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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by corafree on September 3, 2006, at 18:50:23
I've tried to 'off myself' more times than my bad memory can remember.
I've done 'very good' and 'very bad' things in my life. I've been on my knees crying for forgiveness and praying.
I'm re-writing this as my computer is AFU and now it's not going to be as good a post as I would have hoped for, ... yeah, negativity.
I've helped/seen w/ my love, my grandparents and father, through to the ends of their earthly lives. I've given birth to three wonderful children. I've loved very much and a lot. I've lost. I've taken what wasn't mine. I've had an abortion.
Is this a dead end that I'm at or is it a crossroads? Having some faith I'm leaning towards crossroads.
After the lifting of my depression a few months back and some etceteras, I believe in miracles. But then physical illnesses rose to the surface, so I wonder was it a trade-off.
Did I say I felt 'like New Orleans'?
The cheerleader, homecomingqueen, popular, pretty, 'SWEET'(really) girl ... devasted by hurricane 'Mentallyill' ... now alone, on SSD, old car trouble, renting, owning put-together furniture, jaded(?) or borderline(?) open-mouth-insert-foot type personality, affording only dialup. It was such a long period of time. There has been so much devastation.
Here I'm down on my knees whaling this morning again asking for a miracle. I suggested, 'to need love and receive love' once again, or, a purpose to keep the tiny bit of self-esteem I have left intact. I said 'I think I'll see it when it happens'.
So, this is why I'm asking, 'WHY am I, STILL?
Does everyone realize how special they are? (I don't know what made me say that.)
A man who goes to churches and 'sees people's illnesses and heals them' wants to talk to me (yeah, really).
Now I'm getting too sick to my stomach to stay online. I've been talking w/ my ISP and I guess McA*ee is messing w/ my settings and that's why my incoming mail isn't coming in.
(Oh, if anyone thinks 'my beliefs are way out there', that's fine, I'd still love to hear from you. And, why did I say that?)
love, cf
Posted by curtm on September 3, 2006, at 19:33:04
In reply to Why am I, still? ***TRIGGER***, posted by corafree on September 3, 2006, at 18:50:23
((((((corafree))))))
>> WHY am I, STILL
If you have faith in what you believe in, you are still what you are because you are here for someone else. Thank you for being here...still.
I needed to get that out to you before I block myself for being such a moron.
Posted by Phillipa on September 3, 2006, at 20:49:09
In reply to Re: Why am I, still? ***TRIGGER***, posted by curtm on September 3, 2006, at 19:33:04
Cora you're doing exactly what I do. Beating yourself up. We do things and later years later forget why we did them and punish ourselves. When I do something positive and am proud it seems that something bad happens later. So really lets take a poll how many others do something good and then immediatedly something bad happens kind of to negate the good? Probably should be on self esteem. No one is perfect although we'd like to be. Love Phillipa
Posted by Poet on September 4, 2006, at 1:00:00
In reply to Why am I, still? ***TRIGGER***, posted by corafree on September 3, 2006, at 18:50:23
Hi Corafree,
>
> Here I'm down on my knees whaling this morning again asking for a miracle. I suggested, 'to need love and receive love' once again, or, a purpose to keep the tiny bit of self-esteem I have left intact. I said 'I think I'll see it when it happens'.It shouldn't take miracles to get want you want, but I sure can understand feeling so desperate that you think that's the only thing that will bring it about.
I don't know why you are, still...but that you are seeking an answer might be that you have a tiny bit of faith in yourself.
((((CF)))))
Poet
Posted by gardenergirl on September 4, 2006, at 15:54:21
In reply to Re: Why am I, still? ***TRIGGER*** » corafree, posted by Poet on September 4, 2006, at 1:00:00
>
> I don't know why you are, still...but that you are seeking an answer might be that you have a tiny bit of faith in yourself.
>
> ((((CF)))))
>
> Poet
>I'm glad you're still here. I'm glad you're still seeking. I'm glad you're still sharing yourself with us. That's a gift. Thank you for you.
(((((cf)))))
gg
Posted by corafree on September 5, 2006, at 13:31:02
In reply to Ditto what Poet said, posted by gardenergirl on September 4, 2006, at 15:54:21
Tks GG and thank you all. Have emailed U Phillipa.
muchlove, cf
This is the end of the thread.
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