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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 32. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by gardenergirl on June 14, 2004, at 14:16:29
Hi folks.
I know I posted about my car wreck. That is slowly but surely getting settled, and I have a new car now. Yippee!
However the wreck opened the door to another one of those caverns of pain. I've been working with it in therapy, but there is definite overflow into the rest of the week. A lot of it has to do with my mother, and how, due to her narcissism, she was not a good enough mother for me. I'm stunned and frightened by the intensity of the pain that is coming out. And the frequency.
So hit number two: (car wreck is one). Starting tomorrow I'll be with my Mom while she goes through hip replacement surgery. She'll be in the hospital pretty much the rest of this week. I "volunteered" to be there as much as I can with her, since she is afraid of medication errors or ineffective pain management. I have some skill in being an advocate for patients, so that will come in handy. But last week I spent one afternoon with her and was ready to scream and was absolutely exhausted. One thing that was helping me cope with the idea was that my sister was coming from FL to spend next week with Mom. And then my two aunts were coming, so once she was home, I was going to have a couple weeks off and then would be back if she needed it.
Hit number 3) My sister is in the hospital. They don't know what is wrong with her yet. She's having lots of tests. Working hypothesis is mono at this point, but they are doing a radioactive scan today to check her liver and galllbladder, since her liver enzymes are up. So, not only is she in the hospital in another state, where I can't be with her (we are close), but obviously, she can't come next week.
Of course I'm not mad at her, but right now I feel really alone in this. You know, I spend so much energy in coordinating communication with the rest of the family (my parents don't speak), and in dealing with details, that I don't allow myself to process my own feelings. And of course, no one by my T really asks how I'm doing with all of this. My hubby just left for an out of town business trip, although he will be back later in the week. It's just that with all this going on, I'm completely overwhelmed.
And don't forget my dissertation pressure. The car accident put a crimp in that for a bit. I was looking forward to getting back into it. But it's hard to write coherently when you are crying uncontrollably. I've been "hiding" from my dissertation chair, who was also my boss at the center, because I just don't want to admit to him that I've not made progress like I planned. Isn't that crazy? My T convinced me to send my chair an email just stating the facts of everything that is going on. So far I haven't been able to bring myself to do that. But I know I have to. And there's nothing he can do about it really. Not right now.
So, I'm just asking for support. I'm feeling really alone and crappy right now. Actually, I'm asking for ongoing support. To help me get through the next two weeks until my aunts get here. Any positive wishes or energy, prayers, jokes, support etc. is welcomed. I will have internet access while at Mom's. I'm also hoping to get home a night or two if my brother will stay with her overnight. That remains to be seen. And I've got a tentative appt. with my T for this Friday, and then I don't know when I'll be able to see him again until my aunts come. I meant to ask him about phone sessions. I know when I left his office today, I just broke down because I didn't want to leave. It's been like that the last few sessions. Maybe I need to go more than once a week when I can.
Sorry I haven't been more support on Babble, but I think I have a good excuse or three! :)
Thanks for "listening",
gg
Posted by partlycloudy on June 14, 2004, at 14:23:18
In reply to And the hits just keep on coming (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on June 14, 2004, at 14:16:29
(((((gg))))) You can make it, gg! I know how difficult it is not to have your family close by.
I wish your mom a speedy recovery (for both of you). I hope your sister's tests reveal nothing serious. I hope your hubby gets home sooner than he planned (I know, that's a stretch).
You have my positive energy zipping its way to you via cable modem!
pc
Posted by Poet on June 14, 2004, at 14:57:06
In reply to Re: And the hits just keep on coming (a bit long) » gardenergirl, posted by partlycloudy on June 14, 2004, at 14:23:18
GG,
I'm hitting back with positive thoughts. Call your T about phone sessions, I'm sure he'll be open to it as he understands how much happened to you at once.
More positive thoughts and white light surrounding you.
Poet
Posted by B2chica on June 14, 2004, at 15:36:46
In reply to And the hits just keep on coming (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on June 14, 2004, at 14:16:29
(((((GG)))))
wow, sorry to hear SO much is going on. that seems like an Aweful Lot!
