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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Shanti on March 20, 2002, at 13:48:45
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? » Allen F., posted by Reneeb on March 20, 2002, at 12:26:52
> > I have been withdrawing, slowly, from Effexor and am tired. Energy level is low. Emotionally I am exhausted, not so much by "depression" but by all that has been going on. I am tired as being defined by "depression." Seems all the books I read, doctors I see, or people I talk to are in some way or another related to the subject. I also have found that its an easy thing to blame, rather than others taking responsibity for their own actions. "He's just depressed" ... when, no I am not, I just don't like their behavior, but I have been labled with the diagnoses.
> >
> > Well, have written to much. Didn't mean to bend your ear so much.
> >
> > a
>
> Hi Allen, you can never write to much. I understand about the effexor since I am also weaning myself off it as we speak. I am doing it a little slower than most people here, but I couldn't stand the side effects. I also understand about labels and people not taking responsiblity for their actions. Hey, just remember you are not alone and there are many of us here that really do know what you are feeling.
>
> Just keep posting your feelings. I believe it helps.
>
> Take care,
>
> ReneeHi Allen
this is shanti i will listen (you talked about talking too much - have you seen any of my posts haha!!)
"he's just depressed" - how many times have we heard that? for me most of my life and if not depressed, then sad, so on and so on.
you are right it's because we don't like what they are doing to us and maybe "in this state" (for me anyway) is when i tell it like it is in a matter of fact way instead of being the kind loving person that i usually am (i also get that it is PMS because it happens at that time)
yesterday and today and maybe 2-3 more days will be like this. i have been thinking about how to describe so here i go - everything in my body feels 100 times more attund to EVERYTHING about me and the world around me?
it used to make me very sick (hence cramps, nausea, etc) but with a lot of work and still (this is my next step writing about it) going through it i know i may never cure myself but i can certainly integrate it into my life as a positive rather than a negative.
going back to feeling attund - my emotions are uncontrolable - electricity?? so i pray as i go through it because for some reason i have been chosen to experience it and therefore i will, but, instead of with the unloving heart i had about it (my "sickness") i am going to chose the loving heart.
i once read that you must experience good to know bad think about it happy to know sad, success to know poverty (just reverse everything) it depends on how you look at life i guess
i would like to say one thing about the friends i have here at this post:
in here we can say and feel anything we want because we will not see the reaction from the person on the other side reading this message therefore we do not have to experience the feeling of being weird, off centre, crazy, depressed, what ever else the "perfect society" calls it but in here if the recepient doesn't like what we expressed it's ok they can choose to not follow up and maybe meet someone else they feel better connected to.
i would like to touch back on the topic about " people taking responsibility for themselves" is it because we are so vulnerable that they lay their shit on us (but we do allow it becasue we do have the choice to allow it or not - very hard to get at but can be done!)
becasue i get so easily caught up in others shit by being the peacemaker and before you know it they are after me.
before i go on i want to offer another opinion about the process of healing from my own experience........
when i find something that will help "fix me" as the "perfect ones call it" i believe there not fixer uppers but opportunities to learn about something new
i go at it at 300% and everything is peachy keen and bang - without seeing it coming, my "being" changes (shall we call it instead of DP!) and wham i go backwards what seems like 3000% the times i was the time before so go slowly my friends, as they say "good things come to those who wait" and may i add on "we are never given anything until we are truly ready" and for us we think that is being cured of whatever it is this thing is called.........
peace
your friend
shanti
Posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 13:53:51
In reply to Re: dealing with the loss of friends??? - Shanti, posted by Shanti on March 19, 2002, at 21:46:34
> hi angel girl
>
> thanks for the hugs and prayers, i literally felt them (through my head ((if you follow the shakras(SPELLING?)the head is one of the places where you receive and release energy and i could feel yours coming through (it feels like a headache but once you recognize it it becomes a good headache so to speak))
>
> instead of looking at the absence of your frienship right now, think of it as more time for you to heal on your own (remember the healing can never begin until the want comes from within)
>
> Ah, books and music, yes, my hope for you is to begin to read that book from your brother, it will answer some questions you have been thinking about lately!
>
> Shawn Mullins both cd's i can relate to him! Chris Isack sort of you have to see him and understand me i guess to hear anything?
> U2 definetly messages from above!
