![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 27. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Bob on October 6, 1999, at 23:56:50
Nothing like a good dose of bigotry and prejudice to snap me out of a downspell -- I mean, *I* have the right to rip myself to shreds over absolutely nothing, but I'll be damned I'll allow anyone else to try to victimize me!
As you may guess, I'm a bit, well, angry. I've talked about my job problems before, but I'm going to wait until I cool off before the next installment.
In the meantime, I wanted to start this discussion. Has anyone else out there felt like they've been discriminated against due to your disorder at your workplace? How did you handle it? How did you recognize it? How did things end up?
Please feel free to respond as that great sage of all millenia, Anonymous, or as Herbie the Elf Dentist (another clear case of workplace discrimination). Maybe we can help others from getting trapped, in defusing a situation before it starts ticking. I'd like to see some good come out of what I'm going through right now, since at my job the only thing that's coming out is a double helping of whup'ass that I'll be serving up soon enough.
Grrrrrrrrrrr
Bob
Posted by Susan Jane on October 7, 1999, at 2:17:01
In reply to Workplace discrimination, posted by Bob on October 6, 1999, at 23:56:50
I think the core issue is expectations. Expectations are premeditated resentments. I don't believe that there is an easy way to prevent or stop the expectations of other people. It can be done but it's not easy. Patience and persistence will eventually work in most cases. More immediately, detachment helps me deal with the bull cookies at work. So does thinking about expectations, mine and others. Knowing that our culture is totally hung up about mental illness means that I have to really think about what goes on around me. These people expect a certain behavior, anything else is wrong to them. So, conceptually...
Detachment
Acceptance
Awareness
Compassion for self and for othersAnother thread is about being one's disease. Again expectations. A gay person is not who they sleep with, any more then a straight person. I am not my mania or my depression.
The nitty-gritty survival stuff in the midst of work and unreasonable expectations (discrimination) in my experience are so much a case by case thing. Certainly a personality alchemy exercise. Past experiences, different communication types, etc. So many factors. Be yourself. Set boundaries. Speak your mind where appropriate. Work hard. I've worked far to many places and had conflicts with far too many people. I am _so_ fortunate to be now working in a place where I fit in, where I belong. Is the work perfect? No. Are their people I don't like? Yes. Do I still have to deal with unreasonable expectations? Yes. I am m/d after all; some days I just fly around, others I drag. Sure it shows in my work. I know I get passed over for certain projects. But it's a process, earning their confidence and getting my moods stable. Real stuff, stuff I can do.
My therapist said to me tonight after I vented about a problem co-worker: employers don’t hire workers, they hire people. Dealing with the people and their expectations is part of the work environment. Dealing with unreasonable expectations and/or the emotional extremes of anger or a “witch hunt” are not a work environment I would want to be in. Fortunately, I’m reasonably employable, I have choices if it gets ugly.
Much babbling. Maybe a tidbit or two of interest. This topic has been on my mind. Being so terribly antisocial/isolationist... it’s just hard. The thoughts are beginning to get in order, but the doing is so very difficult.
SusanJane :)
Posted by dove on October 7, 1999, at 9:21:20
In reply to Re: Workplace discrimination, posted by Susan Jane on October 7, 1999, at 2:17:01
It seems the workplace is one of the toughest enviroments to deal with on a day-to-day basis. Many people who are ignorant of or never been exposed to mental disorders hold the viewpoint that it's either an excuse (which they'll use to their full advantage) or the person with the illness is completely bonkers (and you better not get close and you better walk on eggshells around them).
My husband's Boss has a severe depression/paranoia/anxiety disorder. He takes meds and tries to keep others from knowing or discussing this, he's very self-conscious and for legit reasons.
The boss had a get-together at his house where some of the people were drinking and the question was asked about drinking while on psychotropic meds. This proceeded to cause great distress to the boss, who didn't want it discussed. Aside from the man's great discomfort, some of the spouses at the party spoke up about their psycho-active meds, side-effects and so on. No one spoke of why they were taking these meds or how the meds were working in concern to the symptoms. I felt like I couldn't say anything, not having the knowledge or the ability to speak about this taboo subject even in this somewhat relaxed enviroment (I'm glad I left it alone but the next time I'm opening my mouth).
My husband has first hand experience with mental illness and has lived with me for 9 years :-) So it doesn't bother him in the least. The only complaint he has ever had about his absolute favorite boss is the moodiness that directly effects their relationship. On a given day the boss is very friendly, laid-back and the next day it'll swing to the opposite pole, uptight, agitated, sharp-tongued ect..
