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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by si on June 4, 2000, at 7:03:25
sorry to sound like im looking for an excuse to not facing up to life, but whats left. i have been away from heroin/alcohol for one whole week, on a naltrexone implant program. at the moment i am still on barbituates, and benzodiazapines, and seem to just look foward to the nightime. im frightened the nightimes are going to get earlier.fortunately i am monitored by parents, so i cant abuse the barbs.i have heard about trazolon? to help with reality. otherwise, its back to pink floyd
Posted by si on June 4, 2000, at 9:19:51
In reply to coping with the fact that lifes not much fun, posted by si on June 4, 2000, at 7:03:25
still no help over webs, looks like bedtime is looking early tonight, any ideas and dont give me any fishing trips or mountain biking, i havent got the energy or patience
Posted by Andre Allard on June 4, 2000, at 10:10:34
In reply to coping with the fact that lifes not much fun, posted by si on June 4, 2000, at 7:03:25
What you are feeling is to be expected considering a week ago you were using heroine and alcohol. Give the drugs another week to get out of your system. In the mean time though, you have no choice but to suffer. I have been a drug addict as well as an alcoholic. I would take anything I could get my hands on to lessen the emotional pain I felt day in and day out. The drugs, alcohol and depression landed me in the hospital for an entire month. Every day I was in the hospital I thought about drugs. The thing that stopped me from opening up a bottle of my little pink friends was the reminder that drugs exaberate my depression. I would do anything to not to be depressed so everytime I have that erge to "bottle" up my problems, I think of how awful I felt while I was in the midst of severe depression. It does the trick everytime. Sure it would be easy to go back to "Pink Floyd" but just remember that everytime you take something you are that much farther away from feeling better in the long run.
It would be very beneficial for you to seek professional help if you have not already done so. The fact that your parents are aware of you situation and that you are taking meds suggests that you are already getting some kind of help. Good luck!
Posted by FP on June 5, 2000, at 14:59:20
In reply to coping with the fact that lifes not much fun, posted by si on June 4, 2000, at 7:03:25
si:
Ow. Can't tell you the number of times I tried to get straight but failed because the depression never seemed to lift. It sounds as if you're getting some medical help already - I think for me it was an anti-depressent (Paxil) that finally straightened things out.
Narcotics Anonymous meetings can give youy somewhere to go every night, and people looking out for you.
It WILL get better. Really. Besides drugs, do you have any other hobbies/interests? Try to find stuff from your past that was worthwhile and go back and start rebuilding.
But Andre's right - the beginning of straight just plain sucks. On the bright side, all you have to do is live through it.....
FP
Posted by ChrisK on June 5, 2000, at 15:41:46
In reply to coping with the fact that lifes not much fun, posted by si on June 4, 2000, at 7:03:25
Getting off of any addiction is one big royal pain in the ass. I still take Naltrxone to alleviate my alcohol cravings.
Sorry to say it but the best way to get clean is to go through a program. I'm just speaking from the "been there, done that" point of view. Programs can be a real bitch but they will help better than anything else in the first month of clearing your mind.
You can decide later if NA or AA are going to be part of your life but you need to go through a detox and at least a 28 day program that will help you deal with a new life style. It is soooo difficult to do any of this on your own.
Please seek some outside help. It will help you to learn how to take care of some BAD situations.
Posted by Kath on June 8, 2000, at 13:13:41
In reply to coping with the fact that lifes not much fun, posted by si on June 4, 2000, at 7:03:25
What you are doing takes a tremendous amount of courage. Congratulations.
It's a cliche, but one day at a time - or even one minute at a time. My 24 yr old daughter has stopped drinking, doing drugs & compulsively going from one relationship to the next. She finds a tremendous amount of help from the 12-step programs - Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous. There, she meets people who understand WHAT she is going through & they're able to support her.
If you decide to try it out, your local Public Health Dept or hospital should be able to help you find a meeting or ask your parents to help you.