> many different songs usually relating to times in my life i am going through at the moment
>
> like right now Grammy 2000 cd for some reason most of these songs i can relate to right now (thank you) especially Alicia Keys (my husband) Elton John all i hear is Robert Downey Jr. because he is the only person in this video in a big open, lonely room - if you haven't seen it you should. i love how he is expressing himself
> also the song that is from a blusy sort of band (don't know there name - the song was from the movie brother art thou or something - awesome ! i realte to marshall tucker band sort of music
>
> love life - match box 20 i saw them in detroit at St. Andrew's hall - big open space holds about 2000 people? general admission (we paid $50 us = $75 canadian or sometimes $99 canadian ha ha for a $25 us ticket) was it worth it hell yes, Rob Thomas made love to my soul that night and not in the kinky way people would assume.
>
> i could go on and on!
>
> i have a cd burner if you would like i can burn these and send them to you (i did post earlier with a thread called angel and i'm not sure if you saw it but i picked up something for you and would like to send it if i may have your email address to then receive your mailing address)
>
> as for Sarah, oh sweet Sarah, the other cd i like is Possession, actually i think i will listen to that tomorrow and introduce my daughter to it! as for the others, not really do i listen to them but i am certainly looking forward to her next (she had a baby did you know?)
>
> paula cole, for those of us who have encountered sexual abuse
>
> the list goes on and on! for me music is defenitely theraputic through the good times and the bad!
>
> talk to you soon,
> peace
> your friend
> shanti
Hi ShantiI hope you are doing a bit better today. I HATE those bad days.
I must have missed your post to me before, I don't remember seeing it.
You can email me at canadianangelgirl@hotmail.com
I don't have any of that music you were recommending. Do you know the name of that Elton John song that you like the video for??? It sounds quite interesting and I'd love to see if I can find it on the net somewhere. Is it a new song or and old one? I don't think I've ever seen a video of his like you're describing.
I've been giving some thought lately to what music we listen to when we are depressed. I don't know what other people do but when I'm in an extremely depressed state, I can't listen to the music that I would normally listen to, it's too upbeat or happy. I would always put in Sarah McLachlan's "Surfacing" CD or something by Jewel. I find them more soothing. But lately I've been wondering if my mood would get better if I tried to listen to something more upbeat and if listening to mellow music is just prolonging my depressed state. Do you know what I mean?? Is this making any sense??? I'd like to get opinions on what y'all think about this.
I look forward to your email Shanti. That was very sweet of you to pick something up for me. You didn't have to do that, especially since you barely even know me.
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 14:02:02
In reply to Re: Anyone had success on Effexor XR? , posted by Allen F. on March 20, 2002, at 9:08:11
> I have been withdrawing, slowly, from Effexor and am tired. Energy level is low. Emotionally I am exhausted, not so much by "depression" but by all that has been going on. I am tired as being defined by "depression." Seems all the books I read, doctors I see, or people I talk to are in some way or another related to the subject. I also have found that its an easy thing to blame, rather than others taking responsibity for their own actions. "He's just depressed" ... when, no I am not, I just don't like their behavior, but I have been labled with the diagnoses.
>
> Well, have written to much. Didn't mean to bend your ear so much.
>
> a
Hi AllenPlease don't hesitate to tell us how you're feeling. That's what we all come here for, to hear everybody else's experiences and hopefully learn from them. Sometimes it's good just to see you're not the only one who feels the way that you do. I know what you mean about being labelled as depressed. But what I hate even more is when I'm called mentally ill. I cringe when I hear that phrase. :( But unfortunately, that is what I am and I have to deal with it. I wish you well in coming off the Effexor. I, unfortunately am still in the stages of having my dosage increased. Please let us know how you are doing and I look forward to hearing from you again.
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 14:08:39
In reply to Re: Angel, could you pls check in with us!, posted by Reneeb on March 19, 2002, at 22:20:49
> Hi Angel, I am glad to hear from you. I read your post to shanti and now will not panick if we don't hear from you for a few days. I hear what you are saying about yours friends, but don't put all the blame on yourself. If I read what you wrote prevously it isn't only you that needs to take responsiblity for thier actions. Your friends have some soul searching to do also.
