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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on February 19, 2008, at 0:06:25
OK, I'm 26 years old and I've only ever been with one guy and only about 4 times. This was a long term relationship. It was serious, but in the end it didn't work out for me.
I've recently put my profile up on a dating site and I've met a really nice guy, but he says sex is important for both men and women. Now he says he wants to make sex pleasurable for me so I will like it more. He says he'll make it all about me.
I told him I don't want to have sex unless I know it's going to be a very long term relationship (like life partners).
Am I just being a prude here?
What is normal in terms of sex?
Do all guys want sex? Are there any out there who don't want it?
Posted by Deneb on February 19, 2008, at 9:13:34
In reply to Am I normal or do I have problems with sex?, posted by Deneb on February 19, 2008, at 0:06:25
I think I'm asexual. I'm neither attracted to men or women.
I just signed up on this dating site for asexual people and replied to a few ads. Hopefully I will find Mr. Right.
I really hope I find an asexual man to live life together with.
I think that's what I didn't like about relationships...sex. I think ultimately that is what led me to break up with my boyfriend, who was the sweetest guy ever, but he had a normal sex drive.
Posted by muffled on February 19, 2008, at 9:53:33
In reply to Am I normal or do I have problems with sex?, posted by Deneb on February 19, 2008, at 0:06:25
Deneb, you have sex when YOU are ready and NOT B4.
NEVER just do it cuz its expected.
Thats just wrong.
Be safe.
M
Posted by tina on February 19, 2008, at 11:36:41
In reply to Am I normal or do I have problems with sex?, posted by Deneb on February 19, 2008, at 0:06:25
Personally, I don' think you have a problem with sex. It sounds like sex is just a very important, very intimate sharing experience for you and I don't think you should feel that's abnormal. today's society has made sex so public and common that we forget it's supposed to be special.
If your emotions are revulsion and pain when you think of sex, this may be a problem but otherwise, don't worry.
Posted by Phillipa on February 19, 2008, at 12:01:44
In reply to Re: Am I normal or do I have problems with sex?, posted by tina on February 19, 2008, at 11:36:41
I feel hormones and age play a part in it too. Before menopause had a sex drive now don't care and don't not fair to husband but should I just to say I did? Phillipa
Posted by Kath on February 19, 2008, at 14:18:06
In reply to Am I normal or do I have problems with sex?, posted by Deneb on February 19, 2008, at 0:06:25
I don't think you're being a prude Deneb.
Sexuality is SUCH an individual thing.
Please don't judge yourself harshly. I think that being 'true to oneself' is especially important in the area of sex.
I don't find it at ALL unusual to have a long-term-relationship as a prerequisite for sex. Let's face it - although it might not be common any more, I bet there are folks who wait to have sex until after they're married. (Or maybe not anymore, but I bet a few do.)
For me, emotional safety & emotional comfortableness has to be a part of having sex with a man.
I don't think I've ever been turned on unless there's been a good solid emotional basis (not that I've had many partners). Now, I DO find certain males attractive & sexy (as in say Johnny Depp - I know - for me he's a baby, but I still find him att. & s.)
So on that group you mentioned, are there guys who are also asexual? Does asexual mean not interested in sex?
Please continue to honour your own values & needs Deneb.
luv, Kath
Posted by Angela2 on February 19, 2008, at 17:42:01
In reply to Am I normal or do I have problems with sex?, posted by Deneb on February 19, 2008, at 0:06:25
I agree with everyone else, that you have to do what makes you comfortable and happy. ((((Deneb))))
Posted by tina on February 19, 2008, at 18:46:02
In reply to Re: Am I normal or do I have problems with sex? » tina, posted by Phillipa on February 19, 2008, at 12:01:44
"not fair to husband but should I just to say I did? Phillipa"
Heaven's no Phillipa. You need to do what feels right for you too. If you and your partner are comfortable with the sexual schedule then it is what it is. It's when the diffences in libido cause relationship problems that I would seek out some pro help especially if there is a physiological cause. It's all very individual. For example: My ex husband was a very sexual being (wanted it all the time), but my most recent ex boyfriend had very little libido. I fall somewhere in between so neither relationship ever really made me feel completely comfortable in the bedroom. Made for strained times in both relationships.
Posted by Phillipa on February 19, 2008, at 18:51:34
In reply to Re: Am I normal or do I have problems with sex? » Phillipa, posted by tina on February 19, 2008, at 18:46:02
Lucky his libido is low since menopause have none. Thanks Phillipa ps first husband cheated all the time wanted it day and night. Guess the main reason we're divorced.
Posted by Toph on February 20, 2008, at 22:53:31
In reply to Am I normal or do I have problems with sex?, posted by Deneb on February 19, 2008, at 0:06:25
> Do all guys want sex? Are there any out there who don't want it?
>
>No expert here, and I don't want to speak for all men but re above, mostly and yes. Testosterone is the culprit. Actually women on testosterone can increase their sex drive.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/testosterone-therapy/AN01390
That doesn't mean that men want to have sex all the time as the myth says. And here I'll speak only for myself, I prefer sex in a relationship with someone I love. Anyone who truely loved you Deneb would want sex to be a mutually pleasureable thing, I think.
Posted by Deneb on February 24, 2008, at 2:01:29
In reply to Re: Am I normal or do I have problems with sex?, posted by Toph on February 20, 2008, at 22:53:31
I've been doing more research on this and apparently asexuals can and do get physically aroused. They are just not sexually attracted to people.
I think that describes me. I've never wanted to kiss anyone in a sexual way. When I look at a cute guy I don't want to have sex with him.
I fantasize about sex sometimes, but I wouldn't act out my fantasy.
I dunno. I'm really confused.
Posted by Kath on February 24, 2008, at 16:54:30
In reply to Re: I think I'm asexual again, posted by Deneb on February 24, 2008, at 2:01:29
Hey Deneb,
I don't see why you have to put a label on yourself. Does it really matter?
Also, I though you were having second thoughts as to being asexual.
I strongly suspect that once you find someone who shares your interests & values, & if you build a friendship & it leads to a 'romantic' relationship....I suspect that you might find you have sexual feelings. Or even if you have a romantic relationship (without the friendship first, although I prefer the friendship in place first) & that relationship feels emotionally safe & comfortable....I suspect you'll find you have sexual feelings.
Some people are more sexual than others. For some people sex is more important & for others less, but I bet the latter doesn't necessarily mean they're asexual.
I don't think all women feel 'turned on' by a guy even if they find someone attractive or cute.
I think we can tend to take our 'cues' from what society/the media/movies/ advertisements - present us with. I think that we can think that EVERYONE or even MOST people are like that. And it's not necessarily true!!!
Everyone is different Deneb. We each just are as we are.
I send hugs, Kath
This is the end of the thread.
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