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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alesta on December 17, 2005, at 12:06:35
it kinda sucks. but i'm sure they have their reasons...i'm just sorry if i did something wrong. sometimes ppl don't know how strangely important an impact they have on you. but they need to do what's best for them..i want them to be happy. maybe someday we can talk again. i still care, and always will feel close to you for whatever reason.
love,
alesta
Posted by ClearSkies on December 17, 2005, at 12:58:29
In reply to when a good friend won't talk to you no more.., posted by alesta on December 17, 2005, at 12:06:35
It helps to remember that this stuff is more about the other person than it is about ourselves.
It still hurts, though.
Posted by phil on December 17, 2005, at 15:14:34
In reply to when a good friend won't talk to you no more.., posted by alesta on December 17, 2005, at 12:06:35
: ( Maybe they don't know. I hope that's the case cause I don't like to see my friends unhappy.
Phil
Posted by Phillipa on December 17, 2005, at 22:46:03
In reply to Re: when a good friend won't talk to you no more.., posted by phil on December 17, 2005, at 15:14:34
Yeah we all need friends. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Voce on December 18, 2005, at 0:08:01
In reply to when a good friend won't talk to you no more.., posted by alesta on December 17, 2005, at 12:06:35
Alesta, I am sorry. This is one of the great mysteries of life, at least to me. Ugh, it hurts so much when people we thought we could trust suddenly give us the cold shoulder.
But someone in this thread said that often times it's more about the other person than you, and I think that's often true. Can you at least write this person an e-mail or letter, telling them you are still there for them?
Voce
Posted by spriggy on December 18, 2005, at 14:06:46
In reply to Re: when a good friend won't talk to you no more.. » alesta, posted by Voce on December 18, 2005, at 0:08:01
This year brought about an end to more friendships than my entire life has..
It has been the most painful, difficult year I've ever had to face; largely because of the relationships I have lost.
In a way, it feels like a divorce or a death; or both.
I still grieve.
Posted by Deneb on December 18, 2005, at 15:17:48
In reply to when a good friend won't talk to you no more.., posted by alesta on December 17, 2005, at 12:06:35
Hi Amy
I think sometimes I'm guilty of being the friend who doesn't talk anymore.
I'm not sure why I pull away from people, maybe I'm afraid of getting too close to people.
I think it is more about the person than it is about you.
Deneb
Posted by alesta on December 19, 2005, at 9:31:59
In reply to when a good friend won't talk to you no more.., posted by alesta on December 17, 2005, at 12:06:35
thanks y'all! i feel much better about this!..btw, he ain't a bad guy:)...male/female dynamics can be confusing, too...on his end or mine...we're cool, though.:) i know he will always be there for me, if i ask. that's all that matters.:) love y'all
sank you,
alesta:)
Posted by zeugma on December 19, 2005, at 19:21:14
In reply to Re: when a good friend won't talk to you no more.., posted by alesta on December 19, 2005, at 9:31:59
> thanks y'all! i feel much better about this!..btw, he ain't a bad guy:)...male/female dynamics can be confusing, too>>
understatement dear alesta. the way i deal w/ them is to pretend they don't exist, since i don't have the slightest understanding of them. interpersonal dynamics irrespective of gender complications are complex enough to take 90 percent of my mental energy, and the remaining 10 percent is devoted to standard activity like making sure my shoes are tied, etc. people are difficult to figure out. factoring gender in... mind-boggling. i'm not that good yet :-)
>>we're cool, though.:) i know he will always be there for me, if i ask. that's all that matters.:)>>k :-)
love y'all
>
> sank you,these phonemes! they really make me smile :-))
your dear friend z
> alesta:)
Posted by alesta on December 20, 2005, at 13:38:20
In reply to Re: when a good friend won't talk to you no more.. » alesta, posted by zeugma on December 19, 2005, at 19:21:14
well, i might not have been talking about you, z..although yeah i did notice your lessening of replies lately, which was kind of saddening...so thanks for what you wrote. i'll try not to hold it against ya.i think the person i was referring to knows who he is...he makes me feel special always....somehow i never question that i am special to him even when he doesn't talk to me. in other words, we don't have to even exchange words. (i don't have time for the other type who ignores you.)
alesta:)
Posted by alesta on December 20, 2005, at 14:25:40
In reply to Re: when a good friend won't talk to you no more.., posted by alesta on December 20, 2005, at 13:38:20
now that i think about it maybe he *doesn't* know who he is...i mean he may speculate whether it is him or not, but to actually *know*, well...probably not. oh well. i'll try to communicate to him psychically and leave it at that...my bf might get irritated if he read this..better drop it:)
-A:)
Posted by zeugma on December 20, 2005, at 14:28:20
In reply to Re: when a good friend won't talk to you no more.., posted by alesta on December 20, 2005, at 13:38:20
>
> well, i might not have been talking about you, z..although yeah i did notice your lessening of replies lately, which was kind of saddening...so thanks for what you wrote. i'll try not to hold it against ya.i'm sorry... the bane of my existence is inconsistency, which causes problems in all areas of my life, and it is something (rightly) held against me (not speaking about you specifically, though you would be perfectly justified). it has caused a lot of problems. but feel free to hold it against me. seriously.
