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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by phyl on September 28, 1999, at 0:40:48
Hi DL--
I can't recall your name offhand but I have found great comfort in reading your EMDR experiences and Toby's responses. Just wondering how it is going with you. Your courage to do EMDR has moved me so much closer to doing it myself to process my past traumas. I thank you for sharing with this audience at Psycho Babble. And I thank you for your honesty and courage. I hope all is well (hey, as well as it can be for us dealing with depression and additional challenges). Take care.--phyl
Posted by DL on September 28, 1999, at 20:31:27
In reply to For DL of previous EMDR postings-how are you?, posted by phyl on September 28, 1999, at 0:40:48
> Hi DL--
> I can't recall your name offhand but I have found great comfort in reading your EMDR experiences and Toby's responses. Just wondering how it is going with you. Your courage to do EMDR has moved me so much closer to doing it myself to process my past traumas. I thank you for sharing with this audience at Psycho Babble. And I thank you for your honesty and courage. I hope all is well (hey, as well as it can be for us dealing with depression and additional challenges). Take care.
>
> --phylThank you so much for this message! I do read here but have not posted much for quite a while. I do wonder where Toby went? But, for almost a year he (?) supported me--starting at a time I was standing out at the edge of the cliff. Such as this I have not had in my life.
My EMDR has been sporadic. The therapist Toby sent me to is excellent. My only experience with a therapist before was the one at the local mental health center. Until I worked with a great therapist I didn't know what I was missing. But as is my luck, she is moving in early Dec and is transitioning her clients to other therapists. I will find it very hard to let her go. Because of the move she was away a lot of the summer and is only back now to teach her last semester in psych dept at college-then she's gone across the US.
I had 3 EMDR sessions scattered over the summer, then have been having EMDR once a week for the last month. It has served to bring into consciousness many things so I can see them with different eyes--and also lets me see how a number of diff feelings, pictures, events are connected. I feel quite tired after an hour+ session but sort of like I have just made it through 4 or 5 therapy sessions! I always get a little nervous before them, but once started I move with it well.
She is very experienced in EMDR and it is quite interesting to see how diff finger movements can instantly switch the thoughts, pictures in my mind. Usually she does the side to side movements and watches my eyes and body to gage how slow-fast-long to continue. sometimes when I am afraid/blocked or whatever, she does a diagonal movement, and a few times she has done a figure 8 movement for a short time. Don't know why the change but it seems to switch gears in me somehow.
A number of times I have had those "light bulb" feelings--where I suddenly see something from my past in a diff way. My eyes pop open and it's sort of a "wow" feeling--usually a relief to see it through diff eyes and free myself of the view through my eyes many years ago (which frequently was really through my father's eyes!)
It's hard to tell how much I have reprocessed. But I definitely feel like I am making progress. What's a little hard to take is that when some of the junk gets processed and mellows out, I am left with myself--and the fact that I need to learn new ways to see myself and to approach life. At one point I just assumed if I got the bad stuff talked out I would be "cured" !! Not so-just uncovered things that can be even harder to look at because they are rooted in my thought processes!
I can answer questions if you have any.
I have not seen a psychiatrist since last Jan. The one I saw was not very helpful. I have had to wait 4 months t0 see one the new therapist suggested--will see him this Friday. I'm a little nervous, but perhaps he will be able to get to the bottom of continued sleep problems and take a look at what i am taking. I somehow got the old office to renew my Remeron script a number of times without going in!
Thanks for thinking of me.
Posted by Tom on September 30, 1999, at 21:47:09
In reply to Re: For DL of previous EMDR postings-how are you?, posted by DL on September 28, 1999, at 20:31:27
> > Hi DL--
> > I can't recall your name offhand but I have found great comfort in reading your EMDR experiences and Toby's responses. Just wondering how it is going with you. Your courage to do EMDR has moved me so much closer to doing it myself to process my past traumas. I thank you for sharing with this audience at Psycho Babble. And I thank you for your honesty and courage. I hope all is well (hey, as well as it can be for us dealing with depression and additional challenges). Take care.
> >
> > --phyl
>
> Thank you so much for this message! I do read here but have not posted much for quite a while. I do wonder where Toby went? But, for almost a year he (?) supported me--starting at a time I was standing out at the edge of the cliff. Such as this I have not had in my life.
