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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by trucker on April 6, 2006, at 18:33:04
i need a little support, wish i knew some of you, i have been away for too long
my hubby woke yesterday, and told me out of the blue he wanted a divorce, after i sold the house and paid all HIS bills off, he dumped me
trucker
Posted by deirdrehbrt on April 6, 2006, at 18:49:04
In reply to unexpected divorce, posted by trucker on April 6, 2006, at 18:33:04
I'm so so sorry.
I don't think that there are any words that I could say to make you feel better. I remember the words of a therapist that my ex and I were seeing when it finally became clear that our marriage was't salvageable, and what that felt like. Even then, I had an idea of where things were leading. Still, it was like this kick in my stomach, and like my whole world was falling apart.
I can't imagine waking up to that, with no prior knowledge.
I hope that you find some answers. I hope that things work out for you. I'll hold you in my prayers.
--Dee
Posted by wildcard11 on April 6, 2006, at 19:15:18
In reply to unexpected divorce, posted by trucker on April 6, 2006, at 18:33:04
I am so sorry. I know you are hurting and only time can help heal that. Try to take care of yourself as best you can rt. now and allow yourself to feel the different emotions. We are here for you even if you don't *know* us. (((((( trucker))))))
Posted by Deneb on April 6, 2006, at 19:52:38
In reply to unexpected divorce, posted by trucker on April 6, 2006, at 18:33:04
Posted by trucker on April 6, 2006, at 20:15:35
In reply to Re: unexpected divorce, posted by deirdrehbrt on April 6, 2006, at 18:49:04
he had US moving to north carolina from upstate ny, he made all sorts of plans, chose the house he liked, we packed and i took one load down, and i got back and that was tuesday, we slept together and the next morning, he told me... its bad enough all of this happened, but he moved me from my church and any support group that i would have here to strangers, and now my son is barried here and i am down there.... i am not sure which is more devistating... i can't stand crying and that is all i can do. i wish i could make this pain stop
trucker
Posted by Bobby on April 6, 2006, at 20:15:50
In reply to unexpected divorce, posted by trucker on April 6, 2006, at 18:33:04
That's got to be horrible. No warning? I hope there are no young kids invovled. Men do some really stupid stuff sometimes. Just remember that the best revenge is to live well. Good luck----maybe it's a blessing in disguise.
Posted by trucker on April 6, 2006, at 20:38:21
In reply to Re: unexpected divorce » trucker, posted by wildcard11 on April 6, 2006, at 19:15:18
there are those words again.... time, life, all four letters... i hate those words... thanks you for being there for me... all of you... wonder what people would do if those words didn't exsist? trying to make a joke there... a sick one i guess
trucker
Posted by trucker on April 6, 2006, at 20:43:46
In reply to You're in my thoughts trucker (nm), posted by Deneb on April 6, 2006, at 19:52:38
nice birthday present, this was supposed to be my birthday present.. the move and a fresh start.. and more time together.. my head is spinning, i am nausaus, and drownding in tears
i am doing my best to control me.. but i want to strangle him, reach out and slap some sence in him..
my logic side of the main frame is crashing along with my heart!
no sence
trucker
Posted by trucker on April 6, 2006, at 20:54:01
In reply to Re: unexpected divorce » trucker, posted by Bobby on April 6, 2006, at 20:15:50
then he wants to still be friends!!! my only baby was born dead and is barried in this state... we were going to journey and take vacations up here to care for it and see the friends and relatives.. he has sneaked his way into screwing me over completely. i was just recovering from the death of my son nicely..now this...
i am sure after the flood of tears is over with and TIME, as they said when my son was born dead, heals all things.. that i will be better off away from one, so in need of help and in denial.
i am just having the problem with being alone and the only people i knew up here was his family and friends.. now that they know... i am taboo... contaminated, etc... no one will even talk to him and tell him he is screwing up. a good thing..
i married my best friend... GOD this hurts... any suggestions on how to ease this pain?trucker
//////////////////////////////////////////> That's got to be horrible. No warning? I hope there are no young kids invovled. Men do some really stupid stuff sometimes. Just remember that the best revenge is to live well. Good luck----maybe it's a blessing in disguise.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on April 6, 2006, at 21:15:20
In reply to Re: unexpected divorce » Bobby, posted by trucker on April 6, 2006, at 20:54:01
I'm not going to say there is an easy way to handle this. I don't think there is. It's like half of your body decided it didn't want to be with you anymore. For me, when my marriage broke up, I lost my identity. I didn't know who I was anymore, and my Bipolar just took off.
