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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kevin on March 21, 2000, at 21:06:59
I am currently going through divorce. I will try to keep this short. I met my wife about 2 years ago. She was currently taking Risperdal, Depakote, and Cogentin. She told me it was for a nervous breakdown she had during her previous marriage and that it is really just for a sleeping disorder. Well about 7 months ago, she did not see a need to take her medicine anymore. About 5 months into our marriage my Grandmother died and my wife went into a deep depression. The depression soon caused her to loose her job. Then the depression turned into paranioa. She would sit in front of the TV all day while crying and watching country music videos, CNN, Christian Stations, and reading the bible. Then called me at work once and told me that someone is trying to break into the house. And then she started pinning chairs under the front door. I decided to call her parents. They immediately asked if she was still taking her medicine, and I said no. Then they came over and tried to convince her to start taking it and she refused. The also informed me that she was hospitalized for 3 months about 5 years ago and diagnosed as Bipolar with Schizophrenia. Her parents also told me that she had a Grand Mal seizure once also. Well after trying many times to get her to take the medicine, we decided to have her admitted to the hospital. When at the hospital, she agreed to start taking her medicine. But when we got home she turned back into the same person and did not take her medicine. Soon later I decided to file for divorce. I have tried many times to talk to her and be her friend. But she thinks that nothing is wrong with her and I have screwed her over and made her homeless. She is not homeless, but living back with her parents. It hurts that after everything we shared that we cannot become friends.
My question is? I need to know if I have done everything possible to save the marriage. And I think that I am in denial right now that this could happen to such a beautiful woman. And do you think that I am wrong for divorcing my wife?
Thank you,
Kevin
Posted by Mark H. on March 21, 2000, at 21:32:42
In reply to Bipolar, Schizophrenia, and DIVORCE, posted by Kevin on March 21, 2000, at 21:06:59
Dear Kevin,
When my first wife had a schizogenic break, she would wake up in the middle of the night screaming, throw on the lights, and with a look of unbelievable hatred, tell me that I was poisoning her for the life insurance money (I think her employer, the State of California, provided about a $10,000 policy at the time). She once thought I was Adolph Hitler and contemplated stabbing me to death while I slept to save the Jews. When she was hospitalized briefly, she wore about five full layers of clothing so they wouldn't take her to "the showers." Most of the doctors were also Nazis, according to her.
The absurdity of the above may sound funny to some, but I'm sure you understand the anguish and helplessness I felt in watching someone I dearly love move completely beyond the reach of reason. Those were the very worst experiences of my life, even worse than my own darkest depression.
You have done what you can and need to move on. I am so sorry for both of you.
Posted by Janice on March 22, 2000, at 0:31:59
In reply to Bipolar, Schizophrenia, and DIVORCE, posted by Kevin on March 21, 2000, at 21:06:59
hello Kevin,
It sounds to me like you have done everything in your power to try to save your marriage.
The bottom line is no one can make this lady take her medication, but herself. And her taking her medications regularly would be the only hope of having a normal life with this lady.
Divorcing her is the only thing you can do. Be easy on yourself, Janice
Posted by Kevin on March 22, 2000, at 0:37:30
In reply to Re: Bipolar, Schizophrenia, and DIVORCE, posted by Mark H. on March 21, 2000, at 21:32:42
> Dear Mark,
Thank you so much for your reply. I am very sorry for what you went through and am sure that you know what I'm going through too. I don't think my wife is that bad yet. But, I have been told by a good friend, who is an M.D., that she is not that far off and will probably be in an institution by the age of 30. You mentioned that your wife was about to stab you in the middle of the night. I remember my wife telling when we first started dating that her ex-husband tried to kill her and she stabbed him in the leg. This past week I am starting to realize that all of the horror stories that she told me about her ex-husband were probably made up to justify any wrong doing on his part. And now it appears that she is trying to make me look like a bad person like she did her ex. I know I should not worry about what she tells people. But it just hurts to have someone you shared everything with just turn on you and have no remorse or responsibility for what she has done. My wife is 26 years old right now. And I believe she was first diagnosed with Bipolar and Schizophrenia when she was 20. Could you please tell me how old your ex-wife was when she was diagnosed and how old she was when she went "full blown" schizophrenic?
Thank you again for your reply.
Posted by Mark H. on March 22, 2000, at 17:04:58
In reply to Re: Bipolar, Schizophrenia, and DIVORCE, posted by Kevin on March 22, 2000, at 0:37:30
Dear Kevin,
My heart goes out to you. My ex-wife was 28 when she had her first full-blown schizogenic break with no prior signs of mental illness. I could go on and on about the extent of her suffering and delusions -- receiving telephone calls from a boyfriend who had died in a motorcycle accident some years before; calling me from a coffee shop in hysterics after wandering on foot 10 or 12 miles from her work at night (I asked where she was, and she replied, "At the corner of 'men' and 'women'"); believing she had rabies and was unable to move her jaw -- but you already know what it's like.
I can't tell from your response whether you still believe what your wife has told you about her former husband, but the chances are that little of it is true. Likewise, you need to plan your response to friends who call you after they've talked with her. Be factual and kind. Just give them examples; try not to label, blame, or tell them what to think. Future friends and partners of hers may well be told that you tried to kill her too. There is no way to control what she says or what other people believe, and it is good practice to begin now letting it go. "I'm so sorry that's what she believes happened," is one thing to say without further comment unless someone asks for details.
You'll need therapy, sooner or later, to help get past this experience. It took about a year after my wife's second break when we split up six years later, before I started feeling like I was falling to pieces. My therapist listened to my story and just said, "I can't believe you held up so well for so long." If there's such a thing as learning from another person's mistake, I think it would be wonderful if you found yourself a good counselor right away. It might speed your healing and make it somewhat easier.
Thanks for your kind words of support.
This is the end of the thread.
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