>
> My EMDR has been sporadic. The therapist Toby sent me to is excellent. My only experience with a therapist before was the one at the local mental health center. Until I worked with a great therapist I didn't know what I was missing. But as is my luck, she is moving in early Dec and is transitioning her clients to other therapists. I will find it very hard to let her go. Because of the move she was away a lot of the summer and is only back now to teach her last semester in psych dept at college-then she's gone across the US.
>
> I had 3 EMDR sessions scattered over the summer, then have been having EMDR once a week for the last month. It has served to bring into consciousness many things so I can see them with different eyes--and also lets me see how a number of diff feelings, pictures, events are connected. I feel quite tired after an hour+ session but sort of like I have just made it through 4 or 5 therapy sessions! I always get a little nervous before them, but once started I move with it well.
>
> She is very experienced in EMDR and it is quite interesting to see how diff finger movements can instantly switch the thoughts, pictures in my mind. Usually she does the side to side movements and watches my eyes and body to gage how slow-fast-long to continue. sometimes when I am afraid/blocked or whatever, she does a diagonal movement, and a few times she has done a figure 8 movement for a short time. Don't know why the change but it seems to switch gears in me somehow.
>
> A number of times I have had those "light bulb" feelings--where I suddenly see something from my past in a diff way. My eyes pop open and it's sort of a "wow" feeling--usually a relief to see it through diff eyes and free myself of the view through my eyes many years ago (which frequently was really through my father's eyes!)
>
> It's hard to tell how much I have reprocessed. But I definitely feel like I am making progress. What's a little hard to take is that when some of the junk gets processed and mellows out, I am left with myself--and the fact that I need to learn new ways to see myself and to approach life. At one point I just assumed if I got the bad stuff talked out I would be "cured" !! Not so-just uncovered things that can be even harder to look at because they are rooted in my thought processes!
>
> I can answer questions if you have any.
>
> I have not seen a psychiatrist since last Jan. The one I saw was not very helpful. I have had to wait 4 months t0 see one the new therapist suggested--will see him this Friday. I'm a little nervous, but perhaps he will be able to get to the bottom of continued sleep problems and take a look at what i am taking. I somehow got the old office to renew my Remeron script a number of times without going in!
> Thanks for thinking of me.
>DL,
I remember your long lists of posts some time ago, but I never read all of them. I do remember you posting one long session in particular; it was unlike anything I've ever read on this site. I can't remember exact specifics of your story, so I'm curious if you could summarize here? I am seeing a doctor who has alot of experience in disociative disorders (like mine) and EMDR. He tried EMDR once at the beginning of therapy, we got nowhere real fast, and he hasn't tried again since...Anyway, I was also grabbed by the statement you made in this post; viewing things frequently through your father's eyes. This hit home with me. Watching my father die in front of me at age 7 and the subsequent period of not being able to grieve (children really can't, as you probably know) left me with a disorder that took me 20 years to approach. After my breakthrough I got seriously depressed. The battle continues. My identity still seems foreign to me. And I'm unsure if there is more material left to process.
I should say that I know I will be better one day, but battling unconscious thoughts seems almost unfair. If I only had one of those flashbulb type things in the movie "Men in Black" that erases your memory...
Posted by DL on October 1, 1999, at 18:56:48
In reply to Re: To DL , posted by Tom on September 30, 1999, at 21:47:09
> I can't remember exact specifics of your story, so I'm curious if you could summarize here? I am seeing a doctor who has alot of experience in disociative disorders (like mine) and EMDR. He tried EMDR once at the beginning of therapy, we got nowhere real fast, and he hasn't tried again since...
Oh my gosh, don't know how to summarize! Posting here has been therapy for me sometimes and I fear if I were to look back I might regret some of my postings....You can go into the archives and "search" the pages for my postings.
I will try to summarize. About 3 years ago I crumbled and finally found enough courage to ask for help. I was a collection of delicate parts held together with a fine spider web-ready to break at any moment. No sleep for months. (My symptoms were similar to what I had postpartum many years before--undiagnosed depression I imagine--it lasted then for a year--untreated) Many AD's were tried this time over a years time and all made me feel like being plugged into an electric outlet. I survived on a small dose of klonopin and a few hours sleep at night after that. AFter posting here a year ago, Toby answered and kept a running dialogue going that literally saved me. I took his/her posting of suggestions for meds into the "drive by" doc I was seeing, and he agreed to put me on Remeron. Eventually it helped me to sleep, and I stopped the tiny dose of klonopin. He/she also actually called and found a therapist for me who is wonderful and does EMDR and posted her name for me!
