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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kid47 on December 6, 2004, at 16:50:20
It's been a while since I had the energy or inclination to write but I have deluded myself into believing it makes me feel better when I do write, so what the heck.....I might as well waste your time (assuming you actually will read this garbage) and mine (assuming I will actually complete this puke and post it). Apparently I'm not in a very good mood. This, however, is not an unusual circumstance for me as of late. My 10 year old boy, we'll call him son, phoned me a few days back. He was just a little upset but not too. His lizard (I think it's actually called a Green Anole for you scientific types), we'll call her Lizzy, had seemingly passed on to that great beyond where dead lizards go. Although I'm not absolutely sure exactly where the tiny souls of deceased reptiles do go, I have to assume it is a far far better place than that glass box she was living in with fake plants, littered with lizard poop and the grizzly remains of semi eaten cricket carcasses. Oddly, that sounds a lot like my apartment. Anyway....I mustered up a facade of appropriate chagrin and sympathy and went into the usual shpeel ( I just realized I don't know how to shpell shpeel) and did my darndest to console him. My sons mother of course, decided the best course of action was to tell the boy that she would get him a turtle to replace the lizard, which wasn't that great a pet in the first place. She began to make disparraging (can't spell that one either) remarks about the poor dead Lizzy.....how all that stupid lizard would do is sit completely motionless on a branch all day, moving only occassionally to scarf up a poor unsuspecting insect, poop, and then, at twice the speed of sound, disappear into the fake greenery whenever someone would try and make actual contact with her. She said to the lad, "come to think of it, that lizard reminds me a lot of your father"....and then they both had a good laugh. After what I assumed to be the customary and appropriate length of time, I callled my son back to see how he was holding up. I was just a little shocked to be informed that Lizzy's lifeless body was still lying in state at the bottom of her cage. My first thought was that the decomposition process was probably in full swing by now, but my kid was not quite ready to pick up the tiny little corps and give her the appropriate flush.....er I mean burial she so obviously desrved. I said "buddy, you need to get her out of there before she starts to stink up your room" (yes. my sensitive side was shining through). He said he didn't want to touch her. Mom and sis would be no help, and since I haven't been allowed to set foot in my house since last August, there wasn't much I could do either. So being "a rescuer" or "fixer" (yes I do have a therapist) I racked my brain for some kind of solution to this. AH HA!! Dry ice. Ask mom to get the dry ice that was recently placed in the freezer do to what the electric company has since described as a minor inconvenience effecting only a few customers....most less than a week....caused by a "small" explposion at one of the lesser distribution transformers where there were a minimum of fatalities and/or serious injuries....sorry. lost focus for a second. Soooo, he convinced his mom it would be a good idea to get a chunk of dry ice and place it carefully on top of lizzy's emaciated frame and freeze that little sucker till she was like stone. (all this per my instructions) Then it wouldn't be nearly as unpleasant to pick her up (with a good pair of supple surgical gloves) and dispose of her.....in a very dignified and somber service to which this noble creature was entitled after her two plus years of dedication and unconditonal.....um...err....something, plus it would greatly retard the predictable and unsavory effects that might be expected from the decaying remains of a creature whos diet consisted mainly of bugs and worms. Sorry. Was that too much information? Well as my sons mother slowly and cautiously kneeled down beside the cage, and with a level of concentration and dread like she was disarming a bomb, lowered the chunk of ice on top of poor poor dead Lizzy. (I wasn't actually there for that part so I am exercising a litlle poetic license) What happened next isn't all together clear but I will relay it as best I can. Apparently when the dry ice came into contact with the lizards tail, which had been sort of curled up at the end, which everyone assumed is what lizard tails do as a result of the death thros, Lizzy leapt to life and with undescribable speed and deftness (I think that's a word) she raced up my once signifigant others (spelled bitc...oops sorry) arm and as my son's mother screamed and flung dry ice to the ceiling which then rained back down like giant hail, that little lizard with the heart of a small lion or maybe a squirrel or something less impressive than a lion but still with a lotta heart for a lizard made her break for FREEDOM.........
OK these run on sentences are really getting on my nerves as I'm sure they are yours....and even though there is much more to this story, sadly (or not) my brief burst of mania has abandoned me. Maybe I will finish this later but I doubt it.