Now, for my confession, I tend to view these behaviors as mood-effective and tied to his illness. My husband actually gets angry with me, stating that it's just human, and normal, everyone has mood-swings everyday and it is no reflection on the mental stability relating to the work-enviroment or supervisoral qualifications. My husband is very literal, as in he takes everything at face-value, no light and shadows for this guy :-)Which seems to be a positive quality at home and in the work-place most of the time. He is immune to office and social politics, which is where much of the bigotry and discrimination emerges from.
I think my long-winded point is. the people who are ignorant or afraid or biased need to be changed by personal contact and relationships. They need to see the real person behind the facade even if that means clearly seeing the illnesses that are quite common in our society. To see your co-workers as people with problems just like you, to view the co-workers spouses in the same light, knowing that they too have mental disorders just as they have so-called "physical" ones. The boss, the boss's spouse, children ect.. We must judge people by their actions and the fruit of their actions and their intentions. If someone is out to get you, any excuse will do. Keep your guard up! If someone speaks from ignorance, inform them, show them, enlighten their dark-age brain with some insightful whup-a** for the mind.
People are people, in all their flawed human glory. Afraid and spiteful, deceitful and two-faced. They are also loyal and agreeable, supportive and able to learn from life experiences (theoretically :^P ) Show them your intentions, let them marvel at the fruit of your actions. And let them in, to see the real you when the right time arises. We can never be 'perfect' in thought, deed or action, neither can they. We all have failings and weaknesses, not because we're all mentally ill but because we're all human. We're just diagnosed while they live in obscure obliviousness.
Show them the light! and let them tremble :-)
dove
Posted by Sean on October 7, 1999, at 13:23:50
In reply to Workplace discrimination, posted by Bob on October 6, 1999, at 23:56:50
> Nothing like a good dose of bigotry and prejudice to snap me out of a downspell -- I mean, *I* have the right to rip myself to shreds over absolutely nothing, but I'll be damned I'll allow anyone else to try to victimize me!
>
> As you may guess, I'm a bit, well, angry. I've talked about my job problems before, but I'm going to wait until I cool off before the next installment.
>
> In the meantime, I wanted to start this discussion. Has anyone else out there felt like they've been discriminated against due to your disorder at your workplace? How did you handle it? How did you recognize it? How did things end up?
>
> Please feel free to respond as that great sage of all millenia, Anonymous, or as Herbie the Elf Dentist (another clear case of workplace discrimination). Maybe we can help others from getting trapped, in defusing a situation before it starts ticking. I'd like to see some good come out of what I'm going through right now, since at my job the only thing that's coming out is a double helping of whup'ass that I'll be serving up soon enough.
>
> Grrrrrrrrrrr
> BobI sure have been discriminated - by my insurance
policy. I got so pissed off that I called our
human resources people, came "out", told them
they were in the middle ages and discriminatory.
Basically, they did not recognize psychiatry as
as "real" medical field and thus did not pay for
it. At $150 per visit, I was soon in the hole
and ended up doing phone-tag with my doc for
several years.Now they are better - but not free of discrim
ination: psychiatry costs me 3 times what
another doctor costs. I guess you say they went
from viewing psychiatry as "nothing" to 1/3 of
a normal doctor. Whatever... I remain pissed off
at the whole system.
Posted by hello kitty on October 7, 1999, at 19:10:39
In reply to Re: Workplace discrimination, posted by Sean on October 7, 1999, at 13:23:50
heres a real kicker..I worked in an agency for at risk youth, residential, I was doing case management...and I also have suffered from depression, ptsd and anxiety for almost all of my life. I was a child in the system for many years and it follow naturally that my proffessional drive is to return the grace and assistance given to me.
My agency was making some very unsafe decisions about our clients, and some very innappropriate, unsafe events occured while I was there...I made the mistake of voicing my concern and dissapproval. Note that I had been very open and honest about my history of mental health issues, we were all very close knit and one could say....enmeshed..but thats a different post...
ANYWAY...afterI began to offer a voice of reason and call for change, I began to expereince discrimination in a very sick and twisted way. My co workers and finally my supervisor all played apart in directly taregting me. note this agency is and was non profit, but boy oh boy someone was getting PAID. in then end, I quit one day, after a co-worker called me a "fucking psycho" and was supported in that statemewnt by her (my) boss. they say I played the victim, but the truth is, I was the only person willing to truthsay..what I saw was disturbing, and my objections riled a lot of feathers. the worst part is, I miss my job terribly; working with my clients, teen girls, I experienced more satisfaction and wholeness than I ever imagined I could while doing a job. I found my "calling" and my spirit was soaring.
anyway, thats my story. sigh.