I just got to see a great psychiatrist!! Today. I never knew what I was missing at the other place! He is working on meds with me and sent me for a number of lab tests (the other doc never did any lab tests). I came away wanting to jump up and down and cheer! Finally someone is thoroughly looking into me!!! He is suggesting some of the same things Toby talked about a year ago--and he even has heard of this site and has visited it--knew Dr. Bob's name. Didn't make me feel strange for posting here!
Anyway, I also had a physically/mentally abusive childhood, abusive marriage and some other trauma sprinkled in. EMDR is helping there. I think EMDR may not work well if you tend to dissociate easily. I found out I used it as a survival tech some in my youth--and still do some now--especially when I am avoiding thinking about something traumatic. I think the eye movements could easily send you off in flight. I sometimes have to fight that.
>>Watching my father die in front of me at age 7 and the subsequent period of not being able to grieve (children really can't, as you probably know) left me with a disorder that took me 20 years to approach. After my breakthrough I got seriously depressed.
I am so sorry you had to live throught the above. If only we could go back and care for and nurture those little children who needed it so much--there is a deep empty space left where it should have been. It has taken me MUCH more than 20 years to open Pandora's box.
>The battle continues. My identity still seems foreign to me. And I'm unsure if there is more material left to process.
I'm with you. I keep looking around in and out for who this person is.
>
> battling unconscious thoughts seems almost unfair.I agree. Peace.
Posted by phyl on October 1, 1999, at 21:23:04
In reply to Re: To DL , posted by DL on October 1, 1999, at 18:56:48
> I just got to see a great psychiatrist!! Today. I never knew what I was missing at the other place! He is working on meds with me and sent me for a number of lab tests (the other doc never did any lab tests). I came away wanting to jump up and down and cheer! Finally someone is thoroughly looking into me!!! He is suggesting some of the same things Toby talked about a year ago--and he even has heard of this site and has visited it--knew Dr. Bob's name. Didn't make me feel strange for posting here!>DL--Hurrah!! I am very happy for you! I'm too tired to think or write but saw your posts and smiled. The relief of FINALLY finding help and feeling helped. Take care. --phyl
Posted by Tom on October 2, 1999, at 23:21:57
In reply to Re: To DL , posted by DL on October 1, 1999, at 18:56:48
> Thank you for your thoughtful post. It sounds as if your headed out of darkness into the bright blazing sun! (Or as a co-worker of mine says..."One day your head will open up like a ripe watermelon"... I prefer the sunshine analogy myself!)
> Tom> > I can't remember exact specifics of your story, so I'm curious if you could summarize here? I am seeing a doctor who has alot of experience in disociative disorders (like mine) and EMDR. He tried EMDR once at the beginning of therapy, we got nowhere real fast, and he hasn't tried again since...
>
> Oh my gosh, don't know how to summarize! Posting here has been therapy for me sometimes and I fear if I were to look back I might regret some of my postings....You can go into the archives and "search" the pages for my postings.
>
> I will try to summarize. About 3 years ago I crumbled and finally found enough courage to ask for help. I was a collection of delicate parts held together with a fine spider web-ready to break at any moment. No sleep for months. (My symptoms were similar to what I had postpartum many years before--undiagnosed depression I imagine--it lasted then for a year--untreated) Many AD's were tried this time over a years time and all made me feel like being plugged into an electric outlet. I survived on a small dose of klonopin and a few hours sleep at night after that. AFter posting here a year ago, Toby answered and kept a running dialogue going that literally saved me. I took his/her posting of suggestions for meds into the "drive by" doc I was seeing, and he agreed to put me on Remeron. Eventually it helped me to sleep, and I stopped the tiny dose of klonopin. He/she also actually called and found a therapist for me who is wonderful and does EMDR and posted her name for me!
>
> I just got to see a great psychiatrist!! Today. I never knew what I was missing at the other place! He is working on meds with me and sent me for a number of lab tests (the other doc never did any lab tests). I came away wanting to jump up and down and cheer! Finally someone is thoroughly looking into me!!! He is suggesting some of the same things Toby talked about a year ago--and he even has heard of this site and has visited it--knew Dr. Bob's name. Didn't make me feel strange for posting here!
