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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 103. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alesta on January 30, 2007, at 8:58:39
are typically detested in social circles..maddening to others. i find myself having similar feelings about the disordered...i find their manipulations disgusting...any tips on how to be more tolerant? it is even worse when you can see manipulations that others don't...an unpleasant gift of mine.
i needed to air this...i need ways to deal with the personality disordered without losing my head...and their are quite a few of them in all venues of my existence right now...
btw these feelings are *normal* for normal people exposed to the personality-disordered. i think it's time we talk about them.
Amy
Posted by Glydin on January 30, 2007, at 9:04:48
In reply to those with personality disorders...., posted by alesta on January 30, 2007, at 8:58:39
I, too, struggle with this. I can't seem to get past the anger I feel. I would like to have a better understanding and I think that would be helpful for me but, as I said, I can't get passed the anger I'm being manipulated and used. Boundaries are the only defense I can seem to find but their help is limited.
I don't know, I'm also very frustrated......
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 30, 2007, at 9:14:10
In reply to those with personality disorders...., posted by alesta on January 30, 2007, at 8:58:39
> are typically detested in social circles..maddening to others.
>
> btw these feelings are *normal* for normal people exposed to the personality-disordered. i think it's time we talk about them.
Nice.*deletes rest and walks awa. disgusted*
Posted by gabbi-2 on January 30, 2007, at 9:58:33
In reply to Re: those with personality disorders...., posted by NikkiT2 on January 30, 2007, at 9:14:10
> > are typically detested in social circles..maddening to others.
> >That's a huge generalization, as are "disorders" themselves
Many of what is designated a disorder (this week)
is the character, the essence of the person that can be found particularly appealing by others."Typically detested?" Who is ? What disorders are you talking about ?
> > btw these feelings are *normal* for normal people exposed to the personality-disordered. i think it's time we talk about them.
>
>
> Nice.
>
> *deletes rest and walks awa. disgusted*Yeah, guess I'm glad I'm not normal
I can't get past my feelings about this post.
I found it maddening.
Posted by gardenergirl on January 30, 2007, at 10:03:51
In reply to those with personality disorders...., posted by alesta on January 30, 2007, at 8:58:39
> are typically detested in social circles..maddening to others. i find myself having similar feelings about the disordered...i find their manipulations disgusting...
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down. From the FAQ: "It can be therapeutic to express yourself, but this isn't necessarily the place." It might be helpful to talk about ways of dealing with the distress one can feel when dealing with difficult people in general versus with a specified group.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please first see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues should be directed to Psycho-Babble Administration and should of course be civil. Dr. Bob has oversight over deputy decisions, and he may choose a different action. If you wish, you can appeal this decision to him.
namaste
deputy gg
Posted by gardenergirl on January 30, 2007, at 10:10:17
In reply to Re: those with personality disorders...., posted by gabbi-2 on January 30, 2007, at 9:58:33
> I found it maddening.
Keeping in mind that the idea here is support and not posting anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down, would you please rephrase the above to reflect your feeling as an "I" statement?
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceThanks,
namaste
deputy gg
Posted by Phillipa on January 30, 2007, at 10:28:46
In reply to Please rephrase » gabbi-2, posted by gardenergirl on January 30, 2007, at 10:10:17
I don't have strong boundaries always want to help others. Oh well. Love Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on January 30, 2007, at 10:30:19
In reply to Re: Please rephrase, posted by Phillipa on January 30, 2007, at 10:28:46
Oops forgot to change the subject line. Sorry Love Phillipa
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 30, 2007, at 10:48:09
In reply to Re: those with personality disorders...., posted by gabbi-2 on January 30, 2007, at 9:58:33
(((((gabbi)))))
Luckily, *very luckily* it seems I am not friends with any normal people..
Thankyou for sharing my feelings.
N xx
Posted by gabbi-2 on January 30, 2007, at 10:49:32
In reply to Please rephrase » gabbi-2, posted by gardenergirl on January 30, 2007, at 10:10:17
I just realized that Thank you. How about
the generalizations and assumptions made in that post made me angry
Posted by one woman cine on January 30, 2007, at 10:51:18
In reply to Re: those with personality disorders.... » alesta, posted by Glydin on January 30, 2007, at 9:04:48
I've had some crazy-makers in my life - but I've learned to remove myself from situations they created if it gets to be too much for me. & slowly but surely, I begin to break off the communication - I have found out that the only change I can effect is my own -
sorry you are having a rough time.
Posted by one woman cine on January 30, 2007, at 10:52:34
In reply to Re: Please rephrase » gardenergirl, posted by gabbi-2 on January 30, 2007, at 10:49:32
The generalizations and assumptions also made me uncomfortable as well....
Posted by Glydin on January 30, 2007, at 11:16:45
In reply to ((glydin)), posted by one woman cine on January 30, 2007, at 10:51:18
Thank you so for your kindness....
I'm actually learning alot about myself and I find that's a good thing for me.
Posted by wishingstar on January 30, 2007, at 11:51:01
In reply to those with personality disorders...., posted by alesta on January 30, 2007, at 8:58:39
One of my diagnoses over the years has been borderline. I've gotten a lot of diagnoses, and who knows which are really right, but I do see some of the qualities in myself.
I'd hate to think that others are disgusted by me, and if they are, that this is a normal reaction. Thats hard for me to accept. I know I'm not perfect, but I do try my best and any behavior that I do recognize later as having been manipulative, out of sorts, etc has always, always come out of incredible pain and no idea how to better handle it, and absolutely never a desire to hurt anyone or act manipulatively.