Here's Some Super Cyber Support! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
-just remember you are Not Alone! ;^) you's got us chica.But you Really need to look back over that message. I am Shocked! You are on top of all of it even if it doesn't feel like it. You are:
-Asking for support to help out with your mom and such.(not trying to take it all on yourself or just feeling bad about asking...)
-Planning to take a breather a night or two (which you definately will need)
-It is a terrible concern about your sister but you are in contact and are informed with what is going on...which is really all you can do at this point...the rest is up to the doctors, right? (besides sending ultra good vibes her direction)
-you've even thought about ways to deal with your "paused" dissertation.
-you have planned to discuss phone sessions with your T. even thinking over that maybe seeing your T more than once a week may be good for you!
-And if there's ONE thing i've learned from fellow babblers is that NEVER apologize for needing support or kind words here...Sometimes we need to hear them and sometimes we can give them...we don't expect ANYthing else. Give and share when you can and Please come here when you need us.I think you are Right on Top of things gg!
but here's an extra strong support HUG ((((((((((((((gg)))))))))))))))))
ooops, hope nothing popped out with that one. ;^)
b2c.
Posted by antigua on June 14, 2004, at 16:17:57
In reply to And the hits just keep on coming (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on June 14, 2004, at 14:16:29
You certainly do have your hands full. I wish I could help--I'm good at those hospital things too.
Remember to breathe... and try to take a break every now and then if you can. Take a walk outside the hospital or get a cup of tea and a cookie to sweeten you up. Try to take a little bit of time for yourself every day so that you don't forget you're hurting too. You need support too so try to be extra nice to yourself. Your dissertation will be finished when it needs to and your chair will understand. It's really hard to have these negative feelings toward your mother when she needs you--it's very painful, I know, I face it w/mine too.
Try to put yourself first every once in a while.
We're all here to support you, just as you have very patiently always supported us.
Best,
antigua
Posted by Dinah on June 14, 2004, at 16:46:11
In reply to And the hits just keep on coming (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on June 14, 2004, at 14:16:29
I'm so sorry gardnergirl. It's no fair when things pile up like that, and I know I can never juggle things well.
I am feeling so much sympathy for you re. your mother. I think I'd be inclined to help her hire someone. I can't bear being with my mother nonstop when she's well. Can you at least get her to hire someone from time to time to give you a rest? Or so you can go to therapy? If not, by all means try to get phone sessions. You'll need more support, not less.
I'm feeling rather guilty because I haven't visited father in hospital yet.
I'll be what support I can be, so feel free to vent to me if it will help.
Posted by pegasus on June 14, 2004, at 18:03:36
In reply to And the hits just keep on coming (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on June 14, 2004, at 14:16:29
Wow, super stinkola week for you! I hope you will be trying very hard to take care of yourself during all of this. I know it'll be hard, but you *totally deserve it* and you'll need it to deal with all of the family stress while coming off of your own (inadequately supported) trauma. From what it sounds like, that might mean not being by your mother's side during all of your available free time. I officially give you permission to not feel guilty about ducking out at times when you could actually be there. Like Dinah said, definitely go to therapy! And maybe you could sneak in a yoga session or something else special and relaxing? A pedicure? A massage?
Good luck with everything, for you and your mom and your sister. Let us know when you find out what's going on with your sister. I'll send lots of positive wishes toward her.
pegasus
Posted by fallsfall on June 14, 2004, at 21:28:43
In reply to And the hits just keep on coming (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on June 14, 2004, at 14:16:29
Posted by daisym on June 15, 2004, at 0:36:02
In reply to Re: And the hits just keep on coming (a bit long), posted by pegasus on June 14, 2004, at 18:03:36
GG--
They say bad things come in threes so maybe you're done for the year. We can hope anyway!
Give yourself some space every day to breathe and center yourself. Hospitals often have roof top gardens which can be nice. Get a good book to keep you company -- no work stuff! I just finished "The Notebook" and it was sweet and light. Or reread an old favorite. I often do this when I'm sitting watch at the hospital. (something I've done far to much of). You don't have to concentrate so hard and it is easy to slip in and out of.
