![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AdaGrace on October 21, 2005, at 10:39:49
I think that means I am having a better day. It's hard to even type, or talk about anything. I keep re reading my posts and e-mails and it makes me start crying again. I feel foolish, it's like another addiction. By repeating to myself what I have said and what others have said, I can't seem to stop that. I guess I keep thinking that somehow it will read differently that it has all the other times before, and that for some miracle, I am not insane, depressed, or an idiot.
Thank you for your support. Throughout everything this past year it seems that your responses are usually the same. It is a warming effect, and I do appreciate it. This road is really hard. I don't see the sun on the horizon, but I guess I know it's there. Sorta like faith I guess. That is the closest I have come to having any faith in a long time, so I guess it's a good thing.
I hope everyone has a good day.
Posted by Sonya on October 21, 2005, at 11:45:35
In reply to Felt Some Warmth Today, posted by AdaGrace on October 21, 2005, at 10:39:49
((((((((AdaGrace)))))))))
My wish is for you and everyone else at PB to feel some moments of tranquility and happiness. Life truly can be wonderful. We just have to hang on for those moments.
Everyone here is so wonderful and supportive. That alone is testimony to the beauty of life. I love you guys.
Peace....Sonya
Posted by wildcard on October 21, 2005, at 15:57:38
In reply to Felt Some Warmth Today, posted by AdaGrace on October 21, 2005, at 10:39:49
I hope you feel warmth tonight, tomorrow, etc.. You are so special and know that you ALWAYS have a support gang here. We love and treasure you.
Posted by AdaGrace on October 21, 2005, at 18:20:20
In reply to Felt Some Warmth Today, posted by AdaGrace on October 21, 2005, at 10:39:49
I can't take these ups and downs. I just hate this. I am so empty right now. So very empty.
Posted by AdaGrace on October 21, 2005, at 18:23:38
In reply to Re: But feel empty again now, posted by AdaGrace on October 21, 2005, at 18:20:20
Things that have happened, some of them, should have happened. They needed to happen. I deserved for them to happen. But it still hurts. I caused this. It's my fault. I had no right to search for something other than what I had. I deserved this.
Posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 19:34:05
In reply to Felt Some Warmth Today, posted by AdaGrace on October 21, 2005, at 10:39:49
Hi AdaGrace,
I'm glad you're feeling better. getting emails from people who care is indeed a wonderful feeling. I read your post about october and it sounded like things weren't going well for you. Remember PB is here for you whenever you need it.
Posted by Phillipa on October 21, 2005, at 20:39:08
In reply to Re: Felt Some Warmth Today, posted by Angela2 on October 21, 2005, at 19:34:05
Ada Grace, We're all here for you. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Susan47 on October 21, 2005, at 21:21:20
In reply to Re: But feel empty, posted by AdaGrace on October 21, 2005, at 18:23:38
Baloney schmaloney. You did not deserve "this". You deserve what you think.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 21, 2005, at 21:53:48
In reply to Re: But feel empty again now, posted by AdaGrace on October 21, 2005, at 18:20:20
My days are mostly ups and downs and if I'm lucky I end on an up. if I'm not lucky I end on a down. Mine are most likely due to residual acohol and xanax detox. My emotions are way out there, reminding my of an octopus who tendrils find every nook and cranny and bring out pain and fear and also the next meal. But the tentacles are all busy at all times, working away. I imagine this is what my brain is like during these days and that's where my up and down trips are from.
I think I suggested some time ago a series of ceremonies that would bring to an end different feelings that you have been carrying around with you.
What would you like to give up?
What feelings weigh heaviest on you and cause the most anguish?List them for us and let us help to come up with ways to cast these burdens off for you.
Will you let us do that, AdaGrace? Would you let us help you??
love
ClearSKies
Posted by AdaGrace on October 22, 2005, at 7:35:03
In reply to Re: But feel empty, posted by AdaGrace on October 21, 2005, at 18:23:38
The last time someone just simply stopped seeing me and speaking to me I eventually quit running to the phone or computer for messages every hour on the hour. I eventually stopped staying up all night crying. It's just this stupid silly notion that romance is real that I can't seem to get out of my head. I keep watching movies where men and women fall in love and live happily ever after, and they dance and they make love, and they say beautiful things to each other and they mean it, and then there is this wonderful beautiful song playing in the background. Which is really stupid, but I can't seem to quit thinking about. See, I gotta get over that part of this hurt because it it suffocating me. I have to stop believing every word that I am told. I have to stop wanting someone to make me feel alive, because it just brings me to my knees later.
And then I need to stop thinking of the burdens of my life as that, burdens. I can't find good in things like I should. I just keep thinking of the bad in everything.
