Shown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Phil on August 2, 2014, at 23:20:11
SAR(Sarah) Gracie, Michael......
[URL=http://s297.photobucket.com/user/pearljo/media/suicide_zps761aa968.jpg.html][IMG]http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm216/pearljo/suicide_zps761aa968.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 3, 2014, at 7:01:53
In reply to Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble, posted by Phil on August 2, 2014, at 23:20:11
Thank for doing that, Phil. Remembering their lives is all we can do.
Posted by Phil on August 3, 2014, at 8:47:41
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble, posted by Partlycloudy on August 3, 2014, at 7:01:53
who am i forgetting?
Posted by Dr. Bob on August 3, 2014, at 9:16:13
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble » Partlycloudy, posted by Phil on August 3, 2014, at 8:47:41
Posted by Phillipa on August 3, 2014, at 9:29:43
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble » Partlycloudy, posted by Phil on August 3, 2014, at 8:47:41
Phil how are you doing? Phillipa
Posted by Phil on August 3, 2014, at 12:31:32
In reply to Re: are you OK? (nm) » Phil, posted by Dr. Bob on August 3, 2014, at 9:16:13
i've been rapid cycling. two days ago i was considering ect. yesterday, manic. what's one to do? i post crazy stuff, sometimes very negative but i don't see it. no one needs to worry about me.
Posted by Phil on August 3, 2014, at 12:32:37
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble, posted by Phillipa on August 3, 2014, at 9:29:43
stop worrying, i'm fine. see answer to dr bob
Posted by Phillipa on August 3, 2014, at 18:08:45
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble » Phillipa, posted by Phil on August 3, 2014, at 12:32:37
Phil I did. I have to admit that Dr Bob is good to pick up on this as I didn't. Phillipa
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 4, 2014, at 7:41:40
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble » Partlycloudy, posted by Phil on August 3, 2014, at 8:47:41
> who am i forgetting?
I'm afraid I don't have the fortitude to make a list. It hurts too much. For me, it ends up to be a very personal grieving. I do appreciate the tributes here, but the private emails that went back and forth can't be captured here, and shouldn't.
It's a different experience for each of us. All I know is that I love my friends very deeply. When they are so very unhappy that leaving life behind seems like the only possible viable alternative, I love them still. I always suggest calling their doctor or going to a hospital, but I don't take my frustration out on them. They are hurting too much.
It's only afterwards that I allow myself to cry, scream, and bellow my grief and anger.
I have 2 friends like this now (not on the boards, never have been). Conversations and emails have been going back and forth for months. Each day a reprieve. One is getting help. One can't see the way to how help can do anything but prolong the misery. I remain now and always their steadfast friends; so many others abandon them in their illness. Having had ideations myself, I know how seductive the thoughts can be. How you can never quite be certain you will be free of them. That's why I am still here, and here for them.
Posted by Lamdage22 on August 4, 2014, at 12:09:44
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble TRIGGER » Phil, posted by Partlycloudy on August 4, 2014, at 7:41:40
"Having had ideations myself, I know how seductive the thoughts can be. How you can never quite be certain you will be free of them. That's why I am still here, and here for them."
I have found Lithium Orotate to put an end to such thoughts.
Also low dose Lithium Carbonate (100mg) but not as good as Lithium Orotate.Maybe this can help. I hope
Posted by Phillipa on August 4, 2014, at 12:35:09
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble TRIGGER » Phil, posted by Partlycloudy on August 4, 2014, at 7:41:40
Get this my pdoc says it's my choice. Phillipa
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 4, 2014, at 16:16:39
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble TRIGGER » Partlycloudy, posted by Phillipa on August 4, 2014, at 12:35:09
Fire that *ssh*l*!!
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 4, 2014, at 16:19:44
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble TRIGGER, posted by Lamdage22 on August 4, 2014, at 12:09:44
Thank you, Lamdage! I just started with a new pdoc TODAY and since I have not had recent ideations (well for 2 months now), we are leaving it alone. I had been in an extremely traumatic situation at the time.
You are so helpful, many thanks.
PC
Posted by Phil on August 5, 2014, at 13:42:17
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble TRIGGER » Phil, posted by Partlycloudy on August 4, 2014, at 7:41:40
I understand what your saying. I talked to Michael briefly only months before he left us. I was here for the others too. Back in the day i think the forum debated a celebration of Life for those lost. Like so many things here, nothing changes.
I've lost two IRL friends and, if I didn't act fast at 16, my mother could have been included in this.
It was an impulsive post just like posting pictures here but hey, we don't do that here either.
Music? r u crazy?dr bob asked are you ok? why? because i wanted to remember?