>
> Take care,
>
> Renee
Hi ReneeCould you please explain what you mean by your post. I feel that I need "MY" feelings validated just as much as I had to validate theirs. Yes, I put them through a lot of pain and hurt but what about me??? I went through pain and hurt too. The friends that are angry with me have yet to ask me how I am doing. Am I being selfish??? Is it wrong for me to want them to ask how I am??? Is it wrong for me to want my feelings of hurt and pain validated??? I feel like I'm being very selfish. I also feel like everybody's feelings count and mine don't. They aren't the only ones that are hurting here. I'm hurting too. Should I be putting my feelings behind me???? I'm having a hard time with this. What do you think?
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 14:12:32
In reply to Re: allen f. withdrawing from effexor, posted by lolly on March 20, 2002, at 11:37:21
> allen, don't hesitate to bend our ears! i may be new to this site but i thought that was part of the deal. i can't heal by talking alone, i need to be able to read about other experiences and take from them what may work for me. today i will be lowering my dose of effexor to try and go off. in 3 days time i have learned that i may be in hell for awhile but at least i know what to expect. to everyone here, thanks for sharing with me! here go's nothing!!!!
Hi lollyI'm glad you are at a point where you feel you can come off the Effexor. I wish you the best of luck and hope it's not as bad as you're imagining. I hope you will continue to post and let us know how things are going.
Good luck!!!
Angel Girl
Posted by SueDoeN on March 20, 2002, at 14:26:12
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? » Angel Girl, posted by JANNBEAU on March 20, 2002, at 12:43:09
Posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 14:33:06
In reply to Re: Shameful Perversion » Jackd, posted by SueDoeN on March 19, 2002, at 23:08:24
> > Thanks, I am often inspired by my deep depressions. That poem captures one of my saddest moments of despair. This one's for the ladies:
> >
> > "Shameful perversion [of perception]"
> >
> > A wild flower with an unfitful doom,
> > A rose amidst the weeds and gloom.
> > She cannot, will not see herself;
> > A beauty matched with inner wealth.
> > O' Lord! O' Allah! O' Zeus! Oh Ruth*,
> > that this gem may catch a glimpse of truth!
> >
> > *=Ruth: Mercy.
> Does Ruth mean mercy? If so, that is good to know. I love the Biblical story of Ruth. Have you seen the painting of her gleaning wheat? Such a hero she is. She demonstrated so much love to her step-mother Naomi.
>
> Here's a poem in appreciation of your poem. The breaking of the soil is akin to coming out of depression (i.e. winter)
>
> SPRING
>
> Spring Thaws.
> Sap flows.
> Branches blush
> In odd red hues.
>
> Iceberg melts
> and breaks away.
> Floating off,
> Takes night. Leaves day.
>
> Strength is rising.
> Heads are crowning.
> Green buds burst through
> Fields of clay.
>
> Broken soil.
> Life renewed.
> Cycling world,
> No longer skewed.
>
> Sincerely,
> SueDoeNymSue
That's absolutely beautiful. You really have a way with words. Thanks for sharing your poem with us.
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 14:42:41
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends??? » Angel Girl, posted by JANNBEAU on March 20, 2002, at 12:43:09
> > > > ...waiting for my next fix, to fix my vision til it's nixed,
> > > > Try to cry but my tears just get lost in the rain,
> > > > Nothing left to do but drink away the pain...
> > >
> > > is that you angel girl? i went to bed just past 12:00 am if it is you i/m sorry i wasn't here to say hello.
> > >
> > > if this is you thank you for touching base with us and just know that sometimes we have to go that deep to come up again (thinking of it as swimming right now - you are failing in the water and figuring out how is it that you swim (it;s like riding the proverbial bike you never forget once you get back on) with graceful strokes rather than with failing arms ( you are still here ((failing arms)) but hold on becasue you are almost there to begin swimming again (i went through what you are going through many years ago so yes i do know what i am talking about and not just experienced it once but many times)
> > >
> > > anyway, i am going to church this am (to have my pastor fill out my daughter's birth registration) so while i am there and i figure since i am going to be as close to god as one can get today! i will ask that he say a prayer for you angel girl. i hope this is ok, i too will also say a prayer that you may start to heal.
> > >
> > > i hope to talk to you soon
> > >
> > > i am in and out all day but will check these posts to look for you ok, so if you feel like it just give another little post so i know you saw this.
