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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Shy_Girl on May 11, 2005, at 22:08:55
I don't know who I am...
I would like to think of myself as a good person, but sometimes I don't act or feel like it. I'm feeling the anger again. I feel like being sarcastic, vengeful...angst-ridden basically. I feel such horrible things.I feel like my death needs to make a point...I want to die for a cause. (Now why can't I want to LIVE for a cause??) It sounds horribly insensitive, but I almost want my death to be sensational...an easy way to change the world. I don't want to make "gestures" either...I want to go all the way the first time I do it. I want to be an exception to the statistics (the men/women ratio). I want people to see that I'm not your typical gal...I mean business.
Argh...why am I feeling this again? This anger...where the heck does it come from?
Posted by Shy_Girl on May 11, 2005, at 22:17:34
In reply to Who am I? ***TRIGGER***TRIGGER***, posted by Shy_Girl on May 11, 2005, at 22:08:55
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 11, 2005, at 22:21:57
In reply to Who am I? ***TRIGGER***TRIGGER***, posted by Shy_Girl on May 11, 2005, at 22:08:55
> I don't know who I am...
> I would like to think of myself as a good person, but sometimes I don't act or feel like it. I'm feeling the anger again. I feel like being sarcastic, vengeful...angst-ridden basically. I feel such horrible things.
>
> I feel like my death needs to make a point...I want to die for a cause. (Now why can't I want to LIVE for a cause??) It sounds horribly insensitive, but I almost want my death to be sensational...an easy way to change the world. I don't want to make "gestures" either...I want to go all the way the first time I do it. I want to be an exception to the statistics (the men/women ratio). I want people to see that I'm not your typical gal...I mean business.
>
> Argh...why am I feeling this again? This anger...where the heck does it come from?This is one you should print and add to your "show the doctor" file.
Concerned,
Lar
Posted by Shy_Girl on May 11, 2005, at 22:39:29
In reply to Re: Who am I? ***TRIGGER***TRIGGER*** » Shy_Girl, posted by Larry Hoover on May 11, 2005, at 22:21:57
> This is one you should print and add to your "show the doctor" file.
>
> Concerned,
> LarOk Larry, I think I will go tomorrow. I guess I should still be monitored...with the recent dose change in Celexa and everything.
Thanks
Posted by alesta on May 11, 2005, at 23:02:34
In reply to Who am I? ***TRIGGER***TRIGGER***, posted by Shy_Girl on May 11, 2005, at 22:08:55
hi shygirl,
it's been so long since i've been in your place, that i'm not sure exactly what i can say that will help...just breathe..okay...yes, just sit and breathe for a moment. if you could just sit and *be* with yourself right now..ask yourself what you need..go within..you have all the answers you need...trust that. it will take time..but you will find a stable self..an identity. be patient with yourself..baby steps.:) it'll come...just takes time hon.
you've got friends here..you're not alone. ok?
take care,:)
amy
Posted by sunny10 on May 12, 2005, at 9:07:14
In reply to Re: Who am I? ***TRIGGER***TRIGGER*** » Shy_Girl, posted by alesta on May 11, 2005, at 23:02:34
I, for one, am excited to see that this time you have added a very important question to yourself.
"why can't I want to LIVE for a cause?" is SUCH an important thing! You want to figure out how you can make a "splash", without a "sensational death"! That's a huge thing!
Talk to T about THAT; about how you can figure out what you want to do with your life. That it matters to you, but you're not sure how to go about it.
Oooooooh, I am so happy you wrote this, Jenny! I think you have found your "question to be answered". I'm so excited for you!
I'm still trying to figure out what my question is, myself...
Enormous hugs and kisses,
sunny10
Posted by PM80 on May 12, 2005, at 10:43:24
In reply to Who am I? ***TRIGGER***TRIGGER***, posted by Shy_Girl on May 11, 2005, at 22:08:55
Maybe a question to ask yourself is WHO do you want to make a point for? It sounds like you're feeling very unheard and misunderstood. Who do want to hear you? Who is it that you want prove something to? Could you ask them to hear you when you feel this pain?
Hang in there. This time in your life will eventually go by. One day you'll wake up and think back to this and be soooo glad that you did not end things, that you gave yourself the chance to live. Life has so many possibilities, even when we can't see them.
Posted by Shy_Girl on May 12, 2005, at 13:39:58
In reply to Who am I? ***TRIGGER***TRIGGER***, posted by Shy_Girl on May 11, 2005, at 22:08:55
Thanks people, for the thoughtful responses. I'm ok. Yesterday did not escalate into big anger, it was only little anger. I need an actual emotional stimulus to generate a big anger.
I think you are right Amy, I do have the answers within myself. I don't think I need therapy or meds or anything...I just need to control myself through thinking.
Thanks Sunny10 for the encouragment. I'm going to try really hard to do the whole cognitive therapy thing on myself. I don't have a T, my pdoc was my T...and now she's on maternity leave.
Thanks PM80 for the insightful questions. I don't think I need to prove anything to anyone except myself. I need to prove to myself that my life has not been a waste.
Hi Larry, I'm starting to think this seeing a doc idea is kind of silly again. I'm not sure if my problems are a result of some biological "problem." I'm quite sure I don't have a bipolar disorder (if that was what you were thinking)...I have problems with the way I percieve the world, I have a borderline personality plus social anxiety that can get pretty severe, or go away entirely...depending on how I feel. Thanks so much for the kind and well meaning suggestions. I'm ok now.
Posted by Shy_Girl on May 12, 2005, at 15:36:28
In reply to Re: Seeing the doc » Larry Hoover, posted by Shy_Girl on May 11, 2005, at 22:39:29
I changed my mind...I think I should still go see a doc. My pdoc told me to before she left me. I'm still afraid of the weirdness that happened to me. I can't believe I was like that, but I was, so I should ask about it.
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 12, 2005, at 22:17:17
In reply to Re: Seeing the doc, posted by Shy_Girl on May 12, 2005, at 15:36:28
> I changed my mind...I think I should still go see a doc. My pdoc told me to before she left me. I'm still afraid of the weirdness that happened to me. I can't believe I was like that, but I was, so I should ask about it.
That's exactly the point. They're objective, to the best of our ability to teach them to be. You're subjective, and what is typical for you feels normal. The hope is to get some perspective, not a cure.
Best,
Lar
This is the end of the thread.
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