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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on December 21, 2005, at 10:52:43
My mother asked if it was ok to invite my uncle to my house for Christmas dinner. Apparently she'd already spoken to him.
In some ways it's just not ok. The house is a mess (but since he's seen her house, I guess I won't worry about that), we're all stressed out, we just had a death in the family, and I wasn't even sure if I was going to cook the traditional family roast beef and yorkshire pudding when I realized that my mother would still be with her relatives at Christmastime.
Yet I know that I and my family would always be welcome at my uncles or cousins homes should I find myself stranded at Christmas. And in fact my mother is enjoying their hospitality this Christmas.
So I told her it was ok, though I'm dreading it. I don't really know him that well, but he reminds me a lot of my mother.
Argh.
Posted by ClearSkies on December 21, 2005, at 14:48:16
In reply to A guilt guest, posted by Dinah on December 21, 2005, at 10:52:43
Dinah, your house is *fine*. Having guests you don't particularly want has been part of my Christmas experience for many years.
Have another eggnog!
Look forward to being alone again.
Spike your uncle's eggnog.
Remember "something" in the kitchen, over and over.
Rearrange the seating in the living room so everyone is uncomfortable - share the joy!It's awfully good of you to open your home to others when you've had such a horribly rotten year. Even if it was your mother who offered your home on your behalf.
ClearSkies
Posted by annierose on December 21, 2005, at 17:10:00
In reply to A guilt guest, posted by Dinah on December 21, 2005, at 10:52:43
I like Clear Skies advice.
I think it's okay you said "yes" even though you don't exactly mean or want it for good reasons. But it's a nice thing to do. Knowing he is like your mother reminds you that it is how they were raised, it's who they are. By that, I'm trying to say, the way she interacts with you isn't because of who you are, it's who she is. Does that make sense?
My T likes to remind me not to take everything so personally every once in awhile. It's how they treat everybody, like it or not.
Your Christmas dinner sounds yummy. I'd like to come over too. I make Christmas Eve dinner ... all Italian food, don't know how I started that silly tradition, but now my kids expect it. And it's easy.
Posted by Phillipa on December 21, 2005, at 19:26:28
In reply to Re: A guilt guest » Dinah, posted by annierose on December 21, 2005, at 17:10:00
That reminds me what ever happened to the lasagna noodles that you cooked first? Now they all say don't cook first. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on December 22, 2005, at 1:26:15
In reply to A guilt guest, posted by Dinah on December 21, 2005, at 10:52:43
Maybe you can makes lots of excuses to get away. I like to hide in the bathroom when someone I don't know/like comes in the house.
Have your Mom attend to his needs. You just go about your day.
Deneb
Posted by Dinah on December 22, 2005, at 10:42:18
In reply to Re: A guilt guest » Dinah, posted by Deneb on December 22, 2005, at 1:26:15
My mother is safely hundreds of miles away. :( I wouldn't mind him coming so much if my mother was going to be here too.
Being social is so very draining for me. I'm still worn out from the funeral.
Posted by gardenergirl on December 22, 2005, at 19:41:57
In reply to Re: A guilt guest » Deneb, posted by Dinah on December 22, 2005, at 10:42:18
Hi Dinah,
Can you just be sorta social? I mean, can you designate someone else to "entertain" him or decide that he can entertain himself, while you manage the cooking and so forth?And you know, it's perfectly okay for you to not be thrilled with someone coming over whom you didn't invite yourself.
Hopefully you can find some time to squeeze in a little R and R for yourself.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Dinah on December 22, 2005, at 20:40:13
In reply to Re: A guilt guest » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on December 22, 2005, at 19:41:57
And he's got my number while I haven't got his.
I'm not sure whether that means he feels the same way about my mother's suggestion that I do, and isn't planning to come. Or if he's planning to show up bright and early Christmas morning.
:)
Oh, how I wish I was one of those people who cheerfully say "Sure, we've got plenty of food. The more the merrier."
Posted by All Done on December 22, 2005, at 20:57:25
In reply to I haven't heard from him, posted by Dinah on December 22, 2005, at 20:40:13
> Oh, how I wish I was one of those people who cheerfully say "Sure, we've got plenty of food. The more the merrier."
Careful what you wish for, Dinah. I'm one of those people. Problem is, people accept my invitation. (Can you imagine? ;) ) And then, I end up with 20+ adults at my house as I'm wondering what cheerful ailen had invaded my body a mere two weeks ago when I invited everyone. ;)
Seriously, though, I know what you mean about the guests you don't invite yourself. My sister tends to unexpectedly bring her kids' friends to my house each year. (Not so unexpected anymore, at least.) But the one that's killing me this year is my mom's invitation to her "boyfriend" or whatever it is she's calling him. He's okay, but I anticipate some awkwardness. It'll be the first holiday where he's around.
I hope you're able to relax some and enjoy the day, (((Dinah))). You surely deserve it.
Laurie
This is the end of the thread.
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