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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on February 19, 2005, at 0:27:01
Well...after dealing with the last "it" woman, I am having a nice rapport with a gal who leans towards me. OK..maybe this is a moral thing...or it could be using sex as a weapon...but one of the last things the "it" girl said to me was that she would have sex with me only if I marry her. (And unlike good mothers on here, she just wanted her whole life catered around her.)
Anyhow..this new gal...she is younger than I am..about 31, and she is just about to graduate Nursing School at the same University I go to.:-)
She has a couple of kids and is divorced, but once you are past that 30 mark...it's rare to find anyone who hasn't been married. She actually was going to go into the social work program, but decide for nursing. I say...PRAISE the Lawwwwd! hehe. We have a TON in common...so we shall see what happens. Oh ya..this doesn't really mean anything, but the new gal is 100 time more cute that "it" girl. Maybe I should send "it" a polaroid or something??..haha. Out of the 5 weeks I've known "it", I only met her once; talk to her on the phone usually no more than 15 minutes, about 2-3 days a week. Everything was always on **her** terms. So, I don't mind rubbing it in her face again.<bad boy..I know> I am sure many of you would do the same. :)Peace,
Jay
Posted by Toph on February 19, 2005, at 8:12:54
In reply to Oh sweet miracle .., posted by jay on February 19, 2005, at 0:27:01
>
> She has a couple of kids and is divorced, but once you are past that 30 mark...it's rare to find anyone who hasn't been married. She actually was going to go into the social work program, but decide for nursing. I say...PRAISE the Lawwwwd!Jay, I have read a few of your posts in which you have share your longing for intimacy. I am happy for you that someone has seen the good in you and that there is an attraction.
As a once divorced father of two who's career is social work, I guess I am a little puzzled by the meaning of the above section of your post.
Best wishes anyway, Jay.
Toph
Posted by jay on February 19, 2005, at 11:45:40
In reply to Re: Oh sweet miracle .., posted by Toph on February 19, 2005, at 8:12:54
> >
> > She has a couple of kids and is divorced, but once you are past that 30 mark...it's rare to find anyone who hasn't been married. She actually was going to go into the social work program, but decide for nursing. I say...PRAISE the Lawwwwd!
>
> Jay, I have read a few of your posts in which you have share your longing for intimacy. I am happy for you that someone has seen the good in you and that there is an attraction.
>
> As a once divorced father of two who's career is social work, I guess I am a little puzzled by the meaning of the above section of your post.
>
> Best wishes anyway, Jay.
>
> Toph
Hey Toph...thanks. I got myself to wound-up in my last dating scheme, but I think it is because I have been out of the dating 'scene' for a few years. Anyhow, I just mean't that many folks over 30 are either married or divorced. I honestly was saying nothing against divorced people..both my parents where divorced with kids until they met and had me. I also mean't to say she chose a career in Nursing, but was interested in Social Work. Also, I hope that clears up your answer. Sometimes, things don't come out in posts the way I want.Take care,
Jay (the other social worker on the board. :-)
Posted by fallsfall on February 19, 2005, at 13:35:57
In reply to Oh sweet miracle .., posted by jay on February 19, 2005, at 0:27:01
I'm glad you met someone nice! Just take it slow and see what happens. You will probably date a lot of women before you find your "perfect match". If you can try to just have a good time, and get used to doing things with women, things will work out great for you.
Leave your previous girl in your past. She obviously wasn't a good match for you. But that doesn't necessarily mean that there was anything awful about her, or awful about you. It just means that you weren't a good pair. I know that you are angry at her, but I guess I would see it more that the compatability wasn't there. There *are* women out there who will be compatable with you - and there are men out there who will be compatable with her. You just have to keep looking around until you find one.
I was married for 19 years. I have been on a couple of dates since. So I know how tempting it is to say "Ah Ha! I've found *the* one!" and to wish that was true, and to fight to *make* it true. But I think (I'm not saying that *I* can do this...) that it is more successful to let things progress at their own pace - or not progress. It is a process. It will take time. Not everyone will be a good fit for you. Try to enjoy the process.
Posted by Toph on February 19, 2005, at 14:35:40
In reply to Re: Oh sweet miracle .. » Toph, posted by jay on February 19, 2005, at 11:45:40
Thanks for clearing that up, Jay. I meant what I said in congratulating you on this new development. And, to be honest, I might warn any of my children if interested in social work, that there are plenty of other honorable careers where one can provide a service to others. You must know how suffering, abused, ill and disadvantaged people can wear a person down after a while. Of course then there's how fabulously wealthy we have become in this profession.
