Posted by sid on December 18, 2001, at 9:54:44
In reply to I got the low down blues, posted by Nicole Bardon on December 17, 2001, at 22:02:47
Hold on and be strong. You've been doing well, considering your difficulties. You are incredibly strong and will get through this. This Christmas may be difficult, but there'll be better ones. Take care of yourself first and foremost, the rest will come.
Have a peaceful Christmas.> It doesn't seem to be enough that I have PTSD from an auto accident (and from sexual abuse as a child), then I get a botched hysterectomy, which two additional surgeries have finally helped, but not yet cured; then mom had botched surgery, and I ended up caring for her alone for about a year, with her life and death in my hands, then I needed more surgery and Mom was stable, so she went to stay with my brother; then she was doing well, then she got vomiting and diarrhea and they took her to the hospital. Assuming the flu or something, right? No, pancreatitis. A BIG thing, she's in an out of consciousness, her organ funciton comes and goes, her heart rate fluctuates like crazy, she's intubated, she was in restraints, now they're keeping her sedated, they had to use the defib paddles on her, they nearly had to start dialysis...
>
> Then my Dad died. Two days ago. The one that molested me. I'm okay with it. Made peace with it; didn't want to see him toward the end when I found out what he did to the children who were his new family. I say, "Go with God. Do a better job next time. Reflect on what you did this time and why."
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> It's Christmas. I was going to go see my Mom. I'm still going. But we might not get to sing christmas carols or laugh, or be silly with our egg nog and whiskey christmas morning.
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> I lost 20 pounds after my last surgery. I wasn't heavy to start out with. Skinny now. I was in so much pain, then forgetting to eat, now I don't let myself forget. I make myself eat something. Whatever. Put some weight back on.
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> I've had to apply for Medicaid and food stamps. Ouch. I used to be a regular person with a job and money and a husband, now none remain. I remain. I keep redefining who I am.
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> My spirituality holds me up, but even that can't hold me when too much falls at once. I hold on, hold on. Not gonna let the crazy brain chems get me. I know enough to know when I'm getting bad, who to call, what to do.
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> Now, this is a new experience, Psycho-Babble, but hey, I'll try anything.
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> Blessings to all. Namaste.
poster:sid
thread:87257
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20011213/msgs/87289.html