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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on December 20, 2005, at 21:22:08
Hi people,
I just wanted to say that I'm OK and apologize for my outrageous behaviour on the boards lately.
In reality I don't think I'm as obsessed with Dr. Bob as I make it out to seem on the boards. I may just be posting about it because I'm disinhibited and doing it for attention.
Last time I made threats I was really sort of in some danger, but this time there was no real danger. I think I was venting my frustrations inappropriately.
I hope people aren't too angry with me.
Deneb
Posted by rjlockhart on December 20, 2005, at 23:09:40
In reply to Just wanted to say that I'm OK, posted by Deneb on December 20, 2005, at 21:22:08
For a while i thought it was me you where angry at. I got shocked that i shouldnt have said that advice that way.
I then reacted to much, and thought everyone was against me.
No anger here.
I wanted to say dont worry about it.
Matt
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on December 20, 2005, at 23:13:38
In reply to Just wanted to say that I'm OK, posted by Deneb on December 20, 2005, at 21:22:08
Deneb,
Of course i can only speak for myself here, but I suspect that most people do not get angry about your musings about Dr. Bob. Many of us are in psychotherapy and understand how strong transference can be. We also all probably wonder at least a little about what Dr. B is really like. Many of us have posted things when we are in an unusual/upset/distressed mood and regretted it later.
However, I also can't help but notice that you seem to ignore responses to your posts that say things that you don't want to hear. I know that on a number of occassions I have thought carefully about your questions/comments, posted a concerned reply, and then never received any acknowledgement. In fact, right now I know I made at least one or two comments to you on this board that you did not acknowledge, AND right below this thread you started another thread saying that you are impatient for responses. I'm saying this not to scold you, but because I think it might help you get some insights into your relationships on this board.
You seem like you get stuck in a loop where you are very distressed, post some things that are very upsetting, then regret it, take it back, and try to tell everyone that really you are fine and don't need any help. Deneb, we honestly don't care if you are "sane" or "insane" (whatever that means). Seriously, we want you to be happy and feel good. You can be vulnerable some days and feel strong on others. We go through that too. You will be welcome here and we will try to support you.
But we can't support you if you won't let us. Please read and consider the suggestions that posters give you. If you are not ready to take a certain step in your healing, just say that. For example (this may not apply to you, it is hypothetical) you could say something like, "Although some posters have suggested therapy, I just don't feel ready to go there yet. I need to feel a little less depressed before I can deal with that." Or if you have fears abt doing something or taking a med, acknowledge them and consider sharing them here so that posters can discuss them and support you. You do not need to convince US about the best course of treatment for you. But, you do need to be honest with YOURSELF.
Does that make sense? Honestly, I have been thinking about these issues and you for a while, but I have hesitated to post them. I was worried that I would put it all out there and you would ignore my post and I would feel hurt. I was trying to protect myself by not getting too involved. But I figured that I should at least post this at least once in case other people are feeling the same way.
You are a spunky and interesting person. Many of us care about you and worry about you. Please take care of yourself and let us know how we can best support you.
Best,
EEP.S. Please post or babblemail me if you need me to clarify anything that I said.
Posted by Deneb on December 21, 2005, at 0:14:45
In reply to Re: Just wanted to say that I'm OK, posted by Emily Elizabeth on December 20, 2005, at 23:13:38
Hi Emily
I didn't know I was ignoring people. I'm sorry if I do that. I guess I'm not very good with relationships. Thanks for pointing that out to me.
I don't know if it is wise for me to post a lot of replies right now. I think people might not like me right now. It's probably best for people to ignore me since I seem to only hurt people.
I don't know what to do now to make things better.
Deneb
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on December 21, 2005, at 1:01:23
In reply to Re: Just wanted to say that I'm OK » Emily Elizabeth, posted by Deneb on December 21, 2005, at 0:14:45
I'm not trying to say that you just hurt people or that people don't like you. I'm just saying that I think there are ways for you to get more (helpful?) support on the boards. Keep participating. Be yourself and be open to what others might say to you.
Hmm. This just occured to me. Maybe it will make sense to you too. Perhaps part of it is that when you feel distressed/upset/afraid/alone/powerless you want others to understand what that is like. So you do things through your posts that make others feel that way too. For example, when I have read your posts about self-harm I have felt powerless to help you and a little frightened.
So maybe the challenge for you now is to work to describe your pain rather than act on it. It is possible for us to empathize with you without actually feeling the emotions that you feel. Does that make sense? Working on expressing your pain is no easy task. Honestly, I think you need a professional to guide you through it. I know that you ran into some difficulty trying to get into therapy at the university counseling center. Consider talking to your pdoc about how to arrange it. Perhaps now that you are in treatment w/ a pdoc they would be willing to see you? Or maybe pdoc has some other ideas abt where to get a t? Meds alone are not going to fix this for you.
You might ask pdoc if there is a way to get into DBT. Some people find it very helpful and others don't, but I think some of the focus on interpersonal relationships could be really helpful to you.
