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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Angela2 on October 1, 2005, at 13:43:55
If you like people and like being a little social, what do you do to be social. How are you social? How do you make friends? How do you keep them? Is it possible to just not like people? Or has my social anxiety tricked me into believing I don't like them? If anyone has any advice or info I would appreciate it.
-A2
Posted by lynn970 on October 1, 2005, at 14:35:28
In reply to Serious question, need answers, posted by Angela2 on October 1, 2005, at 13:43:55
It is ok to be who you are. I have a cousin who really dont like people outside of his wife, kids, and a few relatives. (He says he likes me)lol.
Just be yourself. You dont have to be social if you dont want to. As long as you are not mean to anyone, I think that it is ok. Take your time. Socialize when your are ready, not because you think you have to. That is just my opinion.
I hope it helps.
Posted by wildcard on October 1, 2005, at 15:30:15
In reply to Re: Serious question, need answers, posted by lynn970 on October 1, 2005, at 14:35:28
Lynn is right! I have severe social anxiety and to some i seem like a total b**** but i'm not trying to be. I take to certain people and i just be me(scary)and let things go on there own free will. I have FEW friends which is much better than bunches of acquaintances. Just relax and be yourself to people. U can never please everyone so stay light hearted.
Posted by Poet on October 1, 2005, at 17:48:50
In reply to Serious question, need answers, posted by Angela2 on October 1, 2005, at 13:43:55
Hi Angela,
I have a few close friends who I really like. I don't want to be a social butterfly and turn down invitations to parties where I won't know many people. I don't go out to dinner in large groups, either.
I used to worry that people would think I am snobby, but I stopped doing that when I realized that this is how I am comfortable. My friends like me and I like them. I don't need more than the few I am comfortable with.
Exception to that rule- everybody on babble. I am comfortable in cyber space (and with the people I got to meet in Chicago, too.)
Poet
Posted by Phillipa on October 1, 2005, at 21:46:03
In reply to Re: Serious question, need answers » Angela2, posted by Poet on October 1, 2005, at 17:48:50
SAme here. I don't have what you'd call friends. Just aquaintances like at the gym. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by alexandra_k on October 2, 2005, at 0:00:40
In reply to Serious question, need answers, posted by Angela2 on October 1, 2005, at 13:43:55
i think somebody once said that they loved humanity (in the abstract...) but they really didn't like very many people.
and i get that one
i really really do.i'm not terribly social
get a bit of social anxiety in social settingsbut i've decided i don't really care
i'm just not all that sociali'd rather babble with babblers
i guess i need to have connections
but the connections i need are different from the connections most people try to seek outi dunno
i think finding the balance is hard for everyone
and peoples needs vary a bit over time too...
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 2, 2005, at 10:56:07
In reply to Serious question, need answers, posted by Angela2 on October 1, 2005, at 13:43:55
> If you like people and like being a little social, what do you do to be social. How are you social?
you hanging out with friends, you enjoy talking to people and meeting new people and learning about others.
>> How do you make friends?
socializing with people, say at work for ex. after you feel a sort of comfort around someone...maybe ask them if they want to go for coffee. Also finding comon interests between you and someone else can turn into a friendship, for ex. 2 people like art they could get involved in something artistic together or 2 people like sports they could join something together.
>>How do you keep them?
continue to hang out with them, Its important to be open to the friendship and you make a person feel like you trust them when you open up a little to them (i dont mean tell them your problems, but be open about other things) Maybe sharing your interests. Making people feel important is key as well.
>>Is it possible to just not like people?
Or has my social anxiety tricked me into believing I don't like them?Absolutely, but I agree that social anxiety could have tricked you or anyone into thinking they are not social.
When you meet people for the first time do you think you won't like them or they wont like you or do you assume they are generally a good, nice person who you will like? that is another way of being more open to people. When I meet someone I assume they are someone I will get along with, it is not until after I have gotten to know them that I make the decision that yes I like or no I don't.
>>If anyone has any advice or info I would appreciate it.
>I seem to have answered this differnet from everyone else so I hope I didnt go off on a tangent.
hope this helps
Posted by Angela2 on October 2, 2005, at 11:23:51
In reply to Re: Serious question, need answers » Angela2, posted by rainbowbrite on October 2, 2005, at 10:56:07
Rainbowbrite,
You have helped a lot, don't worry. I posted this bc I want to be more social. Not that everyone else didn't help, but I really am looking to make some friends other than cyber people. Not that babblers aren't great. I really have no real life friends other than one right now.
Posted by wildcard on October 2, 2005, at 11:46:36
In reply to Re: Serious question, need answers » rainbowbrite, posted by Angela2 on October 2, 2005, at 11:23:51
Sometimes the fewer and truer, the better ; )
U are not alone though...i stay home every day w/ my baby and the few true friends i had moved away ;( so now it's just us and it does get lonely. You seem like such a nice person that u will make more friends! I know it.
Posted by Angela2 on October 2, 2005, at 12:46:11
In reply to Re: Serious question, need answers » Angela2, posted by wildcard on October 2, 2005, at 11:46:36
Wildcard,
I'm sorry your friends have moved away. You seem like a nice person who will make new friends too.
