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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TexasChic on November 17, 2005, at 19:24:48
Three years ago I was in a bad situation at work. It had been tolerable only because of the friend I had made in my co-worker. But the stress of the situation took over. He basically betrayed me and sided with our supervisor that was treating us so badly, making me look like the bad guy. I was devastated. I ended up quitting within a few days, and never spoke to him again. He tried to email me once, but his 'apology' pissed me off. It was like, 'I'm sorry you got upset because we disagreed about your job duties'. I was like, whatever!
Then the other day, a mutual friend emailed me with pictures of his new baby. He's Chinese, and I always joked that if I didn't have a baby by the time I was 40, I was going to adopt a Chinese baby because they are so cute the way their hair sticks straight up! So that being said, I finally decided that maybe it was time to let it go. I just wrote him an email saying, "I know, I know, I really know how to hold a grudge. But you should have known if anything was going to win me over it was a baby!"
I still think he was wrong and treated me badly. But he obviously doesn't see it in the same light as I do. Plus I've recently severed the ties with not one, but two other close friends. They actually did treat me pretty badly. My therapist even agreed with me and my decision. She also helped me realize I was choosing the same type of person over and over and setting myself up for a fall. This guy was a different story though.
So the thing is, I haven't had any friends now for quite a while. I'm so lonely, and it seems whenever I start to make a friend, they move or something. So I felt like maybe I should give it a shot with this guy. We were very, very close. It was actually kind of unusual with him being a Chinese guy with less then perfect English, and me, the wacko white girl. I went to his wedding (one of the two people who didn't speak Chinese), and met his parents who came over from Bejing. I demonstrated for them that I could count to 10 in Chinese (he taught me). They acted impressed, but like they thought I was kind of funny too. I've always missed him.
So, we'll see what happens. I still feel weird, I feel like he should understand exactly why I was so mad and apologize for it. But is that being too stubborn? Is it sometimes better to just let it go and move on? I guess I'll find out one way or another.
-T
Posted by ClearSkies on November 18, 2005, at 5:04:06
In reply to I bit the bullet, posted by TexasChic on November 17, 2005, at 19:24:48
I've had similarly bad experiences at making friends, TC. I am a very lonely person and it's difficult for me at the moment because I'm not working and so am further isolated. Joining community groups or taking classes is frankly beyond my abilities right now.
What I did decide to do, however, is to stop trying to find friends. I think I am coming across as being pathetic (this is just me, remember!! You are not in the least like me!!) and that people pick up on that right off the bat. It took a great deal of pressure off myself, and I am not sweating this now.
For me a friendship is like a seed that's been blown into your garden. You don't realize it's there until it has taken root. Then you care for it and it thrives like any other living thing. I'm not good at transplanting, or gardenening in general. Unless it involves food! I can grow herbs with no effort.
OK so the garden thing got away from me there. But you get my idea. Just let it happen and try not to worry about whether it's going to work or not. Try not to invest yourself in whether it's going to be good for you or not.hugs
ClearSkies
Posted by Angela2 on November 18, 2005, at 9:30:30
In reply to I bit the bullet, posted by TexasChic on November 17, 2005, at 19:24:48
Sounds like a good place to start.
Posted by TexasChic on November 18, 2005, at 16:21:33
In reply to Re: I bit the bullet » TexasChic, posted by Angela2 on November 18, 2005, at 9:30:30
His email was sweet. Here are some of the things he wrote (keep in mind that English is his second language):
I am so happy to see your email. I'm sorry to hear your grandmother passed away, I still remember all the things you told me about her and C______ [my nephew] ...
We enjoy J_____ a lot, he is a lot of fun, I can't believe we waited this long to have kid. I enjoy being a father everyday...Like I said, even [though] a lot of unfortunate things happen between us, all I remembered and kept are the good times that we had together, it was us two helping each other to get through a lot of long hard working days at B_______.
Keep in touchI'm trying hard not to read too much into every word. But that's me, I over analyze everything. I keep thinking, he made no mention of wanting to get together. Of couse, I didn't mention it in my email either. And the part at the end just reiterates the fact that he never really understood what happened & why I got so mad. When he teamed up with our supervisor to get me in trouble (and put the blame on me for a few things), all I could think of was how all that time we stuck together, and then he sided with the instigator! I felt so betrayed! But its obvious that isn't what he thinks happened, otherwise, he wouldn't have said that.
I do feel good about doing this. Its nice to know we were able to make peace, even if this is the extent of it. I'm feeling a little melancholy though. But I guess that's about usual for me anyway.
I'm having my nephew over tomorrow night, which means I won't have a chance to be sad. He always cheers me up. I've got to clean up this apartment though! He'll tell me how messy it is!
-T
This is the end of the thread.
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