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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Michael83 on August 13, 2006, at 3:22:37
And I've been really scared a lot lately.
I have a million plans. I have direction. I have motivation. But I'm just scared I'll fail.
What if I fail? I don't want to end up like some people I often see. I am nothing like them. I don't behave like them. I am not as shallow or uncaring as them. I am supposed to be the good guy. The one everyone roots for.
I'll turn 23 soon, but I don't feel 23. It makes me feel scared. I am not ready to get this old this fast. Probably because I feel cheated by my childhood, having missed out on the good things most people do when growing up.
I was cheated. I am getting older. (I'm even scared to type that sentence.) I am terrified.
But I cannot go back in time of fix things that have already past. I'm not going to cry over things I cannot change.
I am no longer comfortable. Other people I knew are taking large steps towards creating their lives. I am taking those steps, but my steps have been nowhere near as large.
I need to make a decision. I need to find my direction and focus. If I take this "growing older" thing and make something out of it that makes happy, maybe perhaps I won't fear it anymore (or nearly as much). I suppose it's easy to fear getting older when your peers are ahead of you. I need to make serious moves to improve myself. I can't afford to waste anymore time.
Thank you babble for listening! Goodnite and I love you, no matter how "behind" (like me) any of you are. I'm must go to bed now, but I'll be back to try to help others and hopefully help myself. Goodnite.
Posted by Glydin on August 13, 2006, at 6:54:23
In reply to I've been thinking a lot about my life lately..., posted by Michael83 on August 13, 2006, at 3:22:37
Disclaimer: you didn't ask for the commentary from someone old enough to be a parent to you... Smile.
> What if I fail?
~~~ One of my favorite quotes is:
"Success and Failure are both over-rated. Failures just give us more to talk about."
> But I cannot go back in time of fix things that have already past. I'm not going to cry over things I cannot change.~~~ No, you absolutely can't and it's a waste to spend time lamenting over the "what if's", although, it's very much part of our nature. Comparing is also very much part of what we as humans tend to do. I have found life begin when *we* start it and it's a journey that changes over and over from any original plan we may have set. Adaptablity is what makes us successes, I feel. Living and being are more difficult for some of us, but *everyone* has some degree of challenges we must endure.
You will do fine. I feel it.
Posted by crazy teresa on August 13, 2006, at 10:14:49
In reply to I've been thinking a lot about my life lately..., posted by Michael83 on August 13, 2006, at 3:22:37
The only way to fail is to never try.
Posted by Phillipa on August 13, 2006, at 11:28:57
In reply to Re: I've been thinking a lot about my life lately... » Michael83, posted by crazy teresa on August 13, 2006, at 10:14:49
Michael I went through the same thoughts as you at your age. One day I decided to stop worrying about them. So now I'm much older than you. For many years those thoughts went away. I was so busy. Now they are back again. I agree it's hard to age but you're young in your 20's. And Teresa is right if you don't try that's a failure. Love Phillipa
Posted by llrrrpp on August 13, 2006, at 11:29:51
In reply to Re: I've been thinking a lot about my life lately... » Michael83, posted by crazy teresa on August 13, 2006, at 10:14:49
Michael,
that was so sweet of you to say nice things about psycho-babblers. I think you're a good guy.It's funny, whenever I'm going through a transition in my life, like after high school, after college, and after getting married, I always feel this sense of inadequacy. It's because I'm comparing myself to others, or comparing my plans to my dreams.
But right now, I'm just in a regular place, no big transitions for at least 6 months. And life is okay.
You're going to do just fine. And maybe you haven't made giant risky steps to make your dreams come true, but that's okay too. Just take a step back and recognize your achievements in the big picture. For instance, I think you're an excellent writer. You express yourself very well, and this is a skill that you will have at your fingertips your entire life. It will serve you well.
Another thing is that you realize that you have big dreams and plans. Some of us (me) never allowed ourselves to dream 'what ifs'. I think it's great to daydream about what your life could be. But on the other hand, it's also okay to recognize those dreams as a fantasy. A pleasant escape from the current situation. Are there practical things that you can do to move closer to some of your goals? For instance, maybe you want to get a PhD, but you're terrified of failing. Why not start off by taking some classes at the local community college to find out what area interests you? Are your dreams things like "get an M.D. from Stanford University" or are they things like "find a career where I can be satisfied for many years"? If you have unreasonable and specific expectations (like the former) it's no wonder that you're scared to take a risk. You've set yourself up for dissatisfaction. On the other hand, some kinds of goals are more realistic, less specific, and probably more satisfying.
Anyways, just a few thoughts. I hope you can find a way share your talent and heart with the world, and best of all- to recognize and embrace your own strengths.
yours,
-ll
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on August 13, 2006, at 13:02:06
In reply to I've been thinking a lot about my life lately..., posted by Michael83 on August 13, 2006, at 3:22:37
Hello micheal
That sounds alot like me. These feelings wax and wane. Right now, they're on a high with me.
Sigh. I'm bitter because mental ill-health has taken so much away from me. My contempories are in their final years of PhDs at Cambridge or moving up the ranks of their chosen profession or starting their law conversion courses or in their second years at PhDs at Harvard. I have done *nothing* for the last year and seeing them in all their success is a bitter pill for me to swallow - why am I not more like them?? I got just the same grades etc at college. I guess i'm not too hot at 'life'.
