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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by DanielJ on November 3, 2003, at 7:12:52
In reply to Im i deppressed, posted by geri122 on November 2, 2003, at 17:17:56
We are here to support you. My son just turned 16.He had major problems including depression starting over 3 years ago. He would not admit he needed help and in spite of our efforts to get him to therapy, he stonewalled us.... and the therapist. 4 mo ago he had a major psychotic episode. He is under treatment now taking medications. His improvement has been no less than a miracle Don't be afraid to talk to us or a therapist about the way you feel. Disclosure of your true feelings and fears to a therapist will be held in strict confidence so no one else will know. Sometimes just talking about your situation and the pressures you are faced with can help you on your way to being happy and problem free again!
Posted by geri122 on November 3, 2003, at 15:01:39
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed, posted by DanielJ on November 3, 2003, at 7:12:52
I try to tell a friend, i have everything that i want to say but i can't. i get scared.. i've never been good with words. Its not just something that occured it everything. I have felt like this for a long time, i always bottle my feeling up, wait till i get home and cry in my room. Im tired of pretending to be somthing im not, because im not happy. I mean yeah i could turn to somebody a friend or someone, but seriously, how do you tell someone you love that you are deppressed. i know there there are counclers, but im afraid.. scared and alone. u say tell my parents.. that scares me even worse. i feel don't have a good connection with them. I have all of this anger and distrust that i have keep inside that i don't know what to do with it. People don't know how i feel, or at least i feel like the don't. I know you prob. think im just sayen this for attention, i mean everyone else seems to, but im not. im really not
Posted by Elle2021 on November 5, 2003, at 1:00:53
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed, posted by geri122 on November 3, 2003, at 15:01:39
When I told my doctor that I was depressed for the first time, I just said, "I think I'm depressed." Then she asked why I felt that way, and I tried to describe how I felt. It was scary for me, but probably the best thing I have ever done for my mental health. I don't think your doing this for attention, I believe you because I know how it feels. Please allow yourself to get the help you need. God bless you.
Elle
Posted by geri122 on November 5, 2003, at 17:05:43
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed » geri122, posted by Elle2021 on November 5, 2003, at 1:00:53
Im scared, im really scared. I mean i took the step to telling my best friend, but that does not change the way i feel. It took me months to tell her, how can i let go and just tell a total stranger. I don't even know where to go?
Posted by LynneDa on November 5, 2003, at 17:27:40
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed, posted by geri122 on November 5, 2003, at 17:05:43
> Im scared, im really scared. I mean i took the step to telling my best friend, but that does not change the way i feel. It took me months to tell her, how can i let go and just tell a total stranger. I don't even know where to go?
Geri122:
Hi there! Of course you're scared and that is OK, very normal! You did a great thing by posting to this board, for starters. Secondly, telling a friend is another good step. If you can't talk about how you feel, write about it, like you're doing here. When I was a teenager I went through a bad time, probably when my depression started - felt like I was in a hole and I just couldn't climb out. Writing in a journal was a life-saver, it was an assignment for school. The teacher read it and spent a lot of time talking to me. I think he saved my life in many ways.So, can you write a note and give it to a counselor at school? Jot down the type of things you've written here. It won't take much for them to understand your situation. Just ask her/him for a phone number or place you can go that is geared toward helping teens. If you don't want to talk to someone at school, during school hours, that's okay.
Please know you are not alone! As disconnected as you may feel from your parents, I know they don't want you to hurt. My dad totally shocked me at how supportive he was when I started talking to him about my depression - at age 14. Do you have another relative you can talk to - grandparent, aunt or cousin?
You are reaching out for help and we are proud of you! We're here for you. Please realize that this is not you, it's your body's chemicals. You can find your way out of this. It took me over 20 years to do it. I don't want to see that happen to you!!!
~ Lynne
Posted by Elle2021 on November 6, 2003, at 4:39:33
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed, posted by geri122 on November 5, 2003, at 17:05:43
Congratulations, you took the first step. I'm proud of you for telling your best friend. You really need to get into a regular doctor's office for a visit. Make the appointment. When you get there, take a deep breath, and just relax. Tell the doctor you have been feeling really sad and depressed, tell her how long you have felt that way. Don't be afraid to tell her/him, they hear this type of thing on a daily basis. You are not alone in your struggle with depression. You will be surprised that the doctor won't make a big deal out of it, he/she will want to help you. Please do this for yourself. I have been in your same situation. I got help when I was about 17, one of the best things I ever did for my mental health. Don't be afraid. God bless you hon.