Posted by Noa on October 7, 1999, at 19:45:25
In reply to Re: Workplace discrimination, posted by hello kitty on October 7, 1999, at 19:10:39
Now that you have nothing to lose, can you give a tip off call to the regulating authorities and let them do some closer monitoring?
Posted by bones on October 7, 1999, at 19:54:40
In reply to Re: Workplace discrimination, posted by hello kitty on October 7, 1999, at 19:10:39
Kitty: Thanks for your story. We can all learn from it.
Do you regret disclosing the truth about yourself? It's a difficult call isn't it. You were "true" to something very integral about yourself. But ended up losing your "calling". I have a friend, she would determine that if this was indeed your avocation that the pull of the life force (i.e. God & your soul) would make it happen again. I guess I really, really do believe that too. If you have a desire and throw it out to the universe - it will come back to you fulfilled. (Not always in a neat/clean/tidy presentation.)
Posted by janey girl on October 7, 1999, at 20:05:24
In reply to Re: Workplace discrimination, posted by bones on October 7, 1999, at 19:54:40
Everyone here seems so enlightened and positive
appear to have come to terms with this subject
and/or how they have overcome it. I lost my job
because of my suicide attempt and breakdown last
year... I know, because 2 months later they hired
two people to replace my "eliminated job."I now work in a field I once loved, but have outgrown,
and despise the game-playing, passive-aggressive
behavior of my bosses.At the age of 41, I'm changing careers -- from
advertising and web design to nursing. I need to take
care of a part of myself that wants, craves to help
people, rather than trying to sell them bullshit
messages and products.This new frontier is frightening, and I have no
idea how I'll afford it, but we'll all see.Since my depression, I've isolated significantly,
and while that feels "safe" to a degree, I am so
lonely and feel so needy. But it's so hard to let
anyone get close again.
Posted by Bob on October 7, 1999, at 20:13:52
In reply to All of you seem so enlightened...., posted by janey girl on October 7, 1999, at 20:05:24
> At the age of 41, I'm changing careers -- from
> advertising and web design to nursing. I need to take
> care of a part of myself that wants, craves to help
> people, rather than trying to sell them bullshit
> messages and products.Wait a sec ... someone who is LEAVING web design to become a nurse?! Just watch, janey girl, who you call "enlightened" around here. Like my grandma always said, When you point your finger at someone, there's always three pointing back your way.
So go ahead, call people "enlightened" ... all I have to say is it takes one to know one.
So there!
Bob=^)
Posted by Bob on October 7, 1999, at 23:14:14
In reply to Re: All of you seem so enlightened...., posted by Bob on October 7, 1999, at 20:13:52
I came out to NYC 4 years back to take a job on the faculty of the Education school at Fordham. Ed psych. At first it was all so heady ... but then the bottom started to fall out. I had lost faith in my job (that is, being a professor. Teaching is my vocation. I thought the two were supposed to go together -- professoring in a school of education and teaching. At Fordham, that was almost true -- certainly closer than other ed schools I know). My father had a second stroke. I had no social support network. Neither my office nor my apartment had any windows to speak of, so I was an urban cave dweller. I just crashed. I knew I was depressed, but I had always fooled myself into thinking I could deal with it, that I'd rid myself of it. Not only did that house of cards come crashing down, but my panic disorder kicked into high gear for the first time in my life. I'd go into work at ten, close my office door (sometimes no windows is a good thing), and shake. I played a lot of solitaire (Mac, Eric's Solitaire Sampler, the "Eight Off" game or whatever its called ... left that computer behind with more than 5,000 consectutive wins and no losses, just waiting for the next piece of fresh faculty meat to check it out ;^). I aggravated the hell out of my RSI. But mostly, I just shook. Then five minutes before I'd have to teach, I'd somehow pull myself together (it was teaching, after all), get up in front of my students, and I'd teach. I hid in my office for more than a year that way, smack in the middle of a department of school and counseling psychologists (who have some clinical training), and no one noticed. Or, if they did, no one was concerned enough to mention. I felt a great deal of guilt towards the end -- that I'd been living a lie ... they all wanted me to stay instead of quit. I resolved then to make sure on my new job that I'd make sure my boss (and my colleagues) knew, and that I'd keep it in my boss' mind by being frank and open about any changes in my treatment -- particularly my meds.