Have a perfect week
kid
Posted by Susan47 on December 6, 2004, at 17:25:25
In reply to It's a Wonderful Life, posted by kid47 on December 6, 2004, at 16:50:20
Okay, kid, that was beautiful. When did this all happen? Corpse, spiel, disparaging ... anything else?
You sound peed off about life.
I was just going to start a new thread, about how life is a wonderful experiment, but everyone else seems so bummed out I'm sure it's not a good idea ... I'm feeling kind of hated right now, actually.
But this wasn't about me, it was about YOU and your son's lizard and your ex and your poetic license, which you're totally allowed to have and you do it really well, too.
Posted by lostforwards on December 6, 2004, at 17:31:04
In reply to It's a Wonderful Life, posted by kid47 on December 6, 2004, at 16:50:20
I don't know about all this lizard buissness. Don't they belong in the same catagory as Snakes? In Sri Lanka, the lizards ( I think they were lizards ) crawled up the walls of the bathrooms while you were in them. I was there once in my life and I saw them.
It's a Wonderful Life? Isn't that the name of that movie where the goofy happy protagonist guy gets shot while in nazi germany? I think it is. Oh, wait a second, it's actually called Life is Beautiful. Have you seen it? It's really good.
Posted by kid47 on December 6, 2004, at 17:44:28
In reply to Re: It's a Wonderful Life, posted by Susan47 on December 6, 2004, at 17:25:25
> You sound peed off about life.
Ya think?
Thanks for the spelling lesson.
Peace
kid
Posted by TofuEmmy on December 6, 2004, at 19:22:49
In reply to Re: It's a Wonderful Life » Susan47, posted by kid47 on December 6, 2004, at 17:44:28
So, does this mean that every time a lizard crawls up an ex-wife's arm, and makes her scream, does an angel get her wings?
emmy
Posted by anastasia56 on December 6, 2004, at 21:24:35
In reply to It's a Wonderful Life, posted by kid47 on December 6, 2004, at 16:50:20
god i loved that story. A Little Lizard Tale. However it appears to be missing an ending...and I am waiting with baited breath...did the little lizard make it to safety in the great outdoors only to be eaten by vultures? did he get knocked unconscious by a falling chunk of dry ice? did your son step over the prone form of your ex wife on the floor and chase the little vixen down the hall and catch him? pray tell, what did befall the little fella?
by the way, i love your writing style. tell another story.
anastasia
Posted by Gabbix2 on December 6, 2004, at 21:58:06
In reply to Re: It's a Wonderful Life, posted by Susan47 on December 6, 2004, at 17:25:25
>... I'm feeling kind of hated right now, actually.
Oh Susan, I hope you're not talking about the board. Well I hope you are because then I can reassure you that I'm sure it's not true. Actually that occasional "all of babble is angry with me" feeling is so common among the people I talk to that I coined a term for it,
but I can't remember what it was right now.
It was in a list of Psycho Bwords I made up.
Anyway, the important thing to know is that it's not been correct once.
There is another very common fear the: "I'm always the last one who posts on a thread paranoia" I think JaneD coined the term "Thread Killer"
So there. And yes I interrupted another thread to go off topic, but you're worth it.
Posted by alesta on December 7, 2004, at 3:18:27
In reply to It's a Wonderful Life, posted by kid47 on December 6, 2004, at 16:50:20
hello kid :-)
i love your writing style! very, very enjoyable. i can't wait to read the next installment..if..there is one. :) just for god's sake tell us what happened, lad!
oh, and i'm pleased to make your acquaintance! :)
ami
Posted by partlycloudy on December 7, 2004, at 4:19:15
In reply to It's a Wonderful Life, posted by kid47 on December 6, 2004, at 16:50:20
Oh, my. What a wonderful tail.