> > >
> > > peace
> > > your friend
> > > shanti
> >
> >
> > Hi Shanti
> >
> > No, that's not me. I've been taking a few days to work on what I've done to my friendships. I booked an emergency therapy session yesterday as well. I am doing much better now. I am of a totally different mindset than I was when I posted in desperation. I am taking full responsibility for my actions and have let my friends know that. I acknowledge the pain and worry I have put them through too. However, I now have to deal with my pain and regret for what I have done to them. That will take much longer. I am no longer going to contemplate suicide as a reaction to any of my problems. As I said, I am not the same person I was a week ago. I know I'm not perfect and that I will encounter setbacks but I'm learning and realizing the impact my actions and thoughts have on the people I love.
> >
> > I thank you for your prayers. They are greatly appreciated. That is very sweet and thoughtful of you.
> >
> > Your friend
> > Angel Girl
>
>
> Angel Girl:
>
> We are all SO PROUD of YOU!! Hang in there! GREAT START: Responsibility for one's actions will lead to responsibility for one's feelings. Check out the websites for Cognitive Therapy. One of the major tenets of CT seems to be, if I remember correctly: without a thought there is no emotion. Said another way, every emotion is preceded by a thought. It is the thought that generates the emotion. Think about it (no pun intended)! I often use a technique called "thought stopping" which helps me to deal with negative emotions (I worry incessantly about my children--and they're adults with children of their own!). I tell myself "NO" I will NOT think this negative thought" and it stops bothering me for a little while. I often have to tell myself multiple times to stop thinking the thought. None of us on the site want you to feel "pain and regret" for what you "have done to us." All you did was to give us a chance to acknowledge you and to let you know that we're out here thinking about you (each of us thinks of the others) and a chance to think of someone else rather than ourselves. For that, I personally thank you. I spend far too much time thinking about my own problems.
>
> Another thing: Don't think about "guilt" as it isn't, in this instance, productive and you don't need to FEEL "guilt"--so just do the "thought-stopping" thing so that you can get on with your healing. Keep us abreast of your progress.
>
> Cheers,
> Jannbeau (nym)
Hi JannbeauThat was very sound advice that you gave me. I will try to do that when I feel negative thoughts coming on. I'm also going to check the net for sites on cognitive therapy as you suggested. I'm very new to therapy, I've actually only had the one session so far. Most of my thoughts are negative, hence where I am today. I have a long road ahead of me to recovery and I'll be applying your advice that you gave me. I thank you for that! :)
Peace,
Angel Girl
Posted by lolly on March 20, 2002, at 16:24:01
In reply to Re: allen f. withdrawing from effexor - lolly, posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 14:12:32
angel girl,
thanks! just got back from the doc and i'll be trying to dose down off the effexor while building up on celexa. i'm up for whatever happens because these side affects aren't worth it. knowing i can catch up with everyone here for help or just to chat is a great relief.
lolly
ps
anyone know anything about celexa?
Posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 16:27:15
In reply to Re: withdrawing from effexor - angel girl-celexa, posted by lolly on March 20, 2002, at 16:24:01
> angel girl,
> thanks! just got back from the doc and i'll be trying to dose down off the effexor while building up on celexa. i'm up for whatever happens because these side affects aren't worth it. knowing i can catch up with everyone here for help or just to chat is a great relief.
> lolly
> ps
> anyone know anything about celexa?Hi lolly
I didn't realize you were switching to another AD. Hope it goes well for you. What side effects were you having with the Effexor??? I was on Celexa before the Effexor and it did nothing for me. But we all have different reactions. Hope it works for you. Keep us updated.
