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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tdaneen on July 3, 2000, at 16:20:01
Very early into my marital dillema I made a personal choice
for my child. This choice was to handle all disputes with
grace and tact. Now I find myself using this in all other aspects
of my life. My child does come first.
What I wanted was information from individuals with experiences
in custody disputes, and divorce that have bipolar disorder.
How it effected their moods, their therapy, etc...
Yes, everyone is different, yes, everyone does have something to share.No, they don't have to agree...not even with you.
Please understand, I do put my child first, otherwise, why would I be doing
research here in the first place?
Posted by noa on July 3, 2000, at 16:53:33
In reply to Oddzilla..., posted by tdaneen on July 3, 2000, at 16:20:01
tdaneen, I don't know if you saw my post earlier, but I feel badly that you were put on the defensive by other posters who took a major detour on the thread you started, and sparked the hostilities.
I have reread the thread, and I really think that you have nothing to be defensive about. Other posters went off on a tangent and then got an argument going that really had very little to do with your original post.
I have a hard time understanding why some posters here are so quick to engage in hostility. It is very distressing to me.
I hope you will consider starting a new thread that addresses your original concerns, and don't feel obligated to get caught up in the antagonism thrown your way. As I said, it seems people are putting you on the defensive when you have nothing to be defensive about.
Good luck.
Posted by Oddzilla on July 3, 2000, at 17:28:15
In reply to Re: Sorry you got picked on » tdaneen, posted by noa on July 3, 2000, at 16:53:33
I'm a little tired of your hostility. I haven't "picked on" anyone! O.
Posted by Oddzilla on July 3, 2000, at 17:32:47
In reply to Oddzilla..., posted by tdaneen on July 3, 2000, at 16:20:01
> Very early into my marital dillema I made a personal choice
> for my child. This choice was to handle all disputes with
> grace and tact. Now I find myself using this in all other aspects
> of my life. My child does come first.That's wonderful. Glad to hear it.
> What I wanted was information from individuals with experiences
> in custody disputes, and divorce that have bipolar disorder.
> How it effected their moods, their therapy, etc...
> Yes, everyone is different, yes, everyone does have something to share.
>
> No, they don't have to agree...not even with you.
>I agree.
> Please understand, I do put my child first, otherwise, why would I be doing
> research here in the first place?I wouldn't presume to guess!! Glad you decided to come back :-) O.
Posted by Noa on July 3, 2000, at 18:07:09
In reply to Re: Don't pick on me noa » noa, posted by Oddzilla on July 3, 2000, at 17:28:15
Odzilla, I was referring to the thread above where tdaneen's post was lost in the shuffle of a very hostile tangent, and to the impression I got that she was made to feel on the defensive by the direction of the thread. I felt it was unfair to her. Why do you assume I was referring to you? If I had been, I would have used your name somewhere in my post.
Posted by Noa on July 3, 2000, at 18:09:03
In reply to Re: Don't pick on me noa » noa, posted by Oddzilla on July 3, 2000, at 17:28:15
> I'm a little tired of your hostility.
Other than assuming I was being hostile to you here, can you give me examples of how I have been hostile of late?
Posted by Noa on July 3, 2000, at 18:18:53
In reply to Re: Don't pick on me noa » noa, posted by Oddzilla on July 3, 2000, at 17:28:15
I am sorry if you felt I was specifically refering to you as picking on tdaneen. I was not. If you reread my post, you will see that I was referring to the thread above. You were not one of the "hijackers" of that thread at all.
I am distressed, though, that you reacted the way you did to my post to tdaneen. Not only did you make the wrong assumption that I was blaming you, but you also made a vague accusation about my hostility, without being specific. My feelings are, indeed hurt.
Why is this board getting to be so reactive? What happened to the supportive board I knew?
Posted by Oddzilla on July 3, 2000, at 18:19:34
In reply to Re: Don't pick on me noa, posted by Noa on July 3, 2000, at 18:07:09
>
Odzilla, I was referring to the thread above where tdaneen's post was lost in the shuffle of a very hostile tangent, and to the impression I got that she was made to feel on the defensive by the direction of the thread. I felt it was unfair to her. Why do you assume I was referring to you? If I had been, I would have used your name somewhere in my post.