In the end, after lots of therapy and some hospitalizations (Not saying it's going to be this bad for you, it's just my story) I started to figure out who I was. Now, at least I don't depend on others to figure out who I am.
I haven't got back to the point where I could actually be in a relationship with someone else yet, but at least I have a relationship with me. The divorce actually gave me a chance to start developing my own identity. My childhood had been spent trying to figure out who other people wanted me to be, and that's who I was. In a sense, my divorce was a gift.
Is he 100% certain it's over? Are you? Would you trust him if he said he changed his mind? Does he have a good reason WHY? a good reason WHY NOW? Why after the move, and not before uprooting you? Does he plan on sticking you with all of the bills, or is he going to take on his share?
Again, I've lifted you up in my prayers. I hope that something good comes of this for you. Some say that we make our own fate, and I hope that you soon become clear enough to make something of this mess.
--Dee
Posted by Phillipa on April 6, 2006, at 21:32:12
In reply to Re: unexpected divorce, posted by trucker on April 6, 2006, at 20:15:35
Trucker I remember you . Do you remember me? Phillipa? And guess what me and Wildcard both live in North Carolina about l5minutes away. And we have met in real life. Where are you in North Carolina? Love Phillipa
Posted by trucker on April 6, 2006, at 22:06:48
In reply to Re: unexpected divorce, posted by deirdrehbrt on April 6, 2006, at 21:15:20
he is certain i think.. i begged, i pleaded not to hurt me like this... he didn't budge a bit, stuck right to it... just sat and watched me cry..i gave him every oportunity to back out of it.. no change... yet he still wants to be friends and he said he will see me in a month or so.
me ... now i am sure.. i will never trust him again, i am not a cryer, once my sole leaks out of my eyes and i been thrown to the curb, after licking my wounds... that wall comes up. and i remember that pain and then i gaurd me from it. i just don't remember how to get there from here...
he won't tell me why... and i have tried and tried.. i think there is someone else.. otherwise he would have tried to work whatever it is out. he tells me he just wants to be alone.. he is a trucker and is ALWAYS ALONE.
he doesn't want me to see the reason and tell her that he will rip here to pieces too. that is why after the move.. i am 747 miles from my sons grave and seeing who she is.i already paid all the bills... with the money from the sale of my house.
thanks for the prayers... the greif is something i thought i had left behind after the death of son
and that was a greif i wallowed in for 2 1/2 to 3 years.. i have just began to pullme back together and this....thanks for helping with prayers and kind words... ALL of you
trucker
////////////////////////////////////////////////
Is he 100% certain it's over? Are you? Would you trust him if he said he changed his mind? Does he have a good reason WHY? a good reason WHY NOW? Why after the move, and not before uprooting you? Does he plan on sticking you with all of the bills, or is he going to take on his share?
>
> Again, I've lifted you up in my prayers. I hope that something good comes of this for you. Some say that we make our own fate, and I hope that you soon become clear enough to make something of this mess.