(it aggravates employers, friends, family, etc. in fact it alienates me from everyone. hence 'employers' being first on that list. friends and family having been alienated long ago.)
i feel like an encrusted remnant of a human being.
-z, with much apologies
>
> alesta:)
Posted by alesta on December 20, 2005, at 14:41:38
In reply to Re: when a good friend won't talk to you no more.. » alesta, posted by zeugma on December 20, 2005, at 14:28:20
> >
> > well, i might not have been talking about you, z..although yeah i did notice your lessening of replies lately, which was kind of saddening...so thanks for what you wrote. i'll try not to hold it against ya.
>
> i'm sorry... the bane of my existence is inconsistency, which causes problems in all areas of my life, and it is something (rightly) held against me (not speaking about you specifically, though you would be perfectly justified). it has caused a lot of problems. but feel free to hold it against me. seriously.
>
> (it aggravates employers, friends, family, etc. in fact it alienates me from everyone. hence 'employers' being first on that list. friends and family having been alienated long ago.)
>
> i feel like an encrusted remnant of a human being.
>
> -z, with much apologies
> >
> > alesta:)it's okay, z. it's all right. thanks much for that...i'm glad we can talk openly and calmly..thanks for not getting mad or anything. i appreciate that, zeugma.:) and please don't feel like
<an encrusted remnant of a human being.
lol not even close, man. i gotta run cause bf is here so i'm trying to dash this off...but wanted you to know that i'm not mad...ok i was *slightly* lol.:) but i am no longer.
your friend, yes, i said friend :-)
amy
Posted by zeugma on December 20, 2005, at 14:53:20
In reply to Re: when a good friend won't talk to you no more.. » alesta, posted by zeugma on December 20, 2005, at 14:28:20
you know A that even feeling like i am there for *myself* is not a frequent occurence. right now i am staring at the floor and feeling totally wiped out by an attempt to get myself to communicate.
and i did talk earlier today with someone whom i undersstood in the past, but who now has become as indecipherable to me as sanskrit. and i wonder if there was *real* understanding in the past, or some kind of illusion thereof on her part.
and i *think* i understand others. it's in a gesture, a look. intangible things. but i understand others in bits and pieces. and i am terrible at puzzles. (although when you get a glimpse of people as they are it is not puzzle-like but just there, plain and simple. equally plain when you're looking at a puzzle and not a person.)
-z
Posted by zeugma on December 20, 2005, at 15:14:38
In reply to Re: when a good friend won't talk to you no more.. » zeugma, posted by alesta on December 20, 2005, at 14:41:38
...i'm glad we can talk openly and calmly..>>
so am i. i am calm, but in despair at the same time- i get very frustrated w/ myself- to be totally open i may have f*cked up things with my employers (well now i'll get to see if that default thing is set properly)and it's b/c i am not open (not that great a fault necessarily w/ employers, and i'm not talking about secrets or anything, just that i fall so far from my own ideals that i feel like an extreme hypocrite- b/c weirdly i CAN read ppl's faces, body language etc.- it would be better not to do this at all and be oblivious- as t.s. eliot said "after such knowledge, what forgiveness?"- so true- better not to know anything than know but do nothing w/ it)- eliot became very penitential- well that's one way of dealing w/ it-
in friendship always,
z
Posted by alesta on December 21, 2005, at 11:54:25
In reply to Re: when a good friend won't talk to you no more.., posted by Deneb on December 18, 2005, at 15:17:48
> Hi Amy
>
> I think sometimes I'm guilty of being the friend who doesn't talk anymore.
hi deneb:)
oh dear i really should have thought about the implications of that post before i wrote it..i didn't mean to make anyone think i was upset with them (not that you think that...but i feel the need to cover all the bases:)). i wasn't mad at you at all, deneb. ppl change, relationships change, it's impossible to have time to reply to everybody, you mesh better with certain ppl, gravitate to certain types of posts, have more in common with certain ppl, etc., etc. i don't take it at all personally when new or old posters don't reply to me...i was referring only to when a close friend's behavior suddenly changes...it leaves you feeling kind of hurt. that was all....you were off the boards for a while so us not connecting like we used to didn't shock or bother me...i just accepted that change with no hurt or judgement...i am totally cool with you man. and everyone else here. :-)
luv,
alesta
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