Peace,
Angel Girl
Posted by JANNBEAU on March 20, 2002, at 16:55:26
In reply to Re: dealing with the loss of friends? - Jannbeau, posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 14:42:41
> Hi Jannbeau
>
> That was very sound advice that you gave me. I will try to do that when I feel negative thoughts coming on. I'm also going to check the net for sites on cognitive therapy as you suggested. I'm very new to therapy, I've actually only had the one session so far. Most of my thoughts are negative, hence where I am today. I have a long road ahead of me to recovery and I'll be applying your advice that you gave me. I thank you for that! :)
>
> Peace,
> Angel GirlPeace to you, Angel Girl!! Thanks for responding and being open to suggestions. Something else keeps niggling at me, too. Shanti has alluded numerous times to a technique called "creative visualization"--although she doesn't name it. The book I read on this technique was "Creative Visualization" by Shakti Gawain (Shanti-Shakti, strange coincidence--both seem mystical). The thought, with creative visualization, is that you can THINK or VISUALIZE a dream or wish, no matter how small or how big, into REALITY. So, another way to counter your negative emotional state is to visualize a positive state. It's sort of like (and this is a simplistic example, but I use it when I'm getting a blood pressure check): visualize yourself sitting on a big rock in a beautiful glen. Imagine each item in the glen: the plants, the color of the sky, the birds and animals that creep up to you because you are quiet, beautiful, soulful, and gentle - - there's a waterfall nearby, the birds are singing; you are at peace with yourself and with your world--you get the idea--I'll guarantee your blood pressure will be 10 points lower if you can achieve this state of light meditation. It's the same kind of thing, but the goal is different. Your goal is, first, to defeat your depression, to love yourself, to change what you can about the situations that brought you to this state, to find acceptance of those things that you cannot change--and the wisdom to know the difference (Serenity Prayer)--is that not right, Shanti? Which brings up one more idea--Twelve Step Programs (my son found peace, acceptance, and the courage to change his life in Alcoholics Anonymous, but there are many other groups: the major thing is the SUPPORT, ACCEPTANCE and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that people find in these meetings--and they're FREE!:).
A couple more ideas and I'll be quiet for a while. I don't want to overwhelm you:) The best self-help book I've ever picked up is the Holy Bible. The books and chapters that keep coming to mind right now are Eclesiastes 3 (old testament)and I Corinthians 13.
Then there is the old "Born to Win" by James and Jongward, which deals with Gestalt Therapy--when you are angry, tear up a piece of paper and throw it away, etc. There's a workbook that was most helpful.
It is probably most important that you DO continue with therapy. Getting better is hard to do and you don't need judgement, just guidance. Oh, and don't be surprised if your first therapist or group or whatever is not a good fit. You have to shop for a therapist like you would shop for a great pair of shoes (hard to do when your feet hurt, I know, but, if you are to wear them all the time, they MUST fit, right?--same with therapists.
Got to go now.--Going to have to limit myself electronically here if I'm not careful!
Cheers,
Jannbeau
Posted by Rrissa1317 on March 20, 2002, at 17:02:09
In reply to Re: withdrawing from effexor - angel girl-celexa, posted by lolly on March 20, 2002, at 16:24:01
I tried Celexa with no results. Switched to Effexor. Gained 10 pounds in 2 months so I'm going off it. No real improvement. But going off it is interesting. I get this "buzzing" feeling in my hands, feet and lips. Of course I'm trying to do it twice as fast as they suggested. Was on 150mg. Doc suggested I go to 75 for a week, then to 37.5 for a week. I cut that in half. I was ballooning out of my clothes too fast. Gotta get that crap out of my system. Going to try Wellbutrin next I suppose. I've been depressed as far back in my 39 years as I can remember. I'm starting to think they don't make a med to handle my warped head. Tried Prozac, left me totally emotionless. Paxil gave me a mini psychotic breakdown. Anyone got any suggestions for me? I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not the one that needs fixing. It might be all these flippin' happy people that are warped....grin
Posted by maximillian on March 20, 2002, at 17:34:32
In reply to Help me please...., posted by Rrissa1317 on March 20, 2002, at 17:02:09
today is my last day on wellbutrin...threw the last four in the toilet...that was 150mg's twice daily...i will continue to take effexor twice daily @ 150mg. then cut back to 150mg. i'm off this stuff. no fun. i guess i'll get ready for the ride. any thoughts, fellow posters??????????
max
Posted by JANNBEAU on March 20, 2002, at 17:46:01
In reply to Help me please...., posted by Rrissa1317 on March 20, 2002, at 17:02:09
> I tried Celexa with no results. Switched to Effexor. Gained 10 pounds in 2 months so I'm going off it. No real improvement. But going off it is interesting. I get this "buzzing" feeling in my hands, feet and lips. Of course I'm trying to do it twice as fast as they suggested. Was on 150mg. Doc suggested I go to 75 for a week, then to 37.5 for a week. I cut that in half. I was ballooning out of my clothes too fast. Gotta get that crap out of my system. Going to try Wellbutrin next I suppose. I've been depressed as far back in my 39 years as I can remember. I'm starting to think they don't make a med to handle my warped head. Tried Prozac, left me totally emotionless. Paxil gave me a mini psychotic breakdown. Anyone got any suggestions for me? I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not the one that needs fixing. It might be all these flippin' happy people that are warped....grin
Rrissa,
From what I can understand, the effects that you describe are common with withdrawing from Effexor (as is the weight gain when you started it). I take 75 mg now, down from 225 mg/day. I went very slowly down. The only physical effect I had from dropping to this dose was those strange brain shivers or zaps or something. Funny, unusual feeling of dizziness or vertigo when I moved my head. Wanted to get off completely and don't think I would have any more significant physical difficulties. However, my anxiety came roaring back at 37.5, so I decided to stick at 75 for a while. Oh, well!! I think you may be right about those "happy" people!!!! I also think that we, as a species, are suffering from "information overload." Our brains haven't evolved at the pace of technology, so the physical brain cannot handle today's society. Wonder if we'll ever be able to do that?
