Posted by Tom on October 2, 1999, at 23:21:57
In reply to Re: To DL , posted by DL on October 1, 1999, at 18:56:48
> Thank you for your thoughtful post. It sounds as if your headed out of darkness into the bright blazing sun! (Or as a co-worker of mine says..."One day your head will open up like a ripe watermelon"... I prefer the sunshine analogy myself!)
> Tom> > I can't remember exact specifics of your story, so I'm curious if you could summarize here? I am seeing a doctor who has alot of experience in disociative disorders (like mine) and EMDR. He tried EMDR once at the beginning of therapy, we got nowhere real fast, and he hasn't tried again since...
>
> Oh my gosh, don't know how to summarize! Posting here has been therapy for me sometimes and I fear if I were to look back I might regret some of my postings....You can go into the archives and "search" the pages for my postings.
>
> I will try to summarize. About 3 years ago I crumbled and finally found enough courage to ask for help. I was a collection of delicate parts held together with a fine spider web-ready to break at any moment. No sleep for months. (My symptoms were similar to what I had postpartum many years before--undiagnosed depression I imagine--it lasted then for a year--untreated) Many AD's were tried this time over a years time and all made me feel like being plugged into an electric outlet. I survived on a small dose of klonopin and a few hours sleep at night after that. AFter posting here a year ago, Toby answered and kept a running dialogue going that literally saved me. I took his/her posting of suggestions for meds into the "drive by" doc I was seeing, and he agreed to put me on Remeron. Eventually it helped me to sleep, and I stopped the tiny dose of klonopin. He/she also actually called and found a therapist for me who is wonderful and does EMDR and posted her name for me!
>
> I just got to see a great psychiatrist!! Today. I never knew what I was missing at the other place! He is working on meds with me and sent me for a number of lab tests (the other doc never did any lab tests). I came away wanting to jump up and down and cheer! Finally someone is thoroughly looking into me!!! He is suggesting some of the same things Toby talked about a year ago--and he even has heard of this site and has visited it--knew Dr. Bob's name. Didn't make me feel strange for posting here!
>
> Anyway, I also had a physically/mentally abusive childhood, abusive marriage and some other trauma sprinkled in. EMDR is helping there. I think EMDR may not work well if you tend to dissociate easily. I found out I used it as a survival tech some in my youth--and still do some now--especially when I am avoiding thinking about something traumatic. I think the eye movements could easily send you off in flight. I sometimes have to fight that.
>
> >>Watching my father die in front of me at age 7 and the subsequent period of not being able to grieve (children really can't, as you probably know) left me with a disorder that took me 20 years to approach. After my breakthrough I got seriously depressed.
>
> I am so sorry you had to live throught the above. If only we could go back and care for and nurture those little children who needed it so much--there is a deep empty space left where it should have been. It has taken me MUCH more than 20 years to open Pandora's box.
>
> >The battle continues. My identity still seems foreign to me. And I'm unsure if there is more material left to process.
>
> I'm with you. I keep looking around in and out for who this person is.
> >
> > battling unconscious thoughts seems almost unfair.
>
> I agree. Peace.
poster:Tom
thread:12172
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991001/msgs/12468.html