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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by yellowbird01 on February 14, 2009, at 20:43:44
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » SLS, posted by seldomseen on February 14, 2009, at 10:22:30
No Valentine for me either this year. I thought I'd have one, but my valentine ended our relationship last weekend. We had lunch today and he gave me a diamond necklace.. to symbolize our friendship. I've been zonked on xanax since I got home.
What a happy, lovey day. /sarcasm
Posted by Kath on February 14, 2009, at 20:45:50
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year., posted by yellowbird01 on February 14, 2009, at 20:43:44
> No Valentine for me either this year. I thought I'd have one, but my valentine ended our relationship last weekend. We had lunch today and he gave me a diamond necklace.. to symbolize our friendship. I've been zonked on xanax since I got home.
>
> What a happy, lovey day. /sarcasmYIKES - I thought he didn't want to see you for a month! This must feel so friggin' confusing & if I were you I'd feel pulled & pushed & buffetted & not knowing WHAT to feel!!!
((((((((((((you)))))))))))))))
I send you my supportinve love, Kath
Posted by Phillipa on February 14, 2009, at 21:01:41
In reply to Lots of stress caused by 'special' days, posted by Kath on February 14, 2009, at 20:41:47
For those of you who didn't have a loved on or receive a Valentine Mine was from a poster not husband. And when we went out to the stores they were the fullest ever so don't feel that bad. And tomorrow St Patrick's day cards will be out, Memorial Day, Fourth Of July, Labor Day and back the the others. It's a way in my very humble opionion for stores to make money, restaurants whatever. Phillipa
Posted by gardenergirl on February 14, 2009, at 21:31:02
In reply to No Valentine this year. Maybe next year., posted by SLS on February 14, 2009, at 9:22:27
I'm not so little, but I am a girl, and I am red-headed. So happy Valentine's Day, Scott.
:)
gg
Posted by SLS on February 14, 2009, at 21:35:38
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year., posted by yellowbird01 on February 14, 2009, at 20:43:44
Hi.
I am very sorry for your having been without a true (truthful) valentine this year.
Men are sometimes very simple to understand, though.
I know nothing of your story, so I am reluctant to comment too heavily here. I think he possibly is afraid to be without you, but may never have been in love with you. He just wants to make sure that he is not alone. He wants to keep his options open until he finds something "better". He may never have been truthful with you in not disclosing to you his lack of feelings for you. He possibly is not truthful with himself, but that's not your problem.
Mixed messages? Yes, definitely. Confusing? Not so much. Take him at his word today. Don't let his confusion become yours. Be clear to yourself what you want. If he is not able or unwilling to give it to you, then it is your choice whether or not you will allow him to play with you. Some men understand very little about women except for how to string them along. And he will do so successfully, as long as you think there might be any chance for love and union.
I have to apologize. I guess those were some pretty strong comments after all. Forgive me if they are way out of whack. I just don't like to see women taken advantage of by the likes of former scumbags like me.
Maybe your ex-not-ex is genuinely interested in maintaining a friendship with you - a person whom he genuinely likes. Are you interested in being just friends for always and forever?
I know myself pretty well by now. If the situation were reversed, and a woman for whom I had strong romantic feelings decided to terminate the romantic relationship, I would opt to cut off all communications with that person so that I could move on, regardless of her sincere desires to remain friends. Hurt just once and be done with it.
Anyway, I hope that you get what you want. You deserve better than a friend bearing expensive gifts. You deserve a lover bearing his soul.
What babbling!
I know I sound pretentious. Forgive me. Maybe that's something I should change?
- Scott
Posted by SLS on February 14, 2009, at 21:45:51
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » yellowbird01, posted by SLS on February 14, 2009, at 21:35:38
> I just don't like to see women taken advantage of by the likes of former scumbags like me.
Actually, I was never a scumbag. I was just very, very confused. I hurt my ex-wife very badly, and I never forgave myself for it. It is probably the only thing that I have not forgiven myself for. She deserved far better than what she got from me.
- Scott
Posted by Bobby on February 14, 2009, at 23:14:54
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » yellowbird01, posted by SLS on February 14, 2009, at 21:35:38
Some men understand very little about women except for how to string them along. And he will do so successfully, as long as you think there might be any chance for love and union.
Guilt and memories can string you along successfully as well. Forgiveness must be complete---just like kids and dogs do. Don't beat yourself up forever---at least you have a conscience. I hope next year someone digs that.
Posted by Garnet71 on February 15, 2009, at 2:47:41
In reply to No Valentine this year. Maybe next year., posted by SLS on February 14, 2009, at 9:22:27
You will all find your true love when you are ready for it to manifest in your life...both spiritually and emotionally ready.