I think phone sessions are a great idea. Mom stuff is the hardest, deepest pain. Could it be that there is some fear for her behind it also? Don't minimize how hard this is.
I'm thinking good thoughts for your sister too. And sending you a large pink golf umbrella to keep this rain from pouring all over you.
Cyber-hugs from me.
Daisy
Posted by ghost on June 15, 2004, at 0:39:47
In reply to And the hits just keep on coming (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on June 14, 2004, at 14:16:29
two hydrogen atoms were walking down the street. suddenly, once stops and says to the other "i think i just lost an electron!!" and the second says "are you sure?" the first one replies, "i'm positive!"
..i'm no good at being funny. or supportive. but i'm thinking of you. i'll always listen. we all will.
many hugs,
ghost
Posted by TexasChic on June 15, 2004, at 12:00:16
In reply to And the hits just keep on coming (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on June 14, 2004, at 14:16:29
I'm sorry everything is piling up on you. Just keep in mind that if you are going to be any help to your mother, you have to take care of yourself. That means taking breaks when you need them. You may have to be firm because of your mother's fears, but just because you volunteered doesn't mean you have to be at her beck and call. It's not up to you to protect your mother from her own fears, but it is nice to try and help her out because you realize this will be hard for her. Just don't feel guilty about putting yourself first now and then. Its your right as a human being and you deserve it.
I hope your sister gets well soon. Having two people in the immediate family in the hospital would stress anyone out.
Posted by All Done on June 15, 2004, at 22:54:04
In reply to And the hits just keep on coming (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on June 14, 2004, at 14:16:29
(((((gg))))),
I know from my own experience with my mom how overwhelming it can be to spend any time with moms, much less extended amounts of time. Deep breaths are important and I agree with everyone else about finding some moments for yourself. Maybe you can just take some short walks outside. Or, if you have to go to the grocery store or something, perhaps you can take what my dad used to call the "scenic route". That might buy you the extra few minutes you need to gather your thoughts and relax a bit.
Have you heard anything regarding your sister, yet? Hopefully, everything will be okay and they will have her feeling better very soon.
Take care and remember we're here whenever you need us.
(((gg and gg's family)))
Laurie
Posted by Racer on June 16, 2004, at 0:55:09
In reply to And the hits just keep on coming (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on June 14, 2004, at 14:16:29
GG can't seem to post from her mother's machine, so here's a message from her:
Hi,
I just have a minute. Thanks to all who have posted. It really means a lot and is helpful.
My mom's surgery went well, although she was severely agitated before and after due to opiod withdrawal. She had fibromyalgia and has been on high doses of pain meds for some time. It was hard to see her being treated as if this was all anxiety, when clearly she was jumping out of her skin and looked as if she had Huntington's disease. It's a bit better now, but she's pretty heavily medicated. God knows how tomorrow will go.
My sister is out of the hospital, and the diagnosis is mono that has been causing all this. She's just glad to be home.
And....
wait for it....
Would you believe my brother went to the ER this afternoon after a work accident knocked him unconscious? Nice having 3/4 of your immediate family in the hospital at one time. He seems to be fine now. I told my dad to put a football helmet on and not to leave home. :)
Everytime someone supportive leaves me or I have to leave them (like leaving sessions recently) I start to cry. I guess I really am feeling alone, and can't stand that. It does help to remind myself that y'all are out there. I wish I had access to Babble during the day and for longer.
Thanks,
gg
Posted by fallsfall on June 16, 2004, at 7:14:56
In reply to Re: And the hits just keep on coming (a bit long) » gardenergirl, posted by ghost on June 15, 2004, at 0:39:47
Thanks, Ghost. That was a great joke, and I really needed the laugh.
Posted by fallsfall on June 16, 2004, at 7:20:22
In reply to Update from gardenergirl, posted by Racer on June 16, 2004, at 0:55:09
(((gardenergirl)))
((((((((GG))))))))
Don't go yet - I have more hugs for you
(((((gardenergirl))))) [how can I make a cyber hug last for a long time???]
