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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 29. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by linkadge on October 5, 2004, at 10:59:43
I am *so* iritable I just want to smash everthing.
I go to class and I don't get a single thing the instructor says. NOTHING makes any sence. It's like the words have no meaning.
I hate life, and I am either going to drop out or kill myself, or both.
All these drugs I have taken have permanently destroyed my brain. I cannot do the simplest things any more. I used to laugh when people made comments like this but these drugs are just street drugs. Sure, they'll release some glutamate and make you feel good for a while but poop out is neurotoxicity, plain and simple.
Linkadge
Posted by linkadge on October 5, 2004, at 11:04:39
In reply to ready to kill myself, posted by linkadge on October 5, 2004, at 10:59:43
Posted by utopizen on October 5, 2004, at 11:07:49
In reply to ready to kill myself, posted by linkadge on October 5, 2004, at 10:59:43
ok, number one, hospitalization is my friend. I'm not going to tell you to go there, just tell you I liked the relief I got from school letting me not worry about my immediate commitments for a few days or however long I felt like staying.
second, it's not neurotoxicity, and this isn't permament. i've been down your road, where you feel like your short term memory is like some crack addict's and you can memorize anything for class and read anything and you feel like your IQ is lost for good.
It's not true. It's depression, and your drugs simply haven't treated it properly. plan and simple. everyone with chronic depression senses the same concern you pose, and trust me, it's not permament. your brain is simply trying to shut itself down because it feels overwhelmed right now. it still likes you though, and wants to come back when you feel ready.
call your psychiatrist-- page him. tell him you feel what you're feeling now. ask him what he advises. he or she went through med school and sacrificed a lot just to bring relief to people in moments such as yours. and there are better days.
Posted by utopizen on October 5, 2004, at 11:10:09
In reply to would 100mg of clonazepam do it ??? (nm), posted by linkadge on October 5, 2004, at 11:04:39
xxx
i'm not going to advise you on how to commit suicide, sorry. I think your posts have proven there would be too much lost, and too many people would have to suffer from having to see you leave them. would you really want to add suffering to this world, realizing how terrible suffering is for you? do you want to pass this suffering along to someone you love? I doubt it.
Posted by Sebastian on October 5, 2004, at 11:16:26
In reply to Re: ready to kill myself, posted by utopizen on October 5, 2004, at 11:07:49
I usualy feel that way shortly after stoping my meds. If you take what ever meds were working before, you start feeling better. If I am taking the wrong meds, I tend to feel bad also. If meds are ever buming you out, try taking half the doses for a while. That works better than the all or nothing.
Posted by utopizen on October 5, 2004, at 11:18:01
In reply to Re: would 100mg of clonazepam do it ???, posted by utopizen on October 5, 2004, at 11:10:09
first, think about puppies and sleepy cats, not your school work. It won't get done anyway.
Second, stimulants will not work for you at times like these, only frustrate you more that they're not helping you do work. So don't take them.
Third, call someone you'e comfortable talking with. Your school's doctor, the infirmary, your psychiatrist, your school's counseling services, your psychologist, whoever you feel comfortable talking with. AND USE THEIR PAGER NUMBER only.
Fourth, I'm guessing since you're a fellow ADDer, you're on stims already. It's okay. Take some Klonopin at the prescribed dose, if you've not taken some like I'm assuming. It will help you put things in perspective.
I ended up hospitalized one day during finals week because I took too many stimulants, I felt overwhelmed, and didn't take klonopin. Take your klonopin, even if you don't think it'll help. At the prescribed dose. (Unless you feel like entering a coma and waking up with charcoal in your mouth tomorrow, the only result that taking 100mg of Klonopin will lead to)
Posted by linkadge on October 5, 2004, at 11:24:52
In reply to Re: would 100mg of clonazepam do it ???, posted by utopizen on October 5, 2004, at 11:18:01
I'm not taking stimulants. Nor have I been diagnosed with ADD. I think they would make my situation worse.
Linkadge
Posted by utopizen on October 5, 2004, at 11:34:40
In reply to Re: would 100mg of clonazepam do it ???, posted by linkadge on October 5, 2004, at 11:24:52
> I'm not taking stimulants. Nor have I been diagnosed with ADD. I think they would make my situation worse.
>
>
> Linkadgeok, you're right. but it's clear you've skipped your doses of klonopin, given your stash of 100mg. Take it as prescribed, and it'll help you take control of the situation better. One step at a time- take your Klonopin, call someone you trust using a pager number, and you'll be fine.
Posted by mattw84 on October 5, 2004, at 12:12:53
In reply to Re: would 100mg of clonazepam do it ???, posted by utopizen on October 5, 2004, at 11:34:40
Actually, clonazepam can cause depression or worsen it. Which I suspect may be the case, becaue I believe you recently switched to the Klonopin? You also were discussing adding nicotine to the daily regime... which if you have, will make you lose it. (Trust me, I am 1.5 months into my quit!)
xxx
I too have felt the despair you are going through right now; still can't tell you what the point of life is. I do however know that suicide is quite selfish and cowardly and doesn't solve anything, just creates a whole lot more problems for others. Pick yourself back up and call whoever you need to call... go see the doc... go get a tattoo or peircing... whatever, just move on. This isn't the end.