Well, that job has been a completely different story. I don't regret one bit being out about my disorder ... it may wind up working in my favor.
(Under the ADA, you have to tell in order to get protection, from what I have read)
The short of it, as far as I can tell, is this: My boss sees a capable, bright person -- certainly highly qualified for the job (and perhaps she sees that as a threat ... I've got no read on that) -- and then she sees drops in his performance from time to time. Putting one (disclosure of my disorder) and one (drop in performance) together just doesn't add up for her. She has never considered what effect it might have on my abilities. So, she thinks I'm unmotivated. That I'm a slacker. That I am "essentially undependable". And all this despite the clear evidence that my project's performance has continued to improve over the high degree of success we had the previous year.
Well, I have a meeting tomorrow I need to prepare for. I'm going to have to give a few people some math lessons, and see if they can learn from their mistakes (before I contact the EEOC ... I'd hate to see this place lose all its federal and state funding because it got its EEOC certification yanked).
I'll continue the soap opera this weekend, once I calm down again.
Bob
Posted by dj on October 7, 1999, at 23:37:40
In reply to about disclosure ..., posted by Bob on October 7, 1999, at 23:14:14
Well, Bob, hope it goes well for you in getting your message across effectively!!
> I'll continue the soap opera this weekend, once I calm down again.
>
> Bob
Posted by dove on October 8, 1999, at 9:12:18
In reply to Re: about disclosure ..., posted by dj on October 7, 1999, at 23:37:40
We're all here for you Bob! I hope you can make them see the light. Sending my positive energy your way with lots of love :-)
dove~> I'll continue the soap opera this weekend, once I calm down again.
>
> Bob
Posted by jennyann on October 8, 1999, at 10:40:30
In reply to Re: Support for Bob!, posted by dove on October 8, 1999, at 9:12:18
Bob,
I too am sending you peace and healing...you know your own power and the strnegth and compassion with which you support others on this board is amazing...
thinkin about ya,
Jennyann
and
hellokitty(who's powers of enlightnement and supreme sparkle never cease to awe me....)
Posted by Bob on October 8, 1999, at 12:14:41
In reply to Re: Support for Bob!, posted by jennyann on October 8, 1999, at 10:40:30
As I've said before, words fail to describe this community.
Well, the meeting went as expected. You Arlo fans out there will appreciate this: my first thought, stepping out of the office, was, "Doc ... I wanna kill." Those folks "above" me have pushed this from blind rage to a comedy of the absurd. So, only one thing left to do, as far as I'm concerned ...
"You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant (excepting Alice)..."
I'll sing that on my way down to the EEOC. All I want is a case of blind justice.
Bob
Posted by dove on October 8, 1999, at 14:53:23
In reply to Thanks!!, posted by Bob on October 8, 1999, at 12:14:41
Arlo Guthrie, now there's someone I haven't heard in awhile. I was such a fan as a teen-ager and yes, he was a bit before my time. I was a hippy-punk, as diabolical as that sounds.
I went to hear him live at this Catholic University a half hour away when I was 16. I wasn't familiar with the lay-out of the campus and walked in the back-door of this Hall. He was tuning his guitar, I stood there dumb-struck, he was so much older than in Alice's Restaurant and was bigger around, gray hair, wow! I grabbed an opened bill envelope from the carpet bag that I called my purse. I stretched my arm towards him with a quiet and squeeky "I'm so honored, can you sign this?" He giggled, really and signed it, handing it back with a grin. He then asked me my age and if my parents were the ones who introduced me to his music. He was one so nice and down-to-earth. It is one of, not many, good and warm memories from my teen years.
Bob, thanks for reminding me :-) And, I hope you get your justice and even if it's not blind, hopefully it'll lean your way! (We all will put our weight behind you.)
dove~
Posted by janey girl on October 8, 1999, at 16:23:26
In reply to Re: Thanks!!, posted by dove on October 8, 1999, at 14:53:23
Bob,
Yes, I can hear the line now... "I wanna kill... I wanna kill."
