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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jay on May 20, 2006, at 21:13:07
I didn't make it to the PB b-party, and never met up with the many wonderful people here. Instead I wallowed and stewed in my own self pitty. Great! Of course it involves my stupid internet dating misfortunes. Please mind my dumb ramblings like a drunken fool. I met a woman in Toronto who I had been chatting with for almost a month with. She had a few pics of me, and I had of her. So no surprises about that. We met, and had numerous drinks in the hotel bar, which I had no problem paying for (and the $250 a night room too...ahem). I had one of those moments where it felt a bit like a bliss...kinda like a manic high, but controlable, and it had nothing to do with her looks, or anything superficial. Physically I always just thought of her as an 'average' looking woman...but that didn't even matter...because she had brains and a good heart and soul. But, when it came to me...it was like, I could feel it...she was giving me the cold shoulder! I dressed nice...smelled nice (100 buck cologne!)...well groomed and all....but I guess because I didn't jump out like the 'American Idiot'...err...I mean American Idol (lol) I wasn't good enough. But jeez...she had my pic?!?!? So, she emails me today after I emailed her, and she say's "..I just don't think you are "the one"." How great of her to make such a judgement after 3 or so hours of meeting, vs. a month or so of talking and exchanging pics. Ahhh..cripes....like Bono say's..."I've had enough of romantic love..."...
Jay
Posted by TexasChic on May 20, 2006, at 21:28:20
In reply to Well I am just a big loser again.Can I get a hand?, posted by Jay on May 20, 2006, at 21:13:07
Posted by Phillipa on May 20, 2006, at 22:11:28
In reply to Well I am just a big loser again.Can I get a hand?, posted by Jay on May 20, 2006, at 21:13:07
Hey Jay next time play it cool. Don't act like you want to impress her with an expensive room or any room at all. Just take her home, quick goodnight peck and go home. Wait a few days and see who E-mails first. Love Phillipa
Posted by curtm on May 20, 2006, at 23:14:44
In reply to Re: Well I am just a big loser again.Can I get a hand? » Jay, posted by Phillipa on May 20, 2006, at 22:11:28
Just remember that. You've got it goin' on, bro. The time I start gettin' cold feet is when they start using words like "we" and "us." See ya later, alligator.
Posted by Kath on May 21, 2006, at 11:52:20
In reply to Well I am just a big loser again.Can I get a hand?, posted by Jay on May 20, 2006, at 21:13:07
Oh dear - you're being so hard on yourself!!!! Everyone want to be loved & accepted. I agree that it might be good to try to be more relaxed & maybe low-key next time.
You sound like a really nice person. It's hard to meet others who 'click' with us. I've had this happen in the past (even though it's some years ago now).
Just a note also from my own experience - some people have bad reactions to fragrances (expensive AND inexpensive). I get bad headaches & sinus pain from colognes, aftershaves etc. My daughter has severe reactions to fragrances. I'm not saying that that's why things worked out as they did, but just wanted to mention it for general information purposes.
Don't give up Jay & please try not to be so down on yourself. I don't know if you have any particular interests or hobbies, but groups where people are interested in the same things are good places to meet people in a low-stress setting & be able to check each other out in a relaxed way. That way you can also ask someone who you seem to 'click' with to join in something that you know they're interested in...not so much emphasis on the 2 people but rather on doing something mutually enjoyable.
I hope you're feeling somewhat better about things by today.
:-)))) Kath
> I didn't make it to the PB b-party, and never met up with the many wonderful people here. Instead I wallowed and stewed in my own self pitty. Great! Of course it involves my stupid internet dating misfortunes. Please mind my dumb ramblings like a drunken fool. I met a woman in Toronto who I had been chatting with for almost a month with. She had a few pics of me, and I had of her. So no surprises about that. We met, and had numerous drinks in the hotel bar, which I had no problem paying for (and the $250 a night room too...ahem). I had one of those moments where it felt a bit like a bliss...kinda like a manic high, but controlable, and it had nothing to do with her looks, or anything superficial. Physically I always just thought of her as an 'average' looking woman...but that didn't even matter...because she had brains and a good heart and soul. But, when it came to me...it was like, I could feel it...she was giving me the cold shoulder! I dressed nice...smelled nice (100 buck cologne!)...well groomed and all....but I guess because I didn't jump out like the 'American Idiot'...err...I mean American Idol (lol) I wasn't good enough. But jeez...she had my pic?!?!? So, she emails me today after I emailed her, and she say's "..I just don't think you are "the one"." How great of her to make such a judgement after 3 or so hours of meeting, vs. a month or so of talking and exchanging pics. Ahhh..cripes....like Bono say's..."I've had enough of romantic love..."...
>
> Jay
Posted by wildcardII on May 21, 2006, at 13:25:25
In reply to Well I am just a big loser again.Can I get a hand?, posted by Jay on May 20, 2006, at 21:13:07
why do you think you're a loser? communication and pics are a great way to start but...if the chemistry isn't there, it's not necessarily something against you. don't put all the blame on yourself. i think you sound very nice and at least you know now that she ISN'T the one before more time, etc. is involved. XXXX
Posted by Jay on May 21, 2006, at 15:25:14
In reply to I'm right there with you dude. People suck. (nm) » Jay, posted by TexasChic on May 20, 2006, at 21:28:20
Thanks very much TC. Really, sometimes it helps just to have someone there and just 'be' with you. Thank you :-)
Jay
Posted by Jay on May 21, 2006, at 15:43:15
In reply to Re: Well I am just a big loser again.Can I get a hand? » Jay, posted by Phillipa on May 20, 2006, at 22:11:28
> Hey Jay next time play it cool. Don't act like you want to impress her with an expensive room or any room at all. Just take her home, quick goodnight peck and go home. Wait a few days and see who E-mails first. Love Phillipa
>
>Ya, anything I did or said just didn't seem to 'impress' this woman. Not that I am a 'big talker' and all. It's just...if somebody did that for me...I would be at least, so very thankfull, even if there wheren't "romantic fireworks". But, I've done this before and SHOULD have learn't. Plus ca change...