I have no wisdom for you (because my brain is not capable - not because there is no wisdom that could help.) Others will have to supply the wisdom, but I'm really good with the hugs. Let me know if you need more.
(((((gg)))))
Falls.
Posted by ghost on June 16, 2004, at 10:54:11
In reply to Re: And the hits just keep on coming (a bit long) » ghost, posted by fallsfall on June 16, 2004, at 7:14:56
Posted by Poet on June 17, 2004, at 18:22:23
In reply to Update from gardenergirl, posted by Racer on June 16, 2004, at 0:55:09
GG,
I want you to put on a football helmet and knee and elbow pads, too. You are incredibly strong to be able to handle all of what's happened in the last week.
I'm surrounding you with white light.
Take care of yourself as much as you do of others, okay? I'm sending my inner child through cyberspace to keep your inner child company, so you don't feel alone.
Poet
Posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2004, at 0:51:35
In reply to Re: Update from gardenergirl, posted by Poet on June 17, 2004, at 18:22:23
Thanks, sweetie. The hospital is installing a new playroom in the surgery waiting room as we speak. It's nice to have company.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2004, at 1:24:34
In reply to Update from gardenergirl, posted by Racer on June 16, 2004, at 0:55:09
First, thanks to all of you who responded. I read every post several times, but I couldn't respond much. I am home tonight with my hubby and dog. Tomorrow I will go into ex-work for a couple of hours (I have some paper work to finish) and then I see my T in the late morning.
Mom gets discharged late afternoon Friday. She's doing so much better it is amazing. I really feared on Tuesday that she would have to go to rehab or a nursing home for a bit. I also thought she would need a "sitter" while in the hospital if her agitation continued. But they got her back on her meds and she is her old self. She's making good progress, too, although Wednesday they had to give her two units of blood since her hemoglobin dropped. But she bounced back pretty well.
My sister was discharged on Tuesday afternoon. Her doc. called her today to report that she definately does NOT have hepatitis, but just mono. A very bad case of it, but just mono. She called today and is feeling somewhat better. She feels guilty that she is not coming up to help take care of mom. She also feels so isolated, I think. I talked to her on the phone the other night and she was thanking me for helping mom. I think she was starting to cry about the time she hung up. She ended up needing steroids while she was in the hospital due to allergic reaction to antibiotic. This made her blood sugar go up to over 250. The poor girl has never been in the hospital and really has never been sick much. But she hates needles. She said she was hiding her hands from the nurse who wanted to check her blood glucose. :) Silly sister. Your hands are at the ends of your arms, no matter where you hide them. She ended up needing a dose of insulin, because her blood sugar did not come down fast enough after they stopped the steroids. She said she kept pushing the nurse's hand away who was there to give her the injection. I guess she was not that ideal of a patient.
We're not sure if my brother really went to the ER or not. He tends to tell a lot of tall tales. Some have called him delusional. I think that he so desparately needs to know that people care about him, that he has all these terrible things "happen" to him. If everything that he says has happened to him over the years really does, you would think he was the unluckiest, saddest sack you have ever encountered.
I talked with my Mom and sis about this the other day. I actually said to my mom that growing up, we got the most attention and care when we were sick or injured. She agreed. I told her that we could maybe help my brother, (who is terrible dependent on my mom despite the fact that he is 40 years old and the oldest of the three of us) by NOT reinforcing him when terrible things "happen" to him. I explained how things might get worse before they get betterif we stop. I also said (and this was the bigger message I'm not sure she got) that he needed to know he was cared for and loved for himself, not for the "bad" things that happen to him. That he was "testing" her love with this, and she needed to find a way to show it without the behavioral stuff he does. I don't know if she got the bigger message that her kids need her to show that she loves us as we are. But anyway, things with her weren't as bad as I dreaded they woujld be.
It is exhausting, though having loved ones in the hospital. I didn't spend every minute at the hosp. with her. I slept late a lot and came in in the afternoon most days once she was herself again. And she told me to go home one evening because I looked so tired. I have to admit, I was surprised she noticed. But maybe being in the hospital is giving HER enough care and attention that she can afford to pay some to her daughter for a moment. Who knows?
