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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Cass on February 27, 2000, at 15:06:50
I saw my pdoc, and I told him about the bad week I have been having. I was going to suggest certain meds like Naltrexone and Adderall, but we got onto the subject of alcohol. The issue has been on my mind. In fact, I posted a thread in last month's archive about it. I didn't use my regular screen name. I used the name Leah. I know it's silly, but I felt embarrassed about the subject. Here, I'm already anonymous, but I wanted to be anonymous in my previous anonymity. Part of the reason is that I am very conflicted about bearing another label. Between physical and mental health, I already have too many titles and sets of intitials. And to bear yet another stigmatizing label? Anyways, although I don't drink everyday, and can go a month or so without drinking, my pdoc thinks I am an alcoholic. I have binged to the point of jeopordizing my life, more than once. So, I went to an AA meeting, but I really couldn't identify with the members. It seems like they were all heavy, daily drinkers from a young age. Their lives have been destroyed by alcohol. Many cannot drive or have been homeless because of it. My condition has not led me to circumstances like that. I believe that I have a problem, but there must be different levels of alcoholism. Fortunately, I'm not on that level. Input and suggestions are always welcome. Thank-you, Noa, for asking about me.
Posted by Phil on February 27, 2000, at 15:59:51
In reply to Dang depressed, Part 2--The Alcohol, posted by Cass on February 27, 2000, at 15:06:50
>Cass, There are definately many levels of alcoholism. You might want to try other meetings in your town. AA groups can differ greatly, each group has it's own vibe.
I was in Al-Anon and have great friends in AA, my mother was one of them. Some meetings, you might just hear your story and be floored that there are others there that could possibly have the exact same feelings you are having.
I used to absolutely get blown away at the wisdom some of those fine folks carry.
You may be a high-bottom alcoholic. If you are, the road just goes one way from there. It doesn't matter how much you drink or what you've lost..so far, what matters is why you drink and how much you anticipate it. It's cunning, baffling, and wise...try a few more meetings if you want. You'll know..one way or the other.
I used to party my ass off when I was younger and with my family history, I had a 4-6 X likelihood of becoming alcoholic myself. A little voice kept saying,'Do you want this path?' I may drink two beers a year now. Don't want it, don't need it, and, in my opinion, drinking is a way highly overrated way to live. Keep us posted.Phil
ps..The first meeting I went to,there were a lot of lost souls but recovering. At the second, across town, I thought they all looked like they couldn't possibly have a drinking problem!
You got me wound up! :-)
Posted by Janice on February 27, 2000, at 16:29:37
In reply to Dang depressed, Part 2--The Alcohol, posted by Cass on February 27, 2000, at 15:06:50
Cass, Your posting made me laugh. I can relate to having all those titles and initials - once I got ahold of my impulse control (started dexedrine), I've stopped telling anyone about any of my disorders.
Up to this point (before dexedrine) I'd tell some people some things, other people other things... and then trying to remember what I told who became alot of work.
I can relate to what you say about drinking. I've never considered myself an alcoholic although during certain periods of my life, I have drank considerably, would crave it, and wouldn't even consider going to a party without it.
I haven't drank more than once or twice a year (1 or 2 glasses of wine) for the past 5 years. This was effortless because once I started anti-depressants I completely lost any desire to drink. As I said before, I feel like you, like I never really had a 'drinking problem' to begin with. Probably most people would have disagreed with me.
I grew up in an alcoholic family. I always knew I had alcoholic tendencies, but don't feel I was ever one. I'd say I have an alcoholic type of personality - compulsive, addictive, etc. Many people, with this type of personality, like the philosophies of Alcoholics Anonymous, and use them as a method to live their lives by.
When was the last time you binged to the point of jeopordizing your life? Why do you drink and what do you usually do when you drink? Now when you drink, why do you do it? To relax, to have fun, to loosen you inhibitions?