Please continue to take care of yourself. This site can be a place of great support & people here truly care about each other. Your parents are obviously there to help you. Please keep us posted as to how you're doing and how you're feeling. Sometimes, even if there aren't answers, it helps to say how we feel & have people who care listen to us.Thinking of you every day. Kath : )
> sorry to sound like im looking for an excuse to not facing up to life, but whats left. i have been away from heroin/alcohol for one whole week, on a naltrexone implant program. at the moment i am still on barbituates, and benzodiazapines, and seem to just look foward to the nightime. im frightened the nightimes are going to get earlier.fortunately i am monitored by parents, so i cant abuse the barbs.i have heard about trazolon? to help with reality. otherwise, its back to pink floyd
Posted by shar on June 9, 2000, at 16:21:30
In reply to coping with the fact that lifes not much fun, posted by si on June 4, 2000, at 7:03:25
I agree with those who have posted that life sucks when you're getting sober. "Thirty days and a thousand nights" my AA group said.
When I was getting sober I thought AA was gonna be really goody-goody, Pollyanna. But I went to the group by my house, and the stories I heard were NOT Pollyanna. When one guy was talking and said "the morning I woke up in a Dempsey Dumpster I knew things had to change..." I knew that was the group for me.
I went initially and it did help. My son went through a hosp. program and attended NA when he got done. But, he kept hanging with the crowd that was using, and slowly but surely he started using again.
So, sobriety isn't just a choice you are making now, it's a choice you have to make over and over. That's why people who can stay sober are so courageous and strong (while feeling life sucks). Because life can sure as hell suck when you're sober!! (Isn't that often why we start using?)
I really, really want to support you in what you are doing. One thing that is very healing is humor. Often that's available in NA/AA/etc. if you can find the right group. Otherwise, if you can get any humor tapes/cd's/etc. I would encourage you to. I listened to a Steve Martin tape at work once with headphones on, and was about to pop because it was so hard to hold my laughter in. And, headphones are nice because they let you screen out the other stuff (life).
Have you ever heard Firesign Theater? They are a group that you have to listen to about ten times before you get all the jokes in their scenarios. They are sort of Monty Python/Kids in the Hall but fast talkers.
I don't know if you like to write. It can be cathartic, but I always hated to go back and read what I'd written. However, writing can be drawn too. If you will draw. Drawing can be neat because you can draw anything at all, doesn't have to be "good" you can just take a pencil and color a whole page gray with it. Whatever.
Can you get out and walk? If it isn't too hot? I think that is really good because I was so restless when I was sobering up. I wore my dog out taking her on walks. (Walks being up one house, turn around go home. Up two houses, turn around and go home. Up three houses, etc.)
Also, drumming (like African drumming) can be really interesting if you have people in your town doing it (just getting together somewhere, everyone is welcome, you don't have to drum you can just take it in, etc). For one thing it is active, your hands are moving, also you are listening to the beats--moving in and out of them, often outdoors, putting your beats in between the others, or picking out one beat and responding to it, answering it. When you can get a rhythm going it can be very absorbing. And lots of times, people will loan you a drum or let you use one of theirs--seems like everyone who drums has at least two. One for each hand?
When you said Pink Floyd I thought you meant the group--doh! Live and learn, eh?
OK, enough! This is too long! Good Luck to you.
Fight the good fight, emerge bloody but unbowed, take action on behalf of yourself! Screw heroin!!! Screw alcohol!!!
I'll be sending you lots of funny vibes.