>
> Anyway, I also had a physically/mentally abusive childhood, abusive marriage and some other trauma sprinkled in. EMDR is helping there. I think EMDR may not work well if you tend to dissociate easily. I found out I used it as a survival tech some in my youth--and still do some now--especially when I am avoiding thinking about something traumatic. I think the eye movements could easily send you off in flight. I sometimes have to fight that.
>
> >>Watching my father die in front of me at age 7 and the subsequent period of not being able to grieve (children really can't, as you probably know) left me with a disorder that took me 20 years to approach. After my breakthrough I got seriously depressed.
>
> I am so sorry you had to live throught the above. If only we could go back and care for and nurture those little children who needed it so much--there is a deep empty space left where it should have been. It has taken me MUCH more than 20 years to open Pandora's box.
>
> >The battle continues. My identity still seems foreign to me. And I'm unsure if there is more material left to process.
>
> I'm with you. I keep looking around in and out for who this person is.
> >
> > battling unconscious thoughts seems almost unfair.
>
> I agree. Peace.
Posted by phyl on October 6, 1999, at 22:13:35
In reply to Re: For DL of previous EMDR postings-how are you?, posted by DL on September 28, 1999, at 20:31:27
DL--
>>>It's hard to tell how much I have reprocessed. But I
definitely feel like I am making progress. What's a little
hard to take is that when some of the junk gets processed
and mellows out, I am left with myself--and the fact that I
need to learn new ways to see myself and to approach
life. At one point I just assumed if I got the bad stuff
talked out I would be "cured" !! Not so-just uncovered
things that can be even harder to look at because they
are rooted in my thought processes!I can answer questions if you have any.<<<
Thank you. I do have questions. Would you email me at your convenience? 67phyl@excite.com I 'know' that this is what I need to do. I have had one session, two years ago, which was one of the breaking points for another descent into the black hole.With medication and support I have been at my most functioning in years for a couple of months now. I am ready to tackle that next chunk of personal work.
I am just scared I guess and it helps me to hear what it's like (I know it's different for everyone) before I begin again. I know it is not a cure but if it can make these past traumas 'tolerable' (processed perhaps?) then I will definitely do it. Again, thank you for sharing this me. It does help to know I am not alone in going after the repressed demons of past traumas.
--phyl
Posted by Janice on October 7, 1999, at 20:21:25
In reply to I have questions..., posted by phyl on October 6, 1999, at 22:13:35
that Toby is a man. Just a very intelligent and sensitive one. I was reading the EMDR posts. I'm also planning on this one day. Good luck to you, and you write beautifully. Honestly, your writing takes me to exactly where you are; and this, for me, is a big compliment. Janice
Posted by DL on October 7, 1999, at 23:04:52
In reply to I'm pretty darn sure DL..., posted by Janice on October 7, 1999, at 20:21:25
> that Toby is a man. Just a very intelligent and sensitive one. I was reading the EMDR posts. I'm also planning on this one day. Good luck to you, and you write beautifully. Honestly, your writing takes me to exactly where you are; and this, for me, is a big compliment. Janice
Janice, thank you for the above compliment!! How nice to have someone tell me that!! I agree with the gender statement above--at least that's my gut reaction--(however, the Psychiatrist I just saw for the first time thinks Toby is a female).
Posted by Janice on October 8, 1999, at 20:40:30
In reply to Re: I'm pretty darn sure DL..., posted by DL on October 7, 1999, at 23:04:52
DL, why does the new psychiatrist think Toby is a woman? Did he/she hear her voice? I can't really think of another female named Toby, although I'm sure they exist. I still think Toby is a man. Let me know if you find out. curious, Janice
Posted by Noa on October 9, 1999, at 2:16:53
In reply to We could do a posting about it..., posted by Janice on October 8, 1999, at 20:40:30
I know Tobys who are women.
Posted by DL on October 9, 1999, at 21:44:00
In reply to We could do a posting about it..., posted by Janice on October 8, 1999, at 20:40:30
> DL, why does the new psychiatrist think Toby is a woman? Did he/she hear her voice?
No, no one has heard a voice--just guessing. It honestly makes no difference to me as I have stated before. Not sure if I would be here now if Toby had not answered that post more than a year ago. I was getting no real support from the local mental health clinic and after 3 years of desperation I was ready to throw in the towel. Toby stayed with me until I was connected with the new therapist and started on EMDR. And, that's what was important!
This is the end of the thread.
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