Mostly, I believe, alcohol is self-medication but that doesn't necessarily mean it's bad.
Let us know your answers, they will help us help you.
I honestly doubt you are, if you felt the way you did, at the AA meeting.
I have heard that AA members (kinda like some people with eating disorders) can be kinda competitive as to how low they have actually been. For some reason, they sometimes tell their story like they have been the drunkest, the skinnest, the sickest, ect.
Maybe, for you, it is just something to be cautious about.Thank you for the laugh. Janice, many many initials (but not AA)
by the way, do you enjoy your hangovers?
Posted by Noa on February 27, 2000, at 17:56:07
In reply to Re: Dang depressed, Part 2--The Alcohol, posted by Janice on February 27, 2000, at 16:29:37
Cass,
It is a big step to start addressing a big issue like this. Pat yourself on the back.
Sounds like you are not a "typical" alcoholic. Maybe it would help to think of yourself as a person struggling with a problem with alcohol, ie, this is not your identity, but a problem you are facing.
I agree about trying different meetings, they can be very different. Also, there are probably a lot of good online sites to visit and try out.
I also agree it will be important to explore what purpose the binge drinking has had for you, and then to address those problems with other, less harmful strategies.
Take care. Glad you "came out", and believe me, I understand the anonymity within the anonymity thing.
Posted by Brenda on February 27, 2000, at 18:48:09
In reply to Dang depressed, Part 2--The Alcohol, posted by Cass on February 27, 2000, at 15:06:50
>
> I saw my pdoc, and I told him about the bad week I have been having. I was going to suggest certain meds like Naltrexone and Adderall, but we got onto the subject of alcohol. The issue has been on my mind. In fact, I posted a thread in last month's archive about it. I didn't use my regular screen name. I used the name Leah. I know it's silly, but I felt embarrassed about the subject. Here, I'm already anonymous, but I wanted to be anonymous in my previous anonymity. Part of the reason is that I am very conflicted about bearing another label. Between physical and mental health, I already have too many titles and sets of intitials. And to bear yet another stigmatizing label? Anyways, although I don't drink everyday, and can go a month or so without drinking, my pdoc thinks I am an alcoholic. I have binged to the point of jeopordizing my life, more than once. So, I went to an AA meeting, but I really couldn't identify with the members. It seems like they were all heavy, daily drinkers from a young age. Their lives have been destroyed by alcohol. Many cannot drive or have been homeless because of it. My condition has not led me to circumstances like that. I believe that I have a problem, but there must be different levels of alcoholism. Fortunately, I'm not on that level. Input and suggestions are always welcome. Thank-you, Noa, for asking about me.Cass - It took lots of courage to go to that AA mtg. Did anyone go with you? Take somebody next time. Non-alcoholics can go to open mtgs. I have had 19 yrs without a drink, and have "cycled" through AA and AlAnon a couple of times. I understand exactly what you are saying. I was only 25 when I quit. I certainly could not relate to all those folks sleeping in the gutter and ruining their entire lives. However, my life was a shambles, my health totalled and I wasn't taking care of my toddler son very well. My suggestion would be to find another meeting. I live in a large city and there were lots of meetings to choose from. I did not like the coed meetings. Too much man/woman stuff going on - I wanted to get sober, not find a mate. May I strongly suggest a Closed Women's Meeting. Find a sponsor with a similar background as yours and stick with it for about a year. I went faithfully when I quit drinking and again when I quit smoking dope. The AA folks weren't too keen on a "pothead" in their group, but they got over it. I also was lucky to find a sponsor for about six months who had a similar history of depression and drug abuse. Whether or not you go back - see about getting a copy of the Big Book and checking out the Steps. I still live by them even though I don't attend mtgs. anymore. Good luck. Let me know how you're doing. If you live in San Diego or near San Diego I'll go with you.
