6, 2004, at 12:21:04
Please forgive me I honestly have no idea what in the h** I was talking about. I am very sorry especially as it seemed to be inclusive.
Irene
Posted by iris2 on October 6, 2004, at 16:28:15
In reply to Where are we coming from?, posted by stressed on October 6, 2004, at 13:57:50
Again my apologies. I reread some of the posts and I had not even read some of them. I have no idea what I was talking about. Perhaps I meant to post that somewhere else. I have to be honest and tell you I have no memory of posting this or why I would have.
Please forgive me.
irene
Posted by iris2 on October 6, 2004, at 16:29:59
In reply to Where are we coming from?, posted by stressed on October 6, 2004, at 13:57:50
Again sorry I also meant to say you are not dense perhaps I am occationally.
irene
Posted by stressed on October 7, 2004, at 8:20:21
In reply to Re: Where are we coming from? » stressed, posted by iris2 on October 6, 2004, at 16:29:59
I am totally dense, at least it seems so these days!!!
Posted by iris2 on October 7, 2004, at 9:51:28
In reply to Re: Where are we coming from? » iris2, posted by stressed on October 7, 2004, at 8:20:21
> I am totally dense, at least it seems so these days!!!
Please, please do not think this especially because of some post I posted that made no sense at all even to me. I can only think that perhaps I was tired and meant to post that somewhere else as it makes no sense to me in any context. Really I feel terrible. I reread some of the posts preceeding what I posted to see if I could get a handle on what I meant and it made NO SENSE to me, so why would it to you or anyone else. I am the dense one!
Again please accept my apologies for posting something that made no sense, had no common thread with what preceeded it and confused everyone including myself.
irene
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