Posted by Mark H. on March 22, 2000, at 17:04:58
In reply to Re: Bipolar, Schizophrenia, and DIVORCE, posted by Kevin on March 22, 2000, at 0:37:30
Dear Kevin,
My heart goes out to you. My ex-wife was 28 when she had her first full-blown schizogenic break with no prior signs of mental illness. I could go on and on about the extent of her suffering and delusions -- receiving telephone calls from a boyfriend who had died in a motorcycle accident some years before; calling me from a coffee shop in hysterics after wandering on foot 10 or 12 miles from her work at night (I asked where she was, and she replied, "At the corner of 'men' and 'women'"); believing she had rabies and was unable to move her jaw -- but you already know what it's like.
I can't tell from your response whether you still believe what your wife has told you about her former husband, but the chances are that little of it is true. Likewise, you need to plan your response to friends who call you after they've talked with her. Be factual and kind. Just give them examples; try not to label, blame, or tell them what to think. Future friends and partners of hers may well be told that you tried to kill her too. There is no way to control what she says or what other people believe, and it is good practice to begin now letting it go. "I'm so sorry that's what she believes happened," is one thing to say without further comment unless someone asks for details.
You'll need therapy, sooner or later, to help get past this experience. It took about a year after my wife's second break when we split up six years later, before I started feeling like I was falling to pieces. My therapist listened to my story and just said, "I can't believe you held up so well for so long." If there's such a thing as learning from another person's mistake, I think it would be wonderful if you found yourself a good counselor right away. It might speed your healing and make it somewhat easier.
Thanks for your kind words of support.
poster:Mark H.
thread:27797
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000321/msgs/27863.html