Posted by kid47 on December 6, 2004, at 16:50:20
It's been a while since I had the energy or inclination to write but I have deluded myself into believing it makes me feel better when I do write, so what the heck.....I might as well waste your time (assuming you actually will read this garbage) and mine (assuming I will actually complete this puke and post it). Apparently I'm not in a very good mood. This, however, is not an unusual circumstance for me as of late. My 10 year old boy, we'll call him son, phoned me a few days back. He was just a little upset but not too. His lizard (I think it's actually called a Green Anole for you scientific types), we'll call her Lizzy, had seemingly passed on to that great beyond where dead lizards go. Although I'm not absolutely sure exactly where the tiny souls of deceased reptiles do go, I have to assume it is a far far better place than that glass box she was living in with fake plants, littered with lizard poop and the grizzly remains of semi eaten cricket carcasses. Oddly, that sounds a lot like my apartment. Anyway....I mustered up a facade of appropriate chagrin and sympathy and went into the usual shpeel ( I just realized I don't know how to shpell shpeel) and did my darndest to console him. My sons mother of course, decided the best course of action was to tell the boy that she would get him a turtle to replace the lizard, which wasn't that great a pet in the first place. She began to make disparraging (can't spell that one either) remarks about the poor dead Lizzy.....how all that stupid lizard would do is sit completely motionless on a branch all day, moving only occassionally to scarf up a poor unsuspecting insect, poop, and then, at twice the speed of sound, disappear into the fake greenery whenever someone would try and make actual contact with her. She said to the lad, "come to think of it, that lizard reminds me a lot of your father"....and then they both had a good laugh. After what I assumed to be the customary and appropriate length of time, I callled my son back to see how he was holding up. I was just a little shocked to be informed that Lizzy's lifeless body was still lying in state at the bottom of her cage. My first thought was that the decomposition process was probably in full swing by now, but my kid was not quite ready to pick up the tiny little corps and give her the appropriate flush.....er I mean burial she so obviously desrved. I said "buddy, you need to get her out of there before she starts to stink up your room" (yes. my sensitive side was shining through). He said he didn't want to touch her. Mom and sis would be no help, and since I haven't been allowed to set foot in my house since last August, there wasn't much I could do either. So being "a rescuer" or "fixer" (yes I do have a therapist) I racked my brain for some kind of solution to this. AH HA!! Dry ice. Ask mom to get the dry ice that was recently placed in the freezer do to what the electric company has since described as a minor inconvenience effecting only a few customers....most less than a week....caused by a "small" explposion at one of the lesser distribution transformers where there were a minimum of fatalities and/or serious injuries....sorry. lost focus for a second. Soooo, he convinced his mom it would be a good idea to get a chunk of dry ice and place it carefully on top of lizzy's emaciated frame and freeze that little sucker till she was like stone. (all this per my instructions) Then it wouldn't be nearly as unpleasant to pick her up (with a good pair of supple surgical gloves) and dispose of her.....in a very dignified and somber service to which this noble creature was entitled after her two plus years of dedication and unconditonal.....um...err....something, plus it would greatly retard the predictable and unsavory effects that might be expected from the decaying remains of a creature whos diet consisted mainly of bugs and worms. Sorry. Was that too much information? Well as my sons mother slowly and cautiously kneeled down beside the cage, and with a level of concentration and dread like she was disarming a bomb, lowered the chunk of ice on top of poor poor dead Lizzy. (I wasn't actually there for that part so I am exercising a litlle poetic license) What happened next isn't all together clear but I will relay it as best I can. Apparently when the dry ice came into contact with the lizards tail, which had been sort of curled up at the end, which everyone assumed is what lizard tails do as a result of the death thros, Lizzy leapt to life and with undescribable speed and deftness (I think that's a word) she raced up my once signifigant others (spelled bitc...oops sorry) arm and as my son's mother screamed and flung dry ice to the ceiling which then rained back down like giant hail, that little lizard with the heart of a small lion or maybe a squirrel or something less impressive than a lion but still with a lotta heart for a lizard made her break for FREEDOM.........
OK these run on sentences are really getting on my nerves as I'm sure they are yours....and even though there is much more to this story, sadly (or not) my brief burst of mania has abandoned me. Maybe I will finish this later but I doubt it.
Have a perfect week
kid
poster:kid47
thread:425357
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041202/msgs/425357.html