I didn't mean to trigger anyone but this is often the thin ice i tread myself. I would hope to be remembered here if i cashed out. All Apologies. it won't happen again. lets call it a mistake. god knows i excel at them lately.
once again another short stay here for me. It just isn't worth it anymore.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWmkuH1k7uA
Posted by PartlyCloudy on August 5, 2014, at 17:56:19
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble TRIGGER » Partlycloudy, posted by Phil on August 5, 2014, at 13:42:17
Gosh, Phil. I wasn't triggered. I only did that because of what I was talking about. Trying to be a Rule Follower.
Please do what you do here! You're a great guy and contributor, and a friend to me and so many others. I love the pics. I watch the videos, and love those.
And I think Dr. Bob doesn't want to lose anyone else, really.
Cyber hugs.
pc
Posted by 10derheart on August 5, 2014, at 19:49:31
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble » Phil, posted by PartlyCloudy on August 5, 2014, at 17:56:19
Posted by Phillipa on August 5, 2014, at 21:40:24
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble » Phil, posted by PartlyCloudy on August 5, 2014, at 17:56:19
Phil please stay you contribute so much and always look forward to your posts. Phillipa
Posted by 10derheart on August 5, 2014, at 21:47:20
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble, posted by Phillipa on August 5, 2014, at 21:40:24
Posted by rjlockhart37 on August 5, 2014, at 23:04:39
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble » Phil, posted by PartlyCloudy on August 5, 2014, at 17:56:19
in the previous years during 04-06 was my worst periods, my early years posting here.....wrote suicide goodbye notes here on babble
maxime miss vary much, we fighted with eachother but we stared becoming friends around 07-08, it makes me sad because i did like her alot as a posting friend
one thing to always tell yourself - "im still here" "death is an awful place to go to after dying"
"it seems strange my life should end in such a terrible place, but for 3 years i had roses and apologized to no one"
-valerie v for vendetta movie
Posted by Phil on August 6, 2014, at 8:18:39
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble » Phil, posted by PartlyCloudy on August 5, 2014, at 17:56:19
pc, i have had many months of crazy! two best friends, never argued. one i've known 33 years the other ten. best people i ever knew that never gave up on me. started sending emails and i was so angry that i didn't just burn the bridge, i burned everything down.
i've been rapid cycling, maybe every 20 hours. six hours after i wrote this i thought, aw sh*t, here i go again.
I sincerely apologize.
i talked to my therapist last week and said I love my doctor but i'm not well. right? he knows my doctor, they are right down the hall from each other.
i thought, well, adderall costs me everything but i don't take it now, same behavior. he dropped lithium and i think my brain hasn't been the same. can't blame the meds but it is crazy. my friend of 33 years has been a close ally except for a few things that happened that got me started but i wrote some evil sh*t. Bear with me. :(
Posted by Phil on August 6, 2014, at 8:33:50
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble, posted by rjlockhart37 on August 5, 2014, at 23:04:39
i have never been so..almost paranoid. too strong of a word but it's like i see stuff, misinterpret it, don't think and away i go.
my therapist urged me to see 'Boyhood'. matter of fact at my last appt he talked a bit about it. at the end he put a $20 bill in my hand and said will you see it? yep, i'll see it. it only took 3-4 years to make me do something. That's not true but it's close.
life has breezed by me as i spend 15 hours a day online. honestly, i don't get bored. at heart, i'm an introvert. if i see people, i have to scurry home to recharge. but i have to do something occasionally whether i want to or not.
I'm a good people person because of decades in sales, i sold retail when i was extremely depressed, i found a way. dick cavett did the same on his TV show. he thought he would look at the tape to see how bad he did...couldn't tell. very strange.
i can't brighten up a room and make people laugh but bipolar has made me withdraw more because i don't want to be inappropriate. never a problem in the past but i lost the line.
So, here's to a new day. god help us. :)
Posted by PartlyCloudy on August 6, 2014, at 19:16:12
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble » PartlyCloudy, posted by Phil on August 6, 2014, at 8:18:39
Phil, never apologize. Just say Rapid Cycling and the light will go on. I am pretty clueless otherwise, lol.
I'm sorry things aren't easy peasy for you. Me neither. I like my new pdoc, though. He laughed at my joke, there is hope in the world.
Posted by Phil on August 6, 2014, at 23:51:59
In reply to Re: Suicide Tribute--Psycho-Babble » Phil, posted by PartlyCloudy on August 6, 2014, at 19:16:12
My pdoc is 71 but looks much younger. He's a cool guy but very serious about answers that aren't vague. He knows the exact questions to ask most of the time.
He loves my dark sense of humor. The first time I really made him laugh, he tilts his head back, open smile, no sound came out. I thought, this cat is different.
He likes me because he trusts me. last er visit i truly thought i had tachycardia. I told him another doc in his office gave me a 4 pack sample of seroquel 300er. I take the cheaper stuff but was out. That night I took all four because i was really uneasy. my normal dose is 400mg.
He didn't hesitate, how did it work? I said after an hour in er i finally started getting drowsy. what a night. medicare won't pay.
$900 just for 911 ride. I pay $20 a month, the lowest they allow.
This is the end of the thread.
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