xoxo S
Posted by Brenda on June 9, 2000, at 18:24:54
In reply to coping with the fact that lifes not much fun, posted by si on June 4, 2000, at 7:03:25
> sorry to sound like im looking for an excuse to not facing up to life, but whats left. i have been away from heroin/alcohol for one whole week, on a naltrexone implant program. at the moment i am still on barbituates, and benzodiazapines, and seem to just look foward to the nightime. im frightened the nightimes are going to get earlier.fortunately i am monitored by parents, so i cant abuse the barbs.i have heard about trazolon? to help with reality. otherwise, its back to pink floyd
si,
I think what everybody wrote to you is on the money. You're right - life sucks when you can't get high. I quit alcohol, speed, and pot all at the same time. Unfortunately for me, back then nobody was treating with antidepressants. It was soooo hard to quit. I didn't know anybody who was sober or not snorting or smoking. The first thing I did to protect myself was to tell everyone of my family and friends I quit. My real friends stuck by me, the other ones just drifted away. My friends still drank, but they encouraged me to stay sober, even though they didn't understand. I couldn't sleep for weeks. The nightmares were awful. I couldn't work, couldn't stop crying. I wanted to die. AA helped, so did writing. So did taking walks. It's been almost twenty years for me and I still crave being high. Not all the time, but when I don't take care of my depression, monitor my stress and frustration, it comes flying in my face. During times of extreme stress I'll still dream that I'm using. Thing is - as long as I don't my life is good. Life isn't all a lot of fun period. It's those moments of peace that pass all understanding that keep me going. The humor you find in the weirdest places, the kind that sneaks up on you - that keeps me going. My son, husband, dogs, garden, simple stuff.
I'll be thinking about you. Please write and let us know how you are. Be well, Brenda
Posted by Kath on June 11, 2000, at 13:47:06
In reply to Re: coping with the fact that lifes not much fun, posted by Brenda on June 9, 2000, at 18:24:54
Brenda - thanks so much for writing this. I hope si sees it. I have printed a copy to show my 16-yr-old son. He's been smoking pot daily and sometimes drinking for about a year & a half. He's in a day program right now, but it's about "harm reduction", not stopping using. I'm very concerned about where he's headed. I'm going to show him si's letter and yours too. Thanks for being so honest and straightforward.
Kath.
> > sorry to sound like im looking for an excuse to not facing up to life, but whats left. i have been away from heroin/alcohol for one whole week, on a naltrexone implant program. at the moment i am still on barbituates, and benzodiazapines, and seem to just look foward to the nightime. im frightened the nightimes are going to get earlier.fortunately i am monitored by parents, so i cant abuse the barbs.i have heard about trazolon? to help with reality. otherwise, its back to pink floyd
>
> si,
> I think what everybody wrote to you is on the money. You're right - life sucks when you can't get high. I quit alcohol, speed, and pot all at the same time. Unfortunately for me, back then nobody was treating with antidepressants. It was soooo hard to quit. I didn't know anybody who was sober or not snorting or smoking. The first thing I did to protect myself was to tell everyone of my family and friends I quit. My real friends stuck by me, the other ones just drifted away. My friends still drank, but they encouraged me to stay sober, even though they didn't understand. I couldn't sleep for weeks. The nightmares were awful. I couldn't work, couldn't stop crying. I wanted to die. AA helped, so did writing. So did taking walks. It's been almost twenty years for me and I still crave being high. Not all the time, but when I don't take care of my depression, monitor my stress and frustration, it comes flying in my face. During times of extreme stress I'll still dream that I'm using. Thing is - as long as I don't my life is good. Life isn't all a lot of fun period. It's those moments of peace that pass all understanding that keep me going. The humor you find in the weirdest places, the kind that sneaks up on you - that keeps me going. My son, husband, dogs, garden, simple stuff.