Not.
Toph
Posted by justyourlaugh on February 19, 2005, at 16:20:39
In reply to Oh sweet miracle .., posted by jay on February 19, 2005, at 0:27:01
"the new girl is 100 times more cute..."..
thought you wanted someone who wasnt interested in looks...only whats on the inside..
maybe a double standard?...
why did the old girl turn into an "it"..
shame shame..
love j
Posted by alexandra_k on February 19, 2005, at 19:17:11
In reply to Oh sweet miracle .., posted by jay on February 19, 2005, at 0:27:01
It is worth taking the time to be careful with what you say..
It is hard at first.
You might think 'why bother'???
What we say is a reflection of who we are.
The way we say it is a reflection of who we are.
The way we talk about things reflects the way we think about things.Our choice of words affects other considerably.
It is hard to start with but it gets easier with practice. After a while it can come naturally (unless we are very stressed).
I too worry about your words. Your love turned to hatred so damn fast. Your unwillingness to consider that there were faults and differences on both sides.
But oh well. It is your life. I hope you find whatever it is you are really looking for. And I hope you don't come to hate too many women in the process. Good luck to you.
Posted by jay on February 20, 2005, at 7:30:15
In reply to Re: Oh sweet miracle .. » jay, posted by fallsfall on February 19, 2005, at 13:35:57
> I'm glad you met someone nice! Just take it slow and see what happens. You will probably date a lot of women before you find your "perfect match". If you can try to just have a good time, and get used to doing things with women, things will work out great for you.
>
> Leave your previous girl in your past. She obviously wasn't a good match for you. But that doesn't necessarily mean that there was anything awful about her, or awful about you. It just means that you weren't a good pair. I know that you are angry at her, but I guess I would see it more that the compatability wasn't there. There *are* women out there who will be compatable with you - and there are men out there who will be compatable with her. You just have to keep looking around until you find one.
>
> I was married for 19 years. I have been on a couple of dates since. So I know how tempting it is to say "Ah Ha! I've found *the* one!" and to wish that was true, and to fight to *make* it true. But I think (I'm not saying that *I* can do this...) that it is more successful to let things progress at their own pace - or not progress. It is a process. It will take time. Not everyone will be a good fit for you. Try to enjoy the process.
>
>Thanks Falls...I am really going to go at a nice slow speed with this one, and she has agreed too. We both have our careers and school to finnish, want to get established, and go from there. She is just a nice, intelligent person to be around, and really, really cares about issues (social issues) and doing good for the world, in the same manner I do. So, over the next year and a half, to two years, we will see how it goes.
Thanks for your post!
Best,
Jay
Posted by jay on February 20, 2005, at 7:42:01
In reply to Re: Oh sweet miracle .. » jay, posted by Toph on February 19, 2005, at 14:35:40
> Thanks for clearing that up, Jay. I meant what I said in congratulating you on this new development. And, to be honest, I might warn any of my children if interested in social work, that there are plenty of other honorable careers where one can provide a service to others. You must know how suffering, abused, ill and disadvantaged people can wear a person down after a while. Of course then there's how fabulously wealthy we have become in this profession.
>
>
>
> Not.
>
> TophHey Toph. Thanks for for the kudos on a hopefully down-the-road romantic relationship.
As far as work goes, well, I really lucked out, as I work for an agency that provides everything...excellent benefits, a great powerful union, top of the line wages, and even a really good private pension plan. And you know, I was just thinking about this and your comments on advising kids to stay away from social work. When I first started when I was 18 or so...I really could have cared-a-less about anything. That went right up into my mid 20's. At 35, with all of my (or most of, anyhow..heh) mental health issues being treated, I am very confident in myself, in what I do (not saying you aren't), and I lucked into a postition which has a great benefits package; union strength; top-of-the-line wages; and a private pension plan...which is rare for *anyone* these days.
So, really, I am just a lucky guy.
Now I've got to build on that, to make me even stronger. How about you...are you happy with your job, and/or are you looking around for other things? Please let me know...thanks.
I really appreciate your support...
Jay
Posted by jay on February 20, 2005, at 7:55:26
In reply to the new girl.., posted by justyourlaugh on February 19, 2005, at 16:20:39
> "the new girl is 100 times more cute..."..