Cheers,
Jannbeau (nym)
Posted by JNefyn on March 20, 2002, at 18:44:38
In reply to Re: Help me please...., posted by JANNBEAU on March 20, 2002, at 17:46:01
I had a hard time with Effexor -- weight gain, high blood pressure, ocular migraines. When I came off of it, my anxiety went way, way up. But it subsided.
Don't give up, Rrissa. I read somewhere that pharmacology for depression is an art more than a science. There are a zillion combinations of drugs that can work, and the drug companies keep coming out with new drugs. Your doctor WILL find something that will work.
Julie
Posted by Reneeb on March 20, 2002, at 21:01:40
In reply to going off both effexor and wellbutrin...now!, posted by maximillian on March 20, 2002, at 17:34:32
> today is my last day on wellbutrin...threw the last four in the toilet...that was 150mg's twice daily...i will continue to take effexor twice daily @ 150mg. then cut back to 150mg. i'm off this stuff. no fun. i guess i'll get ready for the ride. any thoughts, fellow posters??????????
>
> max
Hi Max, Please take it slow with the effexor!!! I have been weaning myself off them myself. I tried stopping it and that was horrible. Why are you getting off wellbutrin?
Renee
Posted by Reneeb on March 20, 2002, at 22:11:34
In reply to Re: Angel, could you pls check in with us!, posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 14:08:39
> > Hi Angel, I am glad to hear from you. I read your post to shanti and now will not panick if we don't hear from you for a few days. I hear what you are saying about yours friends, but don't put all the blame on yourself. If I read what you wrote prevously it isn't only you that needs to take responsiblity for thier actions. Your friends have some soul searching to do also.
> >
> > Take care,
> >
> > Renee
>>
> Hi Renee
>
> Could you please explain what you mean by your post. I feel that I need "MY" feelings validated just as much as I had to validate theirs. Yes, I put them through a lot of pain and hurt but what about me??? I went through pain and hurt too. The friends that are angry with me have yet to ask me how I am doing. Am I being selfish??? Is it wrong for me to want them to ask how I am??? Is it wrong for me to want my feelings of hurt and pain validated??? I feel like I'm being very selfish. I also feel like everybody's feelings count and mine don't. They aren't the only ones that are hurting here. I'm hurting too. Should I be putting my feelings behind me???? I'm having a hard time with this. What do you think?
>
> Angel GirlHi Angel, I think you are absolutely right on! What I was trying to say is that it seemed like yu were taking all the blame and I was saying that they need to take responsiblity for how they treated you. I do not think you are selfish at all. You know Angel, we can't change anyone but ourselves and if you have expressed you feeling to your friends and they choose to stay away then as far as I am concerned its their lose. From reading your posts I think you are a very passionate and caring person and I can relate to friends that don't understand. I have found so much understanding here and hopefully some wonderful new friendships and my prayer for you is that you find the same thing and I hope I can be one of those friends that really do care about you and how you are feeling.
Hope to talk soon,
Take care
Renee
Posted by Reneeb on March 20, 2002, at 22:20:32
In reply to Re: dealing with the loss of friends??? - Shanti, posted by Angel Girl on March 20, 2002, at 13:53:51
Hi Guys, I know that if we don't move some of these converstations over to social-babble Dr. Bob will redirect us soon. What do you think??
Renee
Posted by Shanti on March 20, 2002, at 22:31:47
In reply to PLEASE READ THIS ! , posted by Reneeb on March 20, 2002, at 22:20:32
> Hi Guys, I know that if we don't move some of these converstations over to social-babble Dr. Bob will redirect us soon. What do you think??