Best,
EE
Posted by ClearSkies on December 21, 2005, at 7:24:16
In reply to Re: Just wanted to say that I'm OK, posted by Emily Elizabeth on December 21, 2005, at 1:01:23
Posted by Phillipa on December 21, 2005, at 19:15:10
In reply to Re: Just wanted to say that I'm OK, posted by Emily Elizabeth on December 21, 2005, at 1:01:23
EE, excellent post and a lot of thought went into it. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on December 22, 2005, at 1:48:11
In reply to Re: Just wanted to say that I'm OK, posted by Emily Elizabeth on December 21, 2005, at 1:01:23
> Hmm. This just occured to me. Maybe it will make sense to you too. Perhaps part of it is that when you feel distressed/upset/afraid/alone/powerless you want others to understand what that is like. So you do things through your posts that make others feel that way too.
I think Alexandra said the same thing a while ago but I forgot about it. That actually makes a lot of sense. Wow, you guys understand me more than I understand myself.
I'm not very good at interpreting why I do the things that I do. That's something I have to really think about.
> So maybe the challenge for you now is to work to describe your pain rather than act on it. It is possible for us to empathize with you without actually feeling the emotions that you feel. Does that make sense? Working on expressing your pain is no easy task. Honestly, I think you need a professional to guide you through it. I know that you ran into some difficulty trying to get into therapy at the university counseling center. Consider talking to your pdoc about how to arrange it. Perhaps now that you are in treatment w/ a pdoc they would be willing to see you? Or maybe pdoc has some other ideas abt where to get a t? Meds alone are not going to fix this for you.
I don't think the counselling centre will see me. They work on short term problems. They told me I need long term therapy. My pdocs aren't very helpful in referring me to therapy either. I think I have to do my own research. The only problems is that I'm too afraid to do this research. I'm too afraid to phone people up and ask questions and go to strange buildings.
>
> You might ask pdoc if there is a way to get into DBT. Some people find it very helpful and others don't, but I think some of the focus on interpersonal relationships could be really helpful to you.I don't think there is DBT here. So far no one knows anything about it here.
I don't know if I want to do therapy. I'm not sure that it will help me. I also don't have a lot of money to spend and I only have a student drug insurance plan right now.P-doc2 told me that therapy is not a magic cure-all. He told me that I have to work to help myself.
Deneb
Posted by alexandra_k on December 22, 2005, at 12:08:43
In reply to Re: Just wanted to say that I'm OK, posted by Deneb on December 22, 2005, at 1:48:11
> I think Alexandra said the same thing a while ago but I forgot about it.
yeah. i find it really hard to remember stuff at times too... are you able to print posts out? maybe... you could print out some of the posts people have written to you. maybe even organise them a little (so you have a stack of supportive posts). that way when you start to worry about whether people care etc then you would have a whole stack of posts to remind you :-)
> Wow, you guys understand me more than I understand myself.
i feel like that too. sometimes what is required... is a relatively objective pov. it is so very much easier to be relatively objective about other people than it is to be relatively objective about ourself.
> I'm not very good at interpreting why I do the things that I do. That's something I have to really think about.yeah. i understand that one. i have trouble with that. and i used to be very bad at it indeed. i think... i've made a lot of progress on that... but... it still tends to go out the window when i feel upset.
that is something... that a therapist could really help you with.
> I don't think the counselling centre will see me. They work on short term problems. They told me I need long term therapy.yes. i hear you there. my uni councelling service is the same. and the one i'm moving to... will be the same.
> My pdocs aren't very helpful in referring me to therapy either.
hmm. i wonder why not...
> I think I have to do my own research.
yeah. and Larry has been helping you with that - right? he found this hospital nearby that runs DBT was that right?
> The only problems is that I'm too afraid to do this research. I'm too afraid to phone people up and ask questions and go to strange buildings.
yeah. i understand that one too. that can be a huge hurdle indeed. you know... Linehan (the lady who developed DBT wrote about this):
> Active passivity: Tendency to passive interpersonal problem-solving style, involving failure to engage actively in solving of own life problems, often together with active attempts to solicit problem solving from others in the environment; learned helplessness, hopelessness.
learning how to get better at doing those kinds of things (doing active research, ringing people up, going into strange buildings) is something you would learn in DBT...
the trouble is...
that doing some of those things... is the only thing that is likely to get you in DBT.alternatively... you could talk to your p-doc in Jan and tell her that you were wondering about DBT and see whether she might be willing to help you figure out whether it is a possibility.
i remember you saying something about worrying that the DBT program was run as part of an outpatient clinic in the hospital... but the main point... is that doing DBT will be able to help you figure out some of those things that you find the hardest
- how to communicate distress to others (in a way that is more likely to elicit helpful responses from them)
- regulating your intense negative emotions
- being able to do more things that you currently find frightening (so going to classes and assessments and labs and being able to sort out problems that occur in life
- dealing with your suicidal / SI thoughts / urges
- and there is more besides.i really think it would help you (if you get a reasonable therapist) and can manage to get into a program.
it isn't a magic cure.
not any more than the medication was going to be a magic cure.
you will need to work hard at it.
but i reckon that you do want to get better at those things and so i reckon that you are prepared to work at it.
and given that... i think it could really help you out.
This is the end of the thread.
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