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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by verne on December 30, 2004, at 18:58:12
Can I get blocked for beating up on myself?
I've been on a bender since Halloween. It all started with the "girlfriend search". I figure the adventure has cost about $500 in beer, $150 in internet detective help, and about $1.95 in misc.
Hiding under the covers.
verne
Posted by Cass on December 30, 2004, at 19:29:56
In reply to I'm a Worm, posted by verne on December 30, 2004, at 18:58:12
Hi Verne,
From previous posts, I thought you were in love with someone. Didn't that work out?
Sorry if I missed something or if I'm not remembering right.
Posted by Jai Narayan on December 30, 2004, at 19:33:21
In reply to I'm a Worm, posted by verne on December 30, 2004, at 18:58:12
Oh Verne can we call it a wash?
We all seek after things that are ellusive?
Let it go sweet man.
you have so much riches right before your eyes.
We all love you here on babble.
WE LOVE YOU VERNE.
can you ask for more?
Jai
Posted by Mark H. on December 30, 2004, at 19:57:57
In reply to I'm a Worm, posted by verne on December 30, 2004, at 18:58:12
Hi Verne,
I'm still irrepressibly fond of you, even if you've been on a bender for the past two months. Is it time to quit yet? I really miss drinking sometimes, even after 23 years of not.
There's nothing quite like waking up and realizing that I've tape-recorded a telephone conversation I don't remember having with someone I had a crush on in the sixth grade. And listening to myself repeat myself and forget what the person just said. At 3:00 a.m. It seemed completely appropriate and vaguely urgent at the time to tell her how genuinely fond of her I was.
> Can I get blocked for beating up on myself?
Sure you can! (But please don't.) All you have to do is call yourself something off-color without using asterisks.
> I figure the adventure has cost about $500 in beer, $150 in internet detective help, and about $1.95 in misc.Of course I'm dying to know about the buck-ninety-five, but don't feel pressured to tell me. Which online detective help do you like? I've had pretty good luck locating formerly lost friends with Ameridex. It's getting the "please don't ever attempt to contact me again" letter with no return address that kind of takes the glow off the process for me.
By the way, that's a lot of beer, Verne -- do you have an aversion to bourbon?
Most importantly, did you find the old girlfriend?
No need to hide under the covers on our account. We're all more-or-less in the same boat, sooner or later, then, now or sometime in the future.
You can usually tell when I'm headed over the edge when I start playing Joni Mitchell CDs, especially "Blue," over and over again.
With kind regards,
Mark H.
Posted by verne on December 30, 2004, at 20:48:55
In reply to Re: You're No Worm » verne, posted by Mark H. on December 30, 2004, at 19:57:57
Mark,
You're post touched me. I've been in a tailspin, really at the end of my rope.
I don't usually think message boards and online relationships do much good but you are proof otherwise.
I've really been in a desperate situation - mostly the creation of a borderline-personality mind. Few can get close to me to even begin to help me.
I remember you for past posts, maybe months or years ago - always from the heart. You always sought the truth.
You've really helped me, and not in a "pep talk" way. Something in what you wrote made me want to wake up tomorrow.
thanks,
verne
Posted by verne on December 30, 2004, at 21:03:11
In reply to Re: You're No Worm » verne, posted by Mark H. on December 30, 2004, at 19:57:57
Mark,
Sorry I didn't answer your questions.
Let's see. "Peoplefinders" seemed to be the best online site for finding people.
No, I didn't find the girlfriend. The trail ended in 1993 in the same city where I last saw her in 1978. I'm sad and think she's gone. A search on me gets pages of information, yet there's barely anything on her. Perhaps she married.
I guess the search was more emotional pain than I bargained for and triggered something.
verne
Posted by verne on December 30, 2004, at 21:19:24
In reply to Re: I'm a Worm, posted by Cass on December 30, 2004, at 19:29:56
Hi Cass,
I can't find my first love. I waited all these years because I was distracted with a marriage and family. Usual mid-life crisis I suppose.
The trail ends in 1993 so I'm heartsick. Her parents were Hiroshima survivors and I suppose she had a genetic vulnerabilty.