-Elle
Posted by geri122 on November 6, 2003, at 19:24:29
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed » geri122, posted by Elle2021 on November 6, 2003, at 4:39:33
I know that i have made the first step... that is a big deal. i had to though i could not hide it anymore, I use to be able to hide how i feel, but now i can't. What doctors do i go to, i mean i don't know where i could go. THe biggest thing is i don't want my parents to know. I know that is sad, but its the truth, They will think im doing this for attention. i guess that is what makes it harder. I don't know. i guess i know that if i tell an adult, they will have to know, i don;t know if i can take the bagage that will come with that!
Posted by geri122 on November 6, 2003, at 19:30:31
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed » geri122, posted by LynneDa on November 5, 2003, at 17:27:40
yeah i know that i have taken steps. But i get these feelings in my stomache. i mean i am soo scared that i am making myself physically sick. I don't have much of an appetite. THe only meal i eat all day is dinner, just so my parents don't get suspicious. i know i know, its not good for me.. but i don't know what elese to do
Posted by sfmom on November 6, 2003, at 20:35:12
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed, posted by geri122 on November 6, 2003, at 19:24:29
Like many people on this site, I too went through a major depression as a teenager. But unlike you, I didn't know what it was or what to do about it. Luckily for me, when my grades dropped and I was put on academic probation (that's not the lucky part) my school made me see a counselor who happened to be a wonderful therapist and probably saved my life. Your parents do not have to know unless you want them to. Unless you are in danger of hurting yourself or others, a therapist cannot tell anyone! If your school does not have a therapist or counselor, how about a priest or a rabbi or some other religious leader? If you're not affiliated with a congregation, most cities have a "youth line" or "crisis line" to help teenagers. If you are comfortable telling me what city you live in, I can get you some phone numbers. If you don't want to post it here, you can e-mail me at lolasov@yahoo.com. I don't know what else to say except that I have been where you are and I came out the other side. It sucked while it lasted though. I know it's hard to keep perspective when you're in the middle of a black hole, but you WILL come out the other side of this and at some point in the future you will look back on this and say, "That sure sucked, but I got through it." You are obviously brave and ready to start healing. We're here to help you every step of the way. --Lyssa
Posted by Elle2021 on November 7, 2003, at 8:05:19
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed, posted by geri122 on November 6, 2003, at 19:24:29
The correct doctor to go to first is just a plain old doctor, the kind you go to when you don't feel well. In fact, it wouldn't be a lie if you told your parents that you needed to go to the doctor because you don't feel well...that way they don't know exactly what is making you feel sick. (You mentioned that you are making yourself physically ill in another post). The doctor will more than likely prescribe you some anti-depressants, he/she may give you some samples first. BUT, eventually you will have to get the prescription. Then your parents are going to find out. The way I told my parents about it, was just that the doctor had said I looked depressed, asked me some questions and concluded that I could benefit from anti-depressants. My mom understood (she suffers from social anxiety, so she had been on them too). My dad, knowing what I'm like without anti-depressants also supports my taking medications. Your right, eventually as much as you want to, it is going to be nearly impossible to hide how you feel. Please get the doctors app., when you get there just tell the doc you have been feeling depressed, describe your symptoms in as much detail as possible. Remember, they deal with this kind of thing every day. If you want, you can ask for a referral to a psychiatrist, therapist, counselor, or psychologist. Either way, please make the next step. You will be so proud of yourself for taking care of your body and mental health. God bless you and keep me updated.
Elle> I know that i have made the first step... that is a big deal. i had to though i could not hide it anymore, I use to be able to hide how i feel, but now i can't. What doctors do i go to, i mean i don't know where i could go. THe biggest thing is i don't want my parents to know. I know that is sad, but its the truth, They will think im doing this for attention. i guess that is what makes it harder. I don't know. i guess i know that if i tell an adult, they will have to know, i don;t know if i can take the bagage that will come with that!
Posted by LynneDa on November 7, 2003, at 9:06:41
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed » geri122, posted by sfmom on November 6, 2003, at 20:35:12
Lyssa - I'm so glad you gave her your email! I was trying to figure out how we are allowed to make further contact and help find resources for her!!
Geri122 - I've been thinking about you a lot. I have a 7 year old and I hope that if she's ever in your shoes, she will reach out for help in whatever way she can. We all care about you and completely understand what you're going through. I can just about 100% guarantee that once you talk to a doctor and start getting help, you will feel so much better! Now that yours has moved into the physical realm with feeling sick to your stomach (& that too is a very normal reaction to feeling this sad), a doctor will be doubly concerned with getting you well.Please write to Lyssa and keep writing here so we know you're okay. Hang in there, you will get through this!!