I just want to know why I have to suffer from depression and my friends don't. Why is it such a battle for me to just be normal like them???? How come they don't crack up and crumble following major stress like I do???
Will I never reach my full potential in life because I have depression??
Sigh. Kind regards
Meri
Posted by tootercat on August 13, 2006, at 15:45:28
In reply to I've been thinking a lot about my life lately..., posted by Michael83 on August 13, 2006, at 3:22:37
Wow! I am scared many days in my life! The difference for me now is that I walk through the fear more than I have ever been able to before. There is always this underlying feeling that if I allow myself to be feel happy and "secure" the rug will be swept from under me. I struggle with fear of loss.
I appreciate that you have big plans and dreams. Even if they don't come to pass as you envision them at least you've had them! I never dared to dream or plan. I just allowed myself to drift and be what was easiest and got me the quick fix. If you "fail" at least you've tried. Easy to say. Hard to do. In the long run it is true.
When you are ready you will do what is right (or wrong) as we learn from every experience we have in life. And if we don't learn the first time we keep repeating until we do! I'm 49. I used to regret that I didn't BECOME somebody important that would change the world. I wanted to BE somebody. A multitude of experiences (aka pain) in my life have brought me to a place where I finally feel relatively comfortable in my own skin now. I am special to many people and creatures and all I have to is be alive. I don't have to perform or be perfect. I still don't have big dreams but I now have some goals for myself.
I wish for you an interesting and ultimately fulfilling journey in life. Be kind to yourself along the way!
Tooter
Posted by wildcardII on August 13, 2006, at 16:29:33
In reply to I've been thinking a lot about my life lately..., posted by Michael83 on August 13, 2006, at 3:22:37
if you don't try, you have already failed...does that make sense like i mean for it too? i hope so XOXO
Posted by TexasChic on August 13, 2006, at 21:12:11
In reply to couldn't read all posts but » Michael83, posted by wildcardII on August 13, 2006, at 16:29:33
I feel the same way except I'm 36! I doubt there's anyway I can explain it to you, but the years go by fast and and once you get there, the regret is something you can never change! I've found its better to risk complete and total embarrassment/and or failure than to do nothing and wonder 'what if?' I'm serious, I recently told a guy I had a total crush on him! Granted it was through email and I'll probably never see him again, but I still feel better than if I had never tried at all. Just some words of advice from somone older and wiser(?).
-T
Posted by finelinebob on August 18, 2006, at 20:36:04
In reply to Re: couldn't read all posts but, posted by TexasChic on August 13, 2006, at 21:12:11
"older AND wiser" ... I think NOT!
I mean, Michael here is 23 and he already gets it. It must have took me until I was 40 before I got it. Everybody else it seems says they got it when they were older than Michael.
Kid, you got us beat!
But you're still "in the moment", so maybe we do have a little teensy weensy bit more wisdom because we're all through it (right? we are, aren't we?). But being in the moment means it's decision time for ya, Michael, and here's the question:
Is the glass half empty or half full?
If you think that's an unfair question, you're right. It's a trick question. You need to think outside the glass. There's no point in thinking about "growing older" because that makes it sound like you are running out of something. Growing out of life. Then you have to start philosophizing about whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. Who wants to do that?! Make it to 104, and then you can start growing older if you want.If you need a direction, I'd suggest growing into life. I mean, life is really, really big so there's lots of room and then some to grow into. Heck, even if some part of life starts to bind and you grow into it so much it rips, you know what? I can go down to the Lower East Side or SoHo here in NYC and sell my ripped jeans for 5 times the price I paid for them. Depends on how cool the rip is.
I mean, go in with some jeans that are just **shredded** and they'll call you an artist!
Same thing winds up being true about life. You got a small rip, they call it 'character'. Big rips? Reality TV. Shredded? Paris Hilton Reality TV. But wipe away all the schlock and you'll find rips and tears and wrinkles and folds and parts that didn't fill out and some that are like that perfect pair of shrink-to-fit 501s. Taken as a "body" of work, it's all art and it's all good. or bettter.
Posted by Phillipa on August 18, 2006, at 22:03:55
In reply to Re: couldn't read all posts but, posted by finelinebob on August 18, 2006, at 20:36:04
You're absolutely right about life and the shredded jeans. Sounds like the title of a book. Love phillipa
Posted by Jost on August 18, 2006, at 22:50:04
In reply to Re: couldn't read all posts but » finelinebob, posted by Phillipa on August 18, 2006, at 22:03:55
Sigh.
I'm sure we could all tell you a whole bunch of stories, but I guess you''ve got to get there yourself.
I wish it were as simple as the only failure is not trying. I wish it were as simple as take a risk, because you'll regret it more if you don't.
Not that either of those isn't so. But sometimes, you do regret doing things-- I do, most definitely. It doesn't change anything, but it's real.
And you can fail even if you try with every bit of yourself-- but you can also go beyond that. I have, and I also have.
It's not fun, or easy-- but neither is success. Emily Dickinson has a line something like "Success is always sweetest/to those who ne'er succeed..."
which as a kid I thought was ridiculous-- but actually now I find that it's probably true.
Eh. Don't know what I"m saying here.
Jost
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