..until then, continue to work on yourself. Be the best person you can be with the gifts you have been given.
If it has not happened yet, then you are not ready. Everything in life is circular; it is bound to happen sooner or later.
Posted by SLS on February 15, 2009, at 6:46:09
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year., posted by Garnet71 on February 15, 2009, at 2:47:41
> You will all find your true love when you are ready for it to manifest in your life...both spiritually and emotionally ready.
>
> ..until then, continue to work on yourself. Be the best person you can be with the gifts you have been given.
>
> If it has not happened yet, then you are not ready. Everything in life is circular; it is bound to happen sooner or later.That was nice.
:-)
- Scott
Posted by SLS on February 15, 2009, at 6:51:17
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » SLS, posted by Bobby on February 14, 2009, at 23:14:54
> > Some men understand very little about women except for how to string them along. And he will do so successfully, as long as you think there might be any chance for love and union.
> Guilt and memories can string you along successfully as well. Forgiveness must be complete---just like kids and dogs do. Don't beat yourself up forever---at least you have a conscience. I hope next year someone digs that.
Guilt actually trapped me in a relationship with a woman for a few years. I did not want to end it, even though I had never been in love with her. I felt guilty and did not want to hurt her. Besides, our lives had been choreographed by others, and I would feel guilty if I didn't follow the script. I was a real mess. I didn't understand and act on my emotions.
- Scott
Posted by Kath on February 15, 2009, at 16:11:54
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » yellowbird01, posted by SLS on February 14, 2009, at 21:35:38
Dear Scott,
This:
"You deserve better than a friend bearing expensive gifts. You deserve a lover bearing his soul."BLEW me away totally!
You may have been less than you'd like to have been in the past, but thank you for being so real, open & wise in that post to yellowbird. I'm sure it was not easy for her to read, & maybe it was or was not accurate, but guess what? That quote above certainly is accurate!!!
Love, Kath
PS - I've always viewed you as special.
Posted by Kath on February 15, 2009, at 16:14:18
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year., posted by Garnet71 on February 15, 2009, at 2:47:41
Wow - one of those wise posts that I print out!
K
>You will all find your true love when you are ready for it to manifest in your life...both spiritually and emotionally ready.
>
> ..until then, continue to work on yourself. Be the best person you can be with the gifts you have been given.
>
> If it has not happened yet, then you are not ready. Everything in life is circular; it is bound to happen sooner or later.
Posted by SLS on February 15, 2009, at 16:15:58
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » SLS, posted by Kath on February 15, 2009, at 16:11:54
Posted by yellowbird01 on February 15, 2009, at 17:41:11
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » yellowbird01, posted by SLS on February 14, 2009, at 21:35:38
Thanks Scott. Not too harsh... i'm sure everything you've said it right. There's a lot of weird things going on but i just have to accept that weird or not, whether they make any sense or not, it doesnt matter. He said he doesnt want to be with me and that's the bottom line. Ouch.
Thanks for responding, here and on psych. You werent too harsh. One day at a time...
Posted by Kath on February 15, 2009, at 20:51:58
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » SLS, posted by yellowbird01 on February 15, 2009, at 17:41:11
> One day at a time...
~ ~ or one minute, when necessary.
xoxo Kath
Posted by yellowbird01 on February 15, 2009, at 22:05:43
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » yellowbird01, posted by Kath on February 15, 2009, at 20:51:58
Posted by Bobby on February 16, 2009, at 0:07:21
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » Bobby, posted by SLS on February 15, 2009, at 6:51:17
I would say that I have wasted years in relationships too----but I've learned a lot from them. Knowledge is not cheap---everything has it's price. And I should have said--in my previous post---that it also takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there in this thread Scott. That-- coupled with the fact that you're almost always trying to help people here--should be a chick magnet--in and of itself.
Posted by DG77 on February 16, 2009, at 14:06:02
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » SLS, posted by yellowbird01 on February 15, 2009, at 17:41:11
> Thanks Scott. Not too harsh... i'm sure everything you've said it right. There's a lot of weird things going on but i just have to accept that weird or not, whether they make any sense or not, it doesnt matter. He said he doesnt want to be with me and that's the bottom line. Ouch.
>
> Thanks for responding, here and on psych. You werent too harsh. One day at a time...I think most of us have been there in that "Ouch" state. In most cases, as time goes on and we're able to look back, we end up thankful that we didn't end up with *that* person. We come to a realization that our lives are better without them, often because we found someone better, though we can also reach that point in the absence of that. So, while it hurts like hell now, I think you can look forward to a time when you'll be glad you're not still with him.