>
> Reneesounds great to me my husband is on afternoons, the best time would be for me 9:00 pm until 11:30 pm EAstern give me directions, i'll meet you there!
peace
shanti
Posted by Jackd on March 20, 2002, at 23:39:36
In reply to Re: Shameful Perversion » Jackd, posted by SueDoeN on March 19, 2002, at 23:08:24
Wow, thanks, i enjoyed that.
Posted by Ron Hill on March 21, 2002, at 0:57:05
In reply to Help me please...., posted by Rrissa1317 on March 20, 2002, at 17:02:09
What is you dx? Are you working with a pdoc or just a GP?
-- Ron
-------------------------------------------> I tried Celexa with no results. Switched to Effexor. Gained 10 pounds in 2 months so I'm going off it. No real improvement. But going off it is interesting. I get this "buzzing" feeling in my hands, feet and lips. Of course I'm trying to do it twice as fast as they suggested. Was on 150mg. Doc suggested I go to 75 for a week, then to 37.5 for a week. I cut that in half. I was ballooning out of my clothes too fast. Gotta get that crap out of my system. Going to try Wellbutrin next I suppose. I've been depressed as far back in my 39 years as I can remember. I'm starting to think they don't make a med to handle my warped head. Tried Prozac, left me totally emotionless. Paxil gave me a mini psychotic breakdown. Anyone got any suggestions for me? I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not the one that needs fixing. It might be all these flippin' happy people that are warped....grin
Posted by Shanti on March 21, 2002, at 16:40:40
In reply to Re: dealing with the loss of friends? - Jannbeau, posted by JANNBEAU on March 20, 2002, at 16:55:26
The Serenity Prayer, why yes!
i actually have the little black book "Twenty Four Hours A Day" For 6 years straight (in my 20's i read it). Thanks Jannbeau i must need it again so i will start to read it once again (even though it is the same prayer for the same day every year - for me it always meant something different and i could tell how much i grew by my thought process while reading it.
If it is ok i would like to share today's prayer entry "I pray that God may be with me in my journey through the world. I pray that I may know that God is planning my journey." To me that means always have hope and even if we don't like where we are right now, remember everything is for a reason.
The 24 Hour Day Book of course!
The book i related to for healing myself is "You Can Heal Your Life". To me you must have strong belief in yourself and a willingness to hold on and keep meditating until "you get it" (the best way for me to express it)
The other books i have been drawn to (they actually come to me) are:
Conversations with God Books 1 & 2
Celestine Phrophecy
In The Meantime/One Day My Soul Just Opened Up - these books really put it into prospective for me with the combination of "You can..." hey i sound like a dr. dispensing medicine! but with these books they helped me shape and still shape who i am today and still to become.The Tao of Pooh / The Te of Piglet - i found these books break down the type of people we are quite simply and honestly (i believe i am the rabbit)
These books might not be for everyone but they certainly helped me along the way!
I would like to share something i wrote today with the words of Sarah McLauchlin:
The winter year's cold and bitter, it chills us to the bone. Haven't seen the sun for weeks to long too far from home (our soul?). Feels just like i'm sinking and i claw for solid ground (the state we get into?), pulled down by the undertow(heightened awareness?) never thought i could feel so low. In all the darkness i feel like letting go (giving up on life/ourselves?).
All of the strength all of the courage come and lift me from this place (god/universe/angels?) I know i can love you much better than this (ourselves?) full of grace, full of grace, my love.
It's better this way, I haven't seen this place before ("the real world?"), with everything we say and do hurts us all the more, it's just that we stay to long in this same old sickly skin (same experiences daily, weekly, monthly?) pulled down by the undertow (our state of being?) never thought i could feel so low. In all the darkness i feel like letting go.
All of the strength, all of the courage come and lift me from this place i know i can love you much better than this, full of grace(full of god's strength to heal ourselves and those around us?).
I know I can love you much better than this; its better this way..........
Sarah McLachlan / Surfacing / Full of Grace
( ) My interpretation of this song
Grace - God's free and undeserved favor to and love for mankind; the infulence of God operating in man to improve or strengthen him (taken from the Gage Canadian Dictionary)
I strongly suggest listening to this song with Sarah's beautiful and soulfoul voice singing this masterpiece! If you have Napstar or something like it you should really download this beautiful song.
While in this state right now (this morning right now all ok!) (not quite sure if i have climaxed yet or not ha ha) I am soooo aware of my thoughts and feelings that i must write them out.