I have to start believing in a higher power again. Stop believing in fate, destiny, and stupid crap like soul mates.
I'm sure there is a list here somewhere but I don't know where.
I'm gonna be okay, I just have to get through these first few weeks. I've layed around for two days doing nothing, now my back is out of wack and my head is too. Today, I have to do something to get my mind off of the heartaches I seem to have caused myself. I used one man to get over another man, whom I shouldn't have been with in the first place, but felt I needed something from that I wasn't getting from the man I am married to. Now of course I lost that man too, and the only one still here, is the one I said I would be with my whole life, but can't seem to feel love for anymore. I guess I can add romance as another adiciton to my long lists of them. What a horrible person I have become. Selfish, stupid, and childish.
Posted by wildcard on October 22, 2005, at 7:52:01
In reply to Re: The Last Time, posted by AdaGrace on October 22, 2005, at 7:35:03
IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).>I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
>I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
>I would have talked less and listened more.
>I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
>I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
>I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
>I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
>I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
>I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
>I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
>I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
>Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.>When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
>There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm sorry's."
*But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute..look at it and really see it, live it and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff.
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.*
Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with. And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally. I hope you all have a blessed day.Send this on to all the women you are grateful to have as friends. Maybe we should all grab that purple hat earlier. Please send this to five phenomenal women today in celebration of Beautiful Women's Month. If you do, something good will happen: you will boost another woman's self esteem.
Sent with love
Posted by sal0805 on October 22, 2005, at 7:58:47
In reply to Re: The Last Time, posted by AdaGrace on October 22, 2005, at 7:35:03
You have not become a horrible person. You have never been one. And you are not selfish or stupid or childish. But you are hurt and you are still grieving and you are still feeling a great deal of pain at your perception of your actions. If only you could forgive yourself AdaGrace.
I so wish for you to have some peace.
sabrina
Posted by wildcard on October 22, 2005, at 8:13:34
In reply to Re: The Last Time » AdaGrace, posted by sal0805 on October 22, 2005, at 7:58:47
I agree with Sabrina AdaGrace...sometimes the hardest thing is to forgive ourselves but you are a wonderful person who deserves to feel happiness and love. Never stop believing.
Posted by AdaGrace on October 22, 2005, at 13:55:16
In reply to Re: The Last Time » AdaGrace, posted by sal0805 on October 22, 2005, at 7:58:47
I just wanted attention. And you know that's the truth.
Posted by AdaGrace on October 22, 2005, at 13:58:12
In reply to Re: The Last Time » sal0805, posted by wildcard on October 22, 2005, at 8:13:34
I cannot be forgiven because I have sinned against my marriage. And therefore I cannot forgive myself.
Posted by sal0805 on October 22, 2005, at 14:18:51
In reply to Re: The Last Time » sal0805, posted by AdaGrace on October 22, 2005, at 13:55:16
Oh I am smiling Ada - actually no - I am now laughing!!
Sabrina
Posted by wildcard on October 22, 2005, at 14:37:41
In reply to Re: The Last Time » wildcard, posted by AdaGrace on October 22, 2005, at 13:58:12
I don't know your personal beliefs and I am not too familiar w/ the Bible and quotes, but I do know that we are all sinners and if you believe in a higher power;for example God, if you ask for forgiveness, you will be forgiven. If the Lord can forgive you, then you can forgive yourself. Does your husband know of this? Feel free to Babble me if it is too personal. You're not alone.
Posted by Phillipa on October 22, 2005, at 17:38:17
In reply to Re: The Last Time » AdaGrace, posted by wildcard on October 22, 2005, at 14:37:41
Well I do know that when I cheated on my first husband I held it inside. It made me feel so guilty and horrible that I experienced my first panic attack two months later. Some idiot resident said there is something you're not telling anyone when I was in ER with that first panic attack. So like a jerk I told my husband next morning and he never could forgive me and we ended up divorce. Little did I know he's been cheating since before we married. What a fool I was. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by alesta on October 24, 2005, at 9:07:45
In reply to Felt Some Warmth Today, posted by AdaGrace on October 21, 2005, at 10:39:49
>adagrace, or, as i and toph like to call you, gracie..i am so glad to hear that you're feeling some positive emotions right now..you are a very thoughtful woman..i wish you happiness today. you have said things to me that i still remember today..and you are very strong. and caring. remember these things.
amy:)
Posted by AdaGrace on October 24, 2005, at 19:30:23
In reply to Re: Felt Some Warmth Today » AdaGrace, posted by alesta on October 24, 2005, at 9:07:45
The fact that you take the time out of the horific experience you have been handed to post on here, and specifially to me, is astounding and very heartfelt. I appreciate you very much. Please take care.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.