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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Nicole Bardon on December 17, 2001, at 22:02:47
It doesn't seem to be enough that I have PTSD from an auto accident (and from sexual abuse as a child), then I get a botched hysterectomy, which two additional surgeries have finally helped, but not yet cured; then mom had botched surgery, and I ended up caring for her alone for about a year, with her life and death in my hands, then I needed more surgery and Mom was stable, so she went to stay with my brother; then she was doing well, then she got vomiting and diarrhea and they took her to the hospital. Assuming the flu or something, right? No, pancreatitis. A BIG thing, she's in an out of consciousness, her organ funciton comes and goes, her heart rate fluctuates like crazy, she's intubated, she was in restraints, now they're keeping her sedated, they had to use the defib paddles on her, they nearly had to start dialysis...
Then my Dad died. Two days ago. The one that molested me. I'm okay with it. Made peace with it; didn't want to see him toward the end when I found out what he did to the children who were his new family. I say, "Go with God. Do a better job next time. Reflect on what you did this time and why."
It's Christmas. I was going to go see my Mom. I'm still going. But we might not get to sing christmas carols or laugh, or be silly with our egg nog and whiskey christmas morning.
I lost 20 pounds after my last surgery. I wasn't heavy to start out with. Skinny now. I was in so much pain, then forgetting to eat, now I don't let myself forget. I make myself eat something. Whatever. Put some weight back on.
I've had to apply for Medicaid and food stamps. Ouch. I used to be a regular person with a job and money and a husband, now none remain. I remain. I keep redefining who I am.
My spirituality holds me up, but even that can't hold me when too much falls at once. I hold on, hold on. Not gonna let the crazy brain chems get me. I know enough to know when I'm getting bad, who to call, what to do.
Now, this is a new experience, Psycho-Babble, but hey, I'll try anything.
Blessings to all. Namaste.
Posted by angel1 on December 18, 2001, at 9:01:57
In reply to I got the low down blues, posted by Nicole Bardon on December 17, 2001, at 22:02:47
My gosh girl, you have had some hard times. What caught my eye in your post is that you said you keep redefining yourself. How interesting? I never thought of it that way. I am certainly not the person I used to be. In fact, I'm not sure who I am anymore. I'm a girl who is stuggling with this depression and praying for my old self back. I am 40yrs old, never been married yet and would love to have a child. But I am afraid that with the depression I would have really bad post partum blues. I don't know why my boyfriend stays sometimes. I am not always easy to live with. Anyway, sorry to babble. God bless you. I question my faith all the time when I am very depressed. You sound like a very strong person. I look up to you for that.
Posted by sid on December 18, 2001, at 9:54:44
In reply to I got the low down blues, posted by Nicole Bardon on December 17, 2001, at 22:02:47
Hold on and be strong. You've been doing well, considering your difficulties. You are incredibly strong and will get through this. This Christmas may be difficult, but there'll be better ones. Take care of yourself first and foremost, the rest will come.
Have a peaceful Christmas.> It doesn't seem to be enough that I have PTSD from an auto accident (and from sexual abuse as a child), then I get a botched hysterectomy, which two additional surgeries have finally helped, but not yet cured; then mom had botched surgery, and I ended up caring for her alone for about a year, with her life and death in my hands, then I needed more surgery and Mom was stable, so she went to stay with my brother; then she was doing well, then she got vomiting and diarrhea and they took her to the hospital. Assuming the flu or something, right? No, pancreatitis. A BIG thing, she's in an out of consciousness, her organ funciton comes and goes, her heart rate fluctuates like crazy, she's intubated, she was in restraints, now they're keeping her sedated, they had to use the defib paddles on her, they nearly had to start dialysis...
>
> Then my Dad died. Two days ago. The one that molested me. I'm okay with it. Made peace with it; didn't want to see him toward the end when I found out what he did to the children who were his new family. I say, "Go with God. Do a better job next time. Reflect on what you did this time and why."
>
> It's Christmas. I was going to go see my Mom. I'm still going. But we might not get to sing christmas carols or laugh, or be silly with our egg nog and whiskey christmas morning.
>
> I lost 20 pounds after my last surgery. I wasn't heavy to start out with. Skinny now. I was in so much pain, then forgetting to eat, now I don't let myself forget. I make myself eat something. Whatever. Put some weight back on.
