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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by daveuk08 on August 14, 2008, at 4:22:00
Just as I thought I was begining to come to terms with Slinky`s death,I am now feeling so low that I wonder as to why I`m still alive.
I`ve been hurt so many times in my life,from childhood to now,it just seems to me that that is all life is about.
I want to move on,I want to find love again,I want to be loved again,I hate this lonelyness.
Often its not the one you love that hurts you,its others around you and them,perhaps its others that get joy out of screwing your brain.
I`ve got up to day feeling crap,my brain is totaly screwed,my body is full of the shakes,I`m in physical pain,my eyes are full of tears,I know that before the day is finished I gonna break down. My psychologist is on holiday,my GP is on hoilday,there are others I can see,but unless they read all of the notes about me,I feel I just have to go through it all again with someone else.
I`ve had 2 failed marriages and 4 relationships,when I see my friends who are celebrating there 24 anniverary next month,and others who have been together for years it hurts me, when I 1st got married,I thought it was for life,but no,my hopes and dreams have been shattered,the same with the next ,and the next,until I met Slinky,she told she loved me,she told me she was in love with me,but because of the hurt she had suffered all her life from her evil mother she took her life.
So what is the purpose of life,I have mentioned in someones thread before "exhistance",I did a thread about "PMA",but now I`m begining to doubt myself,it seems to me that there is one common denominator in all this and thats me.
I went into the chatroom last night,but because of the time difference me being in front,there was no one there so I started chatting with my self, switching colours to identify each one,and what has really got to me is that one half of me keeps telling the other that I want to die in my sleep,just go to bed and never wake up again.Yet the other half wants to live ,and be happy,I don`t want to hurt others by dying,I don`t want to die.
What is the purpose of life,I am so confused ?
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 14, 2008, at 8:32:26
In reply to Do I,Don`t I. I don`t konw ?, posted by daveuk08 on August 14, 2008, at 4:22:00
Dave, I don't have the answer for you. It's hard for me to see you hurting so badly, and with your support system on holiday (there should be some sort of rule about not ripping the rug out from beneath us at times like this). I know it's been suggested before, but have you explored any of the support groups out there for survivors of suicide? You might find that in sharing your experience with others who have gone though similar events, that you'll find some community and solace. It does seem hard that when we're in need of help the most is when we have to do the hardest work to find it.
((((Dave)))))
Posted by daveuk08 on August 14, 2008, at 10:37:05
In reply to Re: Do I,Don`t I. I don`t konw ? » daveuk08, posted by Partlycloudy on August 14, 2008, at 8:32:26
Hi PC thanks for your comments, I`ve been in touch with a group called suicide survivors earlier this month, and there next meeting is on the 20th,its a once a month thing,so I`m going to go there.
With the GP and the psychologist,its just coincidentle that they are both away at the same time,although my Gp is back next Monday.I managed to get an appoinment today,and I`ve just got back,and she has prescribed Diclofenac sodium,for my neck and shoulder pains(inflamed muscle tissue), and upped my dose of citalopram from 20 to 40mgper day.
I really hope this is going to help me.Dave =(^!^)=
Posted by Phillipa on August 14, 2008, at 12:51:39
In reply to Re: Do I,Don`t I. I don`t konw ? » Partlycloudy, posted by daveuk08 on August 14, 2008, at 10:37:05
Dave I'm on your side and hope you feel better too. So glad you got an appointment and a new dose of your med. Write back later and let us know how you are Love Phillipa
Posted by Partlycloudy on August 14, 2008, at 13:09:20
In reply to Re: Do I,Don`t I. I don`t konw ? » Partlycloudy, posted by daveuk08 on August 14, 2008, at 10:37:05
It's great to see that you're being proactive in taking care of yourself. I hope the medications help with your discomfort. I know all too well the mind/body connection. Your distress gets transported and translated to different parts of your body and you experience very real pain. The 20th of the month isn't too far off - I hope that you meet some like-minded people there.
PC
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on August 14, 2008, at 15:44:59
In reply to Do I,Don`t I. I don`t konw ?, posted by daveuk08 on August 14, 2008, at 4:22:00
Hi Dave:
First off....if you don't mind...gentle cyber-hugs ((((((Daveuk08))))))). (Yes. men can do this stuff too..:) I empathize with you with some similarity. I've been stuck in "grief" for about 14 or so years now, and I really wonder what the hell is going on!? (I had a couple of losses of people closest to me.) But, everybody's "grief" is different, but I can spot the emotions. Just a few days ago I was going through a really bad spell, and you can see it on here. Freud said that depression is a form of prolonged grief, as we only have so much time here ourselves, and obviously harder watching people we love die.
You know what I think may help you also a bit (as it did me...a bit anyways)..is to find someone in person to talk to. Can you get a referral from your doctor to some kind of counselor or something? I know it sounds like nothing, but it helps just to get the words out of your mouth and have somebody hear and respond to them.
I know that feeling of not wanting to carry on, because the pain, the aches, are all too much.
I REALLY wish I could say that there was "this particular med" that would help, but I can't really say. Just that, sometimes bad days go away eventually, for a short time, even if they never completely leave you. My thoughts are with you.....Take good care of yourself...
Jay
Posted by daveuk08 on August 15, 2008, at 14:22:20
In reply to Re: Do I,Don`t I. I don`t konw ? » daveuk08, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on August 14, 2008, at 15:44:59
Thanks Jay
((((Jay_bravest _Face))))
Dave=(^!^)=
Posted by rskontos on August 15, 2008, at 15:24:53
In reply to Do I,Don`t I. I don`t konw ?, posted by daveuk08 on August 14, 2008, at 4:22:00
Daveuek08,
While I won't pretend to know the whys and purpose of life, it is a mystery to me as well, I do want you to know how sorry I am that you are hurting so deeply. I miss slinky too. I remember too well her post and her happiness at meeting you. It hurts to remember but at the same time, I truly hope one day you will be able to remember her and all that she meant and smile at the memories. It is too fresh now for that, and here is another hug
(((((((((Dave)))))))))). Please be kind to yourself. Don't look too closely at your life during this time as you will only find the fault not the good. We are always our worst critics. I see a man that longs for the sweet woman he knew and wishes he could still have her with him. That is not a failure of a man that is a good man. Someone that loved someone and took a chance.I am sorry that you have all your supports have gone awol. That really sucks. I am glad you reached out to babble. Don't doubt yourself although I realize how easily done that is and how hard it is sometimes not too.
We think you are special. Don't doubt that my friend. Take care of yourself. We are always here. I am glad you stuck around.
rsk
This is the end of the thread.
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