Posted by Rick on February 27, 2000, at 19:26:12
In reply to Re: Dang depressed, Part 2--The Alcohol, posted by Brenda on February 27, 2000, at 18:48:09
Hi Cass,
Just wanted to say that I understand your position about the AA meeting, and I know alot about them because I spent 4 straight years going to them. To this day, I have never wanted to return, although I know that AA has done many wonderful things for people, I just never felt like I fit in.
Since then, I have drank on and off...sometimes quite alot...binging I guess you would call it, and I too have had a history of smoking pot, and even using cocaine. I even tried crack twice. I say this not to "brag" or compare war stories, but to let you know that even though I have been down those roads, I wouldn't even consider accepting a "label" for them. They were times in my life when I was miserable, lonely, and searching for something that I did not know how to find, and to carry a label, to me, means that I would carry with me everyday the stigma of my actions being "who I am", and I refuse to do that.
I want to move on in my life.I, like others, have had absolutely NO desire to drink since I started my ADs. I can't really explain why except to say that I think my self-defeating lifestyle while drinking finally caught up with me, and the fact that I am dealing now with some "core issues" of inadequacy, I don't want to live in denial. I want to uncover them all, and deal with as much as I can.
I wish you the best of luck, in whatever you choose to do. Just remember one thing...be as painfully honest with yourself as you can, and you can't go wrong.
RICK
Posted by Carolyn on February 27, 2000, at 21:38:05
In reply to Re: Dang depressed, Part 2--The Alcohol, posted by Rick on February 27, 2000, at 19:26:12
Cass...I agree with what everyone else has said. I too come from an alcoholic family and have indulged in binge drinking. But like the others, I found when I was on the right meds my desire to drink went away. Recently when my SRI pooped out, I again had the urge to drink...or do anything to achieve oblivion. Of course I knew this was not the answer...and also it helped that I did not have much opportunity to drink, for various reasons. My vote is for depression as your main problem...alcohol as self-medication.
But AA meetings can't hurt...just like talk therapy, which never did a darned thing to end any of my depressions (right meds the only answer)...but anybody can learn something from it!
Posted by Cass on February 28, 2000, at 18:58:27
In reply to Re: Dang depressed, Part 2--The Alcohol, posted by Carolyn on February 27, 2000, at 21:38:05
The idea of an AD taking away the craving for alcohol seems hopeful, and my idea about going on Naltrexone would perhaps fit that bill. The thing is that I have had some success with Celexa. I notice that I am handling stress and anxiety better. I do still have crippling depressions, though. So I don't know whether to mess around with other ADs or not. If I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that I have tried to kill myself with alcohol in the past. Somewhat subconsciously, somewhat consciously. I wanted to just pass out and die, or suddenly have the courage to shoot myself or something else. Alcohol is a dilemna in my life. I suppose it isn't good for me, but I don't always care about what's good for me and what's not. Thanks for all the input.
Posted by Brenda on February 28, 2000, at 22:28:30
In reply to Re: Dang depressed, Part 2--The Alcohol, posted by Cass on February 28, 2000, at 18:58:27
> The idea of an AD taking away the craving for alcohol seems hopeful, and my idea about going on Naltrexone would perhaps fit that bill. The thing is that I have had some success with Celexa. I notice that I am handling stress and anxiety better. I do still have crippling depressions, though. So I don't know whether to mess around with other ADs or not. If I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that I have tried to kill myself with alcohol in the past. Somewhat subconsciously, somewhat consciously. I wanted to just pass out and die, or suddenly have the courage to shoot myself or something else. Alcohol is a dilemna in my life. I suppose it isn't good for me, but I don't always care about what's good for me and what's not. Thanks for all the input.
>Cass - the scary thing about the alcohol is that in a drunken moment of depression - you really might not care for just an instant and something awful could happen. A dear friend put a gun to her head while drunk and also OD'd on 80 advil. I have never been so frightened in my life!! I had to convince her to get in my car to take her to the psychdoc's, and then to give me the loaded gun so I could lock in in the trunk of my car. Needless to say, the POLICE were called, friend handcuffed and taken to hospital for 72-hour hold.