>
> --Dee
Posted by trucker on April 6, 2006, at 22:08:58
In reply to Re: unexpected divorce » trucker, posted by Phillipa on April 6, 2006, at 21:32:12
i am still in the transition of moving and can't leave the state till this is final... but i will be living in union mills nc ... near ashville, north of forest city
trucker
Posted by Phillipa on April 6, 2006, at 22:52:16
In reply to Re: unexpected divorce » Phillipa, posted by trucker on April 6, 2006, at 22:08:58
Trucker that is near the Biltmore Estate right? If it is I am about three hours away. Wildcard and I live in Charlotte. Me in Matthews her in Fort Mill. Maybe we could all get together some time. Babblemail me and I'll send my E-mail address. Love Phillipa
Posted by ClearSkies on April 6, 2006, at 23:26:11
In reply to unexpected divorce, posted by trucker on April 6, 2006, at 18:33:04
(((Trucker))) of course I remember you. I'm sorry for this shock you're feeling.
ClearSkies
Posted by gardenergirl on April 6, 2006, at 23:26:34
In reply to unexpected divorce, posted by trucker on April 6, 2006, at 18:33:04
Oh trucker. I'm so very sorry. There really aren't any words that feel adequate for something like this. What a horrible shock. I can imagine so many different emotions swirling about, and that has to be overwhelming.
I guess the only advice I have is to try not to hold everything in all the time. I find it helps to have a safe place and a trusted ear to let out whatever emotions are going on with me and to talk through how to cope. Of course, I'm biased given my career path and my own positive experience with my therapy.
But I do think this can help, as I think Dee said, too. I'm a big believer in finding someone you can trust to talk through this stuff. That could be a therapist, a trusted friend or family member, someone in the clergy--whoever seems right for you. And do post here if it's helpful. I just wish that seeing your name pop up again was under happier circumstances.
Take gentle care of yourself.
gg
Posted by trucker on April 7, 2006, at 6:11:39
In reply to Re: unexpected divorce » trucker, posted by Phillipa on April 6, 2006, at 22:52:16
i wish i could get this song out of my mind... i know i'll never love this way again... so i keep holding on... before the good is gone...
well i guess the good was gone alone time ago, i just didn't see it.. i was too busy greiving over the still born son (dead baby). i didn't see then, nor now. cause i was so devistated over the loss.. ya know he never even cried with me.. yet i will have to pay an arm and a leg to exhume him and bring him with me. and he knew that.. so i guess he has everything.. my money, my son, my heart, (and i am trying to be good) and my past! i am on a roller coaster of greif right now. i will when i get there try to look ya up. i only make 792 a month on disability SSI. so i don't know what kind of finances i will have to heal me.
trucker
Posted by trucker on April 7, 2006, at 6:16:57
In reply to Re: unexpected divorce » trucker, posted by ClearSkies on April 6, 2006, at 23:26:11
does any one have any helpful solitions to this pain. i truely wish that i had been alert enough to see this coming.. i would of paid the bills differently... like only mine if there were any, and the rest would have been a nest egg.. ya know men say us women are gold diggers and the B word etc... i think they have it all wrong.. i gave him everything... 110% of me and everything.
i hate being alone. and now i am isolated. all i had from him before was a phone relationship. now nothing
trucker
/////////////////////////////////////////////////
> (((Trucker))) of course I remember you. I'm sorry for this shock you're feeling.
>
> ClearSkies
Posted by trucker on April 7, 2006, at 6:27:39
In reply to Re: unexpected divorce, posted by gardenergirl on April 6, 2006, at 23:26:34
i just wish i'd seen it coming. can you imagine that he was thinking we could be friends? or that it was ok for him to stay here in this house with me? until i move to north carolina, i have to transport my animals.
he actually slept with me the night before he told me the divorce... and still stayed in the house (in a chair) the next night.. after the trying to work it out, pleading with him etc..
i finally asked him what the H-LL are you doing staying here? you threw me to the curb, like a discarded piece of trash? WHY? he has no reason.. i am trying to be christian about it all... not make it my sin... but i get so angry and hurt at the same time... kind of like hystericks, only usually that is a twist between, laughter and crying.
i hope and prey that the LORD blesses him... in all that he does
trucker
//////////////////////////////////////////////And do post here if it's helpful. I just wish that seeing your name pop up again was under happier circumstances.
>
> Take gentle care of yourself.
>
> gg
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