Funny you mention it, because when I have reached
that point of frustration and complete amazement
at the ignorance/obliqueness/absurdity... etc.,
I think of the same line in Alice's Restaurant.I wish there were more of us in the workplace who
were "out," so when we came upon this "phenomena"
of ignorance/obliqueness/absurdity... etc., we could
sneak into the stairwell for a smoke, or meet after
work for a drink or soda and get it out of our system.Bob, I'm right there with you when you go to the
EEOC. You're not alone in this endeavor.. remember,
many of us are walking beside you and standing
behind you.BTW, I sent off nine letters to scholarship and
grant-making machines to help supplement my lack
of income during my nurses training. Also, stopped
by the teaching hospital in town and put in an
application, managed to get a short interview, and,
for the first time in my life wrote on an application
for "Reason for leaving your job" LACK OF PERSONAL
SATISFACTION.Feels good to tell the truth, even better when
they understand what you're meaning is.janey girl
Posted by Bones on October 8, 1999, at 19:45:27
In reply to Re: All of you seem so enlightened...., posted by Bob on October 7, 1999, at 20:13:52
Hit the target right on (as usual) Bob. So touched with your disclosure below. God bless you on your travels and for all of your help and advice. (You're also a GREAT read!!)
Posted by Bones on October 8, 1999, at 19:55:21
In reply to All of you seem so enlightened...., posted by janey girl on October 7, 1999, at 20:05:24
Forgive me if I seem like I've got it all together. Because I don't - life is very difficult - also a wonderful comedy.
I'm really saying hello, because there are some interesting parallels going on in our lives. I too am 41 years old, and have recently made the decision to return to complete the Nursing program I started over 23 years ago. (I quit because of my anxiety disorder - still undiagnosed.)
And, I too am worried about whether I can do it because of financial stresses. I'm working full-time right now and our family is really pretty reliant on my income. But I have a job that provides no "personal satisfaction", I'm totally unchallanged. I work with a bunch of engineers, and have somehow (destructively) filled the requested role of "office pet". (Don't read too much into that ... if you know what I mean ... wink, wink, nudge, nudge.) MEOW!!Anyway, I made my decision and gently stepped into the life flow. I'll let it carry me along until if and when I decided to step out.
Wishing you the best. Let's try to keep in touch.
Posted by janice on October 8, 1999, at 22:17:59
In reply to Re: All of you seem so enlightened...., posted by Bones on October 8, 1999, at 19:55:21
that is the word). From my estimates, I'd say about 25% of the population suffers from a mental disorder; and the large majority of them don't seem to know it.
Don't expect any rewards, but 'coming out' like this invariably helps the rest of us, and to a smaller degree the entire world. Janice
Posted by janey girl on October 8, 1999, at 22:26:25
In reply to Bob & Sean, you guys are trail blazers (I think , posted by janice on October 8, 1999, at 22:17:59
Bones,
Yes, let's definitely keep in touch. Hmm... yes
I do see a parallel. ~grins~Best to you, too.
janey girl
Posted by Bob on October 8, 1999, at 23:58:55
In reply to Re: Thanks!!, posted by dove on October 8, 1999, at 14:53:23
Pardon me if this gets verbose ... it just turned 11:11 (the Cosmic Hour), and it's a Friday night so I can stay up past my bedtime (tho I do have to teach tomorrow at 9:30 ...). Besides, I started this thread because I think I have a cautionary tale for all y'all. No point waiting till the story is finished, tho ... need to create some suspense, and it'd be so long I'd prolly crash Dr. Bob's server.
A quick aside on Arlo, tho. I first saw him opening for Harry Chapin, just a year before Harry died. It was the middle of Reagan's first term, and Selective Service had made it's return. So, Arlo made this speech about how he had happily retired this song of his, thinking he'd never have to sing about the Alice's Restaurant Thanksgiving Massacree again ... but he had to pull it out so he could do his part. That was the only show I've been to where the audience didn't want the warm-up band to leave. (Of course, Harry was fabulous as well). I don't know if this is a yearly event, but twice I've noticed Arlo playing Carnegie Hall on Thanksgiving Day since I moved to NYC ... haven't caught him there yet, tho. Anyway ...
A brief synopsis for those who don't want to thrash through old posts to discover our soap opera up till now:
June 98.
