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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Maxime on August 30, 2010, at 0:41:18
If you were going to kill yourself by OD'ing on meds, would you leave a suicide note? Do you think a suicide would have some answers to "why" you killed yourself or would it just create more questions? Do you think your family would blame the doctor who prescribe the meds for you? Do you think that pdoc should be held accountable for prescribing certain meds to someone who is clearly suicidal?
Posted by Dinah on August 30, 2010, at 0:41:22
In reply to Suicide Note ... would you leave one?, posted by Maxime on August 29, 2010, at 16:40:19
Are you ok, Maxime?
Posted by Maxime on August 30, 2010, at 0:41:23
In reply to Re: Suicide Note ... would you leave one?, posted by Dinah on August 29, 2010, at 16:55:08
No. But the Crisis Team is coming to my house tomorrow morning. I will probably be staying there for a week. Or if they think I need to go into the hospital, they will arrange everything. I also see my pdoc tomorrow. And I will also find out why I was fired from my job. So don't worry, I don't plan on doing anything tonight. Although I have written a suicide note and my own obituary.
I know this will sound macabre, but I always update my suicide note every month or so depending what is happening in my life. I am sure that when I leave this earth it will be by my own hands. I am surprised I have lived this long to be honest.
Posted by simcha on August 30, 2010, at 0:41:23
In reply to Re: Suicide Note ... would you leave one? » Dinah, posted by Maxime on August 29, 2010, at 17:02:29
Maxime, you are waiting until tomorrow morning for the crisis team? They should come tonight IMHO. You need help, fast. I'm concerned about you.
I won't give you my personal opinion on suicide because you are in crisis now and I doubt it would help.
All I can say is that you and your friends and family are better off with you living rather than dying. I know it doesn't feel that way right now. Just try to remember that this part of you that is suicidal is part of the mental illness and not part of your healthy self. Please don't follow any directives issued by the suicidal part of yourself.
Please get help so that you can listen to that side of yourself and learn to accept it as a part of you and that it doesn't control you. You have power over the suicidal part of your self.
All of us have a self-destructive side within us. It's a side that most people don't want to acknowledge. You are acknowledging it. It's important because it has something to say to you. It tells you that you are human like everyone else, and that like everyone else, you need the help and love of others almost before you can help and love yourself, at least at the moment.
So, listen to those of us who care about you and want to see you get better. You wrote this post for a reason, yes? I believe you are looking for support, help, and love. I'm sending loving thoughts your way so that you can get live help from live human beings that will be present for you so that you may heal through this stage of life.
Maxime, I wish you every blessing and comfort. May you find peace, love, and happiness in this life. May it find you as fast as possible...
Love,
Simcha
Posted by Maxime on August 30, 2010, at 0:41:24
In reply to Re: Suicide Note ... would you leave one? » Maxime, posted by simcha on August 29, 2010, at 17:14:09
Thank you for your kind post. It made me cry. I think I did start the thread for a reason. I am just not sure of the reason.
I know this will sound stupid, but the Crisis Centre only does home visit from M-F (as if you can only have a crisis during the week). I can call them 24/7 but they do not do intake on Saturday and Sunday. So I wait. I wait for someone to save me because I am not sure if I can save myself at this point. I know I can make it to tomorrow though.
It's really weird. I always have two sets of parallel thoughts. The one that wants to feel normal and the suicidal one. I don't know how to reconcile the two. For instance, despite being very suicidal, I want to see the Emmy's tonight. WTF? So when I see my pdoc tomorrow I will probably tell him that I wanted to kill myself last night, but I wanted to see the Emmy Awards. Is that even rational? Not wanting to exist, but not wanting to miss the Emmy Awards. My brain is really messed up.I wish it would shut up because I have a constant dialogue going inside it that I just want to go AWAY. Sometimes I go into bed and put my pillow over my head in hopes that the dialogue will shut up ... but it doesn't. Even when I am having a good time the dialogue continues. I.do.not.understand.this. I am truly a freak of nature.
Posted by Dinah on August 30, 2010, at 0:41:24
In reply to Re: Suicide Note ... would you leave one? » Dinah, posted by Maxime on August 29, 2010, at 17:02:29
I'm glad you've taken steps to call in people to help. If you need help before then, please call them.
Who are you liking for the Emmies?
Posted by emmanuel98 on August 30, 2010, at 0:41:25
In reply to Re: Suicide Note ... would you leave one? » Maxime, posted by Dinah on August 29, 2010, at 19:10:56
Sometimes setting short term goals (like watching the Emmy's) can distract us from suicidal thoughts and that's a good thing. It will help you hang on until tomorrow, when you can get some help. You need help badly, Maxie. If you can't heng on til tomorrow, can you go to an ER in Canada?
I was very suicidal last summer and my husband, daughter and p-doc all begged me to hang on until we could have a family meeting where I could explain how I felt. In person explanations are better than notes. If you really feel you can't go on, you should explain this to your mother and friends and family.
Posted by Maxime on August 30, 2010, at 0:41:25
In reply to Re: Suicide Note ... would you leave one? » Maxime, posted by Dinah on August 29, 2010, at 19:10:56
> I'm glad you've taken steps to call in people to help. If you need help before then, please call them.
>
> Who are you liking for the Emmies?I just stopped watching the Emmy Awards because I couldn't concentrate. Also, I was pissed off the Hugh Laurie didn't win. Just waiting for my night meds to kick in then I am off to bed.
Posted by Phillipa on August 30, 2010, at 0:41:26
In reply to Re: Suicide Note ... would you leave one?, posted by Maxime on August 29, 2010, at 20:46:29
I would never write a note cause no one would care or read it just be relieved I'm gone. That's reality. My pdoc knows and says it's my choice. Phillipa
Posted by europerep on August 30, 2010, at 4:21:56
In reply to Re: Suicide Note ... would you leave one? » simcha, posted by Maxime on August 30, 2010, at 0:41:24
> It's really weird. I always have two sets of parallel thoughts. The one that wants to feel normal and the suicidal one. I don't know how to reconcile the two. For instance, despite being very suicidal, I want to see the Emmy's tonight. WTF? So when I see my pdoc tomorrow I will probably tell him that I wanted to kill myself last night, but I wanted to see the Emmy Awards. Is that even rational?
>hello maxime,
I haven't posted in any of your threads so far, but I've been reading everything you said the past weeks.. I am short of time right now, I'm just having breakfast and then I'll have to leave for a university exam, but I just wanted to tell you the extract I quoted above is quite funny, and it made me laugh, and this is something that happens truly seldom lately.. I love this kind of "twisted" thinking! (I hope you don't mind me saying 'twisted').. don't think that I find your misery funny, I am truly touched by what you write and wrote, but even though you are so miserable, you can still poke fun at yourself.. this is a very rare quality, at least in my experience, but I find it shows that there is a very intelligent and funny person 'underneath the veil'.. please give this person another try to come out. have you considered participating in a clinical trial? or asking your pdoc for ketamine? I know I am a little obsessed with this ketamine thing now that the article in 'Science' came out, but maybe ketamine maintenance could be something for you.. I will wrote more later, ok? I hope today will bring an answer to at least some of the questions that are on your mind right now..
Posted by Phillipa on August 30, 2010, at 20:07:38
In reply to Re: Suicide Note ... would you leave one?, posted by europerep on August 30, 2010, at 4:21:56
How did today turn out? Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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