I still felt really alone in this, even though my aunts and uncles were calling and I had y'all here to support me. I think that feeling alone and unsupported is a major thing for me, at least recently.
I know my T appeared worried about me when I left his office last time. And the last two or three times I left his office I started to cry more than I was during the session. And I think I mentioned that I cried when mom's friend left Tuesday afternoon. I'm not sure what this is about. I do intend to talk to my T about it tomorrow.
Again, thank you all for your words of support, humor, and caring. It helps to hear from y'all that I am strong, even if it doesn't feel like it all the time. (positive reinforcement, you knkow.)
Oh, and it turns out that the occupational therapy assistant who is seeing my mom is a former classmate of mine. It was so good to see her and to catch up. And I feel good that she is treating my mom, because I know her training, and I always really liked and respected her. And her supervisor, the occupational therapist, is a former teacher of mine. It was very cool to see them both.
So, what's next? I am home tongight and will take care of some business here tomorrow a.m. Then I go back to Mom's for about a week until my aunts come a week from Sunday. This is the week that my sister was supposed to be helping out. My bro says he will do what he can, but my mom doesn't want him helping her bathe, dress, and/or go to the bathroom. I can't say that I blame her. Besides, he is somewhat of a spazz, physically, and I don't want either of them to get hurt.
Okay, time to go to bed. Thanks again for being there. I can't tell you how much it helps. I should be in a better place internet-wise as my hubby tweaked mom's computer so I don't have to rely on AOL. So I'll try to stay in touch.
Take care and thank you, thank you, thank you. (And keep it coming????)
gg
Posted by TofuEmmy on June 18, 2004, at 10:33:39
In reply to latest update, posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2004, at 1:24:34
My PC is finally healthy again! Yeeha! And I'm here for ya babe! I'VE MISSED YOU!!!!!!!!
I'm so glad sis is back home, and bro is upright and still just odd. And mom is healing...seems I'm back just in time for things to be settling into a bit of a groove. Not a good grove, mind you, but not tettering on the edge of the cliffs of the Himalayas anymore! Phew!! Dang, do I have good timing or what???? :-)
These Babblers are the best, no? So many kind and loving people are here to hoist your sails and keep your ship on course.
Are you upping the T visits as possible?
Getting massages? And most importantly - how are those tootsies looking???? I'm thinking it's time for a pedicure sweetness.Do take care. I'll email soon about the recent craziness. Em
Posted by Dinah on June 20, 2004, at 13:59:37
In reply to latest update, posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2004, at 1:24:34
I had gotten terribly behind in my reading and hadn't realized what you were going through. What an awful lot to experience at once!
You do sound as if you're holding up well under it, all things considering, but being extra tearful sounds more than reasonable.
I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts, and sending good wishes your way.
Posted by gardenergirl on June 21, 2004, at 0:22:55
In reply to Re: Oh my dear... » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2004, at 13:59:37
Thanks so much Dinah. I know you can relate. I hope your father is doing well. And Harry. I think I am feeling a bit better. I know I feel like posting more, so that's always a good sign.
Take care,
gg
Posted by littlep24 on June 21, 2004, at 18:59:54
In reply to And the hits just keep on coming (a bit long), posted by gardenergirl on June 14, 2004, at 14:16:29
GardenGirl,
I have not been posting for that long and have just read some of what you are going through. Just remember that deep inside you are a good person and nobody can take that away from you not even the pain of depression. Also, I want to thank you for supporting me while you are going through so much.
littlep24
Posted by gardenergirl on June 22, 2004, at 0:17:13
In reply to Re: And the hits just keep on coming (a bit long) » gardenergirl, posted by littlep24 on June 21, 2004, at 18:59:54
Thank you for your kind words. It helps, it really does. And I'm glad to meet you.
gg
Posted by partlycloudy on June 22, 2004, at 15:21:18
In reply to latest update, posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2004, at 1:24:34
Are you at your mom's this week? How are you coping with the leftovers from last week?
(((gg)))
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