~ Lynne
Posted by geri122 on November 7, 2003, at 14:35:49
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed, posted by LynneDa on November 7, 2003, at 9:06:41
yeah.. i hope that your daughter too feels like she can turn to you. i don't know what worse, feeling this way, or not being able to tell ur parents. Word of advice.... when they tell you somthings wrong, don't tell the they are doing it for attention, ( ifs is a problem that is relevant)
Posted by geri122 on November 7, 2003, at 14:40:05
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed » geri122, posted by Elle2021 on November 7, 2003, at 8:05:19
u said that eventually my parents will have tofind out.. who will tell them
Posted by geri122 on November 7, 2003, at 14:44:52
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed » geri122, posted by sfmom on November 6, 2003, at 20:35:12
"they can't tell".. that is one reason im afraid, the other... well to tell the truth, i am embarrased. Im from Erie.. i hope this helps.
Posted by LynneDa on November 7, 2003, at 14:45:02
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed, posted by geri122 on November 7, 2003, at 14:35:49
Hi! Thanks for the words of advice with my daughter. When she gets to a certain age, I plan to tell her about my experiences so that she'll hopefully know I'll understand if she feels the same way at some point. I'm sorry you don't feel you can talk to your parents. Maybe you can write them a letter at some point if you can't talk to them.
Are you going to get in touch w/ Lyssa (sfmom) so she can help you get to some local resources? I have to say, I thought living in a mind fog and having bouts of feeling like I was in a hole was normal until I got help!
Keep your head up, kiddo, I'm pulling for you! :-)
~ Lynne
Posted by LynneDa on November 7, 2003, at 15:57:33
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed, posted by geri122 on November 7, 2003, at 14:44:52
Hi! Here is a number for a crisis hotline you can call in Erie. I called it first and explained the situation a bit and they said they'd be able to direct you to some resources and try to help!
814/ 456-2014.Don't be embarrassed! There's a guy who's posting here who says he runs a multi-million dollar company and is very, very depressed, in his 40s and is just now seeking help. Everybody's got something, they just don't talk about it - which only makes it worse. Good luck!
~ Lynne
Posted by Dr. Bob on November 7, 2003, at 19:08:56
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed, posted by LynneDa on November 7, 2003, at 15:57:33
> Hi! Here is a number for a crisis hotline you can call in Erie...
Thanks, everyone, for reaching out to Geri. I'd like follow-ups not related to medication, however, to be redirected to Psycho-Social-Babble. Here's a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031031/msgs/277593.html
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by geri122 on November 8, 2003, at 15:55:26
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed, posted by LynneDa on November 7, 2003, at 14:45:02
no prob with the help i mean, its the lest i could do, everyone seems to help people but me.
Posted by katia on November 9, 2003, at 15:27:10
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed, posted by geri122 on November 8, 2003, at 15:55:26
Hi Geri,
I just found your thread here and my heart goes out to you. I'm 33 and just a year ago I decided to finally acknowledge my own depression of 19 years+ and sought out help with medication. I spent a good year trying different antidepressants that weren't working to finally come to a diagnosis of bipolar II disorder, in which case I need a different type of medication - mood stabilizers. It just takes some preserverance to get the right med. And if you do go that route, just know that and don't get discouraged if the first one doesn't work. And know that if the med doesn't work it doesn't mean that you are not depressed - for you seem clearly depressed to me.I wish i'd have asked for help at your age. I just had no idea what was going on with me other than I was scared to death for years on end hiding away. I am grieving all those lost years now, thankful on one hand that I finally got help, but regretful of all the lost relationships, jobs, and time due to this "thing" I had no idea what "it" was; just something I needed to run from and hide away from other people.
I suggest if anything, since you say you're having a hard time expressing yourself print out your posts here and show them to your parents or a counselor. You went straight to the core of my experience with your words and I found you are very able to express your inner world. "For every smile i fake, i cry a thousands tears"
What you said there was so beautiful and I know exactly what you mean.
You may be surprised at the respsone you'll get. It may help to start with a "professional" and then that professional can relay the message that you are indeed ill and not faking anything. What I've found is that most people don't understand what depression is and just need some education. It's an invisible torment that most people cannot understand unless they experience it for themselves unfortunately.
It seems that this has been going on long enough that maybe medication is needed. and medication comes from a professional who can help guide you through this. You might be surprised at the support you get by reaching out.
good luck to you. And you are on the right track just by reaching out to this board and acknowledging your own depression. It'll save you years of torment to start addressing it now.
take good care,
Katia
Posted by geri122 on November 9, 2003, at 16:13:15
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed » geri122, posted by katia on November 9, 2003, at 15:27:10
yeah i know that this has been a big step into getting help.. and all i hear is tell someone. But when it comes to words i can't express it. I try to write it down on paper, but i never end up giving it to that person. another problem that i have is the fact that i don't want my parents to know. They won't understand, they'll think im faking, well im not. My dad is well know.. i mean he has worked for the community for years, i know that it will get back to him. I guess that i feel comfortable here because no one knows my identy. this is the easiest way i know i can express myself. i want to call a hot line, maybe see a councler, but to me its not that easy!