Hi Noa- Because it said it was in reply to Odzilla posted by.......up at the top. So I thought I was still the topic. And I'm stressed out by being accused of being BBob (which certainly has nothing to do with you) and it seems socially acceptable for everyone to dump on him. I guess I'm a little oversensitive.
Thanks for clearing it up. I'm glad you started posting again. O.
Posted by Noa on July 3, 2000, at 18:32:07
In reply to Re: Don't pick on me noa » Noa, posted by Oddzilla on July 3, 2000, at 18:19:34
I never know who is or isn't boBB, but I have been fairly sure you aren't.
Posted by Greg on July 3, 2000, at 19:03:55
In reply to Re: Oddzilla, posted by Noa on July 3, 2000, at 18:32:07
It distresses me to see so many people getting dragged, or worse volunteering themselves into the ceaseless bantering and badgering that has been taking place here for as long as I can remember.
Noa, you have been my confidant and one of the main sources of strength and hope I've found in my short time here. I hope you find a way to distance your self from the vicious lack of insensitivity that seems to be permiating this board these days without leaving us again. I, selfishly, don't want to lose you again. You mean too much to me!
Odd, though I have never talked directly to you before, I have found you to be sensitive, caring and extremely intelligent. I hope that misunderstandings won't chase you away like they've done to others. We need you here!
To the ones who have chosen to be vindictive and nasty to those who so badly need your help and support (names aren't necessary, you know who you are), I simply say, shame on you! My children are more well behaved.
Peace to everyone, please?
Greg
Posted by dj on July 3, 2000, at 19:48:45
In reply to Re: Oddzilla/Noa, posted by Greg on July 3, 2000, at 19:03:55
> It distresses me to see so many people getting dragged, or worse volunteering themselves into the ceaseless bantering and badgering that has been taking place here for as long as I can remember.
>If you have read the last few exchanges between Rockets and I above we have both expressed our apologies for getting a bit carried away.
Personally I also found the exchange disturbing as much as I was a part of it. And I also recognize that I am the source of my own distress and my re-action to others. No one else is responsible for my distress, though they can influence it. I am the one who makes the interpretation of what occurs as I perceive it and act or react based on that...
My interpretations can occasionally get skewed, as can anyone's, particularly when feeling off, for whatever reason, it is easy to go off on a tangent. And then there is nature and nurture...
My point being that I've taken this as a learning (or re-learning experience ;) as I've taken responsibility for my own reaction. I recommend others do the same and recognize the roles you play in your own disress algorithms!
I will do what I can to ensure that I don't push your buttons or allow mine to be pushed, or if they are that I give myself some space and time before responding, if I find myself feeling unduly annoyed.
Sante!
dj
Posted by noa on July 5, 2000, at 6:31:25
In reply to Tempest re-solved..., posted by dj on July 3, 2000, at 19:48:45
dj, thank you for sharing your insights. I think it is extremely helpful to this board that you did so. And, I have to share an observation, based on knowing you from babble before and after your hiatus--you have really grown.
Posted by dj on July 5, 2000, at 12:00:19
In reply to Re: Tempest re-solved..., posted by noa on July 5, 2000, at 6:31:25
> dj, thank you for sharing your insights. I think it is extremely helpful to this board that you did so. And, I have to share an observation, based on knowing you from babble before and after >your hiatus--you have really grown.
Thank you, Noa!
Perhaps it is not growing as much as learning to let go of things that don't help me or anyone else. One of the things I learned over the past 1.5 years in particular, from the folks at the Haven in particular and other counsellors, to a lesser degree, and from observing my own actions and re-actions is that when I'm frustrated I sometimes tighten up both physically and mentally and can get obssessive and pedantic.
And the challenge is to recognize maladaptive behaviour in myself and stop clinging to it, like the monkey with it's hand on the treat in the cocounut shell, who can't retrieve the treat or its hand if it keeps it's hand clenched, inside the coconut...
Deep relaxation, both mentally and physically is needed at times, by me at least, to break this cycle or else things go askew, in my experience...too often...which is why I'm going to do some this aft, after a full day's intensive writing for a mediation which I've allowed to wind me up...
Time to wind down...some...
Sante!
dj
This is the end of the thread.
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