> thought you wanted someone who wasnt interested in looks...only whats on the inside..
> maybe a double standard?...
> why did the old girl turn into an "it"..
> shame shame..
> love jjyl....jyl...I bang my head against the wall...I don't know what to say, because you have to put everything in context and perspective. I know you can do that...you are a smart woman. The first statement about looks was more of a "rub sand in her face" comment. It doesn't matter to me...not one iota...but just because it's a fact, I mentioned it. (She had recently been complaining about me because I wear glasses sometimes and because I have a 'crew cut' shaved head.) But..it's gone..it's done...over with. If I didn't have my meds, my gaawwd I don't know how I would have survived.
As far as her being an "it"...she has no compassion, no empathy for things in the world, for homeless people, people with HIV, and said all people on welfare where 'lazy'. Well, this is my line of work, and I took a few strips off of her for making such cruel comments.
So, there you go. If this bothers you and others so much...just ignore it. I don't feel I should have to answer to a mob of people who make me feel very unsupported...by a long run.
Jay
Posted by Toph on February 20, 2005, at 12:52:12
In reply to Re: Oh sweet miracle .. » Toph, posted by jay on February 20, 2005, at 7:42:01
Hi jay,
First things first, I understand your reaction to a few of these responses. You obviously posted in a way that misrepresented your intentions and who you are as a person. While I cannot speak for others, I assume that they spoke of the tone of your post in a way that was intended to be constructive criticism not an assault to your character. We all can have sensitive buttons here. I think that those who know you (as I am becoming) would form a "mob" of support for your good forture as much as they would rally to your aid if you were in trouble. This, even if you had ruffled a few feathers in the past. At least I would hope this would be true, anyway.As for social work, I kept falling on my face with manic-depressive illness (aborted medical, law school, and teaching careers). It's tough to complete these rigorous programs from the psych ward. I was riding the train with a bunch of stiffs when I wandered into the State of Illinois building and began leafing through the catalogue of jobs. I kept staring at the social work positions. I ended up late for my paralegal job after taking the exams for mental health, corrections, and children & family services positions. The questions were out of some textbook I had never read. I did very well anyway and a few months later the state said there was a position open in child welfare for the two most northern counties in Illinois. When I arrived for my interview everyone was wearing blue jeans and they were so down to earth compared with the suits stuck in their newspapers on the train. My interview went well (I had picked up quite a few survival skills in the state psychiatric facilities) and I was hired. With the help of lithium, of course, my life took a dramatic change. Helping children who were beaten, degraded and raped became a passion. For the first time in my life I did not respond to an inquiry about what do I do with I DO this or that, rather I would say I AM a social worker. I had lied about being a teacher (I was a student teacher so I stretched the truth) which waved the social work degree for employment. So, feeling this was my career path, I went back to school and got my MSW. I was offered a clincal supervisor and clinical therapist position at the University of Chicago Orthogenic School were I worked for two miserable years. My disillusionment with classic psychoalytic treatment combined with my failing marriage tested the prophylactic properties of my medication. I escaped to the job that had once saved my life, child protection, this time in another state. After two more years of knocking on peoples' doors and looking into terrified little eyes, I fried like an egg with the stress. I transfered to adult protective services where for the past 13 years I knock on doors and peer into wrinkled eyes equally terrified from some son or daughter who push them down or take their measly social security check for crack or in most cases are alone desperately trying to hang on to the last thing they care about, their home.
I actually have a decent salary (thanks to AFSME), good health insurance and a decent state pension. I am pretty burned out nonetheless (mostly the paper work, but partially from all of the clients who I strived so hard to support who are now dead). I'm in public service prison, paid too well to replace my job, and unwilling to give up the job security, especially with an administration that would rather kill people that help them. I still am a social worker and have no regrets. I am just weary from all the sleepless nights. Sorry to ramble.
Toph
Posted by jay on February 20, 2005, at 21:06:16
In reply to Re: Oh miraculous rescue (long, sorry) » jay, posted by Toph on February 20, 2005, at 12:52:12
> Hi jay,
> First things first, I understand your reaction to a few of these responses. You obviously posted in a way that misrepresented your intentions and who you are as a person. While I cannot speak for others, I assume that they spoke of the tone of your post in a way that was intended to be constructive criticism not an assault to your character. We all can have sensitive buttons here. I think that those who know you (as I am becoming) would form a "mob" of support for your good forture as much as they would rally to your aid if you were in trouble. This, even if you had ruffled a few feathers in the past. At least I would hope this would be true, anyway.