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 2, 2005, at 13:48:07
In reply to Re: Serious question, need answers » rainbowbrite, posted by Angela2 on October 2, 2005, at 11:23:51
Hey Angela,
you really are an awsome and caring person. You will definately meet more people in time and as eveyone else has said it doesnt matter how many you have. What I think matters is how you feel about it. So if you feel you want more friends than you probably arent satisfied. My suggestion would be to find someone at work who you enjoy and suggest doing something after work oneday.
What about your friend you mentioned? Could you hang out with their friends?
Or join a group or volunteer somewhere.
Hows work been?Rain
Posted by Angela2 on October 2, 2005, at 13:54:08
In reply to Re: Serious question, need answers » Angela2, posted by rainbowbrite on October 2, 2005, at 13:48:07
Work has been going OK. Thanks for asking. btw, I wrote you an email. Today has just not been a good day. But I think I'm going to be OK.
Posted by rainbowbrite on October 2, 2005, at 14:04:39
In reply to Re: Serious question, need answers, posted by Angela2 on October 2, 2005, at 13:54:08
I just got it, check yours
sorry things arent great right now
((Angela))
Posted by wildcard on October 2, 2005, at 15:16:41
In reply to Re: Serious question, need answers, posted by rainbowbrite on October 2, 2005, at 14:04:39
Posted by JenStar on October 2, 2005, at 22:32:44
In reply to Serious question, need answers, posted by Angela2 on October 1, 2005, at 13:43:55
hi Angela,
sometimes I convince myself that I don't like people because I'm afraid they won't like or accept ME. And then once they are friendly or make the first overture, I get all happy and realize I DO like them and DO want to be friends!Do you think you're the same way, at all?
If so, I think a way to get over it is to extend friendly overtures to people. If you meet someone nice at the dog park or coffee shop, or on your street, you could say something like, "You know, I'm really trying to make more friends, and you seem really cool. Would you be up for getting a cup of coffee sometime? I mean, nothing huge, but just to hang out a bit?"
I know it seems REALLY weird and forward, but sometimes it works!
J
Posted by JenStar on October 2, 2005, at 22:36:49
In reply to Serious question, need answers, posted by Angela2 on October 1, 2005, at 13:43:55
Angela,
here are a few more ideas:Get a dog and walk it in the neighborhood when others do. This is a GREAT way to meet casual friends! Let the dogs sniff, and do a little chit-chat. If you meet the same person a few times and chat, try to extend the chats. Ask friendly questions about what they do, what their interests are, family, etc. If you're hitting it off, after a few meetings you could ask the "coffee question".
Join a class at a local community college or community center - something crafty, like stained glass, photography, painting, etc. Classes are usually small and you can meet some other people.
Once you're at the coffee stage, extend it to the movie stage, or the shoe-shopping stage, or the dinner stage. Try to be supportive and friendly without being too clingy, and let the firendship develop on its own time.
I don't know if that's helpful at all, but it's how I made two new friends! :)
JenStar
Posted by Angela2 on October 3, 2005, at 17:40:51
In reply to Re: Serious question, need answers » Angela2, posted by JenStar on October 2, 2005, at 22:36:49
Thx Jen Star! Yeah, I'm thinking about joining the local Y. They have excercise and craft classes really cheap! I'm excited already:) I'm also trying to volunteer at a local hospital. Thanks for the advice. Have a nice day:)
-Angela2
Posted by dominique on October 3, 2005, at 21:25:33
In reply to Serious question, need answers, posted by Angela2 on October 1, 2005, at 13:43:55
> If you like people and like being a little social, what do you do to be social. How are you social? How do you make friends? How do you keep them? Is it possible to just not like people? Or has my social anxiety tricked me into believing I don't like them? If anyone has any advice or info I would appreciate it.
>
> -A2Angela,
I've never been one to have a lot of friends, talk to those I do have, or able to keep them. It's not that I don't want them, I've just always been to myself. I don't like talking on phones, or having to sit and talk to someone. Going out, for me, has never been extremely fun. It has actually been nerve racking. Mingling with people you don't know, talking to them about things you don't care about are aren't educated about. I think its an act (for me anyways). After I have a few drinks in me (usually too many) then I feel comfortable. I wish I could be like those people who have all the friends, talk on the phone with them all the time, or get together with them for drinks or a party. But its not my personality... I've come to accept it.
Smiling alone
Dom
Posted by Angela2 on October 4, 2005, at 17:35:10
In reply to Re: Serious question, need answers, posted by dominique on October 3, 2005, at 21:25:33
Dominique,
Good answer. It's so true. You're actually making me reevaluate being single and see it as a good thing, if that makes sense. btw, are you new? I've never spoken to you before, I don't think.
-Angela2
Posted by dominique on October 4, 2005, at 20:17:42
In reply to Re: Serious question, need answers, posted by Angela2 on October 4, 2005, at 17:35:10
> Dominique,
> Good answer. It's so true. You're actually making me reevaluate being single and see it as a good thing, if that makes sense. btw, are you new? I've never spoken to you before, I don't think.
> -Angela2An2,
Being single isn't a bad thing. I have 2 older cousins who have never been married (50+) and they don't complain about it. They enjoy it! They have their own life, traveled where and when they pleased, and spoiled whatever kids they wanted...
Myself, no I've been here for a few months now. I come in and out of it; whenever I can fit babbling into my schedule. Problem being, I can sit here on the computer babbling for hours and get nothing done for work or home. Oh Well!!!
Smiles
Dom
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