All these years I didn't try to contact her because I thought I was so worthless. I never connected to anyone the way I connected to her.
Even though the water is up to my chin, I feel like I'm being creative for the first time in years. At the same time I seem bent on destroying myself.
Let me mix a few more metaphors -
verne
Posted by verne on December 30, 2004, at 21:22:26
In reply to Re: I'm a Worm, posted by Jai Narayan on December 30, 2004, at 19:33:21
Thanks Jai for your kind words.
Posted by verne on December 30, 2004, at 21:26:07
In reply to Re: You're No Worm » verne, posted by Mark H. on December 30, 2004, at 19:57:57
i love joni mitchell
Posted by Mark H. on December 30, 2004, at 23:05:15
In reply to Re: You're No Worm, posted by verne on December 30, 2004, at 20:48:55
Dear Verne,
Thank you for your kind and generous thoughts.
Your capacity for love is extraordinary. Nothing can take that away from you. Wherever she is -- dead or alive -- I believe you still help light her way, I truly do. The distance between us is an illusion.
See you in the morning, my friend.
Mark H.
Posted by Shortelise on December 31, 2004, at 12:43:56
In reply to I'm a Worm, posted by verne on December 30, 2004, at 18:58:12
Verne, well if you're a worm, I like you.
Really. I have a garden. I LOVE worms. I recently discovered that within about a month, my compost bin was invaded by worms, and turned the whole smelly mess into rich, fragrant soil. It writhes with worms! They are happy little pink guys who are among my favourite things.
When I was looking to connect with people, I did things where I was forced to have contact with people. If you want to meet women, you could do something feminine, like take a sewing course. Ah, you laugh, but imagine being able to hem your own pants! Fix a seam! And on top of learning valuable skills you get to meet women in a place that sets you WAY apart from the typical male.
Or flower arranging.
Cooking.
Cake decorating.
Dance.Ok, maybe you are thinking I am a complete idiot. But do you really want a girlfriend you found by buying beer?
Verne, you seem like an interesting person. Really. Maybe a touch of imagination will help you in your search.
Love,
ShortE
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 1, 2005, at 9:13:46
In reply to Re: You're No Worm » verne, posted by Mark H. on December 30, 2004, at 19:57:57
> You can usually tell when I'm headed over the edge when I start playing Joni Mitchell CDs, especially "Blue," over and over again.
I'd just like to plug the double double quotes feature at this site:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#amazon
The first time anyone refers to a book, movie, or music without using this option, I post this to try to make sure he or she at least knows about it. It's just an option, though, and doesn't *have* to be used. If people *choose* not to use it, I'd be interested why not, but I'd like that redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20020918/msgs/7717.html
Thanks!
Bob
Posted by partlycloudy on January 3, 2005, at 7:29:03
In reply to I'm a Worm, posted by verne on December 30, 2004, at 18:58:12
(I like worms, too.)
Isn't the capacity to beat ourselves up amazing? I go through my downs and ups, but the most consistent thing about myself is how much I belittle my abilities. I think that trying to find "closure" (ugh how I hate that term) is a natural consequence of loving and grieving over a love lost or past. Please don't think badly of yourself for attempting to pick up a frayed thread in your life.
You're a treasure, verne.
Posted by Gabbix2 on January 4, 2005, at 19:13:36
In reply to Worms are our friends » verne, posted by partlycloudy on January 3, 2005, at 7:29:03
Ah Verne.. have you been dousing yourself in Kafka as well as beer?
It's all how you frame it you know.. I prefer to think of you as our self-flagellating tortured hero surrounded by empty bottles laying his exhausted head on his keyboard consumed by passion on a quest to find his lost love.
Perhaps it's a good thing? Maybe she's changed.
Maybe she's now got a complete collection of hand painted franklin mint figurines and would have you travelling to far off places just to get more spoons.Pretend I'm writing a novel about you, it makes the situation infinitely cooler you know :)
You can say "Oy my life is right on track, I'm a tortured genius, the book will be out in 10 years"I think you're a treasure too Verne
This is the end of the thread.
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