Please - think about giving it up. When I hurt real bad I still want to drink and it's been a long time for me. It too is a disease, just like depression and all the others we hear about. I don't want to get preachy, but when you wrote about suicidal thoughts while drinking - well that's pretty scary. You're in my thoughts.
Posted by CarolAnn on February 29, 2000, at 8:02:11
In reply to Re: Dang depressed, Part 2--The Alcohol, posted by Brenda on February 28, 2000, at 22:28:30
Cass, I can relate to not wanting to mess with medications. Even though I have had only "some" improvement, I just don't want to rock the boat and risk slipping back to where I was. However; what you can do, is instead of changing from Celexa to something else, ask your Pdoc about *adding* something to it. I don't know if you can do Naltrexone with Celexa, but it's worth asking. Good luck!CarolAnn
Posted by ChrisK on February 29, 2000, at 8:21:08
In reply to Re: Dang depressed, Part 2--The Alcohol(to Cass), posted by CarolAnn on February 29, 2000, at 8:02:11
Cass,
I take Naltrexone as do a few others here. I initially requested it because of my own alcoholism. I'm not perfect (staying away from alcohol) but I am a lot better. I don't have the cravings to drink and when I do drink I don't get the old buzz I used to. It really does a good job of stopping that area of my brain from enjoying alcohol. It has also had the added benefit of augmenting my AD's.
If you haven't already done it you should go to the Tips section on the main page here and search for Naltrexone. There is some good information there.
It may be worth a try.
Chris
Posted by Thomas W on February 29, 2000, at 8:30:44
In reply to Dang depressed, Part 2--The Alcohol, posted by Cass on February 27, 2000, at 15:06:50
>
> I saw my pdoc, and I told him about the bad week I have been having. I was going to suggest certain meds like Naltrexone and Adderall, but we got onto the subject of alcohol. The issue has been on my mind. In fact, I posted a thread in last month's archive about it. I didn't use my regular screen name. I used the name Leah. I know it's silly, but I felt embarrassed about the subject. Here, I'm already anonymous, but I wanted to be anonymous in my previous anonymity. Part of the reason is that I am very conflicted about bearing another label. Between physical and mental health, I already have too many titles and sets of intitials. And to bear yet another stigmatizing label? Anyways, although I don't drink everyday, and can go a month or so without drinking, my pdoc thinks I am an alcoholic. I have binged to the point of jeopordizing my life, more than once. So, I went to an AA meeting, but I really couldn't identify with the members. It seems like they were all heavy, daily drinkers from a young age. Their lives have been destroyed by alcohol. Many cannot drive or have been homeless because of it. My condition has not led me to circumstances like that. I believe that I have a problem, but there must be different levels of alcoholism. Fortunately, I'm not on that level. Input and suggestions are always welcome. Thank-you, Noa, for asking about me.Hi Cass,
You sound exactly like me. I too struggle with
drinking along with panic/depression. My MD and psych
told me I was an alcoholic and needed to go to AA. I'm also
socially phobic and that is a mountian to climb for
me to go to AA. I don't know if I could stand it.
I don't drink everyday either. I may go a month or two
w/o and then bang my craving sets in, or something
in my life goes to hell and I'm ready to have a few.
I don't want another label either. I just went to a psych
and am taking a test and I'm wondering what I'll
be "called" after that. I have been sober since Thanksgiving
of 99 with one exception but right now my job is the pits
and I'm feeling the urge to take off a few days and party.
It does me physical harm and the hangovers are hell especially
with the AD's (I think it makes them worse). I hate
to drink and be sick the next day but when I'm doing it
I don't care about tomorrow. I wish you well. I
just wanted you to know there is another just like you.good luck...
This is the end of the thread.
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