>
> I've had to apply for Medicaid and food stamps. Ouch. I used to be a regular person with a job and money and a husband, now none remain. I remain. I keep redefining who I am.
>
> My spirituality holds me up, but even that can't hold me when too much falls at once. I hold on, hold on. Not gonna let the crazy brain chems get me. I know enough to know when I'm getting bad, who to call, what to do.
>
> Now, this is a new experience, Psycho-Babble, but hey, I'll try anything.
>
> Blessings to all. Namaste.
Posted by sid on December 18, 2001, at 10:01:12
In reply to Re: I got the low down blues, posted by sid on December 18, 2001, at 9:59:56
Depression changes us forever, but then life does too, whether we have depression or not. You need to long for a better you in the future rather than thinking back to the past. The old you belongs to the past, what is the "new you" that you want? Work on that instead, it'll be much easier to deal with I believe. Be good to yourself, be your best friend. I know people who write in Psucho-Babble tend to not believe in psychotherapy, but changes in one's life, thoughts, behavior can help become a better person and deal much better with depression. Heal it even for some people. You will never be the same and it's fine - the old you lead you to depression. You are different and it's probably for the best.
Merry Christmas.> > My gosh girl, you have had some hard times. What caught my eye in your post is that you said you keep redefining yourself. How interesting? I never thought of it that way. I am certainly not the person I used to be. In fact, I'm not sure who I am anymore. I'm a girl who is stuggling with this depression and praying for my old self back. I am 40yrs old, never been married yet and would love to have a child. But I am afraid that with the depression I would have really bad post partum blues. I don't know why my boyfriend stays sometimes. I am not always easy to live with. Anyway, sorry to babble. God bless you. I question my faith all the time when I am very depressed. You sound like a very strong person. I look up to you for that.
Posted by JohnDoenut on December 18, 2001, at 17:16:59
In reply to I got the low down blues, posted by Nicole Bardon on December 17, 2001, at 22:02:47
Holy Cow!
Welcome to the group!
Check out psycho-social!
Redefinition!
Evolution!
Yes!Namaste!
Jai Bhagwan!
I honor the light within you!JohnD
Posted by Nicole Bardon on December 19, 2001, at 18:37:39
In reply to Re: I got the low down blues, posted by JohnDoenut on December 18, 2001, at 17:16:59
Thank you, John, thank you, Angel, thank you, Sid. Life is a mystery. Thank you for being there to support me. Jan
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 20, 2001, at 8:02:30
In reply to Re: I got the low down blues, posted by JohnDoenut on December 18, 2001, at 17:16:59
> Welcome to the group!
> Check out psycho-social!Yes, please do. In fact, I'd like for follow-ups to this thread, since it doesn't really have to do with medication, to be redirected there. Thanks,
Bob
Posted by sid on December 20, 2001, at 16:05:12
In reply to Redirect: I got the low down blues, posted by Dr. Bob on December 20, 2001, at 8:02:30
This web site suffers exactly the same ailment as the specialists that we consult for depression: meds and psychology are separated. This is rather frustrating to me because I tend to think that it all goes together. I have a definite inclination towards psychotherapy, but I recently started taking an AD, and I don't quite see how I can talk about one approach without talking about the other...
> > Welcome to the group!
> > Check out psycho-social!
>
> Yes, please do. In fact, I'd like for follow-ups to this thread, since it doesn't really have to do with medication, to be redirected there. Thanks,
>
> Bob
Posted by sid on December 20, 2001, at 16:27:00
In reply to Re: Redirect: I got the low down blues » Dr. Bob, posted by sid on December 20, 2001, at 16:05:12
Well, at least we have the option of clicking away to the psycho-social board. I guess that's one step in the right direction.
> This web site suffers exactly the same ailment as the specialists that we consult for depression: meds and psychology are separated. This is rather frustrating to me because I tend to think that it all goes together. I have a definite inclination towards psychotherapy, but I recently started taking an AD, and I don't quite see how I can talk about one approach without talking about the other...
>
> > > Welcome to the group!
> > > Check out psycho-social!