I've been on the job 1 yr, my project is doing great (I teach middle school teachers more hands-on ways of teaching science), I get a 4 out of 5 overall on my evaluation and a $2k raise. I also come off of paxil and onto wellbutrin, and what was a downhill slide for me wrt medications turns into a nasty rollercoaster. The wellbutrin made me psychotic (uncontrollable rage). Adding perphenazine (my first psychopharm cocktail! Ah!) removes the rage, but deflates me while (half) awake and severely aggravates my apnea. Enter prozac (July 98) to help the wellbutrin. But the prozac blocks an enzyme that removes the perphenazine from my system (a known interaction, I was told, but for doses of perphenazine 20x and greater than theminiscule dose I was getting). Over the next two months, my panic attacks return with a vengeance (couldn't take the subway when one hit, so I paid for several $20 cab rides from Midtown to Brooklyn to escape back home in the middle of the day). Extreme anxiety that came, it seemed, simply from being awake and grew throughout the day, only becoming reasonable when I was at home in bed. I'd give my girlfriend a hug in the morning before heading off to work, and I wouldn't be able to let go. Greater and greater cogwheeling (muscle rigidity), walking about as stiff and stooped as a warped board. After two months, my therapist dragged me to the ER (God bless you, Carol!) and stayed with me for hours (my girlfriend was halfway out on Long Island, evening classes). Ativan and Cogentin, followed by a week of zyprexa (from the hospital) and then a switch from wellbutrin/prozac/perphenazine to prozac/clonazepam (the later fit into my life like a piece of the puzzle I had never known I was missing). Prozac wasn't enough, so in came lithium. Then zoloft/lithium/clonazepam. Intolerance to anything more than 150mg of lithium led me to zoloft/nortriptylene/clonazepam. That's where I've been with meds since March or April. It keeps me stable, focused, assertive, and confident. Does nothing for my mood, aggravates my apnea, shoots my weight up 40 lbs and my cholesterol 80 points (so now I'm also on a steroid inhalent for the apnea and Lipitor for the chol). But it does help me cope with my boss, and just in the nick of time.So, reading that, you'd think that maybe, perhaps, I might have had some performance problems at work, right? Right. But over that year, I increased the number of teachers we were working with from 8 to 40, developed better science fairs for three of four project schools and the first one in twelve years for the fourth, and secured $90,000 in additional funding for our work. That's just to name a few things. So, ignoring the psych stuff for a moment and focusing on demonstrable results, answer me this: If I received a 4 of 5 on my comprehensive rating with a $2k raise LAST year, what should those figures be THIS year?
Well, from my boss' attitude in that year from June 98 to May 99, I knew it wasn't going to be reasonable. I kept her informed of every change in medication. She had been informed from day 1 about my disorders and the general nature of my on-going treatment.
June 9, 99
Performance review time. She rates me a 2.9 of 5 overall, with several 1's in some categories. She ignores the demonstrable facts of my successful performance, even while admitting that the project has improved, and provides as a rationale that I am, among other things, a procrastinator, unmotivated, not a team player, and (this is the one I truly love) "essentially undependable." In doing so she ignores the standards set up by our company for conducting these reviews -- standards that are based on observable behaviors.Do those terms sound familiar to anyone out there? Are they the sorts of things you fear to hear at work? I'm a white male from a midwest working class family. I could intellectually grasp how prejudice, how stigma could be degrading and/or maddening. Now I know from first-hand experience. Thanks to my cocktail at the time, it was rage that I felt ... just what I needed to feel. A year earlier or so, and this all would have turned me into a quiverring mess.
Well, in case you've missed this before as well, my highest level of training is as a research psychologist. I focus on how people learn. One of my primary areas of expertise is motivation. Motivation, procrastination, dependability -- these are all internal mental states that need to be operationally defined, or stated in terms of observable behaviors. None of any consequence were given.
Knowing beforehand that I was probably going to get railroaded, I read up a little (but nowhere near enough) on the Americans with Disabilities Act. About all I came out with from it was "reasonable accommodations". So I threw that out as my only protection against my boss' unjustifiable behavior. The previous year, my boss had a biological condition that affected her job performance, and for which my company gave her a (rather generous) reasonable accommodation -- she gave birth to her third child. In fact, the accommodation continues ... even tho she has a nanny, she works from home at least once a week. Anyway, I told her flat out -- I have a biological condition affecting my performance, I deserve that reasonable accommodations be made as well. She agreed. The problem was, neither of us knew what those accommodations should be (like I said, not enough research). We finished the meeting agreeing that we would watch my performance for problems and working out what those accommodations would be.
So, thinking it came to a reasonable end, I relaxed and went about my job. I forgot that a part of that meeting was supposed to be a discussion of any pay increase. Not only did I not get one, she didn't even have the courtesy to tell me and to offer a reason.
July 15.