Thank you...sincerely,
Jay
Posted by Jay on May 21, 2006, at 16:10:08
In reply to Re: Well I am just a big loser again.Can I get a hand? » Jay, posted by Kath on May 21, 2006, at 11:52:20
> Oh dear - you're being so hard on yourself!!!! Everyone want to be loved & accepted. I agree that it might be good to try to be more relaxed & maybe low-key next time.
>
> You sound like a really nice person. It's hard to meet others who 'click' with us. I've had this happen in the past (even though it's some years ago now).
>
> Just a note also from my own experience - some people have bad reactions to fragrances (expensive AND inexpensive). I get bad headaches & sinus pain from colognes, aftershaves etc. My daughter has severe reactions to fragrances. I'm not saying that that's why things worked out as they did, but just wanted to mention it for general information purposes.
>
> Don't give up Jay & please try not to be so down on yourself. I don't know if you have any particular interests or hobbies, but groups where people are interested in the same things are good places to meet people in a low-stress setting & be able to check each other out in a relaxed way. That way you can also ask someone who you seem to 'click' with to join in something that you know they're interested in...not so much emphasis on the 2 people but rather on doing something mutually enjoyable.
>
> I hope you're feeling somewhat better about things by today.
>
> :-)))) Kath
>Hi Kath...
Thanks so much for the kind positive vibes. All of your points are excellent and valid. It's just I tend to get very irrational when I pursue romance.
The only way I've been able to meet woman, and actually got a 2 1/2 year relationship out of one, is through telephone or internet dating services. Otherwise, it's hard to meet people. I am 36, so I don't really fit into the 'bar scene' anymore.
There is really no 'answer' for me...it's just a matter of working it through. I should remember my past lessons a bit more though when it comes to this stuff.
Yes, I know what you mean about the cologne. But honestly, I only had a drop on.
Thanks...take care...
Jay :-)
Posted by Jay on May 21, 2006, at 16:16:59
In reply to (*(*(*Jay*)*)*) » Jay, posted by wildcardII on May 21, 2006, at 13:25:25
> why do you think you're a loser? communication and pics are a great way to start but...if the chemistry isn't there, it's not necessarily something against you. don't put all the blame on yourself. i think you sound very nice and at least you know now that she ISN'T the one before more time, etc. is involved. XXXX
>
>Hi WC...
Thanks...I know what you are saying. It's just that big, "irrational" part of me that makes it all messy. Well, I best be just getting on with it and all. Again, thank you..it really means a lot..:-)
Best...sincerely,
Jay
Posted by Kath on May 21, 2006, at 17:04:53
In reply to Re: Well I am just a big loser again.Can I get a hand? » Kath, posted by Jay on May 21, 2006, at 16:10:08
At least you're not sounding so down on yourself.
It's hard when presented with our "hard-to-deal-with" situations - hard to remember what we 'learned' before!!
I am currently dealing with a situation that's gone on & on for years with my now 22-yr-old son. I've received some good advice & have decided to print it out so I can glance at it when I'm stressed/worried. In your case, maybe you could jot down some things you'd like to remember for 'next time' right now while it's fresh in your mind.
Best of luck to you. :-) Kath
Posted by TexasChic on May 22, 2006, at 19:15:25
In reply to Re: I'm right there with you dude. People suck. » TexasChic, posted by Jay on May 21, 2006, at 15:25:14
We can hate the stupid people of the opposite sex together. ;-)
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 22, 2006, at 19:36:07
In reply to Re: Well I am just a big loser again.Can I get a hand? » Kath, posted by Jay on May 21, 2006, at 16:10:08
I'm also 36 and I've NEVER had a relationship! I felt so bad about myself for so long that I'm just now getting to point where I can consider it.
Next time, do not shell out the money on someone you don't know is worth it! Find that out first before you put so much effort into it. If she's really looking for something relationship, she won't care about all that. And if that IS what she cares about, she won't really be looking for a relationship. Save all that work for later so you can lavish it on a person you really care about who will really appreciate it! That's my 'so not qualified to be giving dating advice' take on it.
-T
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 23, 2006, at 7:50:46
In reply to Well I am just a big loser again.Can I get a hand?, posted by Jay on May 20, 2006, at 21:13:07
> I didn't make it to the PB b-party, and never met up with the many wonderful people here. Instead I wallowed and stewed in my own self pitty.
Dude! I had butter tarts and everything! We could have fixed that owie. Jeez, how do you spell ouwiee? owy? oy vey.
I'm sorry you had this thing happen, Jay, but you set yourself up for it. Every bit of it. Expectations are premeditated disappointments. I could show you half a dozen or more, in what you posted, but it only takes one. Email me/babblemail me. Let's deconstruct, together.
Lar
Posted by Poet on May 23, 2006, at 8:51:21
In reply to Well I am just a big loser again.Can I get a hand?, posted by Jay on May 20, 2006, at 21:13:07
Hi Jay,
We were wondering what happened. Bummer about your bad date. I won't give you a hand for being a big loser. Nope, you just went with your heart and that doesn't make you a loser in my book.
Poet
This is the end of the thread.
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