While here -- i go into a state of not caring, i want to just be my myself even away from my beautiful family (husband, 10 year old son, 5 month old daughter)
I don't eat - food repluses me - I only eat enough to survive through this (my therapist and I did discover it is a way of me hurting myself because deep down i still don't quite love me and want to punish my self for being here on earth - i also say sorry a lot. I do know that food gives energy and life and when i finally do eat i am reminded of that once again, but instead of doing the sensible thing like eat, I smoke a lot and drink Tim Horton's French Vanilla Cappuccino (if ever in Canada you must go to a Timmy's).
I see all the "short comings" in those around me and get very irate.
When out in public, I don't quite "connect" with people, I feel like I am outside looking in....(reminds me of the little match girl)
I need to be loved, I need to be listened to, and even if you don't think what i am saying makes sense all i want you to do is just listen.
I hurt all over, my head, my back, my stomach, and full of cramps, very, very, tired.
This has just made a world of difference to me!
peace Shanti
Posted by Angel Girl on March 21, 2002, at 17:02:56
In reply to Re: Angel, could you pls check in with us! » Angel Girl, posted by Reneeb on March 20, 2002, at 22:11:34
>
> Hi Angel, I think you are absolutely right on! What I was trying to say is that it seemed like yu were taking all the blame and I was saying that they need to take responsiblity for how they treated you. I do not think you are selfish at all. You know Angel, we can't change anyone but ourselves and if you have expressed you feeling to your friends and they choose to stay away then as far as I am concerned its their lose. From reading your posts I think you are a very passionate and caring person and I can relate to friends that don't understand. I have found so much understanding here and hopefully some wonderful new friendships and my prayer for you is that you find the same thing and I hope I can be one of those friends that really do care about you and how you are feeling.
>
> Hope to talk soon,
>
> Take care
>
> Renee
Hi ReneeThanks for answering my questions. My friends can't seem to see anything other than their own feelings and what I have done to them by my actions. I accept my responsibility for that and I'm very sorry and have told them. One of them told me that I don't deserve to have my feelings acknowledged. :( And the other one has yet to even mention anything but her own feelings. That really hurts me. I'm really suffering with all this hurt and anger I have right now. I don't know how to get rid of it.
I'm hoping to make some new friends here too and I would be honored to include you as one of my friends. <hugs> I feel like this is a haven for all of us to listen to each other, try to help and comfort everyone that comes here. Here we will not be judged by our actions and emotions because we can feel each other's pain and joys. Unfortunately when we're not here we are not embraced the same way. :(
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 21, 2002, at 17:08:28
In reply to PLEASE READ THIS ! , posted by Reneeb on March 20, 2002, at 22:20:32
> Hi Guys, I know that if we don't move some of these converstations over to social-babble Dr. Bob will redirect us soon. What do you think??
>
> Renee
Hi ReneeOoops!!! Guess I didn't know we couldn't have these kind of conversations here. I'm really new here. Sorry Dr. Bob. :(
Where and what is social babble???? <confused> Is it a message board like this or a chat room??? And how do I get there??? Needing some guidance here please.
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 21, 2002, at 17:17:12
In reply to Help me please...., posted by Rrissa1317 on March 20, 2002, at 17:02:09
> I tried Celexa with no results. Switched to Effexor. Gained 10 pounds in 2 months so I'm going off it. No real improvement. But going off it is interesting. I get this "buzzing" feeling in my hands, feet and lips. Of course I'm trying to do it twice as fast as they suggested. Was on 150mg. Doc suggested I go to 75 for a week, then to 37.5 for a week. I cut that in half. I was ballooning out of my clothes too fast. Gotta get that crap out of my system. Going to try Wellbutrin next I suppose. I've been depressed as far back in my 39 years as I can remember. I'm starting to think they don't make a med to handle my warped head. Tried Prozac, left me totally emotionless. Paxil gave me a mini psychotic breakdown. Anyone got any suggestions for me? I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not the one that needs fixing. It might be all these flippin' happy people that are warped....grin
Hi Rrissa
Sorry you're having a hard time finding the right medication. :( I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions for you, hopefully somebody else will.
Had to smile at your comment about the flippin happy people being warped. Needing to find something to bring a smile to our faces. Thanks!
Hoping you find the right medication soon. <hugs>
Angel Girl
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