My boss' last day before a month on vacation, and what does she do? She "serves" me with two letters. One requires me to obtain statements from my doctors stating, with respect to the attached copy of my job description, what reasonable accommodations were required. The other set a schedule for a second review process, starting when she got back and covering two months, during which my performance would be evaluated. If I did not improve my performance to satifactory or above in all twelve areas of the instrument, that would be grounds for dismissal.I would like to point out a few matters of fact relevant to this action:
1-nowhere in our written company policy is such a procedure described, nor are allowances made for creating them.
2-Our written company policy specifically refers to our "performance rating", in the singular, as the sole measure of our evaluation in terms of reasons for dismissal.
3-The only thing in the whole letter that WAS from our written company policy was that unsatisfactory performance would be grounds for dismissal.if you haven't noticed yet, this is the kicker:
4-This whole process was invented and imposed upon me **after** I had asked that reasonable accommodations be made for my disorder.
So, I had a month to stew over this. Her mistake. When I'm hot-angry, all my social graces fly out the window. I stutter. I stammer. I can't keep a straight line of reasoning in my head when I get that mad. But she gave me enough time to turn that anger ice cold, and she gave me time to do the research I should have done in the first place.
I won't drag out the intervening months. I met with our HR director one week before boss returned. HR's reaction to my concerns was completely discouraging ... she said that "we don't do any hand-holding for our employees." Very comforting. Very reassuring that I will get an impartial review from her. What just about slayed me was her condescending "Oh, I've been on zoloft, too" speech. So, once in her life, she felt down and her GP gave her a month or two of zoloft -- and she thinks she feels my pain.
I know a few good gestures in Italian that would eloquently convey my opinion on that. (Like I said, Janice ... I'm no Puritan ;^)
We have the first review meeting on 8/15. I state my objection to the process. It gets brushed aside. I come prepared with statements from my therapist and my psychopharmer about "reasonable accommodations." HR decides that five of seven are "covered by company policy anyway" (but can we see if policy is being followed here? helloooooo?) One of those was "access to an understanding and supportive supervisor". Boss objected to it. I snorted under my breath. HR acted as if she heard nothing. HR and Boss agree on two accommodations which basically say "give Bob more frequent, supportive feedback." And how do we agree that this should be done? HR decides that a suggestion I had made on JUNE 9!!! should be put in place. The meeting ends with me giving them both a folder of educational information from www.nami.org and www.mentalhealth.com on my meds, my disorders, the ADA, and NAMI's suggestions to supervisors of people with depression.
Okay, I have to cut my boss a tiny slice of slack here. Over the next week, she read the material. She admits that my suggestion would be the best course of action. She even is supportive in meetings, when the verge of some apnea-induced sleep attack has me wobbling in my chair like a top.
HR has never given the slightest indication that she read anything I have ever handed her. Including the written response I am allowed by policy to file against my review. Which, I am proud to say, NEVER REFERS ONCE to my disability -- so much had been ignored, so much had been done wrong, that I had an eight page single-spaced response that dealt only in fact and policy. By the fourth edit, I even managed to remove all the invective and inflammatory statements. I never referred to my condition, I never asked for some mistake to be forgiven, I never mentioned the word "discrimination". I just wanted the facts of the past year recognized and accounted for.
So, what do you think happens with those written responses?
Today, 10 AM
The meeting can be summed up in one brief statement: My boss is right and I am wrong, because she is the boss. As for the statements of fact illustrating how my boss violated company standards and policy, HR says its not her job to second guess my boss. We have a small company. One HR person. One person above her, the CEO. I suppose its his job, then. It's clear by the end of the meeting that not only am I getting railroaded, there are now two locomotives on the train.You know, I spent the better part of 20 years telling myself that my problems were all "in my mind" (HAH! ain't it the truth!) All I needed to do was pull myself together. There was nothing seriously wrong with me. I was being a baby. I was wallowing in self-pity.
By the end of that meeting, those two had just about knocked me back 20 years. I came out doubting myself, thinking that I was making this all up. I was spittin' nails mad, but I was shaken as well (figuratively and literally -- they had me so upset that my left leg started bouncing uncontrollably, and my hands grabbed a pen and I couldn't stop uncapping and recapping it ... if it had gone on any longer, I bet I would have started rocking back and forth, hitting my head on the table).
Luckily the mad part of me remembered Arlo and the Alice's Restaurant Thanksgiving Massacree, and I made it down from 60th and Madison (the location of the NEW! DKNY store!!) to the World Trade Center. I almost turned back. I did stop to phone my therapist to warn her I might miss my appointment. Which reminds me ...
