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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by partlycloudy on May 18, 2005, at 7:28:29
Hmm. My therapist and p-doc are rooting for me (though I wasn't looking for validation from them, their enthusiastic support was great to get) as I end my latest attempt at staying employed. At least this time I was able to make a considerable contribution to a retirement account.
And now I won't have to fret over accrued vacation time. I've been at odds with my husband's 3 weeks' annual vacation time since I've known him. That's what happens when you keep getting fired :( This time I was able to open the door for myself, thanks very much.
No replacement has been found yet - the money is rather lean, the culture is (ahem) NOT diverse. There were 2 candidates - qualified and well presentable - who were dismissed out of hand due to their race and how they spoke. I'm very very happy to be leaving that aspect of the job behind. I've found it most distressing to discover that side of my co-workers and superiors. The prejudice is blatent and right Out There with no excuses except to say "now I'm not prejudiced, BUT..."
Yeah, right. Quite a far cry from the country I was born and raised in. But I am living here by choice, and now I have chosen *not* to work in an intolerant environment. It has really bothered me since I moved down here from Up North. I think that's part of why I feel such anxiety working for others here. An outspoken opinion only earns scorn and a shake of the head. "You wouldn't understand, being from Up North," the local natives I've worked with say. Like hell I don't. I recognize the many faces of prejudice as easily as anyone else - whether based on racial difference, or medical diagnosis. Only a handful of people here know why I'm leaving. To the rest I am just slithering away, to be supported by my husband and live a life of leisure. Feh! to them. May they speculate for all time.I still cry every day, but not a great deal. I am very tired, have a headache that's been going on for about a week, and my anxiety is a perpetual workmate. Half a xanax keeps me numbed for a couple of hours at a time.
My feelings at leaving employment are not really mixed. I don't suit this type of work, having to be "on" and at my sunny best all day long. When I am depressed and anxious it's impossible for me to pretend otherwise, and it feels false to paste on a Homer Simpson smile when I'm whithering and wimpering inside. So this is an enormous relief. No guilt here.
partlycloudy
Posted by gardenergirl on May 18, 2005, at 11:05:41
In reply to Last couple of days at work, posted by partlycloudy on May 18, 2005, at 7:28:29
Sounds like you have a good attitude about this decision, and authentic feelings. That's great.
Take care over the next few days.
gg
Posted by Minnie-Haha on May 18, 2005, at 15:17:05
In reply to Last couple of days at work, posted by partlycloudy on May 18, 2005, at 7:28:29
My husband grew up in the rural South and part of the reason he moved West was to get away from that. I grew up in Wisconsin and the group that a lot of people in my community disparaged were the local Native Americans. (That still goes on, plus there's a large group of Hmong up there now, and they're a target, too.) We left Wisconsin when I was 10 and the group that was discriminated against here (Arizona) were the Latinos -- still are though not as bad. I guess every community has a group that it has to put down. Everyone is jockeying for a better position on the socioeconomic ladder. Ugh.
I'm glad you're leaving an environment that is disagreeable to you. And I'm with you completely on that having-to-act-happy thing when you're not feeling anything at all like happy!
Bless you, darling. Enjoy a breather.
Posted by anastasia56 on May 18, 2005, at 16:02:54
In reply to Last couple of days at work, posted by partlycloudy on May 18, 2005, at 7:28:29
i'm so happy for you. Some people are not cut out to work for other people. I know I'm not.
Sending you one large exhale that relaxes your whole body.
ana
Posted by Damos on May 18, 2005, at 16:54:34
In reply to Last couple of days at work, posted by partlycloudy on May 18, 2005, at 7:28:29
Sounds like you're doing the right thing pc. Hope the last few days go okay. Can't imagine what leaving here would be like after 18 years. One of the nicest aspects of my job is the fact that I get to work on a daily basis with a mix of people from every country in the Asia-Pacific region, India, The US, Canada and the UK too.
Really hope this change is the start of good things for you, cause you deserve them. You are incredibly kind and supportive to everyone here and really deserve a chance to heal in your own space and time. Sending you lots of warm wishes.
