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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kathy on May 29, 2000, at 1:40:17
Thank you Andrew for caring. you see it doesn't matter if you're hurt by a female or a male it is still just as painfull but men get over things faster than women. Men quickly try to find another mate or someting else to take their mind off of it. You see just before the divorce, I was 4 months pregnant and everyone was so happy .In matter of two days he decided he doen't want the baby and said that if I don't have an abortion he is going to divorce me. With many hours of crying and begging and him saying that it's either him or me being a single parent I believed him ofcourse, why wouldn't I, and finally gave in to his demand. He didn't even care that I had heard the baby's heart beat the day before and that I was totally attached to that being and I was ready to even know what the sex was very soon. In the hospital I just cried the whole time and as the anesthesia was being administered I kept crying and saying to the guy that Iam is so sad and God to punish me for this. From that day my life just changed. I just feel like he betrayed me totally and there is nothing I can do because I don't even know when I can get pregnant again and it is just way too much for me to handle that he can leave knowing that I was in so I much pain. He says that I was relieved from that abortion because I had such bad morning and all day sickness. I blame myself for the baby and I keep thinking that maybe I should have become a sinle parent because I love children and that child would have given me a reason to always be happy.This whole issue has just hit me really hard in the past week and I cry all day, evry moment that Iam awake. I feel nothing at timejust nothing and that is when I want to give up.....
Posted by bob on May 29, 2000, at 13:07:38
In reply to thank you friends, posted by kathy on May 29, 2000, at 1:40:17
Kathy,
I'm so sorry about the baby ... I'm sure there are others here who can help you through that loss.But as for that rat b*st*rd of an ex-husband -- contraception is a two-way street. If HE didn't want children, then HE should have taken the responsibility to see that it would not happen. Personally, I don't think God would punish us for anything -- we seem to be quite capable of self-inflicting pain as it is -- but if anyone was deserving of such, IMO, it would be your ex. I think the pain you are feeling now says a lot about the kind of mother you will be some day, that it hurts you so deeply right now. I also think that your ex's attitude demonstrates how worthless he is as a husband, as a father, and as an adult who is supposed to take responsibility for his actions. Don't let his faults drag you through the mud on this.
be well,
bob
Posted by Sara T on May 29, 2000, at 17:26:04
In reply to thank you friends, posted by kathy on May 29, 2000, at 1:40:17
> Thank you Andrew for caring. you see it doesn't matter if you're hurt by a female or a male it is still just as painfull but men get over things faster than women. Men quickly try to find another mate or someting else to take their mind off of it. You see just before the divorce, I was 4 months pregnant and everyone was so happy .In matter of two days he decided he doen't want the baby and said that if I don't have an abortion he is going to divorce me. With many hours of crying and begging and him saying that it's either him or me being a single parent I believed him ofcourse, why wouldn't I, and finally gave in to his demand. He didn't even care that I had heard the baby's heart beat the day before and that I was totally attached to that being and I was ready to even know what the sex was very soon. In the hospital I just cried the whole time and as the anesthesia was being administered I kept crying and saying to the guy that Iam is so sad and God to punish me for this. From that day my life just changed. I just feel like he betrayed me totally and there is nothing I can do because I don't even know when I can get pregnant again and it is just way too much for me to handle that he can leave knowing that I was in so I much pain. He says that I was relieved from that abortion because I had such bad morning and all day sickness. I blame myself for the baby and I keep thinking that maybe I should have become a sinle parent because I love children and that child would have given me a reason to always be happy.This whole issue has just hit me really hard in the past week and I cry all day, evry moment that Iam awake. I feel nothing at timejust nothing and that is when I want to give up.....
Kathy -
I have been reading this thread with great interest and seeing everyone pull together to help you through your despair. I am so glad that you are responding and keeping with us.
This man, your ex, is someone who is NOT good for you or anyone. I hope one day soon you've be able to recognize that you are the one with something to offer. And when you do you will regain yourself and come to know your worth as a caring person. For the moment, I know you are doing all you can. Its OK to let down, its OK to be weak. Sometimes its only through weakness and despair that we build strength.
I am so sorry about the baby. But unless there was some problem during the abortion, you should be able to conceive again when the time is right. But as someone said earlier, don't have a child just to have something to love you and hold onto. Your children will need you to be whole and when their time comes, you will need to let go of them.
I hear in your posts a person who has a great capacity to care, and perhaps cares too deeply at times. You have alot of strength, and you will get through this and you will learn to protect yourself. You are fortunate that this man is out of your life.
Thinking of you,
Sara T.
Posted by NikkiT on May 30, 2000, at 10:55:33
In reply to Re: thank you friends, posted by Sara T on May 29, 2000, at 17:26:04
((((hugs))))
I wish there was somehting I could say that would help you right now, but there isn't anything I can think of. Losing your baby must ahve been the hardest thing in the world for you. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks in january, and I hadn't even realised I was pregnant (I'm on the pill), but it was still hard, and my husband said some nasty things at the time, but I know he didn't mean them... But they were nothing compared to what your awful ex did / said.
It must be hard to think that, if he thought these things, to say them to you was completely out of order, and you are better off without him. And as sara said, there will be another time when you are ready for children, and I'm very sure that there will be no problems to you conceiving... with the right man, and for the right reasons. It would be very unfair on any child just to have it to try and keep you happy - it may not work...
One day, you'll make a wonderful mum, but keep coming here, and using us as your screaming post until the day you can manage alone.
Thats what we're all here for Kathy,
Take care xxx
Posted by Noa on May 30, 2000, at 13:49:08
In reply to Re: thank you friends, posted by Sara T on May 29, 2000, at 17:26:04
Kathy, I am so sorry. What you have gone through is so devastating. There is the grief of losing the baby. There is the grief of losing the relationship. There is the feeling of betrayal I imagine you must feel toward your ex-husband, because he did betray you in a most fundamental way. There is the feeling of self-doubt I imagine feeling after such a betrayal. To say nothing of the rage I would feel.
All of this must be so much to carry around. Are you in any kind of counseling? I think it could help some.
Posted by Noa on June 2, 2000, at 16:34:02
In reply to thank you friends, posted by kathy on May 29, 2000, at 1:40:17
Kathy, many of us are worried about you. Please let us know how you are.
Posted by kady on June 2, 2000, at 20:06:19
In reply to Re: thank you friends, posted by Noa on June 2, 2000, at 16:34:02
> Kathy, many of us are worried about you. Please let us know how you are.
I read all this about the baby after my long winded spiel on your original thread. Kathy, count you blessings. This was an ogre. You will have to realize how unbelievably cruel he was and wonder how you could have ever loved him. Forget him. My guess on the baby is that he someone or someones on the side and cannot be tied down. The abortion was requested to prevent the payment of child support since apparantly he already knew he was leaving. Like I said in my other note, this rings all tooooooo familiar. The good side is, you will come to understand, realize and grow from all this, but he will stay a miserable bastard probably his whole entire life. You have found new friends, he will no doubt die alone until he too finds help.Remember not all divorces are a result of failure, some are personal victories.
This is the end of the thread.
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