I do understand that the behaviors of those with perosnality disorders can be difficult to understand, frustrating, and probably incredibly maddening at times. For those who have grown up with personality-disordered parents, the scars left can be substantial. But I think its important to realize also that there are some people on this board who have these diagnoses themselves and are trying to improve, but it isnt always easy. So a convresation about how to handle personality disorder behaviors I can absolutely understand, but to call us disgusting and maddening is hurtful to me. I'm trying my best but it's difficult to hang on to self-esteem and self-confidence when so many terrible things are written about these groups. It often makes me wonder why I keep trying to get better, if it's just a hopeless cause anyway (the idea that borderlines never get better)?
Posted by one woman cine on January 30, 2007, at 12:09:03
In reply to Re: those with personality disorders...., posted by wishingstar on January 30, 2007, at 11:51:01
Posted by gardenergirl on January 30, 2007, at 12:45:11
In reply to Re: Please rephrase » gardenergirl, posted by gabbi-2 on January 30, 2007, at 10:49:32
> I just realized that Thank you. How about
>
> the generalizations and assumptions made in that post made me angryThanks for your reply. Instead, can you say how you feel from a first person standpoint versus something "made you ..."? That puts the focus on your own feeling versus another's actions, which makes it more in line with civility guidelines.
namaste
deputy gg
Posted by gabbi-2 on January 30, 2007, at 13:05:43
In reply to Re: Please rephrase » gabbi-2, posted by gardenergirl on January 30, 2007, at 12:45:11
Okay
I was angered by the generalizations and assumptions contained in the post..
Posted by Declan on January 30, 2007, at 13:16:01
In reply to those with personality disorders...., posted by alesta on January 30, 2007, at 8:58:39
I confess to not having read all this thread, but why not restrict our comments to (say) manipulativeness.
'Personality disorder' has the feel of fake science, whereas we all know what manipulation is.Does that make sense?
Posted by one woman cine on January 30, 2007, at 13:21:33
In reply to Manipulative?, posted by Declan on January 30, 2007, at 13:16:01
I wish we could just hash out the issues on hand within the community, being civil of course -
it doesn't seem fair that we are not able to do that considering some really intense things have been going down for some time.....
I'm feeling frustrated.
Posted by Declan on January 30, 2007, at 13:29:14
In reply to Re: Manipulative?, posted by one woman cine on January 30, 2007, at 13:21:33
There are certainly annoying people with all sorts of qualities and stuff, but if you 'believe' in personality disorders you may be mistaking the map for the country, and a pretty hohum map too, IMO.
It's fake science, isn't it?
But no doubt I'm underestimating you all and you know it is just morality (which is quite OK) dressed up as science.Please excuse me, I just got up.
Posted by gabbi-2 on January 30, 2007, at 13:37:44
In reply to gabbi » gabbi-2, posted by NikkiT2 on January 30, 2007, at 10:48:09
Thank you Nikki, that means a lot coming from you
((Nikki))
Posted by cubic_me on January 30, 2007, at 13:51:14
In reply to Manipulative?, posted by Declan on January 30, 2007, at 13:16:01
> I confess to not having read all this thread, but why not restrict our comments to (say) manipulativeness.
> 'Personality disorder' has the feel of fake science, whereas we all know what manipulation is.
>
> Does that make sense?That makes a lot of sense to me.
I feel frustrated when I feel manipulated - not mad.
Amy sounds like she wants to learn how to be more tolerant (please correct me if I'm wrong), that's a pretty positive thing. I'd like to know how I can be more tolerant too. I seem to get to a point of being so frustrated that I find it difficult to help any more, and I'm sure that's more a fault of mine than of the other person.
Posted by Declan on January 30, 2007, at 13:54:21
In reply to Re: Manipulative?, posted by cubic_me on January 30, 2007, at 13:51:14
With manipulative people I would like to learn to be more deft....you know, quicker.
Posted by one woman cine on January 30, 2007, at 13:57:32
In reply to Re: Manipulative?, posted by Declan on January 30, 2007, at 13:54:21
I'd like to be quicker intuitively in knowing I'm being manipulated - I only find out after I put in time and energy...
I'd also like to be able to step away without regret.
Posted by alesta on January 30, 2007, at 14:11:40
In reply to those with personality disorders...., posted by alesta on January 30, 2007, at 8:58:39
if i could delete this post i would but bob will not allow that i'm sure...i was trying to stand up for the victim..i am going through *hell* with ppl in my life right now, and all of a sudden am *very* angry. it's like the dam on my emotions has exploded and i am trying to deal with it. i was trying to inform and support the victims...i can't even read the posts here...after i read nikki's i pretty much knew this thread was not going to be...uh...productive or pleasant. all i can ask is that some of you who are angry at me or don't understand might have some compassion for what i'm going through. i was also trying to illuminate with facts...this is just all wrong. i guess this is my #$#hole moment. or maybe i'm just trying to make KK feel better by entering into my own babble hell. please forgive me...maybe i will have the guts to read all your posts, but if my emotional state currently is any indication, i doubt it...
trying to be understood and forgiven for a moment of stupidity..i try so hard to be helpful most of the time...i just wish there was more knowledge out there and sharing of experiences...i don't even know what to say. or think. i just need someone to understand. i guess i'll go somewhere else for that.
i seriously can't think straight right now. but this is just a forum and if y'all hate me, there is nothing i can do about it. i've grown a lot from the days where babble could make me want to commit suicide.
dr. bob...would you consider deleting my post?
amy
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