>
> As for social work, I kept falling on my face with manic-depressive illness (aborted medical, law school, and teaching careers). It's tough to complete these rigorous programs from the psych ward. I was riding the train with a bunch of stiffs when I wandered into the State of Illinois building and began leafing through the catalogue of jobs. I kept staring at the social work positions. I ended up late for my paralegal job after taking the exams for mental health, corrections, and children & family services positions. The questions were out of some textbook I had never read. I did very well anyway and a few months later the state said there was a position open in child welfare for the two most northern counties in Illinois. When I arrived for my interview everyone was wearing blue jeans and they were so down to earth compared with the suits stuck in their newspapers on the train. My interview went well (I had picked up quite a few survival skills in the state psychiatric facilities) and I was hired. With the help of lithium, of course, my life took a dramatic change. Helping children who were beaten, degraded and raped became a passion. For the first time in my life I did not respond to an inquiry about what do I do with I DO this or that, rather I would say I AM a social worker. I had lied about being a teacher (I was a student teacher so I stretched the truth) which waved the social work degree for employment. So, feeling this was my career path, I went back to school and got my MSW. I was offered a clincal supervisor and clinical therapist position at the University of Chicago Orthogenic School were I worked for two miserable years. My disillusionment with classic psychoalytic treatment combined with my failing marriage tested the prophylactic properties of my medication. I escaped to the job that had once saved my life, child protection, this time in another state. After two more years of knocking on peoples' doors and looking into terrified little eyes, I fried like an egg with the stress. I transfered to adult protective services where for the past 13 years I knock on doors and peer into wrinkled eyes equally terrified from some son or daughter who push them down or take their measly social security check for crack or in most cases are alone desperately trying to hang on to the last thing they care about, their home.
>
> I actually have a decent salary (thanks to AFSME), good health insurance and a decent state pension. I am pretty burned out nonetheless (mostly the paper work, but partially from all of the clients who I strived so hard to support who are now dead). I'm in public service prison, paid too well to replace my job, and unwilling to give up the job security, especially with an administration that would rather kill people that help them. I still am a social worker and have no regrets. I am just weary from all the sleepless nights. Sorry to ramble.
>
> TophHey Toph,
I started a post to you before, but did something dumb by accidentally closing the posting window.
In honesty, I felt really unsupported in my posts...putting me on the defensive. I am *not* perfect, but dang I know I am a very, very good person. Men can be manipulative...well so can women.(The woman I am talking about I dated in the post.) Ya it was the tone, for the most part, things where delivered in, and I didn't appreciate the mob-rules action without asking more questions and finding more about the story.
It seems just to be automatic.."Oh..it's a woman...poor thing...she shouldn't be treated like that." Man, after I cut it off for good, I realized I was jumping to the "yes mam...no mam" of *everything" she was saying. So, when I realized it, yes I should have just cut it right there, but it's only human to want to "rub sand in someone's face"...so I wrote my straight-forward letter and called a spade a spade.One other thing I can't understand...this is fine if people want to believe in it...but the concept of what pop-culture has turned to mean "unconditional love" is just wrong..period. Like you, I've studied most of the major psychoanalytical paradigms, and people really have a gross mis-understanding of what the concept is all about.
I appreciate your job situation, I've had some tough times in the field myself. If you find the right job, I think you can practise positive nurturing and growth, but it took me 15 years to build that 'wall' of growth. So, maybe don't be too sure of driving your kids away from a career in the field. It beats working for some money-grabbing, selfish company who do nothing for the good of humanity.
Keep on keepin'...
Best,
Jay :-)
Posted by justyourlaugh on February 21, 2005, at 9:29:35
In reply to Re: Oh miraculous rescue (long, sorry) no prob! » Toph, posted by jay on February 20, 2005, at 21:06:16
" money grabbing, selfish company who do nothing for the good of humanity"
do these companies not employ people?
who then can support their families?...
pay taxes?...which go back into the system?
even the health care system? which gives you your paycheck?
..
i love many people in this world uncondionally :)
i am sorry you do not feel supported..
just pointing out a few things that make me feel defensive.
jyl
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