> I'll be thinking about you. Please write and let us know how you are. Be well, Brenda
Posted by MB on June 11, 2000, at 18:16:40
In reply to Re: coping with the naltrexone police, posted by si on June 4, 2000, at 9:19:51
> still no help over webs, looks like bedtime is looking early tonight, any ideas and dont give me any fishing trips or mountain biking, i havent got the energy or patience
Hey man, give yourself a break. You're still in your first few weeks of detox. I know it sounds stupid, but try and allow yourself to feel terrible. It doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you, and it doesn't mean that life will never be good again....it just means that you're detoxing from some seriously addictive stuff. It's going to suck. I couldn't find anything that made me feel better when I was going through it. I'm glad you have sleeping pills. They won't directly alleviate the physical symptoms, but every second you can sleep is a bonus. Getting off of those pills can be hard too, though. Be careful with the benzos and the barbs. Just hang on and keep reminding yourself that it's not forever, it WILL get better. In my opinion, the rebound depression you might experience is worse than the physical pain. Plus, it could last A LOT longer. If you were depressed before you started using, it's all the more problematic. I would highly recommend getting on an antidepressant as soon as your nervous system is stable enough to handle it. I had to wait until I was done with the physical detox before i could handle antidepressents. I've been off opiates a while now, and I'm telling you that my worst day clean is better than the best day I had addicted to that crap. Yeah, it feels like heaven at first, but when you're addicted, you don't get that wonderful feeling anymore. You're just shooting up to stay "well". PLUS, any depression you were trying to medicate starts coming back.
I know it sounds like I'm preaching. Maybe I am a little. I just hope so much that you stick with you're recovery. I'm so much happier dealing with my depression clean, than dealing with it as an addict.
Clean, I have the hope that I'll eventually conquer my depression. It's already 100 times better than when I first got sober. On heroin, I had no hope.
Posted by Kath on June 12, 2000, at 9:43:53
In reply to Hold onto your ass, posted by MB on June 11, 2000, at 18:16:40
Haven't heard from you. I'm still thinking of you. When you feel like it, let us know how you're doing.
Kath
> still no help over webs, looks like bedtime is looking early tonight, any ideas and dont give me any fishing trips or mountain biking, i havent got the energy or patience
>
> Hey man, give yourself a break. You're still in your first few weeks of detox. I know it sounds stupid, but try and allow yourself to feel terrible. It doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you, and it doesn't mean that life will never be good again....it just means that you're detoxing from some seriously addictive stuff. It's going to suck. I couldn't find anything that made me feel better when I was going through it. I'm glad you have sleeping pills. They won't directly alleviate the physical symptoms, but every second you can sleep is a bonus. Getting off of those pills can be hard too, though. Be careful with the benzos and the barbs. Just hang on and keep reminding yourself that it's not forever, it WILL get better. In my opinion, the rebound depression you might experience is worse than the physical pain. Plus, it could last A LOT longer. If you were depressed before you started using, it's all the more problematic. I would highly recommend getting on an antidepressant as soon as your nervous system is stable enough to handle it. I had to wait until I was done with the physical detox before i could handle antidepressents. I've been off opiates a while now, and I'm telling you that my worst day clean is better than the best day I had addicted to that crap. Yeah, it feels like heaven at first, but when you're addicted, you don't get that wonderful feeling anymore. You're just shooting up to stay "well". PLUS, any depression you were trying to medicate starts coming back.
>
> I know it sounds like I'm preaching. Maybe I am a little. I just hope so much that you stick with you're recovery. I'm so much happier dealing with my depression clean, than dealing with it as an addict.
>
> Clean, I have the hope that I'll eventually conquer my depression. It's already 100 times better than when I first got sober. On heroin, I had no hope.
Posted by KarenB on June 12, 2000, at 15:40:33
In reply to Re: coping with the naltrexone police, posted by si on June 4, 2000, at 9:19:51
Dear si,
Life's not going to be much fun FOR A LITTLE WHILE... BUT>>>It WILL get better, you CAN stay clean and sober and there will come a time when you actually like it and are grateful you hung in there.
This helped me when I needed it: Think completely THROUGH the drug. Many times when we want to get high, we only think of the way it used to be, after that first hit (drink or whatever). But this time, think THROUGH it - think through several hours after that first hit when you know that you blew it AGAIN...That awful, sick feeling that you'll never be strong enough to stop, so you do more...think into the next day when you know you'll feel like hell and want more again...think two weeks into the bottomless pit if you need to and then ask yourself, "Is it really worth ALL THAT?" My answer was always, "No, it's not."
This is a really good time to start talking to God, too. I know I never would have made it if I hadn't.
Wishing you the best. Let us know how you're doing, huh?
Karen
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