My therapist has been out of town the last two weeks. I would not have made it through this time without your support, without knowing that all I had to do was get on-line and I would find you here waiting with open arms. May God bless every one of you (even dj! =^P)
Anyway, that's enough for this post. That's all the bad news. I'm going to enter all the good news and the moral of the story in a separate post, so you don't have to scroll through all the crap to get to what may help you most. After the EEOC and therapy and coming back home to share this with you and getting some big wet kisses from my dogs, it turns out that this was a pretty good day afterall. But I've been typing for 2 hours and I gotta teach web graphic design to Photoshop newbies in a little over eight hours....
Cheers,
Bob
To be continued ...
Don't you just HATE that? ...
Posted by Deborah R. on October 9, 1999, at 7:31:42
In reply to The Story to Date (next post for moral later), posted by Bob on October 8, 1999, at 23:58:55
>
>
> To be continued ...
>
>
> Don't you just HATE that? ...Bob I sat here stunned, reading your story - you are going through so much and yet you still make the time to keep in touch with your mates on this web-site. I said this once before I think, but I reckon you are fantastic - you deserve to get through all this crap with the result that YOU want. I wish you all the best and wish I was a wiser or more eloquent person or something so I could give you a big cheer, or 'start a wave' in the words that I am typing. Hang in there.
Oh - one more thing if you don't mind me asking - it sounds as though you work heaps - do you ever get the time just for yourself to just hang out or whatever, sleep-in, that sort of thing?
Bye for now
Deb.
Posted by Noa on October 9, 1999, at 9:49:44
In reply to Workplace discrimination, posted by Bob on October 6, 1999, at 23:56:50
Bob,
I don't know if you noticed my reticence in this thread. I have been feeling badly and want to explain.
I guess a good word to describe my reaction is awe. I am in awe of you, in two senses of the word awe: admiration and fear. Your activism is something I definitely respect and admire, but it also scares me. It is not my own personal style, and making such big waves makes me nervous. I guess I am afraid for you, too, feeling really unsure of whether the approach you are taking will serve your best interests. I tend to be non confrontational, with a few notable exceptions in my life. So, when I read about what you are going through, I get nervous for you and about you. I truly believe attitudes toward depression and other illnesses need to change, but I find myself asking, "is Bob getting his priorities right? Is the 'cause' more important than taking care of himself?"
I hope you don't mind my candor.Noa
Posted by dj on October 9, 1999, at 12:15:07
In reply to The Story to Date (next post for moral later), posted by Bob on October 8, 1999, at 23:58:55
If only Gawd would listen, eh Bob. Thanks for your cheeky blessing and good luck sorting our your employer situation. Unfortunately they usually have the upper hand and to take them on, no matter how righteous your case can be can lead to martyrdom. Here's wishing otherwise for you. Any fella who can write as eloquently and passionately as you and also imitate Bill the Cat deserves to prosper. ACKkkk
>. I would not have made it through this time without your support, without knowing that all I had to do was get on-line and I would find you here waiting with open arms. May God bless every one of you (even dj! =^P)
>
Posted by Adam on October 9, 1999, at 16:47:02
In reply to Workplace discrimination, posted by Bob on October 6, 1999, at 23:56:50
I think there is really no solution to this problem except one thing:
Lawsuits.
hello kitty, nobody, NOBODY has the right to call you a fucking psycho.
If I could prove someone at the workplace did that to me, they would be
fucking busted. At that point they crossed a serious line, and displayed
behaviour that essentially gives you recourse. I'd check with a lawyer
and see what your chances are.If anybody, ANYBODY tried to hurt me at my job because of my illness, so
long as I was doing my job satisfactorily (which I do), I really wouldn't
hesitate to use the harshest and most damaging methods necessary to
retalliate. It's the new millenium, folks. A good portion of our society
is enlightened, and anyway ignorance is not an excuse. Show these people
the same consideration as someone who would call you a nigger or a faggot
to your face. They deserve nothing less than the worst thing the legal
system can do to them. It's that simple.I understand not all cases will be won. But, well, you have to fight when
someone screws you like that. The civil rights movement wasn't furthered
because people played nice. Some assholes had to get sued or arrested.
More will in the future until the fight is won.I don't go around broadcasting the fact I have suffered from depression, but
I have been open about with with my supervisors at work, and they have been
very supportive. You know why? Because they are sensitive, educated, responsible
people who have some clue as to what brings out human worth and potential.
Someone who isn't capable of showing the same consideration is an intolerant,
ignorant and counterproductive yahoo who is not only hurting you but society.
Give them the word up.
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