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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Victoria on April 6, 2000, at 18:09:17
This is in response to the disagreement that came up in Tori's thread. (I'm starting a new thread because I think that one should stay focused on Tori). I for one feel very strongly that each and every one of us should "referee" this board. So many potentially useful sites have been taken over by ranting and hostility and totally ruined. That hasn't happened here, thank goodness. I think each one of us needs to protect the supportive and compassionate tone of this site by thinking about the words we use and how they might affect other people and also by gently reining in anyone who seems to be straying toward the margins of civility. For myaelf, I always try to follow the cliched old rule of good communication: say "I" rather than "you." That is, I try to speak about myself and my feelings/reactions etc., and don't accuse, label, or attribute things to others. It's not always easy, but it's good practice.
Posted by Cam W. on April 6, 2000, at 18:32:40
In reply to Civility/Board referees, posted by Victoria on April 6, 2000, at 18:09:17
> This is in response to the disagreement that came up in Tori's thread. (I'm starting a new thread because I think that one should stay focused on Tori). I for one feel very strongly that each and every one of us should "referee" this board. So many potentially useful sites have been taken over by ranting and hostility and totally ruined. That hasn't happened here, thank goodness. I think each one of us needs to protect the supportive and compassionate tone of this site by thinking about the words we use and how they might affect other people and also by gently reining in anyone who seems to be straying toward the margins of civility. For myaelf, I always try to follow the cliched old rule of good communication: say "I" rather than "you." That is, I try to speak about myself and my feelings/reactions etc., and don't accuse, label, or attribute things to others. It's not always easy, but it's good practice.
********
Victoria - Well said! - Cam W.
Posted by Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 19:51:31
In reply to Re: Civility/Board referees, posted by Cam W. on April 6, 2000, at 18:32:40
> > This is in response to the disagreement that came up in Tori's thread. (I'm starting a new thread because I think that one should stay focused on Tori). I for one feel very strongly that each and every one of us should "referee" this board. So many potentially useful sites have been taken over by ranting and hostility and totally ruined. That hasn't happened here, thank goodness. I think each one of us needs to protect the supportive and compassionate tone of this site by thinking about the words we use and how they might affect other people and also by gently reining in anyone who seems to be straying toward the margins of civility. For myaelf, I always try to follow the cliched old rule of good communication: say "I" rather than "you." That is, I try to speak about myself and my feelings/reactions etc., and don't accuse, label, or attribute things to others. It's not always easy, but it's good practice.
>
> ********
> Victoria - Well said! - Cam W.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Victoria and Cam-- Thanks. I'm not an idiot and while I realize being attacked certainly reflects more on the attacker than it does on me - I'm still human and it's great to have a little support.I felt the issue did begin with Tori's issue and my response(in support of compassion and against name calling and shaming) so that's where I left it. I 'm sorry if that offended you're sensibilities. I guess when I said "referee" I just meant someone jumping in when it wasn't necessary and prolonging an issue(well-here we are in a whole new thread devoted to it). But I do try to be supportive and compassionate and appreciate the same in return. I guess I would prefer people to respect each other rather than self-appointed referees passing judgement.I think being told to get out of the thread or off the board was not supportive or kind or gentle. I think being called an idiot was inexcusable. In sum, I guess I would prefer the golden rule over a mass of vigilante referees. I respectfully request masses of support and compassion as soon as possible. Thanks for your interest and input, S.
Posted by Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 20:15:41
In reply to Re: Need Support and Compassion NOW!!!!!!!!!, posted by Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 19:51:31
. I respectfully request masses of support and compassion as soon as possible. Thanks for your interest and input, S.
PS sorry- I changed the subject. I'm just not a linear thinker. This is the first forum I've ever posted on. I don't know the rules. I'm off to open up a new thread for my masses of support,etc. S.
Posted by Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 20:58:52
In reply to Re: PS, posted by Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 20:15:41
> . I respectfully request masses of support and compassion as soon as possible. Thanks for your interest and input, S.
>
> PS sorry- I changed the subject. I'm just not a linear thinker. This is the first forum I've ever posted on. I don't know the rules. I'm off to open up a new thread for my masses of support,etc. S.PPS sorry- wanted to clarify-requesting masses of support,etc. unrelated to anyother thing person incident etc. -no t trying to prompt controversy-sincerely need help .dont be mean to me please
Posted by bob on April 6, 2000, at 23:57:46
In reply to Re: Civility/Board referees, posted by Cam W. on April 6, 2000, at 18:32:40
Having been designated the board's self-appointed referee ... ;^)
> Victoria - Well said! - Cam W.
I second that (both Victoria and Cam)!
cheers,
bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on April 8, 2000, at 13:55:12
In reply to Re: Need Support and Compassion NOW!!!!!!!!!, posted by Soreteh on April 6, 2000, at 19:51:31
> I guess I would prefer people to respect each other rather than self-appointed referees passing judgement.
Passing judgment might not be such a great idea, but I do think reminders to be civil can help.
> I think being told to get out of the thread or off the board was not supportive or kind or gentle. I think being called an idiot was inexcusable.
I agree, but I also think that you weren't as gentle as you might have been, either. Though you did show restraint, which I appreciate. It's easier to be civil when others are, too, and harder when they're not.
I want to respond to the original exchange, and will, but I need to look into things further first, but I'm not able to do that right now...
Bob
Posted by Soreteh (AprilA.) on April 10, 2000, at 9:27:01
In reply to Civility/Board referees, posted by Victoria on April 6, 2000, at 18:09:17
> This is in response to the disagreement that came up in Tori's thread. (I'm starting a new thread because I think that one should stay focused on Tori). I for one feel very strongly that each and every one of us should "referee" this board. So many potentially useful sites have been taken over by ranting and hostility and totally ruined. That hasn't happened here, thank goodness. I think each one of us needs to protect the supportive and compassionate tone of this site by thinking about the words we use and how they might affect other people and also by gently reining in anyone who seems to be straying toward the margins of civility. For myaelf, I always try to follow the cliched old rule of good communication: say "I" rather than "you." That is, I try to speak about myself and my feelings/reactions etc., and don't accuse, label, or attribute things to others. It's not always easy, but it's good practice.
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I agree about needing to support the tone of the site. Although I don't agree with oozak, I was being intentionally sarcastic and mean to him and I wish I'd just kept my mouth shut. The same with bob. I realize now that it just seemed like he was taking a morally superior tone with me because I was in a morally inferior position at the time.
I don't see how anyone can stop all those creepy messages this morning. I wrote this once before but it disappeared . I don't want to referee anyone but myself and that's a full time job.
Posted by bob on April 10, 2000, at 18:08:59
In reply to Re: Civility/Board referees, posted by Soreteh (AprilA.) on April 10, 2000, at 9:27:01
Well, Soreteh, I *used* to be into megalomania until I realized it was beneath me ;^)
cheers,
bob
This is the end of the thread.
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