Make certain you do discuss this with your doc, even if klonopin has been your lifeline til now their are similar alternatives to it that have the same effect minus the depression.
Good luck Link, keep us posted.
Matt
Posted by jparsell82` on October 5, 2004, at 12:20:48
In reply to Re: Ready to go..... you have our attention..., posted by mattw84 on October 5, 2004, at 12:12:53
Yes, Klonopin can make your depression much worse. It's supposedly the most depressing benzo besides maybe tranxene. I took it because it did wonders for my anxiety and irritability. But it game me memory problems, concentration problems and excacerbated my depression. That's why I'm looking for an alternative benzo right now. I should get my Librium this week... I've heard it's not as bad on your cognitive function and it can also be somewhat anti-depressing for some people. Maybe you should try a different benzo?
Posted by Racer on October 5, 2004, at 13:03:23
In reply to ready to kill myself, posted by linkadge on October 5, 2004, at 10:59:43
Second, no one wants to see you go that way. I don't think anyone here will help you give up, because so many of us have an emotional investment in you. That may not seem like anything to you right now, but you know what? Hearing that people on these boards care enough to want me to live has helped me in the past. I give that caring to you now.
Third. The drugs are probably not causing permanent damage to you, although I feel that way too -- WHEN I AM DEPRESSED. (And, with that eating disorder, think how I react to the idea of what the weight gain has done to me? Especially since now, with the ED back in play, the extra skin is flapping around. It *does* feel as if they've done permanent damage. It just isn't really true.) No one really knows what the drugs do long term -- what we know, though, those of us who have been treated successfully, is what they do short term: they allow us to function. They improve the quality of our lives.
The goal, linkadge, is to improve the quality of our lives by allowing us to function at a more optimal level. If you have not yet reached this goal, it's time to get aggressive with your doctor. Take a list of the syptoms that are bothering you most to your next appointment, and talk to him about how to address those problems. Then, give the drugs a fair chance to work for you -- about six to eight weeks to reach full effectiveness for most. If the first drug doesn't work, talk to your doctor about either augmenting it or changing it. Work *with* your doctor, be a full partner in your treatment, and make remission your goal.
If you're in school, go find out what sort of counseling they offer, and make use of that resource, too -- even if all you do is use it to support you through the adjustment to new medications. Make use of all the available resources. They may not be perfect, but they may keep you alive and safe until you do reach remission.
Best luck.
Posted by woolav on October 5, 2004, at 13:03:39
In reply to Re: Ready to go..... you have our attention..., posted by jparsell82` on October 5, 2004, at 12:20:48
Linkage, have you been taking the klonopin? It doesnt seem so, if you have that many. So, what are you taking right now??? I cant remember (how ironic) if you just stopped taking something or not...
So...whats your drug combo right now??
Sandy
Posted by linkadge on October 5, 2004, at 13:08:00
In reply to Re: Ready to go..... you have our attention..., posted by jparsell82` on October 5, 2004, at 12:20:48
Just drank 2 cups of coffee.
I don't know what it is about coffee but it seems to solve a lot of problems for me.
I can concentrate and I can think more rationally (more linearly).
Doing a bit better this afternoon.
It scares me how my mood can flucuate like that.
Not sure what to do. I think that the zoloft makes me feel suicidal for the first few hours after the dose. I feel beter later in the day.
Linkadge
Posted by linkadge on October 5, 2004, at 13:24:46
In reply to Re: Ready to go..... you have our attention..., posted by linkadge on October 5, 2004, at 13:08:00
right now I am taking zoloft 50mg clonazepam 1mg and perhaps adding doxepin 10mg tonight.
Linkadge
Posted by alesta on October 5, 2004, at 13:52:08
In reply to Re: Ready to go..... you have our attention..., posted by linkadge on October 5, 2004, at 13:08:00
hi, link,
i'm speculating here, but the reason you may feel that coffee solves a lot of your problems is that caffeine increases dopamine. and, as you know, the zoloft is increasing your serotonin but at the expense of your dopamine. this is not a good thing. have you considered trying a drug that raises both? my suggestion would be parnate. it will also increase norepinephrine..i have a feeling you'd be much better off..amy
Posted by linkadge on October 5, 2004, at 15:09:32
In reply to Re: Ready to go..... you have our attention... » linkadge, posted by alesta on October 5, 2004, at 13:52:08
I think you're partially right. Dopamine has a grounding effect.
Linkadge
Posted by mcp on October 5, 2004, at 15:19:29
In reply to Re: Ready to go..... you have our attention..., posted by linkadge on October 5, 2004, at 15:09:32
Linkadge, what is your e-mail?