(((((PC)))))
Posted by Dinah on May 18, 2005, at 19:16:37
In reply to Last couple of days at work, posted by partlycloudy on May 18, 2005, at 7:28:29
Although I must confess that work has gotten a bit better lately. I'm not quite sure whether it's anything I've done or not.
I have been trying to go into the office more often. I actually get less work done that way, but apparently it makes people happier.
I'll never understand people.
Posted by Angela2 on May 18, 2005, at 19:20:33
In reply to Last couple of days at work, posted by partlycloudy on May 18, 2005, at 7:28:29
Good for you PartlyCloudy. I'm glad things are looking up for you.
Posted by Shy_Girl on May 19, 2005, at 1:04:56
In reply to Last couple of days at work, posted by partlycloudy on May 18, 2005, at 7:28:29
Racism is a very sad thing IMO, but it does exist. I truly believe that racism will be nearly nonexistent in a couple of more years...so overwhelmed by the majority that they fear coming out.
I believe that the word/concept of "race" should be abolished...replaced with "culture" instead. There is not such thing as "race" anyways...it is a myth. We are all the same...homo sapiens sapiens. The genetic differences between the "races" are not nearly as varied as the genetic differences within a given "race" itself.
Different cultures bring with them a wealth of information. The world is diverse, people need to realize that having employees of different cultural backgrounds is a BIG advantage.
I'm still waiting for the day where people are not required to check a box to indicate "ethnicity" in surveys. To be more indicative of values, it should be changed to something like "dominant culture". For example...just because one is "black" or "hispanic" or "white" doesn't mean that one cannot come from a say...Chinese cultural background.
I think you did a very brave and good thing...to not stand for that type of behaviour from your employers. No one should work in an unwelcoming environment. Perhaps one day they will run of of good employees and regret their unaccepting ways.
Anyways, sorry about the rambling...I feel for you partlycloudy and hope things work out.
Posted by AdaGrace on May 20, 2005, at 6:04:31
In reply to Last couple of days at work, posted by partlycloudy on May 18, 2005, at 7:28:29
In time I think you will get over the feeling of failure PC. You will begin to enjoy life more. I really think so. The having to be 'up' all the time must be hard. I have to be "on" all the time. It's a very depressing situation, and one that is enhancing my mental decline. I am surounded by other's tears, mad rages, condesceding ways, and "life sucks speeches" until I have become the same way. I long for the opportunity to not have to be around that environment. I so long for that. Could I live vicariously through you? Plant some flowers and bushes in my honor. Go to the park and sit and feed the ducks or do a crossword. Think of me while you do that. Or how about this. Take long jaunts around your neighborhood, city, country and have an old 35mm cammera and lots of b&w film. Take the pictures that people rave about, like the ones that Pottery Barn sells prints of for $300. Jewelry. Make the jewelry, I really loved it. BTW I still want to buy a necklace. Anyway, you get my drift. Those are my dreams, but you certainly can have your own. I so envy you. You haven't failed. You are enjoying an opportunity to live life. Fully, and happily.
Enjoy........AdaGrace
Posted by partlycloudy on May 20, 2005, at 10:25:43
In reply to Re: Last couple of days at work » partlycloudy, posted by AdaGrace on May 20, 2005, at 6:04:31
It's been a long and difficult week, and I appreciate everyone's thoughts and wishes for me. I like to leave things in good order, so I've been documenting the job description for whomever takes over, since when I arrived there was nothing written down. I do feel like there is now a comprehensive "user's manual" that didn't exist before, and I feel good at being able to do that.
I'm looking forward to decompressing for a while before I begin my Grand Adventures. The next big thing is the babble get together in Chicago, which I'm excited and anxious about.
I'll have Quality Time with my husband, who works out of the house and is thrilled that I'll be home with him again.
I'll be able to have Quality Time with my cat. She's not saying how she feels about it, but I'll pretend that she's thrilled too!pc
This is the end of the thread.
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