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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by beatrix34 on June 2, 2004, at 20:52:36
OK, yesterday I posted on the social board about starting Lex, it was my first day and I felt fine....when I checked back there was no response to that posting today, and wow do I feel like crap.
The first thing I thought when I saw that there was no response, and after seeing how many people on this board are on lex, was that my feelings of being a piece of crap that are consuming the forefront of my mind today must be true. I have that horrible feeling that is "if you only knew me, you wouldn't like me and you would leave me" and that's where I am.
I thought I was doing well tapering off the Effexor but today has been a rollar coaster of emotion. I am depressed, sad, insecure, snappy, and I feel so alone. I don't know why this is happening...I only hope that it lifts with the new meds.
I am also going to a double session of therapy tomorrow to discuss and delve into the rape that happened to me when I was 16, I am now 34 and still dealing with sexual reprecussions. I am terrified to go back there as I still think that somewhere deep in my brain I to this day hold myself accountable in some way. I am hoping that this treatment will help life be better for me in the long run. I have admitted what happened to people but have never actually gone into it in depth in a therapy situation...I find the feelings of shame and worthlessness already coming back just thinking about it.
I am also missing my friends and family, they are all so far away. I just feel like I need a friendly ear and someone to give me a big hug and a cup of tea...I am sad and want to curl up in a ball and hide away where I don't have to deal with the outside world. I felt so great, what happened???
Did anyone else feel like this when switching meds? It's terrible. I hope tomorrow brings a brighter day.
Posted by karen_kay on June 2, 2004, at 21:21:07
In reply to VERY blue, scared and irritable, posted by beatrix34 on June 2, 2004, at 20:52:36
(((((((((((((beatrix)))))))))))))))))
sometimes it takes a while for people to respond doll. i wish there was an 'instant response' option, perhaps we can talk mr bob into it?
i personally don't have any experience with effexor. i was on lexapro for a short period, but while also taking countless other meds. so, i don't have any experience with the side effects either. and i don't (knock on wood) usually develope too many side effects from drugs either (unless they are abused, but that's a different story and a different thread).
i'd bring you a cup of tea dear, if i were there. i just finished a silent dinner, where i opted to read rather than talk. and i don't get a hug until i find a job (not that i'm complaining at this point :)
i'm sorry you feel alone dear. but you shouldn't. i'm listening. and others are too, it just takes time before they read.
((((((((((beatrix)))))))))) there's another hug for the road. i'm hoping tomorrow is better for you. take care!
Posted by gardenergirl on June 2, 2004, at 21:35:25
In reply to Re: VERY blue, scared and irritable » beatrix34, posted by karen_kay on June 2, 2004, at 21:21:07
Bea,
May I call you that? I tend to shorten a lot of names. I also had similar feelings of responsibility and shame after being raped. I'm not much older than you, and I tell myself that it no longer affects me, but I am sure that it does. Literally, when I had my first session with my T about a year ago, I was telling him my whole life saga and current situation. And then I said, "Oh yeah, I suppose I should tell you that I was raped about 15 years ago." It was delivered as such an after thought. But when I talked with him about it, the feelings came back and I still have "stuff" to process. And here I was feeling so proud that I had "gotten over it".It's a terrible thing to happen to anyone. And it's not your fault. But I totally understand questioning yourself about it. Please take extra gentle care of yourself.
Welcome to Babble.
gg
Posted by beatrix34 on June 2, 2004, at 22:08:43
In reply to VERY blue, scared and irritable, posted by beatrix34 on June 2, 2004, at 20:52:36
Thanks to both of you....I know my expectations are unrealistic for fast response with the posting...it's just my state of mind right now I suppose....not feeling like the most logical human being out there right now... appreciate your support...thank you
Posted by spoc on June 2, 2004, at 22:31:41
In reply to VERY blue, scared and irritable, posted by beatrix34 on June 2, 2004, at 20:52:36
Hi Beatrix and welcome! I am sorry to hear how badly you're feeling. I really think this place will be a comfort to you with all of it. I have noticed by now that it is common for people to be unsure of themselves when they are new. I posted about that kind of thing at one time too. But it's really really not you, and you'll be fine! :- )
Also, it's less common at Soc to see a med in the title, that's probably most of it. BUT!!
When I saw your comment that someone had suggested you come to Soc, then your comment about starting Lexapro, I immediately thought of the big old long-running Lex thread at the top of this board! It's the only real med thread on Soc, because they support each other in other ways too (Psycho Babble plain --meds -- is geared more towards chemical/technical aspects). They've got a nice group up there which I'm sure could be very helpful to you. Have you checked it out? I put a random link from it below. If you haven't yet, you might want to read about the "specialty" of each board. And indeed, anything that doesn't fit those will fit here on Soc! But you might especially like the following Soc thread since Lex is related:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040525/msgs/352828.html
I wish you all the best! :- )
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 3, 2004, at 9:52:22
In reply to VERY blue, scared and irritable, posted by beatrix34 on June 2, 2004, at 20:52:36
bea,
i am sorry, i did not read your post yesterday.
i am on manerix and thought you were looking for "lex" experiences.
polly put the kettle on!
jyl
Posted by B2chica on June 3, 2004, at 13:04:30
In reply to VERY blue, scared and irritable, posted by beatrix34 on June 2, 2004, at 20:52:36
(((((((beatrix))))))))
Wishing you lots of luck with the double session and lots of love to help you through your pain.
> "if you only knew me,..."
the more we know about each other the more/better we can support each other. but for now, you are here, you're in pain...that's all we need to know...
we are here to offer advice when we can, show our support when we can. i try to get to babble as often as can but usually can't every day.
I'm only a couple years younger than you and am Bipolar,ADHD and possibly BPD, married, working full-time and in school but taking this summer off- just too much for me. I just started therapy about two 1/2 months ago, like my therapist but going slowly. I spend my time in the PB-writing, social and psychology boards.
Best Wishes
b2c.
Posted by beatrix34 on June 4, 2004, at 9:23:56
In reply to Re: VERY blue, scared and irritable » beatrix34, posted by B2chica on June 3, 2004, at 13:04:30
Thanks everyone for your support. I went through my therapy session yesterday and it was intensive and painful for sure. I left there exhausted. A whole bunch of old feelings arose as we went through the feelings and experience again but I'm hoping that through the process we were able to put those memories into my long term memory bank and take them out of my trauma memory. Time will tell I suppose. Again, thanks everyone :)
This is the end of the thread.
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