> >
> > Yes, please do. In fact, I'd like for follow-ups to this thread, since it doesn't really have to do with medication, to be redirected there. Thanks,
> >
> > Bob
Posted by Nicole Bardon on December 20, 2001, at 20:47:11
In reply to Re: Redirect: I got the low down blues }} Dr.Bob, posted by sid on December 20, 2001, at 16:27:00
> I went out there and looked at Psycho-Social: "I wonder if I have this." "I wonder what I should do about that?" Well, I know what I got, and I wanted to post here so a bunch of pros who already know what they have could respond in their wisdom, the wisdom of experience. We can make it medication related: I am on 100mg of Zoloft daily, I have prescriptions for both Ativan and Valium (don't worry, I don't take them a the same time), Vicodin for pain, and Restoril 30mg. for sleep; sometimes I have to take 60 mg. and sometimes even 60 doesn't work. Question about medication? There's always a question about medication. I don't like to take medication. I drink teas and take hote baths and Melatonin instead of Restoril. I'd rather meditate and sit in the sun, go for walks, dig in the dirt than take Ativan; but I take it when I have to. Like now, like lately. How much Ativan is too much Ativan? When my metabolism is cranked to the max it is like a gorilla's. Only my body can tell me at a time like that. My psychiatrist, who has been with me for 9 years, says that I do not have an addictive personality, and he trusts me to medicate myself as necessary, not more, no less. I'd rather talk than sit around and get deprssed and take extra Ativan. Anybody else around here who's been on meds for 9 years with a "mental illness" who's having a rough time right now?
Dr. Bob, maybe we should scratch this posting. I did it to try and help myself feel better, but it's depressing me instead.
>Well, at least we have the option of clicking away to the psycho-social board. I guess that's one step in the right direction.
>
> > This web site suffers exactly the same ailment as the specialists that we consult for depression: meds and psychology are separated. This is rather frustrating to me because I tend to think that it all goes together. I have a definite inclination towards psychotherapy, but I recently started taking an AD, and I don't quite see how I can talk about one approach without talking about the other...
> >
> > > > Welcome to the group!
> > > > Check out psycho-social!
> > >
> > > Yes, please do. In fact, I'd like for follow-ups to this thread, since it doesn't really have to do with medication, to be redirected there. Thanks,
> > >
> > > Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 22, 2001, at 5:57:30
In reply to I got the low down blues, posted by Nicole Bardon on December 17, 2001, at 22:02:47
> > > This web site suffers exactly the same ailment as the specialists that we consult for depression: meds and psychology are separated. This is rather frustrating to me because I tend to think that it all goes together. I have a definite inclination towards psychotherapy, but I recently started taking an AD, and I don't quite see how I can talk about one approach without talking about the other...
> >
> > Well, at least we have the option of clicking away to the psycho-social board. I guess that's one step in the right direction.Right, that's the idea. Like meat and potatoes, they go together, but they're not in the same aisle at the supermarket. :-)
> I went out there and looked at Psycho-Social: "I wonder if I have this." "I wonder what I should do about that?" Well, I know what I got, and I wanted to post here so a bunch of pros who already know what they have could respond in their wisdom, the wisdom of experience. We can make it medication related: I am on 100mg of Zoloft daily, I have prescriptions for both Ativan and Valium (don't worry, I don't take them a the same time), Vicodin for pain, and Restoril 30mg. for sleep; sometimes I have to take 60 mg. and sometimes even 60 doesn't work. Question about medication? There's always a question about medication. I don't like to take medication. I drink teas and take hote baths and Melatonin instead of Restoril. I'd rather meditate and sit in the sun, go for walks, dig in the dirt than take Ativan; but I take it when I have to. Like now, like lately. How much Ativan is too much Ativan? When my metabolism is cranked to the max it is like a gorilla's. Only my body can tell me at a time like that. My psychiatrist, who has been with me for 9 years, says that I do not have an addictive personality, and he trusts me to medicate myself as necessary, not more, no less. I'd rather talk than sit around and get deprssed and take extra Ativan. Anybody else around here who's been on meds for 9 years with a "mental illness" who's having a rough time right now?
>
> Dr. Bob, maybe we should scratch this posting. I did it to try and help myself feel better, but it's depressing me instead.I'm sorry you're feeling worse. I just thought you were in the wrong aisle. There's different kinds of wisdom here. :-)
Bob
PS: I know, it's already bad enough, but I also need to say, since I neglected to before, that posts about posting policies really should go to yet another board, Psycho-Babble Administration, thanks.
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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