Posted by katia on November 9, 2003, at 16:34:38
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed, posted by geri122 on November 9, 2003, at 16:13:15
I know it's hard. It's probably the hardest step to reach out. But you never know until you try. Especially if you see a professional FIRST. It may just be that it doesn't even have to be you who tells your parents. It could be a professional who can "handle" their initial reactions and then the professional can educate them that you are INDEED NOT faking it. Over the years, I used to hide everything from my parents until I was about 21 and I started telling them about things I was going through and I couldn't believe the response. They were so supportive and understanding and grateful I let them in.
In regards to your father being a big figure in the community, a lot of people who are public figures have come out in public and announced they suffer from depression. it's not a fault of yours, nor is it a character flaw. And you'd be surprised at how many suffer from this in hiding. It's a disorder, like diabetes. Would you feel ashamed, scared or hide that from your parents or a doctor if you had diabetes? Depression is simply (or not so!) an "illness" that sometimes needs medication and/or talk therapy. In this day and age, it's becoming far more accepted, talked about, and acknowledged (depression) that you may be surprised at the support you receive. To be fair, maybe you should let your parents have the chance to give you a response to this. they might be so grateful that you came to them. Who knows, they may be sensing something, but don't know how to approach you. I understand that your fear is great. But even if you did tell them and they responded by telling you that your just trying to get attention then you know that they aren't the ones to get support from, at least at first.
But like the others on this board, I suggest you try a hotline or a school counselor. Everything would be confidential - no one would have to know except you and that professional. I understand your fear and you are in a lonely and frightening place that could get better if you finally are able to reach out for help.
I know you have to do it in your own time. In the meantime, this board is one support for you.
a big hug to you,
Katia
Posted by sfmom on November 9, 2003, at 19:54:15
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed » geri122, posted by katia on November 9, 2003, at 16:34:38
Hi Geri,
I am 29 years old and was still afraid to tell my parents. But when I told my dad he shocked me by telling me that he had been suffering from the same thing for years and was currently on medication for depression and anxiety! I'm not suggesting that your dad will say the same thing, I'm only suggesting that he may suprise you. I agree with Katia that printing out your posts from here would be a great way to begin to talk about your illness. Did you call the hotline number that Lynne got for you? It's a great place to start and it's totally confidential. Keep us informed, we truly care about you. Love, Lyssa
Posted by geri122 on November 10, 2003, at 16:36:30
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed, posted by sfmom on November 9, 2003, at 19:54:15
I know.. and i have come close to saying things, but i always get scared... i know that i must say something.. but i obly have one year left a highschool, then i could do it without them knowing
Posted by geri122 on November 10, 2003, at 16:43:53
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed » geri122, posted by katia on November 9, 2003, at 16:34:38
you guys don't know what it means to be able to talk to someone who is/was dealing with it. ive never been able to use words.. afraid of what they will say or think. for once in my life.. i feel comfort. The sad thing is.. ive never met you, i should feel the comfort with my family and friends.
Posted by katia on November 10, 2003, at 17:50:27
In reply to Re: Im i deppressed, posted by geri122 on November 10, 2003, at 16:43:53
> you guys don't know what it means to be able to talk to someone who is/was dealing with it. ive never been able to use words.. afraid of what they will say or think. for once in my life.. i feel comfort. The sad thing is.. ive never met you, i should feel the comfort with my family and friends.
Hi Geri,
I do know what it means, very well. I was just talking about this w/ my therapist. There are friends that I've had for years who don't get what it means to be depressed. And that hurts. I know they don't mean to be cruel. But my suffering feels unvalidated and I feel unseen. It's terribly lonely. Unfortunately, sometimes people who are close to you don't understand it, because foruntately for them they've never experienced it. I hear all the time - "everyone has ups and downs". But they have no idea what they are talking about. Depression is far more encompassing than JUST sadness. I also feel it's sad that people on this board who I've never met, understand me better than people who I know face to face.
I'm searching for a place in my life where I can still have these friends/people in my life, but not reach a certain depth that I wish for. I can only get that from certain people and it's something I have to accept.
I'm glad you're here and you're posting. And I think you can use words - very well. I even told my therapist what you said - "For every smile I fake, I cry a thousand tears". Her response was "wow" very poignant. I told her with that sentence you've describe so much of my life.
take care,
Katia
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