Posted by olysi79 on October 5, 2004, at 16:47:18
In reply to ready to kill myself, posted by linkadge on October 5, 2004, at 10:59:43
Linkadge,
PLEASE don't do that.... I have faith that you will be just fine, no joke on that :) right now I feel good, just yesterday I was have the "s" ideations... when I feel that way.. I tell myself, "I have too much respect for myself to do that"... and right now I'm in a good mood, have an overall sense of well being, and am facing up to life :) It won't last, but guess what, it'll come back again :) jsut take it a day at a time... look for a little thing to swing up, enjoy your good moods. you'll be ok! :)
> I am *so* iritable I just want to smash everthing.
>
> I go to class and I don't get a single thing the instructor says. NOTHING makes any sence. It's like the words have no meaning.
>
> I hate life, and I am either going to drop out or kill myself, or both.
>
> All these drugs I have taken have permanently destroyed my brain. I cannot do the simplest things any more. I used to laugh when people made comments like this but these drugs are just street drugs. Sure, they'll release some glutamate and make you feel good for a while but poop out is neurotoxicity, plain and simple.
>
>
>
>
> Linkadge
Posted by linkadge on October 5, 2004, at 16:59:23
In reply to Re: ready to kill myself, posted by olysi79 on October 5, 2004, at 16:47:18
Posted by zeugma on October 5, 2004, at 18:31:04
In reply to Re: ready to kill myself, posted by olysi79 on October 5, 2004, at 16:47:18
the klonopin can have a depressant effect (in the mood sense), but it would not be immediate. it can be a very calming drug and will get your amygdala under control.
i think what alesta said is right- caffeine indirectly stimulates DA. I am drinking it now after an AWFUL day and i feel somewhat better.
dopamine can have a grounding effect, unfortunately it is proving difficult for me to get dosages etc. right. i take 30 mg Ritalin LA but it seems to do nothing on its own but make me nervous. With about 20 mg Strattera SOMETIMES i get a dopaminergic (or noradrenergic) effect that resembles what i got from provigil and ritalin, but less reliably (the effectiveness of these damned meds seems to be in inverse proportion to their effectiveness.)
a little doxepin is good for sleep... I would say giving a TCA a trial might be a good idea. Nortriptyline is effective for me, in its way, but i also have ADD, and terrible anxiety, , so I have added Strattera, klonopin, god knows what to keep me going. And caffeine: the only substance other than Provigil that actually seems to wake me up.
-z
Posted by Sebastian on October 5, 2004, at 19:17:33
In reply to Re: ready to kill myself » olysi79, posted by zeugma on October 5, 2004, at 18:31:04
Maybe stoping the zoloft will help?
Posted by utopizen on October 5, 2004, at 22:23:34
In reply to Re: Ready to go..... you have our attention..., posted by linkadge on October 5, 2004, at 13:24:46
> right now I am taking zoloft 50mg clonazepam 1mg and perhaps adding doxepin 10mg tonight.
>
>
> Linkadgemy new doc was shocked i was only at 100mg, saying that was a really low dose. try 200mg.
and lots of people try two antidepressants at once, although that call is up to your doc. and adding an antipsychoticc COMBINED (not alone) often helps. Just appreciate that there's a ton more left, and lots do not respond at the really low doses you're on.
But obsessive thoughts tend to lead to suicidal ideation. I realize you are smart and know klonopin has the depression side effect. But this is REALLY over-simplifying things. For some, it may, but for me it took me AWAY from obsessing over my meds, my failure to find treatment. etc.
Posted by Jasmineneroli on October 6, 2004, at 0:03:10
In reply to Re: Ready to go..... you have our attention..., posted by utopizen on October 5, 2004, at 22:23:34
Link, seems to me that you really need to see your Pdoc again ASAP. You sound like me about 18 months ago. Try the Klon at bedtime and the coffee in the am until you get to see your doc. Maybe you should take the Zoloft at night too????
I find that SOME coffee will help me focus and not be scatterbrained from anxiety and stress. The Klon. then does the calming. Too much coffee gives me irritability and insomnia.
I agree with the others about a dopaminergic drug added into your mix....but I really hate the thought of taking any MORE drugs, so I understand your frustration.
Please get help, because you are sounding more and more negative and hopeless in your posts. Like
everyone has said....WE CARE! Look after yourself :)
Jas
Posted by TheOutsider on October 6, 2004, at 6:19:32
In reply to Re: Ready to go..... you have our attention..., posted by Jasmineneroli on October 6, 2004, at 0:03:10
We need people with your knowledge on this board.
Regarding drugs I wonder if you have tried adrafanil, it did work very well for me, keeping me awake and calm. I also find low dose dexedrine can be calming.
Posted by alesta on October 6, 2004, at 10:26:32
In reply to Re: Ready to go..... you have our attention..., posted by Jasmineneroli on October 6, 2004, at 0:03:10
> I agree with the others about a dopaminergic drug added into your mix....just to be clear,
i'm not suggesting an add-on, but a switch of meds (replacing the zoloft with something else, as he is not doing well, and it is difficult to augment an SSRI).another great drug you could try besides parnate would be provigil. it has great ratings for depression, and might help your focus and concentration as well. you might try that first! and it goes great with klonopin. hope you feel better, kid..let me or any of us know if we can help..hope you feel better.:)
take care,:)
amy
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