Posted by karen_kay on December 7, 2004, at 20:45:27
In reply to It's a Wonderful Life, posted by kid47 on December 6, 2004, at 16:50:20
hello dear. i'm happy to hear about the lizard being revived (oh, and scaring the sh!t out of, what's her name, bitc.... oh, sorry)
i too have a lizard story, if you don't mind listening..
i had a lizard named simon. apparently, when you turn the heat lamp up too high, poor lizards die (who would have thought??)
so, i fried my lizard. and, even worse, i thought he was sleeping.... for a few weeks. my mother had to finally tell me (and take into consideration i was about 15 at the time) that he was dead. and, that whole time i was petting him and playing with him.
but, mr 47, how are you? i'm completely hating life right now. but, on the bright side, i don't have a dead lizard in my bedroom. i do however, have a migraine that's lasted since friday (god bless vicodin!!! and i don't think i spelled that right, but spelling's not my strong suit...) and am hating life right now (oh, did i say that already?).i've missed reading your posts. please keep them up. if anyone can get me out of this hole i've fallen into and back to responding, it'd be you......
Posted by All Done on December 8, 2004, at 1:23:22
In reply to Re: It's a Wonderful Life » kid47, posted by karen_kay on December 7, 2004, at 20:45:27
> if anyone can get me out of this hole i've fallen into and back to responding, it'd be you......
Hey! What about me??? Pretty please respond to me!
I've missed you Miss Karen and I'm so, so sorry to hear you aren't happy. That sucks. If you need anything, I haven't gone anywhere. Just let me know what I can do. Please.
You're probably just in need of a good old-fashioned beauty - I mean Babble - pageant ;).
Seriously, KK, tell me if I can help.
Take care,
Laurie
P.S. Whoopsie (I learned that one from you)! Seems I've hijacked kid's thread. Sorry kid. I do have a lizard story if you'd like...Once upon a time I had a husband, Z. He had an iguana named Iggy (original, huh?). Z wanted Iggy to grow really big, so he spent a ton of time and a ton of money custom building a "home" for Iggy to grow into.
Z got bored with Iggy after about 6 months and gave him away.
I divorced Z.
I lived happily ever after.
So did Iggy.
The end.
Posted by Susan47 on December 8, 2004, at 20:41:07
In reply to Re: It's a Wonderful Life » Susan47, posted by kid47 on December 6, 2004, at 17:44:28
If you hadn't said "Peace" I would've thought you were being really nasty to me. I certainly didn't mean to raise your ire... any more than it obviously was.
Posted by kid47 on December 9, 2004, at 14:14:57
In reply to Re: It's a Wonderful Life » kid47, posted by Susan47 on December 8, 2004, at 20:41:07
> If you hadn't said "Peace" I would've thought you were being really nasty to me. I certainly didn't mean to raise your ire... any more than it obviously was.<
My communication skills are so lacking that I am never surprised when my intentions and attitiude are completely misunderstood even by someone as perceptive as yourself. I am sorry if you felt I was being intentionally viscious...that certainly was not my intent. Raising my ire is something that seems to be reserved fairly exclusively to my soon to be ex....and she is quite good at it. Best litlle ire raiser this side of the Mississippi. (I *can* spell that one)
Peace, Love, and Happiness
kid
Posted by Susan47 on December 9, 2004, at 18:17:20
In reply to Re: It's a Wonderful Life » Susan47, posted by kid47 on December 9, 2004, at 14:14:57
Yes, kid47, I have one of those too. Opposite sex, though.
We've been physically separated almost a year now, and I understand he's developing a like for another woman, which releases me of a lot of pressure.
I do like the way you write about things, kid. Now that I'm getting a handle on your style and I know you don't hate me, I'll be okay, and thank you.
Posted by karen_kay on December 11, 2004, at 11:01:00
In reply to Re: It's a Wonderful Life » karen_kay, posted by All Done on December 8, 2004, at 1:23:22
here's the response you begged for. but, i don't know what to say... still have the f*cking headache (for over a mother (fill in the blank)-ing week. i'm ready to kill something.
ok, enough complaining....
(ha!!!! not nearly enough)i guess things could be worse, right? i guess it would be worse if i didn't have a head to ache.
miss laurie, email me. if you do, there'll be a surprise for you!
Posted by Angel Girl on December 15, 2004, at 4:20:45
In reply to It's a Wonderful Life, posted by kid47 on December 6, 2004, at 16:50:20
You certainly have a way with words. Love your story. Where's the ending?
AG
This is the end of the thread.
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