Posted by Garnet71 on February 16, 2009, at 14:28:31
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » Garnet71, posted by Kath on February 15, 2009, at 16:14:18
Thanks Kath. As for me, NO dating. I still have rescue fantasies sometimes - which in my view, is a pretty good indicator that I should not be out looking...So I'm sort of hiding out from the potential. Having recently gained weight helps me fulfill my plan!! Someday it will find me, though. When the time is right.
I think the 'one' for me might someday evolve from a true friendship. I'm certainly not going to make the mistake again in thinking attraction/chemistry is a precursor to a good relationship.
Posted by Kath on February 16, 2009, at 16:49:59
In reply to Re: No Valentine this year. Maybe next year. » SLS, posted by Bobby on February 16, 2009, at 0:07:21
> I would say that I have wasted years in relationships too----but I've learned a lot from them. Knowledge is not cheap---everything has it's price. And I should have said--in my previous post---that it also takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there in this thread Scott. That-- coupled with the fact that you're almost always trying to help people here--should be a chick magnet--in and of itself.
~ ~ I'm not in the market but if I were it'd sure be a chick magnet to me! ;-)) Kath
Posted by SLS on February 16, 2009, at 17:31:45
In reply to Chick magnet...., posted by Kath on February 16, 2009, at 16:49:59
Gosh.
This wonderful stuff couldn't have come at a better time. I think I have been trying too hard to flirt with women recently instead of just being myself.
Thanks folks.
- Scott
Posted by 10derHeart on February 16, 2009, at 18:42:09
In reply to Chick magnet...., posted by Kath on February 16, 2009, at 16:49:59
I also completely agree with you, Kath. Scott is special, and we don't even 'know' him :-)
I always tell my T., who is still trying to wrap his head around it, or trying to believe I really mean it or something - that for me, integrity is the sexiest, most attractive thing about a man. May sound odd, but it's totally accurate for me. If you do the right thing when no one knows and no one's looking - I'm putty....
Followed closely, of course, by stuff like compassion, decency, kindness, and so forth.
Not that I couldn't make a list of physical things that are ever-so-sexy......but, here's the thing... have you ever noticed, you may find someone pleasing to look at (maybe even gorgeous) then they open their mouths and speak, or they interact with you or others in a cruel, dishonest, or other bad way - that they suddenly, appear to - and I do mean physically - look *different* - no longer attractive AT ALL? I think it's because, sadly, the bad stuff on the inside leaked out... :-(
anyway....just sayin' Scott, Kath knows of what she speaks.
My "market status" will remain uncommented on at this time ;-)
-10der-who-has-maybe-said-too-much-Heart
Posted by Kath on February 17, 2009, at 12:45:00
In reply to Re: Chick magnet.... » Kath, posted by 10derHeart on February 16, 2009, at 18:42:09
I agree with you!!!
Kath
Posted by Kath on February 17, 2009, at 12:51:02
In reply to Re: Chick magnet.... » Kath, posted by SLS on February 16, 2009, at 17:31:45
See - once again, you're able to be open, honest & look at yourself!!!
One day, someone will be lucky enough to find you!!
I don't like flirting, personally. It might be exciting & flattering, but I sort of think, somewhere in the back of my mind that "if he can flirt with me, he can flirt with others"
I ALWAYS say that the very bestest way to have a better chance at a good relationship is to start out as friends. I also think that if people have an interest & pursue it, they'll meet others with the same interest. From there, friendships can develop & from THERE, the sky's the limit.
With a friendship as the base, that base is always there.
With flirting or even a whirlwind physical attraction as the base, those things aren't always there & what's there when they wear out or wear off?
Hugs, Kath
Posted by DG77 on February 17, 2009, at 15:11:21
In reply to Re: Chick magnet.... » SLS, posted by Kath on February 17, 2009, at 12:51:02
If flirting with women is wrong, I don't want to be right...lol. I know what you mean, though, Scott. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you're mostly referring to the "trying too hard" part. After all, you can still be yourself and flirt.
As for starting things off with flirting vs friendship, I'm not sure either is "wrong". Who's to say that a relationship that starts out as a flirtation doesn't continue to have that flirtation at its core for years and years? Even though they predate me by a few decades (yes I had to specify that...lol), the "Thin Man" movies come to mind as an illustration of a couple who don't let the fact that they're married to each other keep them from flirting as if they'd just met. It doesn't happen that way in real life nearly as often as it should, but it does happen. :)
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